American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[Jonathan Swift]

Doesn't much matter what we think, since this took place on Reddit and he's likely long gone by now. But remind me, what century are we living in? Sounds to me like it's her loss, that he even considered it before deciding shows him to have some character, and deciding no shows him to be sensible. If it were me I wouldn't do it - first, I have no need of an official sanction to validate an otherwise sincere relationship, so I'm not dying to get married. This is simply a roundabout way of buying a wife. Or not buying one. Just my OPINION: Thai people are just as obligated to recognize that I am not of their culture as I am to be aware of theirs. Feel sorry for the girl caught in the middle, but something tells me these in laws would be hell to deal with long term. Now, how long do they think they will have to wait before another sucker comes along and they get to try the same schtick? 

[Jonathan Swift]

9 hours ago, Adumbration said:

Sigh....some guy with a fake account on Reddit posts some fictional click bait story and gets a pathetic 300 replies and now we are expected to chime in on this thread.

 

How utterly depressing the content on this forum has become.

Fake or not, it serves as food for thought for anyone BEFORE they find themselves in a similar dilemma. And as you must know, MANY have had lives ruined by conniving wives, and their families, lawyers, banks, and realtors. As to this forum, it's tabloid and has no aspirations beyond clickbait - it sells ads. Most of us know where to go for quality news content. 

[jacko45k]

10 hours ago, Trippy said:

He loves her very much, but not a million baht worth.  Too funny. 

Lots of different attitudes to this so we will see both sides.... when I first came to Thailand I attended a village wedding and saw the old crones clucking over the tray of money and gold, and found the whole thing distasteful .... I later heard it was all for show and the couple would get the money back. My attitude has softened over the years. 

The other side of the coin is that women can be bought for plenty less in Thailand....if you get my drift.

Beware an avaricious family is all I can think.....

 

 

Edited September 13, 2023 by jacko45k

[hotchilli]

10 hours ago, snoop1130 said:

An American man asked netizens for advice on what to do after his Thai girlfriend’s family demanded a million baht dowry, known as sinsod in Thailand. He said he loved her very much but was not a foolish farang.

Tell family to back off.

[hotchilli]

10 hours ago, Trippy said:

He loves her very much, but not a million baht worth.  Too funny. 

He wants to marry her for love... not buy her.

[IamNoone88]

He already knows the answer.

[TheFishman1]

If you would’ve been a Thai man who  they may show the money at the wedding, but then give it all back to him. If I was the American guy I could say, is run Forrest run. Tit

[djayz]

11 hours ago, snoop1130 said:

Some advised the man to end the relationship, as he might end up having to provide even more for the woman and her family in the future.

"might"?!?

[Polaky]

Why even think about getting married, when you sign that paper your life is over, defacto all the way.

[Deserted]

Would they have asked for the same amount if he was Thai I wonder?

[Tod Daniels]

And this story highlights the HUGE disconnect between how sin-sod is negotiated between thai/thai couples and thai/foreign couples
 

The FAMILY would NEVER EVER approach the groom (in thai/thai situations) and tell him how much they expect.

Sin Sod negotiations are done by a mutually respected elder friend of both parties. They are the intermediary between the bride family and the groom.

There NEVER is face to face (bride family / groom) negotiations on it, AND the bride never gets involved in the least. ..

[NORDO]

DON’T do it!

College educated professional lady that is a Virgin and comes from a wealthy family won’t be worth it.  

The parents will always try to hose u over on the dowery, but most of all, the daughter loses face if she can’t give the parents a respectable sum.  Good parents will return most of it to a THAI groom.   Farangs aren’t so lucky, because they are all super rich.

 

Go to your home country and get married.   We took a vacation to LAS VEGAS and got married at City Hall for about 300 quid.    Don't register the marriage in Thailand.  The 400,000 thb is not worth it.

The divorce was much easier and quicker than a Thai marriage.

 

Take a big hammer and beat the hell out of your willy.   If you still want to marry, see a divorce Attorney first so you know the way out of your biggest mistake.

 

The marriage concept was developed by scumbag preachers and politicians as a way to separate you from ur Wealth and well being.   Marriage has nothing to do with the intent of a long-term sincere relationship.  Once the paper is stamped, she controls your bank account and ur willy, you control nothing.

 

THE first warning sign is…”My father gave us some land to build a house”.   Translated that means “Im a gonna really hose you over”.

 

Dont do it.

 

[jacko45k]

5 minutes ago, Deserted said:

Would they have asked for the same amount if he was Thai I wonder?

Possibly, possibly more had he been from a wealthy family, and they would pay without qualms. 

[kcpattaya]

Interesting facts are missing.

How old are both?

[chuang]

11 hours ago, Trippy said:

He loves her very much, but not a million baht worth.  Too funny. 

How much is very much..

[arick]

Hire an agent to give him the money take lots of pictures of the money exchanging hands then give the money back to the agent    easy just like they do at the big temples when pretending to give money to the monks 

 

[ikke1959]

In Thailand loves equals the amount of money you have... Everything is about money, how much did you pay for it? how much do you earn? how much does it cost? etc etc if you talk with someone. Always rmoney is involved and as foreigners still seem to be rich ( which the Government keep to say too by double pricing as "they" have more money") the asks for money will be bigger.. I would say although I love her very much i will look further maybe there are others who don't love me for my wallet

[rwill]

We let a close friend borrow 1 million baht for their wedding plus a chanote for one of our properties.  They returned everything the day after the wedding.  It's all about show.

 

[Deserted]

2 hours ago, jacko45k said:

Possibly, possibly more had he been from a wealthy family, and they would pay without qualms. 

I think that's right yes. If he was from a Thai hi-so family, they may well ask for more than that. 

[Rinato]

I married a Thai woman from Bangkok in 2004 and I paid to her family 160.000 thousands baht, that was all I could afford. They weren't very satisfied but accepted it. Her married brother and her elder sister had already a good job like my wife.

She explained me that dowry was a common practice in her country.

[Deserted]

2 hours ago, jacko45k said:

Possibly, possibly more had he been from a wealthy family, and they would pay without qualms. 

I think that's right yes. If he was from a Thai hi-so family, they may well ask for more than that. 

[oldestswinger]

10 hours ago, Nick Carter icp said:

Like wearing Hijabs for example ?

Up to them. Why shouldn't they?

[cedel]

10 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

Some do... some don't.. It all depends on the individuals involved...

 

My general sense is it's becoming a somewhat less common thing, particularly among younger, modern thinking Thais....

 

But even when sinsod DOES occur, it's very common lately for the family to put up the big money for show at the ceremony, and then take it back after everyone's gone home... As I said above, thus face is satisfied.

 

show money-money-money...all the time...also in FB and Insta posts from many thai girls, proud to "show" how much they received from their(s) sponsor(s)...and so greedy to always try to take advantage and think all "farangs" are rich ! And what a hypocrit joke if it's only to show and later give back !

Show bank account statement then, like you have to do for visa in Thailand????

For many of us, it is a disgusting and turn-off old-fashioned custom. 

12 years ago, we talked about that with my thai gf at the time and yes, she told me it's only "to show", but if it would happen, the parents that were also middle-class did not need it and would return everything back...I think  return to their daughter...lol, but finally, 1 year later we broke up and I have never been married until now.

And yes, why marry? Just live together, less formalities, headaches, and costs !

[oldestswinger]

10 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

Perhaps a compromise and instead agree to pony up for breast implants for her??? 

I wouldn't get involved with anyone with breast implants. Nor one of those abysmal nose jobs that some Thais favour.

 

[RichardColeman]

Think this story very much depends on the age of the foreign man. If he's like 65 and she is still at uni - story says after graduation - and a virgin, never married with kids etc, it may well be a bargain for an older man.

 

If the guy is young, then I am in two minds about this story - the parents expecting a guy to find a million baht if he is young and single is ridiculous since they own a 'shipping company' and it stinks of greed rather than helping the young couple out.

 

I am probably like most of you, never paid a penny for my Mrs. Older women are free or get a very large discount !

 

 

[khunjake]

You dont just marry the girl in Thailand, you marry the family as well. If they “demand” a set price, run. I have known Thai men will do the same when the family acts like this towards them.

[Gecko123]

I've heard of the parents returning a portion of the sin sot to the newly married couple, but I've never heard of it being returned solely to the wife. Sounds to me like both the parents and the bride-to-be are preying on the American's cultural disorientation.

 

Think about it. When you pay sin sot to the parents, you are basically giving a third party (the parents) money up front in exchange for what is essentially an unenforceable future promise that the daughter will be a dependable and loving wife. The parents have little to no control over whether the daughter will live up to this commitment, and if the daughter reneges on her commitment she doesn't have to forfeit any money, because the sin sot was given to the parents not her.

 

I have found in life that the ethical mores of "keeping your end of the bargain" too often evaporates once the other party gets what they're after. Yes, it's true all over the world, but when you're a foreigner in a foreign land, perceived as having more wealth and opportunities than you perhaps deserve, the willingness to rationalize reneging on promises, if not outright fraudulently making commitments you have no intention of keeping, is much greater, and a greater degree of caution is called for. The old adage "don't front your money" which you probably first heard in high school, is, sadly, as applicable today when it comes to paying sin sot up front. 

[Teacher Robert]

When in Rome....

Of course, he could just go back to the states, pay a bit less for a wedding ceremony with an American girl cuz it's her "special day". Then a few years down the road she takes the house, car, and kids and he can live happily ever after living in a rented room sharing a house with 4 or 5 dudes in the same boat all working 3 or 4 jobs to pay the court ordered support. In the words of the immortal Johny Johny Carson, "Next time I think about getting married, I'm just gonna find a woman I hate and buy her a house." 

[Walker88]

4 hours ago, JensenZ said:

The point is that love is blind. Also, the girl could be worth it AND the value of 1 million baht is relative to a person's financial status. Each case is unique.

 

Do we criticize people spending millions on an engagement ring. What's the difference? What about people spending millions on a wedding? There are wedding dresses that cost more than $1 million.

 

 

 

Perhaps my logic is different, but I see a difference.

 

An engagement ring is direct to the bride (and admittedly is often wildly overdone). A sinsod is buying the woman. To me---no doubt culturally insensitive---it's no different than barfining a woman from an agogo, except it's a payment for many schtuppings, rather than just one.

 

As I noted in my earlier post, Tevye can sing TRADITION! until the sick buffaloes cows come home, but a sinsod is an admission that a woman is a commodity and you're paying for her companionship/sex. It's also a one-way street of cultural acceptance, demanding the groom see both the tradition of sinsod and the cultural peculiarity of 'face'.

[BritManToo]

3rd suggestion from me,

Ask the parents if you can pay in installments .......... 1,000bht a go sounds fair.