Lady takes man to Loy Khratong - implications?

[henrik2000]

On 11/27/2023 at 12:40 PM, PeterCouling said:

The likelihood is she has no-one in her life and wants to have someone with her when she floats her Krathong. Just be polite, enjoy the festival in the spirit of it and make sure she is safe when you part.

Thanks, in the end it happened about as you suggest. As per the lady's design, I floated the Khratong that she had selected. She had none for herself. At the 100 temple stalls before the pool, I suggested several times to get another Khratong for her but she dragged me away with a smile. Not impossible that she wanted me to insist more on getting another Khratong for herself.

Edited November 28, 2023 by henrik2000

[henrik2000]

On 11/27/2023 at 1:31 PM, LS24 said:

You can just it clear that you are friends only as you would in the west. Just let her down gently.

 

I find Thai woman still do little sweet gestured things when they like a guy. I always find that touching knees with you or upper thighs or lower leg a very sweet gesture that even adult mature Thai women use as a cue to tell you that they like you.

Yes, letting her down gently... Are there YouTube tutorials for that? It's the very hard part. (If she does have serious designs which I don't know.)

She casually took my hand as we crossed busy roads and as you say, sometimes touched my arm or leg while talking. It seemed all very friendly and innocent.

 

[henrik2000]

On 11/27/2023 at 10:34 PM, Bobthegimp said:

I was asked by 2 women earlier today and posted the same question in another area of the forum.  Did you go?  I decided not to. 

Thanks, interesting to see that two guys have the same "problem", and interesting to read the replies in your thread.

Do you now regret not to have gone? I refuse quite a lot of invitations from ladies to show me around just because I suspect they see me as a good food ATM.

But in this case I decided against some worries to go for it, because sometimes I like to leave my comfort zone to see other people and cultures in a new light. What I saw then at the temple didn't differ much from several other temple occasions into which I sometimes run just by accident (Loy Khratong on Jomtien beach had been far more joyful for me from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. alone). And the lady on that outing was her usual smiling caring companion, obviously without any scheming (I hadn't expected that anyway, still it was nice to get to know her outside her restaurant). So for me I am glad I accepted the invitation in spite of some doubts beforehand and small awkward moments on the night itself that perhaps are quite natural.

[henrik2000]

21 hours ago, neeray said:

As it relates to the OP's question, she sounds like a quality gal looking for a wholesome relationship. He might be wise to accept her offer and see if the attraction by both is still existent, outside of the confines of her workplace.

Thanks. I guess you are right and things turned out the way you predict.

[henrik2000]

18 hours ago, paulbrow said:

Despite what all the cynics here think, there are a lot of good, genuine people here. Personally, I think she wants to help you experience the event. She may want more deep inside but doesn't expect more. I've always found Loy Krathong a very personal event and is a simple way to let one's troubles float away. She'll enjoy a little time with you and be happy if you mutually enjoy the time. Personally, I do not believe every Thai woman is out to get you and / or your money. Just to have a foreign friend is more than enough.

Thanks. It all sounds quite right.

[henrik2000]

17 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

The fact that she asked you out on a date shows she is obviously interested, so it's incumbent upon you to make it clear to her that you're only interested in remaining friends and hopefully that will not put a damper on the good service you've been getting at your restaurant. 

 

50 and single, and her prospects are very limited. 

Thanks. She would certainly make a great partner for a decent, Thai speaking foreigner. I find it extremely difficult to tell her "just friends, okay mai khrap", but I guess it's in my responsibility to get around to do it.

[henrik2000]

10 hours ago, DogNo1 said:

Suppose that you have a good time when you float her Krathong and you part with just a friendly goodbye. How will you react to future invitations?   If you see her several times, your libido will probably be hooked.  It will become increasingly difficult for you to decline opportunities to be together.   If you don’t intend to marry her, you will need to keep your meetings to a minimum.

Thanks, lots of food for thought in your lines, including the Japan story. Agree with the snippet from your post quoted above, but find it heartbreaking to follow suit.

[henrik2000]

4 hours ago, geisha said:

Probably a very innocent and kind gesture on her part. Be polite and then say goodnight see you soon at home time. Nothing wrong with having a hot coffee / tea/ icecream to show your thanks for learning something new. 

Thanks, agreed, and so it happened.

[VinnieK]

First implication is boredom.

Extreme boredom.

[Bobthegimp]

3 hours ago, henrik2000 said:

Thanks, interesting to see that two guys have the same "problem", and interesting to read the replies in your thread.

Do you now regret not to have gone? I refuse quite a lot of invitations from ladies to show me around just because I suspect they see me as a good food ATM.

But in this case I decided against some worries to go for it, because sometimes I like to leave my comfort zone to see other people and cultures in a new light. What I saw then at the temple didn't differ much from several other temple occasions into which I sometimes run just by accident (Loy Khratong on Jomtien beach had been far more joyful for me from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. alone). And the lady on that outing was her usual smiling caring companion, obviously without any scheming (I hadn't expected that anyway, still it was nice to get to know her outside her restaurant). So for me I am glad I accepted the invitation in spite of some doubts beforehand and small awkward moments on the night itself that perhaps are quite natural.

 

I don't regret declining on such an auspicious day because I see these women a few times per week and the opportunity is still there but with fewer expectations.  I can't stand crowds, so that factored into the decision as well. 

[spidermike007]

4 hours ago, henrik2000 said:

Thanks. She would certainly make a great partner for a decent, Thai speaking foreigner. I find it extremely difficult to tell her "just friends, okay mai khrap", but I guess it's in my responsibility to get around to do it.

 

It's imperative that you do it, if she has any expectations at all they need to be stopped entirely. Open and frank communication is the order of the day here, as little as she might like want to hear it. 

 

I like you, but I don't feel any romantic connection, or I have no interest in a GF. 

[henrik2000]

8 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

It's imperative that you do it, if she has any expectations at all they need to be stopped entirely

Thanks, you are certainly right. I guess I will type 2 - 3 short, soft sentences into the translator app and then first try to explain it in my own Thai words face to face, and to seal it I will show the app. Hopefully she has some quiet minutes in the restaurant. I couldn't do this by Line (even if it saves some heartbeating).

I am sure that on the face of it she will cheerfully agree. Maybe she's even happy because she has the same musings about how to dump me politely. If she is deeply saddened, I guess that's life and one has to take such a risk sometimes or else it would be a bore. I never pretended anything, even though my genuine actions might be seen as more serious than they were meant.

Occasionally I brought her little Christmas chocolates from Europe, but I even brought some for her immediate coworkers, and one regular massage girl told me that her repeat customers (non-naughty) also bring Christmas chocolates from Europe, so it can't be seen as too serious.

Edited November 29, 2023 by henrik2000

[AlexRRR]

It was a Date, especially if food is involved if you kept your hands to yourself your good to go...

[rickudon]

I was invited to loy kratong by the manager of a fishing park during my second visit to Thailand. We are now married 13 years ......

[jacko45k]

On 12/5/2023 at 3:59 PM, rickudon said:

I was invited to loy kratong by the manager of a fishing park during my second visit to Thailand. We are now married 13 years ......

Good catch!

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/27/2023 at 5:25 PM, henrik2000 said:

• Does it have a special meaning when a single lady makes a Khratong (miniature boat) for a single man and he floats it? Can my willingness to join this plan cause inconveniences? I would like to stay single and just friendly with that lady.
• Is there anything I could or should bring for her in return? I want to invite her for dinner, drink and/or live music after the temple, but I'm not sure she's up for it. 

No.

No. You can.

Ask her before you go.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/29/2023 at 3:30 PM, spidermike007 said:

 

It's imperative that you do it, if she has any expectations at all they need to be stopped entirely. Open and frank communication is the order of the day here, as little as she might like want to hear it. 

 

I like you, but I don't feel any romantic connection, or I have no interest in a GF. 

Q How does a non Thai speaking farang communicate that without coming across like a d head?

A They can't.

 

Overthinking it. Just go and if the situation comes up deal with it then.

Just don't give out any erroneous signals.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/29/2023 at 10:28 AM, henrik2000 said:

Yes, letting her down gently... Are there YouTube tutorials for that? It's the very hard part. (If she does have serious designs which I don't know.)

She casually took my hand as we crossed busy roads and as you say, sometimes touched my arm or leg while talking. It seemed all very friendly and innocent.

 

LOL. When it comes to male female relationships nothing can be taken as "friendly and innocent". Women don't touch a man that is not a very good friend if they don't want to progress.

 

She casually took my hand as we crossed busy roads

LOL. Had it been "innocent" she would have held your arm to cross the road, not your hand. Holding hands means so much more than an arm to steady herself.

 

It's all about sending signals that encourage the male to get involved. Body language is fascinating if one knows anything about it. Reading the book by Alan Pease is a good start to understanding body language.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/29/2023 at 11:06 AM, henrik2000 said:

Thanks, lots of food for thought in your lines, including the Japan story. Agree with the snippet from your post quoted above, but find it heartbreaking to follow suit.

IMO men and women can be platonic friends. I've had loads as never wanted a relationship while I was adventuring around the world. Just have to keep it where it belongs, no romantic dinners, no hand holding etc. I actually preferred conversations with women to those with men.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/28/2023 at 5:50 PM, Lacessit said:

When a lady takes me into her bed, I assume there are implications. Up until then, I don't read too much into the situation.

Women are good at making men think it's their idea.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/27/2023 at 5:25 PM, henrik2000 said:

Background: I had asked my longtime Jomtien waitress for a good spot to observe the Loy Khratong doings.

Ah, I just connected with that on re reading the OP.

As I see it she assumed asking her for somewhere to watch Loy Krathong was an indication that the OP was interested in her as a person. By agreeing to go with her it cemented that idea, hence the little touches, hand holding etc.

 

IMO the OP has it the wrong way around. It was she wondering if the OP was wanting something more than directions and responding to that in a positive way, then giving hints to indicate she was amenable to his initial approach.

Edited December 6, 2023 by thaibeachlovers

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Women are good at making men think it's their idea.

Can't say I disagree.

[spidermike007]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Q How does a non Thai speaking farang communicate that without coming across like a d head?

A They can't.

 

Overthinking it. Just go and if the situation comes up deal with it then.

Just don't give out any erroneous signals.

The presumption was that she spoke some English. Taking her on a date might be considered an erroneous signal, to a single 50 year old, lacking many prospects! I have always preferred an honest and direct approach. 

[Bday Prang]

"you think too much" is a common retort by Thais,  In this case I agree with them

[thaibeachlovers]

57 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

The presumption was that she spoke some English. Taking her on a date might be considered an erroneous signal, to a single 50 year old, lacking many prospects! I have always preferred an honest and direct approach. 

"Some English" is nowhere near enough to convey such emotional concepts. English is a useless language when it comes to emotions anyway, and trying to explain to a non English speaking person is a disaster in the making. The time to make it clear was directly after she asked him to go with her. It was then he should have declined ( the correct option ) or by explaining "NOT as a date"

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

Taking her on a date might be considered an erroneous signal, to a single 50 year old, lacking many prospects!

You can print that in solid gold, frame it in pearls, and take it to the bank.

She is probably wondering what she did wrong that he didn't call her or ask her on a follow up date.

[henrik2000]

Hi all, thanks for more considerations. FWIW, the situation has now dissolved into about nothing, with both parties seemingly relaxed and friendly about it (but what do I know about Thai women, or the one discussed here).