Lack Of Thai Male Friends

[bob smith]

11 minutes ago, marin said:

People still sitting in the plane on the tarmac arriving in Thailand for the first time know more about the country and its people than you.

 

bob.

if you believe what I said was in error, then by all means pick it apart in an educated manner and I will gladly listen to your points.

 

bob.

[Dolf]

1 hour ago, Rampant Rabbit said:

I dont have any friends, it  makes life so much easier.

I have friends but I avoid them.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, ikke1959 said:

Maybe also because Thai people are very jealous and they see everybody else as a threat for a relation. In fact they have never learned to deal with others.  

I don't blame the Thais. We are just different. 

 

One common example are the different nightlife spots. There are bars for Thais, for farangs, for Japanese, Koreans, etc. We all like to do things differently. 

Some Thai guys have mia-nois and seem to be proud when other people know about that. Many farangs do more or less the opposite.

The list goes on and on. 

 

[MarcelV]

I live in the deep south, among Malay muslims. There are very few farangs here, only a few families of US missionaries, whom I have no connection to and who hang around with each other exclusively anyway.

Therefore I am happy to have two good Thai friends. They are of Malay ethnicity, so their first language is Malay instead of Thai, but they can speak English to a reasonable level, better than my Thai anyways.

They are muslim, so - like me - they don't drink or do drugs, and they are well-educated and hold steady jobs. Both have young families.

I've known them for about 7 years and we just get along well. It's important that personalities are compatible, something I find lacking when comparing myself to other farangs in Thailand, who often have radically different (political) views on life.

[FruitPudding]

3 hours ago, amexpat said:

Yes please be considerate of the semi-literate and intellectually incurious. 

 

Yes, but it doesn't mean we need to form friendships with them.

 

Let's be honest, we don't have much in common with local blokes. 

[cracker1]

I have been here 20 years and also have no Thai male friends. I have found it difficult to find many males that speak English but quite easy to find females that do so. It is also difficult to find Thai men drinking in bars, as I suspect they lack the funds, and find it more sociable to buy a bottle or two from 7-11 and share at home of work.

[Thingamabob]

Very few Thai men have close Thai friends, let alone foreign friends,  outside their family. During my lifetime I had three close friends, none of them Thai. Quite a few Thai and other acquaintances though, but I would not describe them as friends in the true meaning of the word.

[richard_smith237]

16 hours ago, bob smith said:

I would say that it is pretty much impossible for a farang man to have a true male thai friend.

 

We value honesty and integrity, they value face and deference.

 

I have tried, many times.

I now don't have real friends here but acquaintances.

 

it is the way it is.

bob.

 

You're speaking of your own limitations and failing there Bob and projecting that on everyone else....   You repeatedly make this mistake with your comments... 

 

In this case - its clearly not impossible for us (Westerners) to make close Thai friends, we just have to ensure we are decent people ourselves. 

 

Mixing within your own socio-econonoc-educational demographic is key to making genuine Thai friends IMO as Thai's tend not to mix so well outside of their specific demographic. 

[richard_smith237]

5 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I have often thought about this, and it's one of the few areas about being an expat in Thailand that I find frustrating. I know a number of Thai men, and we are acquaintances but I would not consider any of them to be true friends. I am not of the opinion that many have about most Thai men, I know a lot of very good, relatively honorable, hard-working Thais, but they don't seem to have any interest in really getting to know us or hanging out, which is very unfortunate.

 

I agree...   Thai men don't seem to have any interested in getting to know us or hanging out with us... but why should they just because we are foreigners ?....  

... There are many foreigners and Thai's I also have no interest in becoming friends with and hanging out with...   But, when when there is a mutually respectful interest friendships can develop quite naturally.

 

Language is obviously a key issue.. Most of my close Thai friends speak English fluently as do the close Thai friends of many of my Western friends.

 

5 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I know if I lived in the Philippines, Vietnam, Mexico or many other countries I would have a lot of local friends, but that's not the case here, and it's probably due to quite a number of factors. Very sad indeed. 

 

[NativeBob]

the only "common activity with thai friends" is going to driving range and few times a year to 9-holer.

nothing other than golf in common anymore. tried everything and failed.

even my cat is not from Thailand - you see how sad is it?

 

Edited March 18 by NativeBob

[spidermike007]

6 hours ago, 2baht said:

Can you summarize this in less than 100 words? 🤔

Thailand feels like pure luxury compared to the PI, and for me the entire nation in there feels like one huge Tijuana. 

[soalbundy]

17 hours ago, JimTripper said:

I have been in Thailand over 10 years and just realized I have had zero Thai male friends the whole time.

Do other expats here have Thai male friends? If so, what are their ages, how old are you and where did you meet?
I'm talking about friends like I had in the USA where you call each other, hang out, go out to sporting events and concerts & drinking of course. Not guys you would know through a female or her relatives, but just guy friends you would meet while out and about.

I don't think you understand the social economics of your situation. Unless you have access to the middle class your status is too high to have Thai friends. You are a farang and no matter how long you live here you will never be able to assimilate into an Asian society beyond the superficial, it's a world apart. A European would have no trouble assimilating into a different European country than his own because the values and history are basically the same and status isn't so important or worlds apart. If you are a European you have come from a state where corruption is punished, the judiciary is fair, religion doesn't play a great role anymore, you have a sense of fairness and equality and feel no need to humble yourself to those in power and you have a respect for logic and science, these things which are a part of your character sets you apart, makes you almost eccentric. Many years ago when my Thai stepdaughters were children, the oldest asked her mother, "why does he do that", I was reading a book. In the end I had to teach her to read Thai because her poor reading skills made her fall behind at school, today she has a university degree in business. The youngest step daughter also had to endure me as a Thai teacher, tears on her part and patience on mine. My Thai / British son, will be 17 this year and speaks such good English that the English teacher lets him take over the teaching, this was due to the many hours that I spent with him teaching him to read it, the lowest marks he gets in school are for the Thai language. Despite having an Englishman as a father he is Thai but I can see there is a European flavour about him, a first rate student, logical, a disregard for religion or superstition and a preference for speaking English (he spends a lot of time playing online games with Europeans and Americans who live in Thailand, as an eight year old after playing games with Americans where a lot of talking was done he asked me, "Papa what does motherf.....r mean")

I have lived here nearly 20 years in a farming community and although I can speak, read and write Thai I have only friendly acquaintances, perhaps the Abbot of our Buddhist temple could be regarded as a friend but I'm 75 now, I feel no need for friendships, I have two dogs and 4 step grandchildren, that's enough. 

[spidermike007]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

You can just turn up and stay in PI for around $300/year at any age, no requirement for any money or income.

Okay they must have revised the policy, because I have a friend who's been there for over a decade and he had to put up some kind of bond for a significant amount of money to get a long-term visa, and he's still fighting to get that money back even though it was represented as being just a bank deposit. 

[spidermike007]

5 hours ago, JimTripper said:

One of my friends from college (in California) retired in Mexico. He knows all kinds of people there now. They go back and forth and visit, party, etc. It's become a bigger and bigger circle of friends. It's a big difference from my situation in Thailand.

Exactly, Mexicans tend to be warm and friendly and welcoming. If you live in Mexico for 5 or 10 years you're considered to be an honorary Mexican, totally the opposite of life here for an expat. Fortunately I've never felt the need to belong, but I certainly don't feel like I belong here, even though I love it here, and I will likely be here for the rest of my life. 

[spidermike007]

29 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

I agree...   Thai men don't seem to have any interested in getting to know us or hanging out with us... but why should they just because we are foreigners ?....  

... There are many foreigners and Thai's I also have no interest in becoming friends with and hanging out with...   But, when when there is a mutually respectful interest friendships can develop quite naturally.

 

Language is obviously a key issue.. Most of my close Thai friends speak English fluently as do the close Thai friends of many of my Western friends.

 

 

Yep, I think that's an accurate observation and I will bet that most of these Thai friends who speak fluent English have spent time outside the country, which tends to open the mind and stimulate curiosity. I think the average Thai person is not a particularly curious being, therefore they don't really have much interest and getting to know us, getting to know what's going on in our lives, and getting to know about the outside world. 

[FruitPudding]

Honestly, Thai blokes would be laughing if they knew were even seriously discussing this.

[1FinickyOne]

I have had a few really good Thai friends through the years... 

[spidermike007]

5 hours ago, Rampant Rabbit said:

I dont have any friends, it  makes life so much easier.

You sound like a monk. I happen to really enjoy my friends and I derive a tremendous amount of fulfillment out of my friendships, so the fact that I don't have any close Thai friends here is a regret. But it is what it is. Fortunately I have a lot of good friends elsewhere and I have some very good expat friends here. 

[spidermike007]

17 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

I don't think you understand the social economics of your situation. Unless you have access to the middle class your status is too high to have Thai friends. You are a farang and no matter how long you live here you will never be able to assimilate into an Asian society beyond the superficial, it's a world apart. A European would have no trouble assimilating into a different European country than his own because the values and history are basically the same and status isn't so important or worlds apart. If you are a European you have come from a state where corruption is punished, the judiciary is fair, religion doesn't play a great role anymore, you have a sense of fairness and equality and feel no need to humble yourself to those in power and you have a respect for logic and science, these things which are a part of your character sets you apart, makes you almost eccentric. Many years ago when my Thai stepdaughters were children, the oldest asked her mother, "why does he do that", I was reading a book. In the end I had to teach her to read Thai because her poor reading skills made her fall behind at school, today she has a university degree in business. The youngest step daughter also had to endure me as a Thai teacher, tears on her part and patience on mine. My Thai / British son, will be 17 this year and speaks such good English that the English teacher lets him take over the teaching, this was due to the many hours that I spent with him teaching him to read it, the lowest marks he gets in school are for the Thai language. Despite having an Englishman as a father he is Thai but I can see there is a European flavour about him, a first rate student, logical, a disregard for religion or superstition and a preference for speaking English (he spends a lot of time playing online games with Europeans and Americans who live in Thailand, as an eight year old after playing games with Americans where a lot of talking was done he asked me, "Papa what does motherf.....r mean")

I have lived here nearly 20 years in a farming community and although I can speak, read and write Thai I have only friendly acquaintances, perhaps the Abbot of our Buddhist temple could be regarded as a friend but I'm 75 now, I feel no need for friendships, I have two dogs and 4 step grandchildren, that's enough. 

I know a lot of Thai men through my woman, when we go out we have a great time and they're very warm towards me. But I don't think any of them would consider hanging out with me on their own, it's just not not their style, granted the language is somewhat of a barrier but even the ones who speak really good English don't seem to have an interest in hanging out. It's not a socioeconomic issue, because these are successful Thais, so there are other issues at play here. 

[bob smith]

12 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

I know a lot of Thai men through my woman, when we go out we have a great time and they're very warm towards me. But I don't think any of them would consider hanging out with me on their own, it's just not not their style, granted the language is somewhat of a barrier but even the ones who speak really good English don't seem to have an interest in hanging out. It's not a socioeconomic issue, because these are successful Thais, so there are other issues at play here. 

Such as?

 

bob.

[grain]

In all my years in Thailand the only Thai males I've really liked and gotten along well with are the musicians. Those guys don't have the usual anti-farang bias found in most Thai men, as the Thai musos greatly admire farang musicians and musical genres. In general I've found them to be very friendly guys and we have a common interest in music, whereas I have zero in common with the rest of Thai males. 

[AustinRacing]

Befriending a female has the potential to yield benefits for a straight male. 

[soalbundy]

Just now, spidermike007 said:

I know a lot of Thai men through my woman, when we go out we have a great time and they're very warm towards me. But I don't think any of them would consider hanging out with me on their own, it's just not not their style, granted the language is somewhat of a barrier but even the ones who speak really good English don't seem to have an interest in hanging out. It's not a socioeconomic issue, because these are successful Thais, so there are other issues at play here. 

As I mentioned, socioeconomic isn't just to do with money, it's the flavour of your background which gives you a different, hard to specify, status (not always) or a certain eccentricity, your experiences while growing up are alien to theirs. Who pays for a meal if you dine together? normally the status higher will attempt to pay, even if it's only a gesture and everybody pays their own tab, in your presence people would be unsure about this important matter, should they over trump you (an insult) or defer to you but then again perhaps you would ignore this play of etiquette which could make Thais uncomfortable. Of course at a cafe or bar this wouldn't be a problem. Having to speak English with you can also make a Thai uncomfortable, they could lose face in front of other Thais if their English isn't good enough.

In Munich I sat in a meeting of 5 German managers and 3 Thais from an import firm in Bangkok so the meeting had to be held in English. The Thais were unsure if the car headlamps could be imported with the light bulbs fitted which would cause higher import tax in Thailand, the Thai managers pronunciation of 'bulb' was so distorted that I as an Englishman didn't understand him so I asked diplomatically the Germans in German what the Thai was talking about as they (the German managers) all seemed to be nodding in agreement, turned out they didn't know either. At that time I didn't speak any Thai so I asked the Thai manager what he meant with 'bowl', he drew a quick sketch, "Oh bulb", "Meine Herren er meint Birne". This turned out to be important, the Germans were blushing but grinning self deprecatingly, but the Thai manager was dying with embarrassment, he was so agitated that the meeting was broken up until the afternoon. Silly things can mean a lot.

[CM Dad]

I have lived in Thailand for more than 30 years.  I also am able to speak Thai fairly well since I made an effort to learn the language because I wanted to live here long term.  My best friends, both male and female, are all Thai.  If you want to have a friend anywhere in the world, you have to first make an effort to be a friend.  I know many non-Thai men and women, but would only consider about a half a dozen of them friends.  They are simply acquaintances.   

[Gecko123]

45 minutes ago, bob smith said:

Such as?

 

bob.

I would list the following factors which can frustrate efforts to form friendships with Thai males:

 

1. premature death due to alcohol, drug, tobacco use

2.automobile and motorcycle accidents 

3. incarceration

4. occupationally related death and disability

5. migrant employment which necessitates extended absences from home

6. divorce (almost always one divorcing partner leaves the area, more often than not it's the man)

7. language barriers

8. work schedule not conducive to socializing

 

Factors which can frustrate efforts to form friendships with other foreigners:

 

1. cultural differences between English speaking expats

2. divorce (99.9% of time the foreigner leaves the area when living upcountry)

3. premature death due to alcohol, drug, tobacco use

4. automobile and motorcycle accidents

5. snowbirds who visit Thailand at unpredictable intervals

6. language barriers (between native and non-native English speakers) 

 

 

[Stevemercer]

18 hours ago, Northstar1 said:

Thai male’s simply don’t want anything to do with falang. Unless it has to do with a beating. Polar opposite in Vietnam, they call me over to sit with them and offer me food and drink.

 

I'm not sure this is the case, particularly in rural Thailand. Go to a karaoke joint or Mor Lam for a bit of dancing, and Thais will be lining up to buy you a beer. (The women will be lining up for you to buy them a beer) I'm sure they would do the same if you sing, play a musical instrument, have some other talent or make an effort to be inclusive. I find Thai men are not at all uptight about a farang chatting up women (unless it is their wife) because there are plenty to go around.

 

I have a few male friends I cycle with or ride motorbikes with. Having said that, I don't really have any close friends (Thai or western).

[Wrwest]

None. Here pushing 13 years.

[Goat]

8 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I have never met a society of men, who are less interested, less curious about, and less willing to get to know foreigners, than I have here in Thailand

You cant speak Thai.

Do you want them to learn American just to speak to you.

People who are too lazy to learn the language shouldnt expect to hve any real friends.

It is impossible. Your fault, not theirs.

[Pdavies99]

In general I agree with you, however when i lived in a village near Nong Khai, one day I was in the Local village shack / shop, there was a group of about 4 older thais sitting there, I said hello, bought them a refill beer each, of course they were surprised and askd me to join them. Since them whenever I drop in, a beer and chair is awaiting me!

 

I then noticed many people acknowledging me in the village, just a Wai and nod of the head, but I felt that small gesture had now accepted me in the village.

[JimTripper]

2 hours ago, grain said:

In all my years in Thailand the only Thai males I've really liked and gotten along well with are the musicians. Those guys don't have the usual anti-farang bias found in most Thai men, as the Thai musos greatly admire farang musicians and musical genres. In general I've found them to be very friendly guys and we have a common interest in music, whereas I have zero in common with the rest of Thai males. 

I would agree with that. When I lived in Chiang Mai there was a Thai neighbor who played guitar, who hung around, but rarely, and was unusually open to everybody. He also played at the soiree we had that had a lot of foreigners present.

 

So musicians, bohemians, guys into the marijuana scene, or tattoo's, or big bikes, also guys into leathercraft, arts and also some specific music scene that you resonate with like metal, rock or whatever all seem more open to interacting on an equal basis.

 

Guys with those kinds of strong interests and character seem to be rarely found in Thailand, however. It seems like they are oddballs out in a way and not the norm.

Edited March 18 by JimTripper