American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[Shop mak]

Take divorce rate worldwide and here into consideration, to pay for a bride seems beyond stupid.

 

What percentage of marriages last 10+ years?

 

[Denim]

Out of love for my girlfriend  and respect for her parents and culture I would agree to the requested dowry.

 

However, I would explain that as a recently converted Hindu I would hope they would respect me and the Hindu marriage custom and also provide me with an appropriate  dowry as I would be caring for their daughter for the rest of her life. In order not to offend I would only ask for 1 million baht, a fair amount for a foreign husband with a good education. Others might ask more but I am not greedy and would be satisfied  with this amount.

[still kicking]

9 minutes ago, gearbox said:

Good to her if she did do medicine in a Thai uni and managed to pass the medical exams in Oz.

Some in Thai but finished it off in OZ 

[BenStark]

2 hours ago, Gknrd said:

Didn't know this was still a thing in Thailand.. I knew a guy about 20 years ago that did this.

I knew such a guy as well around the same time, as I had a relationship with his future wife for 2 years already, at the time he was gonna married.

On a side note, he had met his future wife for 7 days prior to decide on the marriage, because he actually had come to Pattaya to marry another one, but he couldn't locate her when he arrived.

He was not a pensioner, but a guy in his late twenties, working for a multinational semiconductor company.

I was 47 at that time.

 

I shagged her in a hotel near her home the day before the wedding, and again in Pattaya about a week after the wedding,

 

[Sqoop]

In my experience Thai families and relatives will ask for money to see what they can get. Be it for sinsod / car / loan / property / medical / ...

 

If you give too much or are too easy with money you will have more problems later. 

[MangoKorat]

I was asked to pay what I considered a large amount to marry my 21 year old uni graduate girlfriend.  I spoke to her mother who said Sin Sod was part of Thai culture and asked me if I respected that.  I told her I did, but would she in return, show respect for my culture where Sin Sod doesn't exist and agree to 50/50?  She would not so I told her that she could not say she respected my culture

 

However, this woman, the mother, was a genuinely good person and not at all the sort that was out to rip me off. I am still in touch with with my ex MIL to this day - 15 years and a divorce later. For some odd reason the matter of Sin Sod was never mentioned again, I was never asked for it so obviously never paid it.  Just as well really as the marriage didn't last long.  Knowing what I know now and the strange fact that Sin Sod was never mentioned again, I suspect my now ex wife had a lot to do with the amount asked.

 

Amongst Thai's, some see it as part of the culture but many these days, seem to regard it as an old fashioned tradition. Most of the couples I know that have married in the last 10 years or so, have had had the Sin Sod handed back after the marriage - it was purely for show.

 

I know of one foreigner who was living in Thailand and refused to pay Sin Sod for his girlfriend so they were not allowed to get married - at least not with the parents blessing.  The couple decided to just live together and are still together to this day.

 

Its an emotive subject and whilst Sid Sod is a part of Thai culture (a dying part IMHO) - the motives for it are often part of an entirely different tradition - the tradition of 'Farang Milking'.

 

In this case the guy should simply say, I love your daughter, I want to be with her, I will take care of her and raise a family with her but I am not paying Sid Sod. The reaction will speak volumes.

 

One thing we all should remember though - there is no effective 'safety net' in Thailand so to speak, pensions are usually painfully low etc. etc.  The daughter will be expected to 'take care' of her parents in their retirement - if you marry a Thai, you become part of that commitment too.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, rumak said:

Speaking of cars ........ hey,   why not offer a reasonable downpayment.   Then ,  after an agreed upon time..let's say 3 months ,  if the couple are running smoothly,  an installment plan can begun .

Maybe the standard 15 k a month .   

It would be wise if there is also an understanding that if the "car" is not performing well the buyer can then stop payments .  Payments already made are non-refundable .   

And........... parents can come pick up their property .

note:  outraged readers can be assured that this is just..................................................... a joke

I would love to see you explaining that to the parents of the bride. ???? 

[JensenZ]

4 hours ago, bignok said:

Who cares if she does. The yank did the right thing. Used his brain.

You think? I'll put money down he'll be back to pay it. As another member mentioned, it's less than the cost of most decent cars in Thailand. The decision has a lot to do with the American's personal finances. For some guys it would be peanuts.

[TConthePC]

My guess is that it could be the other way round. The parents own a small shipping company and want to make sure that he has the funds to not leech off of them.

[thaibeachlovers]

5 hours ago, Screaming said:

Another old cheap Charley expat comes to Thailand and expects to marry a much younger woman and not pay up. Well Charley, go home and see what you can get there. Not much if anything I presume.

and another Thai "expert" chimes in with the BS about how it's OK to buy a wife from the parents.

 

The guy needs to say to his GF that he will give her the 500,000 baht as security in the event that they got divorced, but for the parents, nothing. That would be the sin sod to be put on display at the wedding. Depends if she trusts them enough to give her the money after.

 

If his marriage went the way 50% of marriages do ( divorce ) he might regret giving in to them.

Perhaps he should take it as an omen that getting married at all is a bad idea.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 minutes ago, TConthePC said:

My guess is that it could be the other way round. The parents own a small shipping company and want to make sure that he has the funds to not leech off of them.

5555555555555

How many farangs do you know that "leech off" the wife's parents?

 

[thaibeachlovers]

50 minutes ago, JensenZ said:

You think? I'll put money down he'll be back to pay it. As another member mentioned, it's less than the cost of most decent cars in Thailand. The decision has a lot to do with the American's personal finances. For some guys it would be peanuts.

and perhaps he doesn't want to have to "buy" his wife as he has principles.

 

If she's not a virgin it's not even required under Thai custom, far as I know.

 

Too many farangs pay out for a wife that has been married, has kids etc and too many Thais see baht signs soon as a farang takes any interest in a daughter.

 

It's OK to play along with sin sod for show at a wedding, but get it back after. That's what i did, and just as well given the divorce that came later. She wasn't worth a sin sod in the event of her behaviour later.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I would love to see you explaining that to the parents of the bride. ???? 

So would I.

Perhaps someone can draw up a contract based on that which any potential sucker farang can download and present to the grasping parents.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, MangoKorat said:

I was asked to pay what I considered a large amount to marry my 21 year old uni graduate girlfriend.  I spoke to her mother who said Sin Sod was part of Thai culture and asked me if I respected that.  I told her I did, but would she in return, show respect for my culture where Sin Sod doesn't exist and agree to 50/50?  She would not so I told her that she could not say she respected my culture

 

However, this woman, the mother, was a genuinely good person and not at all the sort that was out to rip me off. I am still in touch with with my ex MIL to this day - 15 years and a divorce later. For some odd reason the matter of Sin Sod was never mentioned again, I was never asked for it so obviously never paid it.  Just as well really as the marriage didn't last long.  Knowing what I know now and the strange fact that Sin Sod was never mentioned again, I suspect my now ex wife had a lot to do with the amount asked.

 

Amongst Thai's, some see it as part of the culture but many these days, seem to regard it as an old fashioned tradition. Most of the couples I know that have married in the last 10 years or so, have had had the Sin Sod handed back after the marriage - it was purely for show.

 

I know of one foreigner who was living in Thailand and refused to pay Sin Sod for his girlfriend so they were not allowed to get married - at least not with the parents blessing.  The couple decided to just live together and are still together to this day.

 

Its an emotive subject and whilst Sid Sod is a part of Thai culture (a dying part IMHO) - the motives for it are often part of an entirely different tradition - the tradition of 'Farang Milking'.

 

In this case the guy should simply say, I love your daughter, I want to be with her, I will take care of her and raise a family with her but I am not paying Sid Sod. The reaction will speak volumes.

 

One thing we all should remember though - there is no effective 'safety net' in Thailand so to speak, pensions are usually painfully low etc. etc.  The daughter will be expected to 'take care' of her parents in their retirement - if you marry a Thai, you become part of that commitment too.

Ironically, the amount asked for rises with the wealth of the parents, who are entirely able to provide a "safety net" themselves.

In the case of my wife, her family were more wealthy than I, and even she was wealthy as had land and rental house of her own. I didn't give anything, and as she had been married before wasn't even required to do so.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, Denim said:

Out of love for my girlfriend  and respect for her parents and culture I would agree to the requested dowry.

 

However, I would explain that as a recently converted Hindu I would hope they would respect me and the Hindu marriage custom and also provide me with an appropriate  dowry as I would be caring for their daughter for the rest of her life. In order not to offend I would only ask for 1 million baht, a fair amount for a foreign husband with a good education. Others might ask more but I am not greedy and would be satisfied  with this amount.

I gave that a laugh emoji because it was humerous. I'd love to be there to see the expression on the parents face's.

 

How many when faced with the old worn out "it's Thai custom" then turn around and say "I respect your custom and will give you x baht as you ask for, but will you respect my culture and pay for the marriage ceremony"?

 

It's no wonder that they demand a sin sod for an already been married, with kids, daughter when so many farangs seem so ready to part with vast amounts of money just to bang their daughters.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

she's still a plain village girl who counts every baht and doesn't break my balls asking me for money, and of course takes real good care of me, so there are some real gems out there that are worth their weight in gold,

If there was some way to know that the beloved was indeed going to "take good care" of me for the rest of my life, I would have been prepared to give a sin sod equal to the cost of banging bar girls for the rest of my sexually active life, assuming she never asked me to build her a house, buy her a car etc.

[varun]

6 hours ago, Trippy said:

A million baht will get me literally 1,000 short times, screw marriage.

2000 short times from Beach Road after 1 am, if you don't care about gender or STD's

[Bepah umayun]

maybe the parents know it too much, and they're trying to discourage this guy

[Thechook]

It's disgusting that parents see their daughter as a commodity and are willing to sell her.  I could never sell my daughter.

[JensenZ]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I gave that a laugh emoji because it was humerous. I'd love to be there to see the expression on the parents face's.

 

How many when faced with the old worn out "it's Thai custom" then turn around and say "I respect your custom and will give you x baht as you ask for, but will you respect my culture and pay for the marriage ceremony"?

 

It's no wonder that they demand a sin sod for an already been married, with kids, daughter when so many farangs seem so ready to part with vast amounts of money just to bang their daughters.

The point is that love is blind. Also, the girl could be worth it AND the value of 1 million baht is relative to a person's financial status. Each case is unique.

 

Do we criticize people spending millions on an engagement ring. What's the difference? What about people spending millions on a wedding? There are wedding dresses that cost more than $1 million.

 

 

 

[Phil1964]

Walk away Dude.

This family will expect everything to be paid for in the future by the Farang ATM.

Nah! We're in the modern world. Her family are well off and she is getting a university education so will be able to build her own career with or without her farang hubby.

 

[BestB]

There is another explanation , which is parents don not like him and don not approve of him and hence why asked for large amount and not negotiable 

[MangoKorat]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Ironically, the amount asked for rises with the wealth of the parents, who are entirely able to provide a "safety net" themselves.

???? How do do work that out?  Some parents will have sufficient but many parents, I'd say the vast majority, will only have enough money to last a matter of weeks.  Have you any idea how much the Thai state pension is for someone who has earned below the tax threshold all their lives?  I know one woman who receives 900 baht per month - how could anyone live on that?

 

Many have never paid Social Security.  Its easy to say they should have - we are not in their position.

[Toby1947]

You need to take steps, f*cking big un's in the opposite direction 

[sumongkhwai]

I guess I got very lucky and married a smart lady. We had a wedding of about 350 people from the viallage and the nine monks in our house. I paid for everything, no problem. We talked about sin sod and she said it was more show as long as we would take of parents in the future. Went to the bank, got $4 million baht, put all of our gold on top on big plate in front of her parents. After the wedding we got our gold back and the money went back to the bank. And, for 20+ years we have helped take of her parents every month. Seemed reasonable to me.

[sampson]

A friend of mine is very close to his Thai nephew who is dating an Isaan university graduate with a good job in Bangkok.  I believe she makes around 40k a month.  The sinsod they were asking for was 350k (it was around there if not that exact number), which was a sticking point as they simply didn't have the money.  The solution was they lived together without getting married, as they had done for the past 7 years.  

 

That might be a solution for them.  I know it's hard to agree with sinsod and I wouldn't get involved with it myself, but I do recognise it's not just a scam to rip off foreigners but something that seems to be deeply ingrained in village life especially.  The family would probably feel they'd lose face in the village if they married their daughter, who has amounted to something and has good standing, off to an American for less than what a Thai might pay.  There are a lot of cross cultural relationship struggles in Thailand and these seem to go on speed if the Thai's are from Isaan.  Buyer beware I guess.

[Artisi]

9 hours ago, BenStark said:

So I understand you paid for yours, if not you're just trolling

Or stating a fact. 

[daveAustin]

9 hours ago, Screaming said:

Another old cheap Charley expat comes to Thailand and expects to marry a much younger woman and not pay up. Well Charley, go home and see what you can get there. Not much if anything I presume.

You don’t know what his age is or factoring the status of the girl/parents is. Yours smacks of a typical know-all (know nothing) visitor with little knowledge outside the bar scene. Cringeworthy references to ‘cheap Charlie’ gives you away somewhat. While Thai males still show funds (and indeed more than this in some cases), it’ll typically be for the daughter of someone with high standing, not some average family in the middle of nowhere. There’s one born every minute. 

[AdamRich]

How much would a Thai man give them for safe keeping?

[SiSePuede419]

I met a woman from India on a date in Tempe Arizona.

I told her that I would follow traditional Indian culture and demand a dowery.  That's how little value women have in India --you have to pay the grooms family to take the woman.

 

She said oh no, we're going by American rules.

 

I said I think you're going to follow traditional Indian culture in many many other things, so....no.????