You can take the girl out of the bar, but can you take the bar out of the girl?

[Goat]

It is very common amongst expats to settle down with/ move in with or marry a woman they met in an "adult entertainment" venue.

 

And it seems even more common with tourists who then take them back to Europe, the USA or Australia to live with them full time.

 

Can they be rehabilitated back into normal society?

 

Or do they carry the scars with them for life?

 

 

[proton]

You can take the sex tourist out of the bar but not the bar out of the sex tourist. Known a few who got married and still could not leave the bars and tarts alone, worse than ex bar girls they married. All divorced.

[transam]

I would have thought that with your 40 year experience in LOS, that you would know the answer.....I am surprised....

[Furioso]

They get addicted to the chaos and power..take them out of that environment?

 

very low chance for success. 

[Denim]

And I thought ground hog day was fiction.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

I took my gf out of the bar when she worked in that business maybe 3 months (yes, really). Her older sister decided that is what she should do. My gf was happy to leave that business and be together with me. And we are still together after many years. The way I see it she wasn't long enough in the business to get damaged. And she didn't have any real bad encounters.

I know lots of other guys with girls from bars who are together since years. And they seem to be happy enough.

I think the advantage from such relationships is that both have a pretty good idea what to expect from each other. That is a good start.

It seems many good girls and women who have little to no knowledge about farangs think they want to be in such a relationship with a rich foreigner. Until the moment they are and realize it is not what their fantasy was about. 

 

[ozimoron]

3 minutes ago, Denim said:

And I thought ground hog day was fiction.

 

 

I don't think anything further needs to be said. ????

[OneMoreFarang]

10 minutes ago, proton said:

You can take the sex tourist out of the bar but not the bar out of the sex tourist. Known a few who got married and still could not leave the bars and tarts alone, worse than ex bar girls they married. All divorced.

I have a good friend who enjoyed the bars for many years while he was single. Then later he married a good girl to settle down and have a quiet life about 6 days a week. And he still goes regularly to the bars to have fun. Until now it works, and it seems his wife decided it's better not to ask too many questions. 

[Goat]

4 minutes ago, transam said:

I would have thought that with your 40 year experience in LOS, that you would know the answer.....I am surprised....

Well I do mate, I just want to hear other people's thoughts. 

 

From what I have seen the smartest bargirls dont need to leave Thailand at all.

They either rack up a posse of foreign sponsors sending money over monthly or even convince the punter to move up to issan with them and build them a house, "take care" of extended family etc

 

Others are probably happy to leave Thailand as they think they can "re invent" themselves.

 

 

[proton]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have a good friend who enjoyed the bars for many years while he was single. Then later he married a good girl to settle down and have a quiet life about 6 days a week. And he still goes regularly to the bars to have fun. Until now it works, and it seems his wife decided it's better not to ask too many questions. 

Yes that's what they all claim- she does not mind me going to Soi Cowboy etc to see my 'mates', are they really this deluded. She puts up with it for the money, until she doesn't. 

[Goat]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I took my gf out of the bar when she worked in that business maybe 3 months (yes, really). Her older sister decided that is what she should do.

Out of interest, how old was she? It could be a factor. 

[BritManToo]

24 minutes ago, Goat said:

Can they be rehabilitated back into normal society?

Or do they carry the scars with them for life?

Some can, some can't.

A weak man will never keep any woman.

 

Just look at the guys who have failed relationships,

Jeff Bezos, Bill gates, Rod Stewart, Paul McCartney, KIng Charles, Prince Andrew, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp .......

The list is endless, if these guys can't keep a woman happy, what chance do the rest of us have?

 

Happy enough with mine out of the entertainment industry, and she was a real stunner age 33, 6 years and counting.

Edited April 5, 2023 by BritManToo

[Goat]

19 minutes ago, proton said:

worse than ex bar girls they married.

If they met their husbands in a bar they would of course be more suspicious.

And would have a skewed outlook after seeing men at their worst behaviour. They know too much.

[Goat]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Some can, some can't.

A weak man will never keep any woman.

 

Just look at the guys who have failed relationships,

Jeff Bezos, Bill gates, Rod Stewart, Paul McCartney, KIng Charles, Prince Andrew, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp .......

The list is endless, if these guys can't keep a woman happy, what chance do the rest of us have?

i think the chances are about 50%. That is what the divorce rate is.

[ozimoron]

1 minute ago, Goat said:

i think the chances are about 50%. That is what the divorce rate is.

So, no different to any other marriage.

[BritManToo]

7 minutes ago, Goat said:

i think the chances are about 50%. That is what the divorce rate is.

What percentage of the 50% that aren't divorced do you think are happy?

I'd guess 50% divorce, 30% living in mutual hate, 20% happy.

 

Nearly all LTRs are a poop show in the end.

At least in Thailand we can choose how much of our assets we are prepared to lose.

And we can pick from the relatively hot ones weighing under 50Kg.

 

Just look what James Bond got stuck with ............

Edited April 5, 2023 by BritManToo

[1FinickyOne]

21 minutes ago, Goat said:

Well I do mate, I just want to hear other people's thoughts. 

Like anything else about people, it is individual... 

[1FinickyOne]

14 minutes ago, Goat said:

i think the chances are about 50%. That is what the divorce rate is.

50% get divorced and the other 50% are stuck forever?

[Jack1988]

Years ago one Thai lady bar wanted to marry with me, good I run away 5555+. They think am stupid? No way!????
I had sex with her without pay nothing. She didn't ask me money. Maybe because I am an handsome farang guy with a big d...k

Edited April 5, 2023 by Jack1988

[OneMoreFarang]

41 minutes ago, proton said:

Yes that's what they all claim- she does not mind me going to Soi Cowboy etc to see my 'mates', are they really this deluded. She puts up with it for the money, until she doesn't. 

His wife doesn't get any money from him, she has a well-paid job.

What she knows or doesn't know is speculation. She knows that sometimes he goes out at night to have drinks with his friends. Possibly she suspects that there are also some girls somewhere. Maybe she thinks there is more going on. I think the important part for his wife is that they are happy together. He doesn't bring any girls home, the neighbors are not talking about him. All fine. I think some older women are realistic enough to see that guys like to see sexy girls from time to time because that makes the guys happy. 

 

If farang women back home are in such a situation and then they get divorced because he had sex with a bar-girl, is it worth it? Will she be happier without him? Maybe. But maybe life would be just fine if she didn't think too much from time to time. I think that is what smart women do.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

45 minutes ago, Goat said:

Out of interest, how old was she? It could be a factor. 

16 - but at that time she told me she is 18.

 

And just in case the usual suspect will follow up with the usual comments:

This was a long time ago when 16 year old girls were not unusual in the bars.

And if I would have decided that no, I don't do that. Would her life have been better if she would have continued to work in the bar?

[ezzra]

Many foreigners married or partnered with bar/massage parlor girls, many to regrate it later as the that stigma of the lady of the night and how you met and her history will always be hanging there, for ever, and that something hard to live with.

[OneMoreFarang]

47 minutes ago, Goat said:

And would have a skewed outlook after seeing men at their worst behaviour.

They saw lots of guys just the way the guys are. Not the worst behavior but the real behavior.

I think it's good if women have a realistic idea about guys.

[proton]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

16 - but at that time she told me she is 18.

 

And just in case the usual suspect will follow up with the usual comments:

This was a long time ago when 16 year old girls were not unusual in the bars.

And if I would have decided that no, I don't do that. Would her life have been better if she would have continued to work in the bar?

16? christ and how old were you?

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, ezzra said:

Many foreigners married or partnered with bar/massage parlor girls, many to regrate it later as the that stigma of the lady of the night and how you met and her history will always be hanging there, for ever, and that something hard to live with.

Where does that stigma hang?

Maybe in some countries far away from Thailand. And if all the other guys have old wives and one guy has a hot girl from Thailand, then it's not surprising that those old women don't want to integrate her.

 

Personally, I didn't ask my parents or friends if they approve of the girl which I want. If they like her, fine. If not, then that is their problem, not my problem. 

[Jack1988]

I just don't understand how many foreigners can marry these types of girls. It's crazy

[OneMoreFarang]

2 minutes ago, proton said:

16? christ and how old were you?

Christ was not involved. I was a little older than her but still young and handsome. And there was and is no money involved apart from expenses for life. 

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, Jack1988 said:

I just don't understand how many foreigners can marry these types of girls. It's crazy

Which part do you don't understand?

[proton]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Christ was not involved. I was a little older than her but still young and handsome. And there was and is no money involved apart from expenses for life. 

So you won't say how old you were when consorting with an under aged schoolgirl, fair enough

[Jack1988]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Which part do you don't understand?

Honestly, this is not my favourite type of thai girl. Too skinny, I prefer with more meat