Lack of gratitude in a Thai relationship

[1FinickyOne]

On 8/20/2022 at 12:03 PM, Gecko123 said:

I was going to say that I have a theory that fear of indebtedness may be behind some Thai people's reluctance to express gratitude.

Yes, this also seems to be everywhere - if you praise your spouse, you are relinquishing a certain amount of "hand" as in having the upper hand in future decisions. 

 

In my family and in the village, almost all the relationships are long lasting.

[The Hammer2021]

On 8/20/2022 at 8:50 AM, chalawaan said:

Sounds like you may have metaphorically gone for the sexiest slut on Soi 6 for the flex, and now you're paying dearly! 

 

 

We've all done it.

Whether for just an hour, or a relationship, and come away feeling scammed.

 

 

I never go for the hotties, they're usually the female version of those dating boot camp guys who game chicks non-stop.

 

 

Anyways I have a good older woman now, and we have mutual respect and our previous emotional scars to bond us. 

She gives me a very long leash. Actually she's now menopausal and not interested in sex. 

 

But I understand sex and love need to be kept very seperate under such a generous arrangement on her part.

 

 

So I get great cooking, fun companionship, we're always getting high (which she arranges) and going out on the town for a few hours, and I never stop hugging her, and telling her she's beautiful, and bringing her flowers from our garden, and morning coffee in bed every day.

In return, I get plenty opportunities to openly date when she's out of town. 

I even share the girls pictures, as she seems to get a buzz out of passing judgement on thier looks.

 

I tell these girls, I'm married straight up. Sometimes money changes hands sometimes not.

There's always of course, something in it for them, if only an extravagant night out in return for some slap and tickle. They're not young enough to be my granddaughter either. Late 30s up. 

 

This is the way to go.

 

Don't fall for some vain beautiful useless ride that will break your heart, bust your balls, and leave you broke. 

 

 

Also (to anyone reading)  get a vasectomy! It's the single most important thing a man can to ensure a life of selfish indulgence! 

If you want deeper meaning, go help the less fortunate, just don't breed!

 

 

Some positive words of wisdom!

[The Hammer2021]

36 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Yes, this also seems to be everywhere - if you praise your spouse, you are relinquishing a certain amount of "hand" as in having the upper hand in future decisions. 

 

In my family and in the village, almost all the relationships are long lasting.

Do they have a choice?

[puck2]

On 8/20/2022 at 8:12 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

Do you notice a pattern?

You let it happen!

IMHO many Thais are great in adapting to different situations and different people.

And they are used to the fact that there is, in any given situation, one person who is in charge and another person who follows that person who is in charge.

If you make it clear that you are in charge, then they will do what you tell them to do.

And if you are not in charge then guess what. Then they will lead and tell you what to do.

In your case it is obvious that you are not in charge...

 

I remember one of my favorite bargirls. She was perfect for every customer - just in different ways.

I.e. when I was with her, she played the naughty schoolgirl. When she was with other guys then she looked and behaved in other ways. Other clothes, other make-up, it sees she adapted perfectly to whatever the guy was looking for. And I am pretty sure all of us customers though that the version which they saw was her true self. Like: for all those others she plays a show. Only for me she is like she really is. Yeah, sure.

 

 

 

 

You want or like hookers. Then you get what you payed for.

 

If you want a lady with same emotion, use HEARD and BRAIN. Very useful for longtime relationship!

[rumak]

2 hours ago, Lacessit said:

IME, it's the massage shops that have good looking twenty-somethings that are providing extra services.

And some of us that have been here 30 plus years get quite a shock when we walk into the "traditional massage shop"  and   WHOAHHHH     there they are ;    Lek and Noi and Mem , my god.

They sure have put on a few kilos from 25 years ago.  ????

 

 

[plus7]

1 hour ago, Excel said:

So again I shall ask where did I say the Thai population ?? or do you have reading difficulties ?

Thank you for attention to my replies. I'm not having reading difficulties. I also didn't say "you said this" or "Excel wrote that".  I said "To those of you say about".  You reacted, probably recognized one of the used adjectives. It means you take it on your account.

In this topic Thai men and women are discussed. On my opinion this is exactly Thai population. I just found a common name for "men" and "women".

 

 

 

[rumak]

Look,   there's good and bad    thai men and thai ladies and farang men and farang ladies.   

Hopefully the highly intelligent members ( as they tell me)  on this highly esteemed forum are true examples of the finest that humanity has to offer.

 

Sometime i am really baffled when i see a couple that for the heck of me I do not see what they are doing together.    But what do i know ?     They probably have gotten just what they deserve ,  no ?

[OneMoreFarang]

14 minutes ago, puck2 said:

You want or like hookers. Then you get what you payed for.

 

If you want a lady with same emotion, use HEARD and BRAIN. Very useful for longtime relationship!

No

Lots of guys pay for a girl and they have some fantasy what they expect in return. But they also have this (western) idea to see the girl as a partner. "What do you want?" And then many girls take over and tell him what to do. Pay this and do that and whatever.

 

And IMHO many women who look for long term relationships are not so much different from hookers like they think they are. Almost all women want a guy with resources (good job, good income, money in the bank, friends in high places, etc.). The main difference is that the deals with hookers are better defined. You do this and you will get that.

Wifes see this more long-term, but in principle it isn't so much different. Like: You provide a house and the income for all of us, and I take care of the kids, etc.

And that includes high IQ women.

[Danderman123]

I do know ladies in their 40s who are specifically looking for a Farang, and don’t bother with Thai men. But they’re not looking for a specific Farang.

Edited August 21, 2022 by Danderman123

[Excel]

7 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

I do know ladies in their 40s who are specifically looking for a Farang, and don’t bother with Thai men. But they’re not looking for a specific Farang.

Know many too and jokingly I always ask them wealthy or well hung and most say they want both ????

[rumak]

9 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

I do know ladies in their 40s who are specifically looking for a Farang, and don’t bother with Thai men. But they’re not looking for a specific Farang.

You're right .  I had quite a few that showed interest .    But, in the end i chose the one with the buffalo.

Woke up one morning and there was a rope tied through my nose !

[1FinickyOne]

53 minutes ago, The Hammer2021 said:

Do they have a choice?

of course they do.. if I remember correctly, the figure was 50% of relationships ending in divorce in Thailand - - the other 50% had to stay together forever... 

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, rumak said:

And some of us that have been here 30 plus years get quite a shock when we walk into the "traditional massage shop"  and   WHOAHHHH     there they are ;    Lek and Noi and Mem , my god.

They sure have put on a few kilos from 25 years ago.  ????

 

 

Do they remember you too?

[The Hammer2021]

On 8/20/2022 at 7:28 AM, 2009 said:

There are countless stories like this on here. Seems common in the farang-Thai relationship.

 

And do the people the OP describes sound worthwhile people to you?

 

You should be aware that in low socioeconomic areas there are way more social social problems and abuse, right? There have been research papers written on that 

There have also probably been 'papers' written that abuse exists just as much or more in higher socio  economic  areas but that class is more adept at hiding it or is less rigoursly policed.

 

[KIngsofisaan]

5 hours ago, plus7 said:

Kingofisan, thank you for explanation. Indeed, you invested much efforts and money. I regret that you're not completely satisfied with your relations.

For others who may feel the same like OP: ever considered Ukrainian/Russian wife ? They may be not that amusing like Thai women, but certainly looking for long term, serious relations.

 

I never said I was not completely satisified with my relationship.

 

The complete opposite, that is why I do what I do.

 

Maybe men should find a woman they actually love and get along with regardless of which country she comes from?

[KIngsofisaan]

3 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Yes, this also seems to be everywhere - if you praise your spouse, you are relinquishing a certain amount of "hand" as in having the upper hand in future decisions. 

 

In my family and in the village, almost all the relationships are long lasting.

If you cannot make future decisions with your wife at least 50/50, then you either picked the wrong woman, or are some kind of control freak that is worried about losing something?

 

My wife can make ALL the decisions.

 

Less for me to worry about.

 

I trust her judgement the exact same as I trust my own, maybe even more at times.

 

 

[zzaa09]

On 8/19/2022 at 5:10 PM, scubascuba3 said:

Difficult for girls to fake it for long, find a new one, preferably one who likes and appreciates you

.....and remember what P. T. Barnum quipped. 

Seems to be terribly commonplace within these circles. 

[rumak]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

Do they remember you too?

Like it was yesterday.    Still call me "hansum man"  555      aren't they sweet?

[Lacessit]

2 minutes ago, rumak said:

Like it was yesterday.    Still call me "hansum man"  555      aren't they sweet?

Most Thai women are sweet, it's not hard to spot the dragons.

[2009]

1 hour ago, The Hammer2021 said:

There have also probably been 'papers' written that abuse exists just as much or more in higher socio  economic  areas but that class is more adept at hiding it or is less rigoursly policed.

 

I don't think so, to be honest.

 

Low socioeconomic areas tend to have far higher rates of problems: drink, drugs, crime, violence, abuse, neglect, mental health issues, etc etc

[The Hammer2021]

39 minutes ago, 2009 said:

I don't think so, to be honest.

 

Low socioeconomic areas tend to have far higher rates of problems: drink, drugs, crime, violence, abuse, neglect, mental health issues, etc etc

Nope. Cocaine is associated with middle classes for example  You are  confused. Poverty  might be linked to certain  crimes but lower  socio economic is not linked to crime when the variables are sifted. In fact in traditional  working  class communites both politeness/ gratitude/ deference is prevalent- which is what this thread is about- gratitude.  White collar crime is less policed. Academic studies examined the role if class in crime and the prosecution  of crime in the 60s. (Wilmott and Young et) Rich people  commit more crime and 'get off' with committing crimes and avoiding prosecution. This aberration reaches out into race  and colour. President  Bush was a cocaine abusing  drunk  driver- he  was treated leniently.

RED BULL ring  a bell?

Edited August 21, 2022 by The Hammer2021

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, KIngsofisaan said:

If you cannot make future decisions with your wife at least 50/50, then you either picked the wrong woman, or are some kind of control freak that is worried about losing something?

 

My wife can make ALL the decisions.

 

Less for me to worry about.

 

I trust her judgement the exact same as I trust my own, maybe even more at times.

 

 

I am more the opposite of a control freak... I make the very few decisions that effect me the most but mostly don't care too much about anything - I also have most of the purse strings and if she has an investment to make buying farmland, we will check it out together but she would not waste my time if it weren't good land at a good price. But, at this point, she has money in the bank as well as plenty of property, all in her name. 

 

I have no illusions about living forever and have been gradually working with her to the point where I have seen how she takes care of things and I am pleased. I also respect her judgment about most things. It is good to be a saver, but good to enjoy life too. I am more so pushing her to spend on herself. She has the savings and investing part pretty well down. 

[The Hammer2021]

2 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

I never said I was not completely satisified with my relationship.

 

The complete opposite, that is why I do what I do.

 

Maybe men should find a woman they actually love and get along with regardless of which country she comes from?

We do! Or find  a 'partner' we actually love-which leads us to a question: do gays etc have the same issues  with their Thai boyfriend or is payment less transactional?

Edited August 21, 2022 by The Hammer2021

[EricTh]

@Kenny202

 

Those are tell tale signs that your girl is more interested in your money than you. The moment you are broke, there's a high chance she will leave you.

 

That's why I prefer to look for someone who likes me rather than my money.

[EricTh]

1 hour ago, rumak said:

Like it was yesterday.    Still call me "hansum man"  555      aren't they sweet?

I can also call you hansum money if you can give me a 'handsome' sum of money.

Edited August 21, 2022 by EricTh

[EricTh]

4 hours ago, Excel said:

Know many too and jokingly I always ask them wealthy or well hung and most say they want both ????

Most of these Thai girls are asking too much.

 

If they are wealthy and well hung, there will be tons of white girls chasing after them.

[KIngsofisaan]

7 hours ago, Smithson said:

It sounds like the OP is describing my relationship with my ex. The subject of working girls always comes up when relationships are discussed. Anyone who has spent time on the dating apps will see the questions are the same as those in a bar, with the most important being how long we've been here and whether we can speak Thai.

 

Similarly the good girls are also looking for a guy who can't speak Thai and hasn't been here long. I think this says a lot about the type of relationship they are looking for.

 

Sure there are exceptions, but if the girl speaks English she generally doesn't want a farang who can speak Thai.

 

Also as farang we don't have extended family, but the girls do, which in this culture doesn't help make the relationship equal.

 

Thais view all types of relationships different to farang. They don't seem big on cooperation or the idea that things can be win-win.

Sure there are exceptions, but if the girl speaks English she generally doesn't want a farang who can speak Thai.

 

No clue in the entire world how you ever came up with this?

 

 

 

[KIngsofisaan]

7 hours ago, Smithson said:

It sounds like the OP is describing my relationship with my ex. The subject of working girls always comes up when relationships are discussed. Anyone who has spent time on the dating apps will see the questions are the same as those in a bar, with the most important being how long we've been here and whether we can speak Thai.

 

Similarly the good girls are also looking for a guy who can't speak Thai and hasn't been here long. I think this says a lot about the type of relationship they are looking for.

 

Sure there are exceptions, but if the girl speaks English she generally doesn't want a farang who can speak Thai.

 

Also as farang we don't have extended family, but the girls do, which in this culture doesn't help make the relationship equal.

 

Thais view all types of relationships different to farang. They don't seem big on cooperation or the idea that things can be win-win.

auto duplicated post after slow loading

 

 

 

Edited August 21, 2022 by KIngsofisaan

[plus7]

16 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

Maybe men should find a woman they actually love and get along with regardless of which country she comes from?

What a fresh idea...

Then, why  ... why would you put in the title of this topic "Thai relations" if it is not about cultural difference ?

If you would call it "My relations", said you found her in Washington (for objectivity) and half of posters wouldn't discuss Thais, then we could concentrate on love.

 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2022 by plus7

[robblok]

Just a remark gratitude means you think your putting in more then you are getting. Your money namely. She thinks its a fair trade and she might even think you have to be grateful

 

So its just a matter of points of view and if this is how she thinks you have to find one that accepts less and is grateful for me. Its all about finding the right one.