Familiarity breeds contempt?

[Thingamabob]

Maybe you are just not likeable. It appears from what you say nobody wants to see you again following your initial visit.

[bob smith]

20 minutes ago, john donson said:

another narcissist that thinks the world evolves around him

takes on to know one!

 

bob.

[kingstonkid]

6 hours ago, bob smith said:

I've started to notice a pattern emerging.

 

I usually go out to eat and drink quite a lot in various places around Thailand.

Whenever I go somewhere new for the first time they are always all smiles, greeting me and lavishing me with their service.

 

However, I have noticed that once I return to the same establishment and they recognize my face the servers arent nearly as friendly.

Now if i get chatting with them and I have had a few I will sometimes let my guard down and start speaking with them in Thai.

This is when things become critical.

They either warm to this, or as is in the case of the woman the other day - they get offended by it.

 

I am a pretty well dressed guy and I usually dine alone.

So naturally the girls/waitresses want to get to know me a bit more.

sometimes they even sit at my table. they ask questions like ‘how long you stay here?’ ‘you have thai girlfriend?’..

sometimes I give them a cover story, depending on how I gauge the atmosphere in the place (are they scammy, etc)

but other times I let my guard down and tell all.

 

I have definitely noticed a pattern emerging:

The places were I play the dumb farang on holiday welcome me with open arms every time,

the places that know the real me start to become more aloof and even (i think) dislike me after my 4 or 5th visit.

The truth is, I am a wealthy farang who has done good here,

I think many of them don’t like that and are envious of me.

or is it just a classic case of familiarity breeding contempt? 

do I just need to find a new place to eat?

 

This has happened on multiple occasions in different parts of the country.

I decided to start this a while back as kind of a social experiment.

What I found was the dumb farang fresh off the boat gets more respect and better service than the average Thai speaking expat does.

 

Make of that what you will.

 

bob.

That's because when you go for the first time they don't know you.

 

Then they get to know you.

[Surasak]

6 hours ago, bob smith said:

how does one act like an entitled jerk by just walking into a restaurant?

 

is it the body language? dress sense?

or can they smell it on me?

 

bob.

At your time of life, who knows? Could be all three!

[richard_smith237]

1 minute ago, kingstonkid said:

That's because when you go for the first time they don't know you.

 

Then they get to know you.

 

Its astonishing that Bob is completely oblivious to something so obvious....  

 

... but when evidence of such obliviousness to those in his immediate environment is provided in almost every thread he posts, then the reasons for the issue faced are not only obvious, but can be expected. 

[bob smith]

7 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Its astonishing that Bob is completely oblivious to something so obvious....  

 

... but when evidence of such obliviousness to those in his immediate environment is provided in almost every thread he posts, then the reasons for the issue faced are not only obvious, but can be expected. 

What happened to you, Richard?

 

you used to be alright..

 

bob.

[richard_smith237]

2 hours ago, bob smith said:

What happened to you, Richard?

 

you used to be alright..

 

bob.

 

I think its a case of 'familiarity breeding contempt'.....   

 

.... in this case there is a growing level of contempt for the pathetic content of your threads... 

 

Its a shame for you that you post in a 'laugh at' and not a 'laugh with' manner.....   

 

....in playing the village idiot you have become the village idiot - its rather sad but I really do hope its just a forum facade and that in person you are far more mentally sound that you appear. 

 

 

[bob smith]

16 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

I think its a case of 'familiarity breeding contempt'.....   

 

.... in this case there is a growing level of contempt for the pathetic content of your threads... 

 

Its a shame for you that you post in a 'laugh at' and not a 'laugh with' manner.....   

 

....in playing the village idiot you have become the village idiot - its rather sad but I really do hope its just a forum facade and that in person you are far more mentally sound that you appear. 

 

 

you have upset me, richard.

 

I hope you are happy about that.

 

bob.

[fittobethaied]

I think the answer is simple. The green newbie is an easy target for their scams and tricks. They are all looking to gain something from you. If they know you've been here awhile, then they know you're not an easy target and probably a waste of their energy. Don't ever think it's more complicated than that! Always expect to be "had" and you'll be okay!

[emptypockets]

10 hours ago, bob smith said:

I've started to notice a pattern emerging.

 

I usually go out to eat and drink quite a lot in various places around Thailand.

Whenever I go somewhere new for the first time they are always all smiles, greeting me and lavishing me with their service.

 

However, I have noticed that once I return to the same establishment and they recognize my face the servers arent nearly as friendly.

Now if i get chatting with them and I have had a few I will sometimes let my guard down and start speaking with them in Thai.

This is when things become critical.

They either warm to this, or as is in the case of the woman the other day - they get offended by it.

 

I am a pretty well dressed guy and I usually dine alone.

So naturally the girls/waitresses want to get to know me a bit more.

sometimes they even sit at my table. they ask questions like ‘how long you stay here?’ ‘you have thai girlfriend?’..

sometimes I give them a cover story, depending on how I gauge the atmosphere in the place (are they scammy, etc)

but other times I let my guard down and tell all.

 

I have definitely noticed a pattern emerging:

The places were I play the dumb farang on holiday welcome me with open arms every time,

the places that know the real me start to become more aloof and even (i think) dislike me after my 4 or 5th visit.

The truth is, I am a wealthy farang who has done good here,

I think many of them don’t like that and are envious of me.

or is it just a classic case of familiarity breeding contempt? 

do I just need to find a new place to eat?

 

This has happened on multiple occasions in different parts of the country.

I decided to start this a while back as kind of a social experiment.

What I found was the dumb farang fresh off the boat gets more respect and better service than the average Thai speaking expat does.

 

Make of that what you will.

 

bob.

Maybe they don't like drink and drive people?

[save the frogs]

10 hours ago, Dolf said:

No I'm a decent person. Speak for yourself.

everyone, in their own minds, thinks they're a decent person.

 

but many people have sth known in psychology circles as "cognitive dissonance". 

 

[ChrisKC]

The "familiarity breeds contempt" seems to follow you around.

 

I never experience social conflict whether I am in familiar surroundings or otherwise or in any country I have ever visited,

 

Lived here for 21 years and inside Thai culture and enjoying the "familarity" with both Thai women and men whoever I meet.

 

I know they like and approve of me - they tell my Thai wife that helps her feel proud of me.

 

What are you actually doing and saying to people to make them behave that way towards you.

 

It would help all of us understand what really happened at the store the other day when they "allegedly" told you to not talk Thai and go away. I see that as a bizarre response to an existing customer without some kind of ?provocation? Were you drunk for example?

 

Tell us the bit you are leaving out!

[Scouse123]

I have seen and witnessed the same behaviour as the OP about service in bars and eateries.

 

I certainly think it is a familiarity and contempt issue, as in the thinking of, he comes anyway, we don't need to exert ourselves.

[still kicking]

13 hours ago, Dolf said:

It is just trash Bob. Nobody believes your stories.

And yours.

[Ben Zioner]

13 hours ago, bob smith said:

So naturally the girls/waitresses want to get to know me a bit more.

sometimes they even sit at my table.

Unless the "wealthy Farang" dines in seedy beer bars, this has never happened. I dine a lot in mid range places like Wine Connection, Monsoon, Fuji or Laem Charoeng and you can take my word that in these places any waitress  venturing into sitting down with a lone customer would be shown the door before shift end.

[georgegeorgia]

12 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

Unless the "wealthy Farang" dines in seedy beer bars, this has never happened. I dine a lot in mid range places like Wine Connection, Monsoon, Fuji or Laem Charoeng and you can take my word that in these places any waitress  venturing into sitting down with a lone customer would be shown the door before shift end.

You Mr Zioner at 72 have had a interesting life 

 

I was wondering recently why you didn't join the Israeli special forces after fighting in Egypt but they maybe personal reasons 

 

Some people like yourself should talk about the past and educate us that don't know about every subject you know about 

 

I have no interest much in overseas wars but having studied the Israeli combat of Krav Maga I met a few Jewish people and have interesting conversations about different matters , 

 

I have been reading the Psychometrics of Air particularly focused around the sub Titan which sank last year .

 

 

 

Edited March 21 by georgegeorgia

[Ben Zioner]

1 hour ago, georgegeorgia said:

I have been reading the Psychometrics of Air particularly focused around the sub Titan which sank last year .

You infer it snak because of some claustrophobic Thai sailor, who wanted to sleep with the windows open. Almost typed open widows.. But that's my ADHD, which isn't good for combat duties either. But can be helpful for quick appraisal of situations.

[Kalasin Jo]

14 hours ago, bob smith said:

What I found was the dumb farang fresh off the boat gets more respect and better service than the average Thai speaking expat does.

Do you tip Bob? And if you do, do you do so lavishly or parsimoniously?  Do you tip as a matter of course every time, just for exceptional service and food or never.  Think that has alot to do with it. Foreigners "naive and fresh of the boat" are perceived here to be rich and expected to tip, and by Thai standards, lavishly. I've found that Thais themselves do not usually tip although if you are picking up the tab for them will most certainly and strongly urge you to 555.

 

Tipping someone for a service they are obliged to provide is a very cultural thing and often based on the argument that these people are working long hours for very low pay. Decades ago as a student I worked as a waiter in a family owned ( real Italians from Naples) and run pizzeria. The pay was abysmal, the hours were indeed long and so the tips were essential and mine to keep.

 

In the USA it's a must every time even as a " regular" customer last time I was there and you will be told so in that direct American way if you don't. In many European countries it isn't, except for very exceptional service. In France you might, but it's not obligatory, leave some small pocket change. It's not an insult to do that or leave nothing, although if you are obviously a tourist and not French in the  high value tourist spots you will probably receive a haughty sniff of disdain. In the UK these days and probably  the same in the USA it is often automatically added to the bill and expressly stated it's up to you (to dare) to remove it....passive aggressive or what?!

 

To generalise it seems to me that returning customers, tippers or not, should be warmly welcomed every time. It means they like the place ( unless they have no other choice), the service and the food, may pull in other customers ( nobody is attracted to an empty or almost empty restaurant) are spending their money there and likely to recommend to friends and visitors as well as posting positively on social media. But this is not a business model that your average small business Thai understands, boss or employee.

 

[Lemsta69]

I've noticed this too and yes it probably is contempt (or apathy) born of familiarity. Then again, I feel the same way about a lot of the wait staff at my regular watering holes; I wish they'd bloody up and leave so a prettier, friendlier one can take their place. 

[Mark Nothing]

The answer you are looking for is one you likely don't want to hear, as it will burst your bubble.

 

This contempt you experience is due to you not abiding by the pecking order system which is the essence of their culture.  Everything revolves around this.  They expect you to follow this system if you are a resident, but 2 week tourists get a free pass.  When you don't, contempt is the inevitable result.

 

And foreigners don't have a slot in the pecking order so by default you are inferior to every single person in thailand.  And they expect you to act accordingly.  It doesn't leave much wiggle room for those with self esteem.

 

 

[MrPancake]

On 3/21/2024 at 7:39 AM, bob smith said:

However, I have noticed that once I return to the same establishment and they recognize my face the servers arent nearly as friendly.

 

Thai people have a culture of submission and hypocrisy.

Might be about time to realize that simple fact.

Nobody gives a shùt about you in SE Asia.

People are too busy surviving the abuses of the local elites.