Love or Lust? What Are Foreigners Looking for in Thailand’s Nightlife?

[JK-Trilly]

For foreigners dipping into Thailand’s nightlife, there’s a curious question of intent: Are most simply out there for short-term thrills, or are some genuinely seeking a life partner—even possibly marriage to a bar girl?

 

For many, the answer is obvious. The allure of casual, no-strings-attached fun with a beautiful Thai partner is a huge draw. A lot of punters aren’t looking for anything serious, a possible bed warmer during a business trip, some are also already married back home, while others are in it purely for the moment: the excitement, the laughter, and maybe a story or two to share later (or not).

 

That said, there’s also a well-established trend of foreigners over the last 40 years forming serious relationships with bar girls, with many even tying the knot. The dynamic is often complicated, not least because many Thai women working in the nightlife scene send financial support to their families, creating added pressures in any future potential relationship.

 

A 2020 study by Kasetsart University revealed that around 15% of foreign men marrying Thai women had initially met their partners in nightlife settings. Anecdotal evidence suggests this figure could be higher in tourist hotspots like Pattaya, Phuket, and Bangkok. For every serious connection that develops, however, there are countless others that fizzle out after a night, a week, or a month.

 

The motivations on both sides vary widely. Some foreigners arrive with romanticized notions of “rescuing” a bar girl from her circumstances, hoping to play the role of a savior. Others are drawn to the cultural authenticity and charm many Thai women exude. On the flip side, many bar girls are savvy professionals with clear goals, whether that’s financial security, a chance at a new life, or just a good time.

 

So, what’s the dominant story here? Are most foreigners in Thailand’s nightlife simply enjoying the fun and variety, or is there a larger group seeking something deeper, like marriage or long-term companionship? Are these unions quite common or does the scene still lean heavily toward casual connections over commitment?

[Hummin]

When I first came here, I didn't look for any relations with Thai women, but the more and longer I stayed, I was slowly dragged in to a few relationships with different thai girls working at tourist places.

 

Started to get tired of western back packer party girls, and a few who thought they where the queen at the beach/iskand destinations, who had a few boy friends lined up for their own  pleasures and of course created a few local soap stories 😁

 

Not all bad, but the truth is, some of the girls had high maintenance fee (they where all broke, or just stayed for short term), and I just got tired, and a few brown sweeties managed to catch me in their nets. When you first go asian? 

 

To my surprise, they where easy going, low maintenance and happy whatever we did or wherever we went. 

 

 

[connda]

Lust.

[novacova]

2 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Love or Lust? What Are Foreigners Looking for in Thailand’s Nightlife?

Booze and skank 

[1FinickyOne]

If thy are over 60 - whatever they can get,,, 

[BangkokReady]

Nightlife = lust.

 

/thread

[G_Money]

Lust

[Elkski]

A refreshing attitude of Thai women over 45 compared to  western  ones on the dating sites.   Minimal expectations and so much more fit and desirable forms.  Dark skin a plus.  Less body hair.  Sexually free and an open mind.  

[RSD1]

9 minutes ago, Elkski said:

A refreshing attitude of Thai women over 45 compared to  western  ones on the dating sites.   Minimal expectations and so much more fit and desirable forms.  Dark skin a plus.  Less body hair.  Sexually free and an open mind.  

Small caveat, the majority of men looking for women in Thailand aren't interested in the 45+ year old category. They are here because they are lusting after the younger, sexier ones. 

[georgegeorgia]

2 minutes ago, RSD1 said:

Small caveat, the majority of men looking for women in Thailand aren't interested in the 45+ year old category. They are here because they are lusting after the younger, sexier ones. 

Oh don't be ageist !

[OneMoreFarang]

Whatever the motivation was, it might change.

I know guys who wanted to find a wife. And then they decided that f@##$ around is what they like.

And others just want to have fun and no attachment. And then they meet this lovely girl. She is different, she is the one.

Whatever the plan is does not really matter when reality hits. 

Edited 1 hour ago by OneMoreFarang

[RSD1]

13 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Whatever the motivation was, it might change.

I know guys who wanted to find a wife. And then they decided that f@##$ around is what they like.

And others just want to have fun and no attachment. And then they meet this lovely girl. She is different, she is the one.

Whatever the plan is does not really matter when reality hits. 

You mean like they came to Thailand looking for a wife and ended up marrying a ladyboy instead?

[herfiehandbag]

1 hour ago, Elkski said:

A refreshing attitude of Thai women over 45 compared to  western  ones on the dating sites.   Minimal expectations and so much more fit and desirable forms.  Dark skin a plus.  Less body hair.  Sexually free and an open mind.  

And bang like a belt fed mortar!

[RSD1]

22 minutes ago, herfiehandbag said:

And bang like a belt fed mortar!

You must be a British military man. So what have you got special in your Herfie Handbag? Or is it just a couple of packs of cigarettes?

[herfiehandbag]

5 minutes ago, RSD1 said:

You must be a British military man. So what have you got special in your Herfie Handbag? Or is it just a couple of packs of cigarettes?

The Herfiehandbag was the slang term for a six pack of Herforder Pils beer - a popular brew in the part of Northern Germany in which the British Army of The Rhine (BAOR) was based. It came in a small yellow cardboard box, with a carrying handle - hence the name "Herfiehandbag'. 

 

We were the fittest alcoholics in NATO you know!

 

 

Edited 44 minutes ago by herfiehandbag

[RSD1]

10 minutes ago, herfiehandbag said:

The Herfiehandbag was the slang term for a six pack of Herforder Pils beer - a popular brew in the part of Northern Germany in which the British Army of The Rhine (BAOR) was based. It came in a small yellow cardboard box, with a carrying handle - hence the name "Herfiehandbag'. 

 

We were the fittest alcoholics in NATO you know!

Interesting about that German beer. I wonder if it was any good or perhaps just one of their crappy local piltz brews. 
 

The reference to banging like a belt fed mortar is very humorous, but obviously borrowed from British military speak. That's what tipped me off.
 

I also read that the term “Herfie handbag” is British military slang that refers humorously to a container or bag used by a soldier to carry personal items or snacks, particularly in a casual or non-standard way. In a broader context I also read that “Herfie” itself is slang for a cigarette break or social gathering, often during military downtime. 

[jori123]

dipping my wick

[RSD1]

19 minutes ago, herfiehandbag said:

The Herfiehandbag was the slang term for a six pack of Herforder Pils beer - a popular brew in the part of Northern Germany in which the British Army of The Rhine (BAOR) was based. It came in a small yellow cardboard box, with a carrying handle - hence the name "Herfiehandbag'. 

 

We were the fittest alcoholics in NATO you know!

 

 

I know I'm going off topic here, but the beer is still around and can even be bought online. I think it only comes in bigger bottles now and the old yellow cardboard packaging is no longer used. I read the following on a website that's selling the beer:

 

Herforder Pils is a golden, quite dry and hoppy pilsner, a firm favourite of the Army personnel who served in and around Herford in Germany. This Herforder pils though is not the small bottles in “yellow handbags” but the full 500ml size.