So lads, let’s just say me two veg ’ave been gettin’ a bit more randy stage time than usual lately, yeah. Nothin’ new, just the backstage crew workin’ overtime, bumping into a wee bit more bits than usual. 

 

Normally when I get them tiny white lumps full o’ trapped oil, they call ’em sebaceous cysts, no drama. Quick squeeze, and out pops somethin’ lookin’ suspiciously like bleedin’ cheese spread. Honest, if you ever wanted to ruin nachos for life, that’s the way.

 

But this time, I had a stubborn one, right diva. Bigger than usual, proper stroppy, refusin’ to perform, sittin’ there like it’s on strike demandin’ a new contract. When they get temperamental, usually a little syringe needle proddin’ does the trick. Jab ’n squeeze, job done, curtain call. But nah, this one just sat there in the stalls with its arms folded, judgin’ me like a VIP who knows he ain’t on the list but still won’t leave the club.

 

At some point I threw in the towel, gave the bloody battlefield a wipe down with a splash o’ alcohol, slapped a tiny plaster on it, and let nature sort it. Blood stopped sharpish, body clearly had better things to crack on with.

 

Fast forward to today, plaster falls off, and surprise surprise, me little lodger’s still camped out rent-free. This time though, I clock a black speck in the middle. So I give it the gentlest squeeze, like I’m testin’ an avocado at Tesco, and lo and behold, it finally makes its big exit, ta-da.

 

Yesterday, I thought maybe it was some kinda foreign object stuck in there, like me body’d turned into a dodgy smuggler. Or maybe just a small growth or summat. Turns out it was prob’ly just a rogue hair or some other stowaway mixed in with the oil. Could be anything really. When things get rough ’n ready down there, bruv, the possibilities are endless.

 

And that’s life innit, mate. One minute you’re havin’ a cheeky fiddle thinkin’ you’re Doctor Pimple Popper, next minute you’re applaud in’ your bullocks like they just pulled off a West End finale.

Here is a summary.

 

You noticed a stubborn lump on your testicle area that wouldn’t pop like your usual sebaceous cysts. After trying to deal with it — poking, squeezing, even covering it with a plaster — it stuck around until eventually a black speck appeared in the center. A gentle squeeze finally released it, likely a trapped hair or oil buildup. In the end, it turned out harmless, just another quirky cyst.

I miss Louie 1.0

I miss Bob.

3 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

I miss Bob.

He was just here the other day. No one misses him when hes here. Next time tell him how you feel

I've got big balls

They're such big balls

And they're dirty big balls

 

 

1 hour ago, HappyExpat57 said:

I miss Louie 1.0

Here, here.  What next, a description of your latest turd?

6 minutes ago, angryguy said:

He was just here the other day. No one misses him when hes here. Next time tell him how you feel

Under which name?

Just thanks your lucky stars it wasn't a Screw Fly.

12 minutes ago, mikebell said:

description of your latest turd

Here you go.

 

Ah, yes, dear fellow… it was upon that most unassuming morn when destiny didst summon me to the porcelain dais. With a rumble most uncouth in the belly, I felt the clarion call of nature’s decree, and thus I marched — nay, strode — to yon water closet as though to a battlefield. Seated upon my rightful throne, I braced myself for the inevitable trial. Slowly, with the patience of a seasoned general, the affair commenced. And lo! From the very depths of my mortal form did emerge a specimen most robust and resolute. It descended with such a splash, I daresay Neptune himself stirred in his watery halls. I peered down upon the creation, equal parts horrified and impressed. Truly, it was no mere excretion, but a declaration — a monument to last night’s curry and ale. One could scarce believe such a formidable presence had sprung from so humble an origin. Alas, the moment was fleeting. With a delicate pull of the handle, the noble vessel was swept away upon a whirling tide, bound for regions unknown. I watched it vanish, and in my heart, I whispered farewell, as an artist doth part with his greatest work. And then, with trousers restored and dignity somewhat intact, I emerged — a man transformed.

Remember when some posters were fawning over the first louie loser poster AI bot ?

5 hours ago, Mike_Hunt said:

Here you go.

 

 

Ah, yes, dear fellow… it was upon that most unassuming morn when destiny didst summon me to the porcelain dais. With a rumble most uncouth in the belly, I felt the clarion call of nature’s decree, and thus I marched — nay, strode — to yon water closet as though to a battlefield. Seated upon my rightful throne, I braced myself for the inevitable trial. Slowly, with the patience of a seasoned general, the affair commenced. And lo! From the very depths of my mortal form did emerge a specimen most robust and resolute. It descended with such a splash, I daresay Neptune himself stirred in his watery halls. I peered down upon the creation, equal parts horrified and impressed. Truly, it was no mere excretion, but a declaration — a monument to last night’s curry and ale. One could scarce believe such a formidable presence had sprung from so humble an origin. Alas, the moment was fleeting. With a delicate pull of the handle, the noble vessel was swept away upon a whirling tide, bound for regions unknown. I watched it vanish, and in my heart, I whispered farewell, as an artist doth part with his greatest work. And then, with trousers restored and dignity somewhat intact, I emerged — a man transformed.

I daresay that was a load off your mind.

2 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I daresay that was a load off your mind.

Indeed

 

Two G&Ts and a large Chardonnay.........not reading that.