Sinsod

[dj230]

going to be one interesting relationship lol

 

I am curious, when these parents are asking for sinsod, how old are the husbands usually? It would make sense when a 40 year old is marrying their 20 year old daughter.

 

I have never been asked about money or sinsod, maybe a few thousand baht here or there over the years but I am in my 20's so the age gap isn't that big.

Edited December 21, 2022 by dj230

[youreavinalaff]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is it true?

No. It isn't true.

 

A village wedding has no bearing on law.

[Dan O]

8 hours ago, Gsxrnz said:

I gave the Missus' family zilch sinsot.  But recently built my Gik a 3M Baht house.

 

It's important to get your priorities in order.  

So you have nothing for your wife but built a house for the girlfriend on the side? 

[youreavinalaff]

There are lots of huge generalisations on this topic.

 

Everyone and every situation is up to the couple getting married. If your wife is sincere to you she will fight your corner. My wife told her parents we would not be having a village wedding. She said to them simply, would you like a party to show off or would you rather we used the money to build a house and be near the family? They accepted her views. 

 

We got married legally at the district office, no party, no big deal and no sinsod.

 

Since then, as suggested at the time, we have taken care of a few financial difficulties that Mum and Dad have had but only those beyond their control. My wife has been asked and refused to pay back gambling debts or loan shark payments but has been happy to help through some other sticky situations. This in turn has helped to show Mum and Dad the value of money and how to control spending and bad habit.

 

In return, I have become a part of the family. I have integrated with their culture, not ridiculed their beliefs or superstitions, have accepted that they are not that well educated, turned a blind eye to problems beyond my control and, I believe from what they have told me, become part of the family in their eyes. Just their daughter's husband. Not the farang married to their daughter.

 

Respect is earned. Not given. A flat, arrogant, self self refusal to give sinsod is not the way to go and will be remembered. Talking about how you plan to take care of your new wife and possibly Mum and Dad a few times along the way will also be remembered, but for different reasons.

[The Theory]

Fixed prices at grocery store !!!! ????????
 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2022 by The Theory

[Dan O]

6 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

I have found with Isaan people no matter what you give it is never enough. Always ends up in disappointment and self loathing. Yours!. If the girl has any kids, previous husband, non educated or older no sinsot payable anyway. She probably cant cook, drive, take care of a home, work or even hold a decent conversation...and probably has no intention of doing these things. Haven't even got started to how you are going to be the financial solution to everyone of your new extended families money issues of which will be relentless. So you in essence are buying yourself a block of cement to tie around your neck. 

 

Sinsot is not only about what you are bringing to the table. You are meant to be getting something for your money. The more education / earning potential she has, the more family land you stand to inherit...the higher the sinsot

You inherit nothing as you can't own any property, you can buy a condo (which you can own) or build a house (which you will lose in the end) but you will get nothing from her family. 

[OneMoreFarang]

34 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

No. It isn't true.

 

A village wedding has no bearing on law.

Is that your personal experience or are you a law expert?

 

I know many of us think a ceremony is not official and it shouldn't be treated like an official wedding. But IMHO that doesn't mean Thai judges will see it the same way.

It's like couples in other countries living together because they don't want to marry and later they find out because they lived x years together it is handled as if they were married.

 

[Elkski]

42 minutes ago, dj230 said:

going to be one interesting relationship lol

 

I am curious, when these parents are asking for sinsod, how old are the husbands usually? It would make sense when a 40 year old is marrying their 20 year old daughter.

 

I have never been asked about money or sinsod, maybe a few thousand baht here or there over the years but I am in my 20's so the age gap isn't that big.

Are you saying sinsod should be related to age gap?  What if the gal is over 30? Or 40 or 45?  

Have you really been that close to marriage multi times?  that it was time for the serious sin sod talks?  

Getting big sinsod seems to be for face or like bragging rights.  A woman may ask big because she thinks it's the thing to do.  But a smart woman will realize the couple may need that money to live a good life.  1 or 2 million is some good cash.   100k shouldnt hurt most guys.  Bahts of gold gets expensive and a good woman should value warm winter clothes, good mountain bike, good food,. Nice house and life outside of Thailand 

Edited December 21, 2022 by Elkski

[zzaa09]

[youreavinalaff]

4 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is that your personal experience or are you a law expert?

 

I know many of us think a ceremony is not official and it shouldn't be treated like an official wedding. But IMHO that doesn't mean Thai judges will see it the same way.

It's like couples in other countries living together because they don't want to marry and later they find out because they lived x years together it is handled as if they were married.

 

If you are not legally married, district office and signed marriage certs, judges will not be interested as a divorce is not required.

 

Sin Som Rot rules only apply to those legally married. 

 

 

[Andycoops]

Never paid a satang.

Went to the marriage office in Ban Rak and then back to the village all done and dusted.

The OG didn't complain one bit as she knew she was on a winner in terms of taking care of the kids etc.

[Scouse123]

11 hours ago, sqwakvfr said:

Wow.  It almost sounds like this could be an incompatible relationship with her family?  If they expect million(s) now then what about the future.  Did you consider asking this question: What would a Thai groom be expect to pay?  Would this question be considered as insulting? 

Who cares about their feelings?

 

They started it with their ignorance and greed

[Scouse123]

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Obviously it funny to joke about this, especially from our perspective.

But I wonder about the situation of those parents. Imagine they have a pretty daughter, and she marries a farang and then that farang doesn't pay big money.

Will that family be respected in the village without new pickup and all that?

Will the neighbors agree that true love counts, and money doesn't really matter? Or will everybody ask: How much did he give you?

I guess it's not so easy for some parents of those girls.

Who cares what uneducated country bumpkins think or say, many of whom no nothing except the yearly rice gathering harvest, lottery, rice whisky and mor lam!

 

 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2022 by Scouse123

[ed strong]

3 hours ago, cocoonclub said:

That’s nonsense, of course. Not all Thais are poor villagers who care about Sinsod. 
 

I‘m glad my gf rolls her eyes about these antique traditions. Otherwise I would run. 

Of course not but in relation to the comments and thoughts on this thread, which concerns expats in Thailand, I would say 99% of farangs are with poor Northern women, hence why you would be expected to look after the family either through sin sod or just giving them money, house etc.

 

Why on earth anyone would want to get married is another thing but alot of old folks are still steeped into marriages and traditions. Its how you they / we were brought up.

[Kenny202]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is that your personal experience or are you a law expert?

 

I know many of us think a ceremony is not official and it shouldn't be treated like an official wedding. But IMHO that doesn't mean Thai judges will see it the same way.

It's like couples in other countries living together because they don't want to marry and later they find out because they lived x years together it is handled as if they were married.

 

All due respect, and I do respect you as a very level headed poster here but really what you are talking about is a defacto type thing which IS recognized in many countries in the world the same as that of a marriage....certainly in Australia where I come from. There are no "common law / defacto" laws here at all and a village wedding is only a ceremony. May bolster a case in some other way but the woman will have no recourse on the guys property at all, nor will she be entitled to alimony claims. the common law thing I have been through with a lawyer.   

[ed strong]

2 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

There are lots of huge generalisations on this topic.

 

Everyone and every situation is up to the couple getting married. If your wife is sincere to you she will fight your corner. My wife told her parents we would not be having a village wedding. She said to them simply, would you like a party to show off or would you rather we used the money to build a house and be near the family? They accepted her views. 

 

We got married legally at the district office, no party, no big deal and no sinsod.

 

Since then, as suggested at the time, we have taken care of a few financial difficulties that Mum and Dad have had but only those beyond their control. My wife has been asked and refused to pay back gambling debts or loan shark payments but has been happy to help through some other sticky situations. This in turn has helped to show Mum and Dad the value of money and how to control spending and bad habit.

 

In return, I have become a part of the family. I have integrated with their culture, not ridiculed their beliefs or superstitions, have accepted that they are not that well educated, turned a blind eye to problems beyond my control and, I believe from what they have told me, become part of the family in their eyes. Just their daughter's husband. Not the farang married to their daughter.

 

Respect is earned. Not given. A flat, arrogant, self self refusal to give sinsod is not the way to go and will be remembered. Talking about how you plan to take care of your new wife and possibly Mum and Dad a few times along the way will also be remembered, but for different reasons.

money money money. You claiming to have avoided sinsod by your wife suggesting they dont have a party and keep the money and also you paid off their parents debts and being asked to pay off loan sharks of family members debts!

 

Sinsod or not they got the money.

[Kenny202]

2 hours ago, Elkski said:

 100k shouldnt hurt most guys.  

It will after she takes the house and everything else he owns and he's left penniless in a 1500 baht a month "loom"

[geisha]

Im a female, and I have the view that any marriage based on money from the beginning is rarely a good idea.  The respect, on both sides, is gone. These sinsod ideas are archaic . I once had a boyfriend who thought my hard earned money was to be shared with him ! Needless to say, he didn’t last long. Once married I see nothing wrong in the husband helping the  wife’s family, or buying her a house. But it should come from him, not asked for. 

[geisha]

9 minutes ago, ed strong said:

money money money. You claiming to have avoided sinsod by your wife suggesting they dont have a party and keep the money and also you paid off their parents debts and being asked to pay off loan sharks of family members debts!

 

Sinsod or not they got the money.

I suggest you read his post again. You totally  misunderstood . 

[youreavinalaff]

17 minutes ago, ed strong said:

money money money. You claiming to have avoided sinsod by your wife suggesting they dont have a party and keep the money and also you paid off their parents debts and being asked to pay off loan sharks of family members debts!

 

Sinsod or not they got the money.

You appear to have missed my point.

 

I don't recall saying I paid off any debts. I also don't recall saying I was asked to pay of loan sharks. Certainly not for other family members.

 

By discussing these points with my wife and her parents at an early stage, it negated the possibility of such happening. 

[scorecard]

4 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Mate of mine...and this is a mate of a mate story so can't confirm....but reckons in PNG the groom has to sleep with the sisters and mother. And if you think that sounds appealing you have never seen a PNG woman lol

Once heard a story that in ancient times in Japan when the husband died the eldest son had to fulfill the 'satisfaction' activities with his mother. 

[OneMoreFarang]

37 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

All due respect, and I do respect you as a very level headed poster here but really what you are talking about is a defacto type thing which IS recognized in many countries in the world the same as that of a marriage....certainly in Australia where I come from. There are no "common law / defacto" laws here at all and a village wedding is only a ceremony. May bolster a case in some other way but the woman will have no recourse on the guys property at all, nor will she be entitled to alimony claims. the common law thing I have been through with a lawyer.   

Thanks for the info.

Sometimes we hear things, and we are not sure. And especially in Thailand the fact that things are strange doesn't mean that they are entirely untrue. If in this case the ceremony means legally nothing than that is obviously fine. 

[FritsSikkink]

7 hours ago, scorecard said:

Son did just that several times but LB didn't stop, he believes hes' right about everything. The mother is the village chief and she asked my son to do something concrete to resolve the matter becaue it was causing issues in the village. This followed the LB telling all the village the farang had ordered a BMW car for the mother, then mother had to explain 'there's no BMW, which caused loss of face.

 

She listened to the phone call with a Thai member of the embassy staff, who checked then said not true, no such thing.  Mother then immediately got angry with LB son and made it clear 'this stops now'.

 

Next issue was the LB telling my son he wanted 50,000Baht for flowers for the wedding. His thinking was, as always 'the farang is rich so go big'.

Son texted a response 'NO and don't ask again for any money for anything'.    

Should have hit him in the face

[BTB1977]

You don't describe you girlfriends position.  Virgin? College grad? Age? Kids? Divorced? 

My wife is 45, 2 kids and Divorced= no sinsod. She said her thai husband paid 35,000 baht. And a little gold. He was a painter at the Toyota factory.  I paid for a small village wedding.  Food, drink and music cost about 25,000. I pointed out this was for religious/ Buddha only. Can't have their daughter living in sin now can we. 

[Mac Mickmanus]

3 hours ago, scorecard said:

Once heard a story that in ancient times in Japan when the husband died the eldest son had to fulfill the 'satisfaction' activities with his mother. 

I think that it still goes on, I have seen videos on that nature on pornhub , censored though 

[cdemundo]

Imho it's best to stay in boyfriend status.

You can spend a bit on the woman in this status and be thought of as generous.

Once married I think nothing seems to be enough.

But I have not been married so this is a second hand impression.

 

 

 

[Kenny202]

21 minutes ago, cdemundo said:

Imho it's best to stay in boyfriend status.

You can spend a bit on the woman in this status and be thought of as generous.

Once married I think nothing seems to be enough.

But I have not been married so this is a second hand impression.

 

 

 

Correct

[sandyf]

22 hours ago, FriendlyFarang said:

At first I was thinking about offering 100k just to keep the family peace, but considering that they probably now have something like 5 million baht in their head, I guess they would never be happy with 100k, so I guess it will be 0 baht.

Around here it is nothing more than a symbolic gesture, the parents give it back.

[hotchilli]

23 hours ago, proton said:

so how much will you give then?

More than he should by the sound of it.

[hotchilli]

23 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Another "farang" viewed as a lottery win !

 

As I once said many years ago, it might be your custom, but it aint mine ! They got ZERO.????

My in-laws said they didn't want anything, just give a good life to their daughter.

I gave their entire family a good feed in the home garden enjoyed by all.

One of the neighbours asked me why they weren't invited.. 

I replied because I didn't know them from Adam.