How to make friends ... on forums like this (parts 1-2-3 of 9)

[Old Curmudgeon]

 

Talking in person with some my fellow expats, long-stay expats, many say they feel sort of lonely.
Making friends with local ladies: easy.
But finding and making friends with other expats: not easy at all.

I aim to do something to fix that ... using the positive benefits of forums like this one.

 

Not going to go into the problems of forums.
That would go on forever.
Instead just jump right in with positive solutions.
How to make friends ... on a forum like this.

 

I am a full-time expat in Thailand 20+ years.
Over the years, made a some good friends on this forum.
Not a lot, but some.
And what is important is those were expats I would never have met any other way except here.

 

Here's how I did it, and so can you.

 

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

#1. Private Messaging

 

Don't try to have a decent conversation on the open forum.
Won't happen: lots of reasons.
Instead, do this:

When you see a post of interest to you, send a private message (PM) to that poster.
Sometimes called a direct message (DM).

All worthwhile conversations start in PMs.
None on the open, public forum.

Yes, there can be worthwhile posts down in the threads on the open forum, but they are overwhelmed by all the garbage posts.
And you will notice the more worthwhile an individual post is, the more garbage posts pile on.
Don't bother trying to rise above the garbage, just send PMs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

#2. Platform Migration

 

Move any PM conversation to email or LINE or Telegram or Signal, etc.
My experience is if the other person is NOT willing to move the conversation to email, LINE, etc., then they are not interested, not willing to talk with you.

If they won't go to email, LINE, etc., I simply say a polite goodbye.

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

#3. Email Security

 

Use "burner" emails, not your real, personal email.
Burner emails are free.
They protect against spam, doxers, and other predators.
In my experience, if someone is NOT willing to get and use a burner email, or some sort of private email service (such as Proton, Tutanota, Start Mail, Mailfence, Countermail), then that conversation is not worth continuing.
I simply say goodbye and move on.

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

To be continued.

This is part 1-3 of 9.  
Topics 4-5-6 will cover selective reading, ignore users and starting topics.
 

I welcome comments and critique.

 

[CharlieH]

Disagree with item 2.

 

Many will not for fear of falling victim to a scam of some sort, most are old enough and wise enough NOT to do that until they have established a better relationship right where they are and where they feel comfortable NOT where someone wants to lead them or redirect them away. IMHO

 

Item 3: 

 

For me an indeed this forum its an instant red flag when someone uses a disposable or burner email address.

Again smells of deceit, and not a way to begin. IMHO

[proton]

OP must have been busy, only been on here less than 2 months 

[LosLobo]

1 minute ago, proton said:

OP must have been busy, only been on here less than 2 months 

Maybe he is just using a 'burner' username.

[CharlieH]

4 minutes ago, proton said:

OP must have been busy, only been on here less than 2 months 

Under that ID  

 

OP, you can see already with just the immediate responses as to what peole do, they immediately checked your profile, is there any longevity there etc, its an immediate cautious reaction, and with the internet being what it is, rightly so. Ultimately its just words on a screen, and could literally be anyone anywhere and you have just become their entertainment. People are naturally suspicious and you wont change that, in fact you will heighten that doing what you have suggested.

[Ralf001]

Meeting and befriending expats on  forum.... yeah nah.

[BritManToo]

I've never had any problems making friends in Thailand, either on the forum or in person.

 

The biggest problem is them dying!

Most of us are elderly and we only have a short time left.

 

To make friends all you need to do is enjoy common activities together, hiking club, cycling club, eat at the same restaurant, drink at the same bar, and soon you'll have new friends.

 

No need to rush things, start by smiling and saying hello as you pass, eventually you'll progress to a chat and seeing if you have things in common.

 

I've even met up on holiday a couple of time with guys that shared pms with me on this forum.

 

Then there's about 20 Thai retirees that I meet every day while out cycling, not really friends as we have no language in common, but we wave, smile and shout 'hello' when we pass, or have coffee at the same shop.

 

If you want friends it's really up to you to get out there and make the effort!

[Hummin]

Making friends in Thailand is best done where you feel "home", doing activities. 

 

If playing pool, dart or golf, thats your "home", then you have fitness, motorbiking/touring, bicycle, chess, gaming, diving, climbing kayaking, sup, or just go and find your breakfest club, you see them every morning to afternoon drinking beer and solving latest world problems on a high level 😉 

[Old Curmudgeon]

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Making friends in Thailand is best done where you feel "home", doing activities. 

 

If playing pool, dart or golf, thats your "home", then you have fitness, motorbiking/touring, bicycle, chess, gaming, diving, climbing kayaking, sup, or just go and find your breakfest club,

 

Well, thanks anyway, @Hummin, for that thoughtful post, but this thread is NOT about making friends by going kayaking. 

This thread is about making friends via this forum.

[Old Curmudgeon]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've even met up on holiday a couple of time with guys that shared pms with me on this forum.

 

Exactly. 

 

Thanks @BritManToo for that comment.

[KhunLA]

Good Luck with that, as not many on here I'd invite to the house.  I'll leave it at that 

 

Though guessing in public, they're not nearly the, persona, they exhibit on the forum, or one would hope 🙄

[Old Curmudgeon]

51 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

For me an indeed this forum its an instant red flag when someone uses a disposable or burner email address.

 

I appreciate critique.  Thank you @CharlieH

 

For myself, I ONLY use burner emails when dealing with strangers on the Internet.

[Old Curmudgeon]

49 minutes ago, LosLobo said:

Maybe he is just using a 'burner' username.

 

Good idea, @LosLobo.

 

Never thought of it like that: "burner username".

I like it.

Useful security tactic for the risks of today's Internet.

[Hummin]

5 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

 

Well, thanks anyway, @Hummin, for that thoughtful post, but this thread is NOT about making friends by going kayaking. 

This thread is about making friends via this forum.

Well, how could I miss that? Sorry for giving you my best advise. 

 

Very few sane people makes friends online on internet forums, unless you are not a weirdo or reckless. 

 

By posting over time, you might see someone who you would like to have a drink with an random place somewhere if you are traveling, but from the neighborhood? 

 

Good luck Sir

[Hummin]

8 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Good Luck with that, as not many on here I'd invite to the house.  I'll leave it at that 

 

Though guessing in public, they're not nearly the, persona, they exhibit on the forum, or one would hope 🙄

I would meet you in prachuap or Hua Hin for a drink if you where up for it 😉 

 

Several here, I could have a drink with passing by, but seriously, making friends, doubt it

[Old Curmudgeon]

14 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

guessing in public, they're not nearly the, persona, they exhibit on the forum, or one would hope 🙄

 

That is exactly my experience, @KhunLA.

Not, "not nearly."

Not at all, really!

[Old Curmudgeon]

12 minutes ago, Hummin said:

I would meet you in prachuap or Hua Hin for a drink if you where up for it 😉 

 

Kind offer: thanks @Hummin, but you "missed" another one.

 

You sound like an interesting and intelligent person, but I wish you had read the opening post more carefully before posting a reply.

In your defense, most posters, on most forums, do not read carefully before posting, they just see a few words and then "riff" on that.

[JimTripper]

A lot of people move around so frequently it may be a very casual meeting anyhow. The same as you would get just going to a cafe and sitting among strangers.

 

I noticed this problem early on after being here a few years. Relationships felt superficial, like just drinking buddies or someone you would meet on a train ride with relatively shallow conversation. Not really friendships like I would have back in the USA.

 

The visa system (and other things ) pushes people to constantly move around so they never really dig in.

[Old Curmudgeon]

3 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

... people to constantly move around so they never really dig in.

 

Thanks @JimTripper for that observation.

 

I've been "dug in" here for over 20 years.

And what I've seen agrees with your comments above.

That's why I think it useful to have ways to make new friends.

[Old Curmudgeon]

 

I appreciate posters above who quickly helped make this into a "hot topic".

And 150 views in just the first hour !

I had no idea this would be such a popular topic.

Okay, I'll get to work on parts 4-5-6.

 

[Hummin]

9 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

 

Kind offer: thanks @Hummin, but you "missed" another one.

 

You sound like an interesting and intelligent person, but I wish you had read the opening post more carefully before posting a reply.

In your defense, most posters, on most forums, do not read carefully before posting, they just see a few words and then "riff" on that.

It was an example where KhunLa who I have seen on the forum for years, could possibly be one I would have a drink with, but he might not feel the same for me. 

 

 

 

 

[Gottfrid]

1 hour ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

#3. Email Security

 

Use "burner" emails, not your real, personal email.
Burner emails are free.
They protect against spam, doxers, and other predators.
In my experience, if someone is NOT willing to get and use a burner email, or some sort of private email service (such as Proton, Tutanota, Start Mail, Mailfence, Countermail), then that conversation is not worth continuing.
I simply say goodbye and move on.

Hey Dude! What SCAM are you connected too? 😂

[Gottfrid]

6 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

 

I appreciate posters above who quickly helped make this into a "hot topic".

And 150 views in just the first hour !

I had no idea this would be such a popular topic.

Okay, I'll get to work on parts 4-5-6.

 

Have you read the comment, or are you just counting. Hope you weren´t an accountant before. 😂

[Gottfrid]

18 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

In your defense, most posters, on most forums, do not read carefully before posting, they just see a few words and then "riff" on that.

Ok, yeah! That was like the post I quoted above, right?

[Old Curmudgeon]

Okay, this topic is just about into page 2.

(or maybe actually in page 2 when I post this.)

 

So now the quality and relevance of the posts will begin a steep decline.

That's the way it is.

The easy solution to that is in the original post.

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

 

Talking in person with some my fellow expats, long-stay expats, many say they feel sort of lonely.
Making friends with local ladies: easy.
But finding and making friends with other expats: not easy at all.

I aim to do something to fix that ... using the positive benefits of forums like this one.

 

Not going to go into the problems of forums.
That would go on forever.
Instead just jump right in with positive solutions.
How to make friends ... on a forum like this.

 

I am a full-time expat in Thailand 20+ years.
Over the years, made a some good friends on this forum.
Not a lot, but some.
And what is important is those were expats I would never have met any other way except here.

 

Here's how I did it, and so can you.

 

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

#1. Private Messaging

 

Don't try to have a decent conversation on the open forum.
Won't happen: lots of reasons.
Instead, do this:

When you see a post of interest to you, send a private message (PM) to that poster.
Sometimes called a direct message (DM).

All worthwhile conversations start in PMs.
None on the open, public forum.

Yes, there can be worthwhile posts down in the threads on the open forum, but they are overwhelmed by all the garbage posts.
And you will notice the more worthwhile an individual post is, the more garbage posts pile on.
Don't bother trying to rise above the garbage, just send PMs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

#2. Platform Migration

 

Move any PM conversation to email or LINE or Telegram or Signal, etc.
My experience is if the other person is NOT willing to move the conversation to email, LINE, etc., then they are not interested, not willing to talk with you.

If they won't go to email, LINE, etc., I simply say a polite goodbye.

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

#3. Email Security

 

Use "burner" emails, not your real, personal email.
Burner emails are free.
They protect against spam, doxers, and other predators.
In my experience, if someone is NOT willing to get and use a burner email, or some sort of private email service (such as Proton, Tutanota, Start Mail, Mailfence, Countermail), then that conversation is not worth continuing.
I simply say goodbye and move on.

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

To be continued.

This is part 1-3 of 9.  
Topics 4-5-6 will cover selective reading, ignore users and starting topics.
 

I welcome comments and critique.

 

No need to make friends here or any other media, I do that only in person.

[Gottfrid]

44 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

 

Well, thanks anyway, @Hummin, for that thoughtful post, but this thread is NOT about making friends by going kayaking. 

This thread is about making friends via this forum.

Ok, and why do you not think we are capable of doing that all by ourselves? Maybe we even have better ways than using a anonymous forum for personal contacts. That, like goes against each other, right?

I think you were an English teacher until about a month ago. Got the boot, and now you just can´t stop teaching.

[JimTripper]

19 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

Thanks @JimTripper for that observation.

 

I've been "dug in" here for over 20 years.

And what I've seen agrees with your comments above.

That's why I think it useful to have ways to make new friends.

Yes, if there are that kind of people here. Most people who like the kind of dinners and conversation you are interested in probably don't like Thailand much.

[FritsSikkink]

17 minutes ago, Old Curmudgeon said:

I had no idea this would be such a popular topic.

Okay, I'll get to work on parts 4-5-6.

 

18 replies, most of them negative doesn't make it popular, don't worry about the other 6 rules.

[Old Curmudgeon]

2 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

Yes, if there are that kind of people here. Most people who like the kind of dinners and conversation you are interested in probably don't like Thailand much.

 

Thanks again, @JimTripper for your (as usual) thoughtful comments.

Just wish you'd read the opening post more carefully.