Welcome to Thailand: Where No One Can Drive and No One Gives a Flying Toss

[Lewie London]

You know what’s mad about driving in Thailand? Everyone drives like an absolute numpty on meth, right, but no one’s angry about, yeah. I’ve clocked it. I’ve cracked the code, lads. Everyone’s a muppet behind the wheel, they all know it, and they’ve all silently agreed to just crack on with it like it’s some kinda national sport. It’s beautiful chaos in motion, really. Total carnage, but polite carnage.
 

Bloke on a scooter, smoking a fag, with three kids stacked on, all in shorts, no helmets, two barefoot, one in flip-flops, texting with one hand, dog hangin’ off the back like a circus act, and no one bats an eyelid. You pull that rubbish in London, someone’s lobbing a mug of hot java at your windscreen before you can say “oi.”

 

I’m sittin’ there, stuck behind some geezer doin’ 12 kilometers an hour in the overtakin’ lane like he’s out for a Sunday mooch, and I’m waiting for someone to start honkin’, screamin’, flashin’ lights, nada’, bruv. The lot of ‘em just glide by like, “Yeah, mate, that’s just how we roll." It’s like drivin’ through a meditation retreat, but the meditation’s pure chaos, minus any brain synapses.

 

And they don’t signal. Not even once. Indicators in Thailand are purely ornamental, might as well hang some fairy lights off ‘em. Changing lanes? Just go. Someone’s already there? Who cares, long as you arse-in first, you got right of way. If you survive, well done, if not, mai pen rai, see you in the next life, innit. And still no one’s screamin’ abuse, cool as cucumbers. Back home, you so much as drift over the line and some new-monied lebo anoose from Essex is inventin’ new swear words just for you. Here? Not even a tut. Just acceptance. It’s like everyone’s too busy stayin’ alive to bother gettin’ angry.

 

I’ve seen geezers get cut off so bad you’d think they’d pull over and have a tear-up in the gutter. Nope. Not here. Thai drivers get cut off and just carry on like someone politely nicked their spot in the Big-C queue. “After you, mate. Fancy nearly killin’ me today, did ya? Lovely stuff.” It’s mental. Like bein’ stuck in Grand Theft Auto with the blood turned off.

 

I’m startin’ to respect it, in a weird way. They’ve all accepted they’re terrible at drivin’, everyone else is terrible at drivin’, so no one’s shocked anymore. It’s democracy. It’s harmony. It’s beautifully thick. Like a national agreement that “we’re all terrible, so let’s just crack on.” Honestly, it’s kinda poetic. If Britain had this attitude, there’d be no road rage, we’d all die earlier like the 20,000+ Thais on the roads do every year, but we’d die with a grin, a Chang and a seven-toastie in hand.

 

So that’s me conclusion: Thai roads ain’t roads, they’re crash-dummy test arenas. And the first rule of the arena is, don’t complain, just slam on the accelerator and breaks are optional.

[TedG]

I'm glad you're introducing a new topic to the forum.  

[it is what it is]

 

you'll be upset to hear that my thai gf is an excellent driver, she has five vehicles and drives all of them well. 

[HappyExpat57]

I always drive with cautious aggression, expecting any and all who can impede my progress or make for a dangerous situation WILL. I am rarely disappointed.

[madone]

What an inspiried topic.

 

not one for trite expat cliches, you.

 

[madone]

19 minutes ago, it is what it is said:

 

you'll be upset to hear that my thai gf is an excellent driver, she has five vehicles and drives all of them well. 

nice flex.

Im willing to be your hat is the only thing you lay 

[blaze master]

14 minutes ago, madone said:

nice flex.

Im willing to be your hat is the only thing you lay 

 

Ohhhhh you so bad.

[MalcolmB]

Great, another racist thread generalizing about all Thais.

90%+ of drivers are fine.

[EVENKEEL]

You're at a stop light. The light goes from green to red and the car in front hasn't moved till it hits red. Then you get to creep forward. This is when you time the green light and just drive around the long line to the front.

[IvorBiggun2]

5 hours ago, it is what it is said:

you'll be upset to hear that my thai gf is an excellent driver, she has five vehicles and drives all of them well.

 

At the same time.  😁

[Nicco]

6 hours ago, Lewie London said:

You know what’s mad about driving in Thailand? Everyone drives like an absolute numpty on meth, right, but no one’s angry about, yeah. I’ve clocked it. I’ve cracked the code, lads. Everyone’s a muppet behind the wheel, they all know it, and they’ve all silently agreed to just crack on with it like it’s some kinda national sport. It’s beautiful chaos in motion, really. Total carnage, but polite carnage.
 

Bloke on a scooter, smoking a fag, with three kids stacked on, all in shorts, no helmets, two barefoot, one in flip-flops, texting with one hand, dog hangin’ off the back like a circus act, and no one bats an eyelid. You pull that rubbish in London, someone’s lobbing a mug of hot java at your windscreen before you can say “oi.”

 

I’m sittin’ there, stuck behind some geezer doin’ 12 kilometers an hour in the overtakin’ lane like he’s out for a Sunday mooch, and I’m waiting for someone to start honkin’, screamin’, flashin’ lights, nada’, bruv. The lot of ‘em just glide by like, “Yeah, mate, that’s just how we roll." It’s like drivin’ through a meditation retreat, but the meditation’s pure chaos, minus any brain synapses.

 

And they don’t signal. Not even once. Indicators in Thailand are purely ornamental, might as well hang some fairy lights off ‘em. Changing lanes? Just go. Someone’s already there? Who cares, long as you arse-in first, you got right of way. If you survive, well done, if not, mai pen rai, see you in the next life, innit. And still no one’s screamin’ abuse, cool as cucumbers. Back home, you so much as drift over the line and some new-monied lebo anoose from Essex is inventin’ new swear words just for you. Here? Not even a tut. Just acceptance. It’s like everyone’s too busy stayin’ alive to bother gettin’ angry.

 

I’ve seen geezers get cut off so bad you’d think they’d pull over and have a tear-up in the gutter. Nope. Not here. Thai drivers get cut off and just carry on like someone politely nicked their spot in the Big-C queue. “After you, mate. Fancy nearly killin’ me today, did ya? Lovely stuff.” It’s mental. Like bein’ stuck in Grand Theft Auto with the blood turned off.

 

I’m startin’ to respect it, in a weird way. They’ve all accepted they’re terrible at drivin’, everyone else is terrible at drivin’, so no one’s shocked anymore. It’s democracy. It’s harmony. It’s beautifully thick. Like a national agreement that “we’re all terrible, so let’s just crack on.” Honestly, it’s kinda poetic. If Britain had this attitude, there’d be no road rage, we’d all die earlier like the 20,000+ Thais on the roads do every year, but we’d die with a grin, a Chang and a seven-toastie in hand.

 

So that’s me conclusion: Thai roads ain’t roads, they’re crash-dummy test arenas. And the first rule of the arena is, don’t complain, just slam on the accelerator and breaks are optional.

 

One of many reasons to live in Bangkok and utilize the clean, ac rail lines.

 

Then you only need worry about drivers when you are in zebra xings and on the foothpaths 😳

 

I've never understood why foreigners insist on driving here. Especially in BKK.

 

 

[Gsxrnz]

I don't notice it anymore, I must have acclimatized. 

 

But when I go back home, I'm a white knuckle driver - it's scary as $heet when you have to abide by all the rules. 

[roo860]

As a big bike rider and have covered thousands of kilometres in Thailand riding solo or with a group, I've found Thai drivers to be very courteous in the way they will pull over to the left to let you pass, especially on country roads, big trucks as well, always give them a 👋 of appreciation.

Obviously not every driver is like this, you wouldn't expect that whatever country you were in.

[Nicco]

My students used to say the reason the new plates are red is bc that's the color of blood

[Nicco]

5 hours ago, madone said:

What an inspiried topic.

 

not one for trite expat cliches, you.

 

 

It's long, detailed. Obviously upsetting to him. It's not as if they are in fact good drivers if you were honest.

 

I'm a pedestrian and threatened constantly

[novacova]

6 hours ago, Lewie London said:

You know what’s mad about driving in Thailand? Everyone drives like an absolute numpty on meth, right, but no one’s angry about, yeah. I’ve clocked it. I’ve cracked the code, lads. Everyone’s a muppet behind the wheel, they all know it, and they’ve all silently agreed to just crack on with it like it’s some kinda national sport. It’s beautiful chaos in motion, really. Total carnage, but polite carnage.
 

Bloke on a scooter, smoking a fag, with three kids stacked on, all in shorts, no helmets, two barefoot, one in flip-flops, texting with one hand, dog hangin’ off the back like a circus act, and no one bats an eyelid. You pull that rubbish in London, someone’s lobbing a mug of hot java at your windscreen before you can say “oi.”

 

I’m sittin’ there, stuck behind some geezer doin’ 12 kilometers an hour in the overtakin’ lane like he’s out for a Sunday mooch, and I’m waiting for someone to start honkin’, screamin’, flashin’ lights, nada’, bruv. The lot of ‘em just glide by like, “Yeah, mate, that’s just how we roll." It’s like drivin’ through a meditation retreat, but the meditation’s pure chaos, minus any brain synapses.

 

And they don’t signal. Not even once. Indicators in Thailand are purely ornamental, might as well hang some fairy lights off ‘em. Changing lanes? Just go. Someone’s already there? Who cares, long as you arse-in first, you got right of way. If you survive, well done, if not, mai pen rai, see you in the next life, innit. And still no one’s screamin’ abuse, cool as cucumbers. Back home, you so much as drift over the line and some new-monied lebo anoose from Essex is inventin’ new swear words just for you. Here? Not even a tut. Just acceptance. It’s like everyone’s too busy stayin’ alive to bother gettin’ angry.

 

I’ve seen geezers get cut off so bad you’d think they’d pull over and have a tear-up in the gutter. Nope. Not here. Thai drivers get cut off and just carry on like someone politely nicked their spot in the Big-C queue. “After you, mate. Fancy nearly killin’ me today, did ya? Lovely stuff.” It’s mental. Like bein’ stuck in Grand Theft Auto with the blood turned off.

 

I’m startin’ to respect it, in a weird way. They’ve all accepted they’re terrible at drivin’, everyone else is terrible at drivin’, so no one’s shocked anymore. It’s democracy. It’s harmony. It’s beautifully thick. Like a national agreement that “we’re all terrible, so let’s just crack on.” Honestly, it’s kinda poetic. If Britain had this attitude, there’d be no road rage, we’d all die earlier like the 20,000+ Thais on the roads do every year, but we’d die with a grin, a Chang and a seven-toastie in hand.

 

So that’s me conclusion: Thai roads ain’t roads, they’re crash-dummy test arenas. And the first rule of the arena is, don’t complain, just slam on the accelerator and breaks are optional.

Hey Bob, it seems like you’re getting the hang of it. Go with the flow or get flattened.

[Ralf001]

6 hours ago, Lewie London said:

You know what’s mad about driving in Thailand? Everyone drives like an absolute numpty on meth you 

 

 

Brilliant isnt it, love jumping in the car every morn to get amongst it on the motorway.

[GanDoonToonPet]

Thai drivers are simply the best in the world. That's a fact. If you feel differently you're simply wrong. Facts don't care about your feelings.

[Quentin Zen]

Just checked, there's plenty of room on the next flight.   

 

The Mirror headline:  "Brit and his mates get stampeded by a herd of elephants while at a zoo complaining about the elephants."

 

From the article, "Look here matie mate, no security for these elephants!!! crazy times here.  everyone crazy. zookeeper on meth...oh, look, here come the elephants!!!  Nobody cares."

At least he died doing something he loved.   complaining.  

 

 

[bkk6060]

Well, the statistics prove the fact they are some of the worst in the world.  And, that is if you are dumb enough to believe the watered down statistics.

Terrible, selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate drivers.

[FolkGuitar]

1 hour ago, MalcolmB said:

Great, another racist thread generalizing about all Thais.

90%+ of drivers are fine.

I don't think I agree with your 90% estimate, but I do agree that the number of good, safe drivers outnumber the bad ones... just not by that much.
It's just that the bad ones are so bloody egregious that we notice them more!

 

I wonder why the Thais don't teach their people how to drive?
It can't just be the Buddhist thing about reincarnation. Nobody want to send their kids out to die.

[fredwiggy]

37 minutes ago, FolkGuitar said:

I don't think I agree with your 90% estimate, but I do agree that the number of good, safe drivers outnumber the bad ones... just not by that much.
It's just that the bad ones are so bloody egregious that we notice them more!

 

I wonder why the Thais don't teach their people how to drive?
It can't just be the Buddhist thing about reincarnation. Nobody want to send their kids out to die.

It's all a matter of lucky timing. I never see anyone using mirrors, and pulling out in front of you happens all the time, including the other day when one on a scooter with side car did and I had nowhere to go but right into him. Near misses every single day I'm on the road, cutting you off on scooters when you're in a vehicle, weaving in and out of traffic.

 

Take a day while you're driving around, and just count the number of infractions you see. I did this one day on a 30 kilo drive to town, on a rural road from a farming area. I counted 34 infractions any cop in the west would have ticketed for, without knowing if anyone had a license or insurance. If there was care, everyone, especially the children, would be wearing helmets.

[Ralf001]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Well, the statistics prove the fact they are some of the worst in the world.  And, that is if you are dumb enough to believe the watered down statistics.

Terrible, selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate drivers.

Which Statistics?

 

[jimmybcool]

In my experience on the open road it isn't as bad as OP paints it.  Not as rigidly controlled by drivers who passed a German license test but mostly safe and adequate.

 

WHere I spend most o my time in Pattaya - OP is spot on.  I swear some of them are suicidal.  Or homicidal.  Whatever.  I am on edge when ever traveling within 30 k of Pattaya.  

 

I hear some of the middle eastern nations are much worse.

[Lacessit]

A course in defensive driving back in Oz has worked for me very well in Thailand.

 

My Thai mechanic has informed me I should watch out for new Audis, Mercs, and Beemers. Apparently most are owned by Chinese, who he rates as far worse drivers than Thais.

[MalcolmB]

26 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I never see anyone using mirrors, and pulling out in front of you happens all the time

Can you read the Thai road safety signs?

An accident waiting to happen driving around blind.

 

 

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, MalcolmB said:

Can you read the Thai road safety signs?

An accident waiting to happen driving around blind.

 

 

A good driver can drive any roads safely. Thailand has signs in English anyway, and most of them anyone can figure out whether they can read Thai or not. I've had 2 accidents here and both were 100% their fault. Both due to them pulling out in front of my from a side road without looking. What I said stands. Using your mirrors prevents accidents from happening.

[brewsterbudgen]

An excellent summary.  Driving in Thailand is an exciting experience, requiring considerable cultural awareness! 🤞🙏😎

[MalcolmB]

4 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

A good driver can drive any roads safely. Thailand has signs in English anyway, and most of them anyone can figure out whether they can read Thai or not. I've had 2 accidents here and both were 100% their fault. Both due to them pulling out in front of my from a side road without looking. What I said stands. Using your mirrors prevents accidents from happening.

So you are saying it is not necessary to read safety signs???

And you have had two accidents? 
 

9 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

A good driver can drive any roads safely.
 I've had 2 accidents here

 

 

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

So you are saying it is not necessary to read safety signs???

And you have had two accidents? 
 

 

Do you actually read what others write or just envision the words in your own way? Road signs here are copied from other countries in their basic meanings. Speed limits are posted, pictures of children crossing, road grades, no shoulders, etc etc.  If you do the posted speed, most of the accidents that happen can be avoided. If bad drivers weren't allowed on the roads, all of the accidents would never happen.