Let's start with this: I have no kids, and I don't want kids.

My gf had no kids when I met her, and it is very unlikely that I would want to have a gf with kids.

 

Having said that, there might be some nice girls out there who have kids. And if we would consider a relationship with a girl with kids, then I guess at some stage we have to meet those kids.

Would you try to meet them ASAP, or avoid them as long as possible, or what?

 

I ask because a 27-year-old girl from the family of my gf now meets her new farang boyfriend, and she has her 2-year-old baby/kid with her. According to her, he wanted to meet the baby.

Is that normal? Should it be or is it likely concerning if a guy wants to meet a little kid like that?

Personally, I would avoid that as much as possible. But maybe that's only me.

I guess my view is a little tinted, because most of my friends don't have kids and don't want kids.

 

This is not about your own kids. I understand that parents love their own kids and all that.

 

Have 3 that I know of.

 

2 mine, 1 the misso.

 

Mine are grown and have wives/kids of their own, the Misso one is 8yrs old.

 

want for more = zero.

well........ 1. we're all different   2.  and different ages ( are you now 20,  or 40,  or 60 ) 

 3. views,  circumstances change .  just look around how many ecstatic love stories turned sour .   

Having a kid or kids is probably the biggest negative when it comes to breakups.  Complicates everything A LOT  

On the other hand..... my daughter, when in her 20's wasn't really interested in having children. Now she has 2 and she is crazy about them .   I was happy to have one .  The marriage didn't last ( but longer than Brad and Angelinas  🙂 ...... but in my older years now I wish I had 5 kids , and grandkids,  with many of them living nearby .  

 

As to meeting the child .  I can see why its a good idea .  Just like meeting the "family" , you can tell a lot from observing the behaviour of all that will be involved .

 

just as a note :  i had a gf with a 10 year old boy who was so nice .   it was easy for me to love the kid .   But i did not want to stay with the mother ( together 3 years) .  Easier to break things off if not your child .   And..... the question of getting married or not has not been asked by OMF .    My answer to that would be OMG ,  don't do it if not 100% necessary .     Marriage, and children are long time commitments which sometimes make life great ........... or backfire miserably .     As Clint would say " you feelin' lucky ? "

15 minutes ago, rumak said:

And..... the question of getting married or not has not been asked by OMF .    My answer to that would be OMG ,  don't do it if not 100% necessary .     Marriage, and children are long time commitments which sometimes make life great ........... or backfire miserably .     As Clint would say " you feelin' lucky ? "

 

I live since many years together with my gf. No marriage, no children. That's the way I like it.

 

And thanks for the rest of your comment.

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

I live since many years together with my gf. No marriage, no children. That's the way I like it.

 

And thanks for the rest of your comment.

 

 

no marriage, no children  is  a very good way .   

 

knowing your age would be interesting to me ( but up to you )

Having a fulfilling life that carries on into your 60's and 70's is a challenge,

and children, extended family can help ( IF  they are a blessing,  not a curse  55)

 

 

 

 

57 minutes ago, rumak said:

no marriage, no children  is  a very good way .   

 

knowing your age would be interesting to me ( but up to you )

Having a fulfilling life that carries on into your 60's and 70's is a challenge,

and children, extended family can help ( IF  they are a blessing,  not a curse  55)

 

Still under 60, and still working.

But don't tell anybody. 😉 

Ive been very clear from day one dating in Thailand, must have a Uni degree, she has no kids, Must have a job and works a 5 day week....and there has never been a shortage of suitable applicants.

 

Some guys will be happy to jump right in with a new family or make one, not me, seen what her kids can do to a relationship, then it goes to another level in this country, my TGF when we meet said she wanted kids and marriage, after I checked her out for a month or two told her no kids as I have had a vasectomy and chances of being correct are slim as for marriage Thai/Buddist wedding sure no legal, said if she considers it a deal breaker then good lucky for the future...she still mentions going to see doctor from time to time I smile and look into he middle distance and that wedding...well something is always coming up...

I feel so boring compared to some of you.

 

I always wanted kids. I was a strange duck, only child born in the late 50's, of an either weirder only child mother born in 1930.

 

Back then it was almost unheard of, and we are an Hispanic family, double weird.

 

So, I ended up with three kids, daughter's from my first marriage and a son from my Thai marriage.

 

Now all of them are in their 20's and 30's, so it's not like your 35 year old kid has to deal with 60+ Dad suddenly announcing he has had a baby!

 

All my kids live in the US, eldest daughter  and Thai son son live a few blocks away in Denver. Single Auntie is very useful for Daycare

 

Now could I have taken on a woman with kids in tow?

 

I'd like to think I would have raised above those animalistic feelings of rejection of someone else's offspring, but a lot of guys don't, especially if biological dad is around.

 

Not a problem I ever had to deal with.

 

Now my primary focus is the Grandkids, load them with sugar and games, then say to Mon and Dad... "All Yours Now"

On 9/8/2024 at 10:47 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Is that normal? Should it be or is it likely concerning if a guy wants to meet a little kid like that?

He'd want to know if the kid is a brat. I almost had a Thai GF with a child, but the child was a delight to have around. That isn't usually the case. Almost all kids I meet are not the sort I'd want to be a parent to. Tried that once to my misfortune, and never went in that direction again. My Thai nephew was a horrible person, and any time I was in the house with him was unpleasant.

13 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Now my primary focus is the Grandkids, load them with sugar and games, then say to Mon and Dad... "All Yours Now"

Load them with sugar, Right, set them on the path to diabetes.

11 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

I'd like to think I would have raised above those animalistic feelings of rejection of someone else's offspring, but a lot of guys don't, especially if biological dad is around.

 

Thanks for your post.

In my case I have no animalistic feelings of rejection of someone else's offspring. But I don't like it when children scream, run around, and demand this and that. I read somewhere that most people, at least most men, don't like screaming kids - except if the kids are their own kids, then the screams are suddenly a sign of happiness or joyful playing or something like that. I don't know.

 

If you like kids and are happy with kids that's great.

16 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

I'd like to think I would have raised above those animalistic feelings of rejection of someone else's offspring, but a lot of guys don't, especially if biological dad is around.

The two I inherited with her had a living father, but he never came near, and neither did he support them- I was expected to do that.

However, he was an abusive drunk and those kids were really messed up when I met them. Biggest mistake I ever made- relationship was doomed from the start- too much bad emotion from me about them to succeed.

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

If you like kids and are happy with kids that's great.

If you like other fathers kids and are happy with other fathers kids that's great.

 

Fixed it for you.

 

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Load them with sugar, Right, set them on the path to diabetes.

I have diabetes now.

I can tell you, if anybody would have told me any time in my life that I should stop eating sweet things, otherwise I will get diabetes I would have ignored that person.

Let's enjoy life!

 

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

If you like other fathers kids and are happy with other fathers kids that's great.

 

Fixed it for you.

 

There was nothing to "fix".

I also see sometimes cute kids who behave. If I see those kids less than 5 minute at a time that's perfect.

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have diabetes now.

I can tell you, if anybody would have told me any time in my life that I should stop eating sweet things, otherwise I will get diabetes I would have ignored that person.

Let's enjoy life!

 

My mother died too soon due to diabetes, after losing her leg. Caused by her sweet tooth, which I inherited. I don't have diabetes now because I stopped eating sugar, which is a constant struggle. I loved it like an addict loves narcotics.

21 hours ago, rumak said:

and children, extended family can help ( IF  they are a blessing,  not a curse  55)

Going by my childhood I should have known not to get involved with a woman with kids. In my 30s I was anything BUT father material, and I did a terrible job with the two I got lumbered with. I did what had been done to me.

 

I'd learned enough by 60s to have done a better job, but never met a woman with kids I could tolerate that I wanted to marry.

55 no kids, never wanted kids and wife can not have. 

 

 

65 years old now, 3 kids back in the UK (now grown up), 1 Thai son in Bangkok (now 18), 2 step-daughters from ex #1 and 2 Thai nieces (well 1 died) from that ex's useless brother whom I also brought up.  So quite a handful and no wonder I'm now impoverished!! 🙂

I became a single parent to 4 kids aged 3 to 11.
Worked full-time and never had time or any inclination to have another relationship for some years.

I always assumed that if and when I started another relationship, any woman in her mid 30's would already have children, and I'd have to be as accepting of her offsprings as she would have mine. If they didn't have children, I'd be concerned as to why not.
I certainly didn't want to start a new family with a new partner, so aged 35 I made a conscious decision to have a vasectomy.

 

Over the following years I had a few relationships, all of whom had at least one child, sometimes two in tow.
It wasn't until my two eldest had grown up and left home that I had a serious relationship, two in fact, and became engaged to remarry.

One was killed in a vehicle accident, the other an inoperable brain tumour, and I came to the conclusion it just wasn't to be and became content to remain single.

I have 4 kids, 14 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.

 

When I took early retirement and moved to Thailand, women were the last thing on my mind.
I came for the warmer climate and cheaper cost of living.
Seeing men in their later years with much younger women, as much as 30 -40 years age gap in some cases and with a child between them, I thought was very selfish, as that male will never grow old enough to raise his offspring and leave the woman to raise that child alone.
By pure accident, I bumped into a Thai woman who spoke basic English, and we became friends, then slowly developed a relationship.
It was 6 months before I met her two son, who turned out to be the best behaved kids you could meet.
She had two sons aged 11 and 5 and sent her ex packing for cheating, when she was 3 months pregnant with her second child.
Never seen or heard from him since. The eldest son can't remember him, and the youngest never knew him.

 

By this time I'd realised how genuine, caring, considerate, attentive and hard-working for her family this woman was.
I asked her what she wanted from me, and her answer was companionship and loyalty.
We've been together for over 10 years, married for over 6 years, and she's a real gem.
Her kids are now 22 and 16, one at Uni and the other in his final year at school.

They've been a delight to raise, and although I'm not their Father, they're polite, respectful, and very appreciative of my involvement in their life.

I would have been proud to be their actual biological father.

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I'd learned enough by 60s to have done a better job, but never met a woman with kids I could tolerate that I wanted to marry.

 

As with all relationships, family interactions ............. there are soooo many variables that come into play .   ( and the person in the mirror is probably the most influencial one)

 

You write often that being alone is not fun .  I'm sorry for that .  Luckily my last try at

living together has worked out well ( just in time for my old age  LOL )

But,  my daughter who i am very close with lives in Canada... with hubby and 2 cute kids.

Here in Thailand ....... just me and ms. rumak .    A few others would be nice.

2 hours ago, Liquorice said:

When I took early retirement and moved to Thailand, women were the last thing on my mind.
I came for the warmer climate and cheaper cost of living.

 

 

Did you forget the temples?

 

 

41 minutes ago, rumak said:

 

As with all relationships, family interactions ............. there are soooo many variables that come into play .   ( and the person in the mirror is probably the most influencial one)

 

You write often that being alone is not fun .  I'm sorry for that .  Luckily my last try at

living together has worked out well ( just in time for my old age  LOL )

But,  my daughter who i am very close with lives in Canada... with hubby and 2 cute kids.

Here in Thailand ....... just me and ms. rumak .    A few others would be nice.

Be grateful that you still have one person in your life that cares about you.

 

Relationships are two edged swords. On the one hand when they are good they are great, but when they are not they are hell.

 

Looking back, I think my marriage would have foundered whatever I did. When the family is against you, and the wife cares more about them than you, there isn't a lot that can be done apart from moving far away from the family and that wasn't an option for me. Still I suffered for at least a year longer than I should have. Beggar for punishment am I, or just clinging to false hope that she would magically improve?

1 hour ago, In Full Agreement said:

 

 

Did you forget the temples?

 

 

I'm an atheist and non-believer of Buddha.  
Although, the MIL thinks I am Buddha!