Holding Grudges: Why do some hold grudges, in real life or on forums?

 

Dear Folks,

 

What is meant by the holding of grudges?

 

 

Why do some hold grudges while others do not?

 

Is there any difference between holding a grudge on some forum, compared to holding a grudge in real life?

 

How can one cure oneself of this deleterious practice, and I mean deleterious for both the holder and those on the receiving end of a grudge?
 

Might it be better for us to just Give Thanks, this Thanksgiving Day, and banish our grudges to the bin of History, ASAP?

 

What sorts of personalities are more susceptible to the ill practice of holding grudges?

 

I will not write further concerning my own views, since I have no wish to color the responses that will, most hopefully, derive from this great Topic, in the comments below.

 

Except, also, are humans more likely to hold grudges after a full Thanksgiving dinner, when fully stuffed with turkey and stuffing?

 

I have many more questions to pose here, yet I will curb my enthusiasm, on this day of rest and thanksgiving.

 

Regards,

GammaGobbles 

 

Note: Some additional thoughts about the impact of Grudge-Holding from Google's Peanut Gallery....

 

 

 

 

 

Note2:  The positive aspect concerning interacting mostly with Gemini is that Gemini, as far as I have experienced, refuses to hold grudges.

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Holding Grudges: Why do some hold grudges, in real life or on forums?

 

Dear Folks,

 

What is meant by the holding of grudges?

 

 

Why do some hold grudges while others do not?

 

Is there any difference between holding a grudge on some forum, compared to holding a grudge in real life?

 

How can one cure oneself of this deleterious practice, and I mean deleterious for both the holder and those on the receiving end of a grudge?
 

Might it be better for us to just Give Thanks, this Thanksgiving Day, and banish our grudges to the bin of History, ASAP?

 

What sorts of personalities are more susceptible to ill practice of holding grudges?

 

I will not write further concerning my own views, since I have no wish to color the responses that will, most hopefully, derive from this great Topic, in the comments below.

 

Except, also, are humans more likely to hold grudges after a full Thanksgiving dinner, when fully stuffed with turkey and stuffing?

 

I have many more questions to pose here, yet I will curb my enthusiasm, on this day of rest and thanksgiving.

 

Regards,

GammaGobbles 

 

Note: Some additional thoughts about in impact of Grudge-Holding from Google's Peanut Gallery....

 

 

 

 

 

Note2:  The positive aspect concerning interacting mostly with Gemini is that Gemini, as far as I have experienced, refuses to hold grudges.

 

 

 

Depends entirely on the situation the grudge came from........🤫

 

6 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Why do some hold grudges while others do not?

Some people have never grown up. 

 

Yeah, the guy who killed my daughter?  Doubt I'm going to get over that in this life-time considering he was a remorseless bastard.  

26 minutes ago, connda said:

Yeah, the guy who killed my daughter?  Doubt I'm going to get over that in this life-time considering he was a remorseless bastard.  

Wow, that's sad, sorry to hear 

I reckon what you are feeling is more than just a grudge. 

 

I'm one of the lucky ones, never really had anything bad happen in life 🙏

5 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Some people never grow up. 

 

 

Some don't want to grow up, and therefore...

Won't grow up.

 

However, this phenomenon of Grudge-Holding goes deeper, much deeper, than your suggestion of "maturity" being principally responsible for grudge-holding behavior...maybe....

 

 

 

because people have big egos.

and when you slight them in the least or they even feel slighted in the least because of their big ego, they will hold a grudge forever and ever.

 

2 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

because people have big egos.

and when you slight them in the least or they even feel slighted in the least because of their big ego, they will hold a grudge forever and ever.

 

 

QUESTION Then:  Why is is that those with less-than-HUGE egos seem to be the ones who are most unable to stop themselves from holding grudges, the longest, and most tightly?

 

A grudge is an attribute of social dysfunction. It’ll all be history once we’re dead, so why bother making yourself sick over what someone else has said or done. Get past it and grow up already.

23 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

 

QUESTION Then:  Why is is that those with less-than-HUGE egos seem to be the ones who are most unable to stop themselves from holding grudges, the longest, and most tightly?

 

 

I surrender. why?

are you holding grudges?

 

Just now, novacova said:

dysfunction

 

Absolutely.

A grudge is an insidious behavioral dysfunction.

 

Some seem to glory in the fact that they are able to hold grudges, until Kingdom Come.

 

However, this is not a personality trait to gloat about, me thinks.

 

The question is why.

 

Why are some so misguided about the nature of grudges.

 

Does their inability to not hold grudges cause them to gory in them, and that....

 

This VERY GLORIFICATION of grudge-holding is a result of.....COGNITIVE DISSONANCE Theory?

 

In other words, if one is a grudge holder, then CogDis Theory will explain this glorification of grudge holding as an attempt by the psyche to minimize the stress of holding two opposing states, ie, the fact that one is a grudge holder, and the secret, though unvoiced recognition that grudge-holding is harmful behavior.

 

I suppose we all love Festinger, by now....not to mention....Leon.

Because, I sometimes mix up Leon Festinger with Leon Russel, and then find myself.....just...

OUT IN THE WOODS....so to speak...

 

Seems to me that Holding a Grudge is a perfect example of ...

BEING OUT IN THE WOODS.....

 

Simply because those who hold grudges separate themselves from the pleasures and advantages of Social Integration with fellow humans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

31 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

 

I surrender. why?

are you holding grudges?

 

 

Although I am not the type to hold a grudge, I know those that seem more willing to, or unable to not hold grudges...

Hence...

This glorious and important Topic.

 

 

Having personal angst resentment bitterness retribution towards other individuals is a sickness that not only affects the mental health but also has the propensity of detrimental physical effects. In other words, roll with it and let it blow over or let it eat you up inside is nothing more than self imposed karma. The allusion of controlled tit-for-tat has deeper affects oneself than what appears on the surface.

1 hour ago, GammaGlobulin said:

 

Absolutely.

A grudge is an insidious behavioral dysfunction.

 

Some seem to glory in the fact that they are able to hold grudges, until Kingdom Come.

 

However, this is not a personality trait to gloat about, me thinks.

 

The question is why.

 

Why are some so misguided about the nature of grudges.

 

Does their inability to not hold grudges cause them to gory in them, and that....

 

This VERY GLORIFICATION of grudge-holding is a result of.....COGNITIVE DISSONANCE Theory?

 

In other words, if one is a grudge holder, then CogDis Theory will explain this glorification of grudge holding as an attempt by the psyche to minimize the stress of holding two opposing states, ie, the fact that one is a grudge holder, and the secret, though unvoiced recognition that grudge-holding is harmful behavior.

 

I suppose we all love Festinger, by now....not to mention....Leon.

Because, I sometimes mix up Leon Festinger with Leon Russel, and then find myself.....just...

OUT IN THE WOODS....so to speak...

 

Seems to me that Holding a Grudge is a perfect example of ...

BEING OUT IN THE WOODS.....

 

Simply because those who hold grudges separate themselves from the pleasures and advantages of Social Integration with fellow humans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

47 minutes ago, novacova said:

Having personal angst resentment bitterness retribution towards other individuals is a sickness that not only affects the mental health but also has the propensity of detrimental physical effects. In other words, roll with it and let it blow over or let it eat you up inside is nothing more than self imposed karma. The allusion of controlled tit-for-tat has deeper affects oneself than what appears on the surface.

Personally I don't hold with grudges - see what I did there?

 

I may make exceptions in the case of people who appear to be self taught " internet psychologists" diagnosing mental illness in other posters!

I know a guy in the USA that holds a grudge with just about everybody.

3 hours ago, novacova said:

A grudge is an attribute of social dysfunction. It’ll all be history once we’re dead, so why bother making yourself sick over what someone else has said or done. Get past it and grow up already.

If I had a daughter, and something happened to her, I would probably also had some issues for life, but I also have been lucky, and have nothing to grudge about. I could if I wanted to, but why when my problems in life is already history. If new comes along, I will deal with it same way I did with the previous ones. History 

3 hours ago, novacova said:

Having personal angst resentment bitterness retribution towards other individuals is a sickness that not only affects the mental health but also has the propensity of detrimental physical effects. In other words, roll with it and let it blow over or let it eat you up inside is nothing more than self imposed karma. The allusion of controlled tit-for-tat has deeper affects oneself than what appears on the surface.

 

Yes.

Never a truer word spoken.

 

In addition:  Grudges held among close family members can destroy much more than the individual.

 

 

1 hour ago, bubblegum said:

I know a guy in the USA that holds a grudge with just about everybody.

 

Surely, there must be more than just one.

 

They are a strange breed. An old friend has been blighted with this his entire life and will still bring up trivial stuff from decades ago. It is an ego (brain security) based illness. 

18 minutes ago, daveAustin said:

They are a strange breed. An old friend has been blighted with this his entire life and will still bring up trivial stuff from decades ago. It is an ego (brain security) based illness. 

 

I think you might be correct that holding grudges seems almost inescapable behavior for many.

 

Most likely, the holding of a grudge is not something anyone would choose to do.

 

And, if this is truly the case, then, Grudge-Holding might be somewhat akin to being afflicted with Tourette Syndrome.

 

 

There is no amount of logic which can cure or ameliorate Tourette Syndrome.

 

Similarly, it seems to be true that no amount of logic can cure a grudge.

 

A grudge, as you say, can last a lifetime.

 

It's not something one can consciously control, in most cases....

 

Looks that way. 

12 hours ago, bubblegum said:

I know a guy in the USA that holds a grudge with just about everybody.

I would hate him until the end of time if he held a grudge against me. 

16 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

However, this phenomenon of Grudge-Holding goes deeper, much deeper, than your suggestion of "maturity" being principally responsible for grudge-holding behavior...maybe....

 

15 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

A grudge is an insidious behavioral dysfunction.

I agree Grudge-Holding goes deep, but not that it is a behavioral dysfunction. More like an innate function for survival. We are wired to remember things that cause us harm or pain in order to avoid them again in the future. Step on a thorn or get bit by a snake, and you will hold a 'grudge' against thorns and snakes. If another person does you wrong, you instinctively remember that and shy away from them in the future for self-preservation. Once bitten, twice shy. 

19 minutes ago, ColeBOzbourne said:

I agree Grudge-Holding goes deep,

 

Strangely enough, or probably not so strange at all:

 

Chimps also exhibit this same grudge-holding behavior, almost identical to us.

 

Back in the 1960s, when chimp studies were all the rage, this grudge-holding behavior was well documented.

 

You can search the literature if you have any interest.

 

Chimps will easily hold a grudge for some minor slight, and they will hold this grudge for over a year.

 

This has been very well documented by researchers who were attempting to study language-acquisition in chimps.

 

Never make a chimp lose face.

Or, risk being bitten up to a year after the insult.

 

Search the literature.

The documentation is definitely there.

 

This suggests that this grudge-holding behavior is very deep, and probably serves an evolutionary advantage, as you point out.

 

Of course, if you don't have time to search the early literature, then....

 

Just go to the recent news.....and read the story of....the woman who....

Had her face bitten off by a chimp.

 

The grudge is probably unique to primates.

 

I have never heard of a Guernsey cow holding a grudge for being milked too roughly.

 

The very nature of a grudge is that it is not logical, and not ameliorated by logic.

 

 

 

 

9 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Chimps also exhibit this same grudge-holding behavior, almost identical to us.

Mynah birds are also known for holding grudges for years at a time. 

14 minutes ago, ColeBOzbourne said:

Mynah birds are also known for holding grudges for years at a time. 

Elephants too. They never forget.

24 minutes ago, ColeBOzbourne said:

Mynah birds are also known for holding grudges for years at a time. 

 

Ha!!!

 

You read my mind, Sir!

 

I was just about to post the same observation which you just made.

You beat me to my comment, by about a millisecond.

 

Thai Myna birds definitely are intelligent enough to hold a grudge, in the true sense.

They are able to understand a slight, and the don't forget.

 

Canines, will attack, but they do not hold a grudge.

 

Chimps do, and so do humans.

 

So then, are Chimps and Myna birds about to forgive a slight?

 

Or, must they first have the satisfaction of obtaining a tit-for-tat?

 

Will we ever rise above our animalness?

 

Poor Barry Lyndon.

He tried to rise above, and yet he was cut down in his prime.

 

Sometimes it does not pay to hold out the Olive Branch in this dog-eat-dog world....

 

 

 

"I have NOT received satisfaction".....

11 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

Elephants too. They never forget.

 

The problem is that any "grudge" of an elephant is not the same as the more subtle type of grudge exhibited by chimps.

Just my understanding according to chimp behavior.

 

The behavior is not the same.