I read about some studies that claim that when a man in a long term relationship has sex with an unfamiliar woman on the side his sexual performance with his regular partner actually improves. More drive, more enthusiasm, more confidence and better sex. As the old saying goes: a little bit of strange puts lead in the pencil.

Assuming for a moment the research is remotely accurate, here is the real question...

Is there any possible way a man could ever explain this to his partner without nuking the relationship.

Or is the only socially survivable version of this conversation one where it is reframed as something shared like suggesting that you and your partner explore an experience with another woman together rather than admitting to wanting sex on the side.

Or does this all fall into the category of things that may be true in a lab but completely incompatible with real world relationships where emotions jealousy and insecurity make ideas like this almost impossible to survive or even discuss outside of theory.

Some truths like this might exist without any safe way to apply them in a real relationship.

Is Bob back to his old tricks?

What's up BoB?

Sex with a long term partner. Hahaha good one.

Not tonight hunny I have a headache.

The trick is keep it to what it is, an enjoyable distraction, its not about emotions and relationships. Keep that in the relationship. The xtra sex is seperate, fun, and NEVER crosses the home threshold.

If she doesn't know and doesn't feel threatened, there won't be an issue.Mix them and sooner or later it will explode.

2 hours ago, Kyoto Kyle said:

I read about some studies that claim that when a man in a long term relationship has sex with an unfamiliar woman on the side his sexual performance with his regular partner actually improves. More drive, more enthusiasm, more confidence and better sex. As the old saying goes: a little bit of strange puts lead in the pencil.

Assuming for a moment the research is remotely accurate, here is the real question...

Is there any possible way a man could ever explain this to his partner without nuking the relationship.

Or is the only socially survivable version of this conversation one where it is reframed as something shared like suggesting that you and your partner explore an experience with another woman together rather than admitting to wanting sex on the side.

Or does this all fall into the category of things that may be true in a lab but completely incompatible with real world relationships where emotions jealousy and insecurity make ideas like this almost impossible to survive or even discuss outside of theory.

Some truths like this might exist without any safe way to apply them in a real relationship.

This sounds like a study conducted by men who cheat on their partners for the benefit of other men who also cheat on their partners. Additionally, please include links to the studies you referenced.

37 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

The xtra sex is seperate, fun, and NEVER crosses the home threshold.

Until you bring home a sti. Then it definitely crosses the home threshold.

The 3 rules to infidelity:

1. If you have been unfaithful: never ever admit it to your partner.

2. Don't forget rule number one.

3. See rule number two.

I was once caught right in the act by a girlfriend while hanging out of another bird in my flat. But I did exactly what any other bloke would do. I told her the poor girl had lost her car keys in there and I was just being courteous, digging around trying to help her find them.

4 hours ago, blaze master said:

Not tonight hunny I have a headache

May I ask if that's the American way to spell "hunny "?.......honey

1 hour ago, Alpha84 said:

The 3 rules to infidelity:

1. If you have been unfaithful: never ever admit it to your partner.

2. Don't forget rule number one.

3. See rule number two.

I was once caught right in the act by a girlfriend while hanging out of another bird in my flat. But I did exactly what any other bloke would do. I told her the poor girl had lost her car keys in there and I was just being courteous, digging around trying to help her find them.

It's a wonder your remember it at your age

But getting back to the OP

I believe in "open relationship" ,they work much better

And I know this happens every much in Pattaya where the female partner knows

3 minutes ago, georgegeorgia said:

May I ask if that's the American way to spell "hunny "?.......honey

It sure is hunny.

Ps....thats 0 for 2 now.....im not american.

2 minutes ago, blaze master said:

It sure is hunny.

Ps....thats 0 for 2 now.....im not american.

Not American but spell words the American way....makes sense ,must the too much green stuff your smoking

Mind you everyone wants to be American nowadays,have you got to the non stop talking and unfunny jokes about Trump

4 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

It's a wonder your remember it at your age

But getting back to the OP

I believe in "open relationship" ,they work much better

And I know this happens every much in Pattaya where the female partner knows

Looks like another shot at the older crowd as usual. He hasn't mentioned his age, so why would you assume, and why would anyone forget about sex when they get older anyway? Short term memory loss does happen, but that also happens to younger people.

Getting back to the OP, cheating never helps a relationship. That's just an excuse for the person involved. When you don't look at your partner as your number one priority, things go sour quick. This also includes pornography, especially when she isn't involved with you. How would you feel if your partner did this to you?

I think the culture here in Thailand give men more leeway in extramarital sex when that extramarital is P4P and doesn't involve emotional ties. Thai women seem to understand that men are promiscuous by nature. Hence a culture with gigs, mia nois, and "shower massages."
If you man is financially caring for your needs and maintains a social status for the family, the side flings can be overlooked my many Thai gals. In the West? "I want a divorce and I WANT HALF!!!" I'm so glad I left the freaking West and its neurotic women.

5 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Looks like another shot at the older crowd as usual. He hasn't mentioned his age, so why would you assume, and why would anyone forget about sex when they get older anyway? Short term memory loss does happen, but that also happens to younger people.

Getting back to the OP, cheating never helps a relationship. That's just an excuse for the person involved. When you don't look at your partner as your number one priority, things go sour quick. This also includes pornography, especially when she isn't involved with you. How would you feel if your partner did this to you?

I'm always confused when Western men come to Thailand and drag their Judaeo-Christian sense of morality with them.
We're not in Kansas anymore Toto Fred. When in Rome Bangkok...???
"One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the Devil walking next to me."
-One Night In Bangkok

There are certain aspects of Thai culture which I personally prefer. The sexual tolerance that you don't see in the West is one of them.

17 minutes ago, connda said:

I'm always confused when Western men come to Thailand and drag their Judaeo-Christian sense of morality with them.
We're not in Kansas anymore Toto Fred. When in Rome Bangkok...???
"One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the Devil walking next to me."
-One Night In Bangkok

There are certain aspects of Thai culture which I personally prefer. The sexual tolerance that you don't see in the West is one of them.

It actually doesn't matter where you are, or if it's a Christian person or not. Cheating is disrespect towards your partner, even though some cultures think it's okay.Those cultures look down on their women as secondary, which they aren't.

Rome fell partially because of that immorality. The breakdown of the world starts in the household, and when men, or women, think they can disrespect their partners, which goes downstream into the children, it's the beginning of the breakdown of society.

Promiscuous behavior is disrespect, usually done by men but more and more by women. The same goes for much pornography, especially if it degrades women or others.

There's nothing right about cheating, as it shows just how little you think of your partner. if you're going to cheat, you leave, and let your partner have a more decent partner, as there are plenty of bimbos around to get off with, who already don't care enough about themselves from their own childhoods and are there to take your money as a trade for their bodies. Human trafficking starts because of this disrespect, by human garbage that gets a profit from it.

If you actually think Thai women are tolerant of cheating, read up on how many men lost their penises or lives, along with a lot of money because they cheated on their women.

People who allow cheating have a very low self esteem, mostly coming from how their fathers treated them as children, along with what they saw their fathers do with their mothers.

No normal person is okay with cheating, nor cheats themselves, as there is always someone who loses, and most times both do.

Yes, some Thai women tolerate it because they are getting more money than their previous cheating partners gave, but thinking they're happy is ludicrous. There are no excuses to cheat. It's still looking at your partner as an object and not a partner.

20 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Cheating is disrespect towards your partner, even though some cultures think it's okay.Those cultures look down on their women as secondary, which they aren't.

How did you get to judge the value of other cultures?

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

As for Rome, it fell when it allowed barbarians to join as citizens, a little like the process our home countries are currently undergoing.

Just now, BritManToo said:

How did you get to judge the value of other cultures?

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

There is a right way and a wrong way in everything. The wrong ways start with disrespecting another, whether thinking you are superior, have rights to use, abuse or manipulate them.

Yes, certain cultures think it's okay to use, abuse and disrespect their women, treating them as secondary and objects. They're wrong, and this can be seen how the women think about this disrespect. If they're allowed to talk, they can change things. If they are suppressed, fearing saying anything about that treatment, they won't talk for fear of reprisal or death.

This does not have all to do with how you think about God but of moral behavior itself. People in Thailand think it's okay to lie, and do it about almost everything. This leads to problems, especially if the lying is within the relationship. Trust is mandatory if a relationship is to work, and the lack of trust is how most end.

If you look at your partner as someone to use, disrespect, abuse or lie to, you have no business with that woman. Misogyny is not normal behavior, but an excuse to get away with things................https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201601/why-is-infidelity-so-painful

9 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

There is a right way and a wrong way in everything. The wrong ways start with disrespecting another, whether thinking you are superior, have rights to use, abuse or manipulate them.

Having sex with multiple partners is no disrespect to your existing partner.

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Having sex with multiple partners is no disrespect to your existing partner.

If that's how you think about your partner, it's again wrong. There are reasons people cheat, the first is on the cheater most, the second is on them again, how they see the relationship or how it's become. Again, if you're not satisfied with one person, you don't hurt that person but leave, and date..........https://markmanson.net/why-people-cheat.

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Having sex with multiple partners is no disrespect to your existing partner.

And this...........https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/why-you-should-not-cheat/

9 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

And this...........https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/why-you-should-not-cheat/

Western culture, I don't live by that culture anymore, it has nothing to offer any white man.

11 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

If that's how you think about your partner, it's again wrong. There are reasons people cheat, the first is on the cheater most, the second is on them again, how they see the relationship or how it's become. Again, if you're not satisfied with one person, you don't hurt that person but leave, and date..........https://markmanson.net/why-people-cheat.

My existing partner tells me I should have sex with other women, I would be showing her disrespect if I didn't do as she suggested.

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Western culture, I don't live by that culture anymore, it has nothing to offer any white man.

It has nothing to do with what some cultures think but how you think about your partner. If she isn't number one, you leave, as she deserves more. If you think you need to cheat, it's a problem you have and not her, and that's fully explained in those links, although you might not read them because you're set in your thinking. There are no excuses as it's always disrespect unless it's an open relationship from the start. People do not like being cheated on period.

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My existing partner tells me I should have sex with other women, I would be showing her disrespect if I didn't do as she suggested.

Likely because she wants the same thing, as is looking for an excuse. It has to be mutual or it's disrespecting the other partner.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Likely because she wants the same thing, as is looking for an excuse. It has to be mutual or it's disrespecting the other partner.

None of you business really.

1 minute ago, Harrisfan said:

None of you business really.

Of course it is. It's an affront to any man that has respect towards women. The only way things change is enough people complaining about them. I look at women as equals, as they should be, as it's how I was raised and what I saw. I guess I could say it's none of your business thinking it's not my business.

10 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Of course it is. It's an affront to any man that has respect towards women. The only way things change is enough people complaining about them. I look at women as equals, as they should be, as it's how I was raised and what I saw. I guess I could say it's none of your business thinking it's not my business.

Hmmmmm,

My Christian upbringing among Catholics, Baptists and Anglicans all said men were in charge and women were to be subservient. I can't remember any Priest, Vicar or Minister telling me women were equals.

Even Christian wedding vows tell them to OBEY us.

3 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Of course it is. It's an affront to any man that has respect towards women. The only way things change is enough people complaining about them. I look at women as equals, as they should be, as it's how I was raised and what I saw. I guess I could say it's none of your business thinking it's not my business.

You need to see a therapist. What strangers do in their private lives has nothing to do with you.

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Hmmmmm,

My Christian upbringing among Catholics, Baptists and Anglicans all said men were in charge and women were to be subservient. I can't remember any Priest, Vicar or Minister telling me women were equals.

Even Christian wedding vows tell them to OBEY us.

Older vows has this, until people found out it was the women being too subservient to their men. That doesn't mean the man loses his place as the family leader, but the woman isn't as much a slave as a real partner. Misogyny happens because some men think women are beneath them in all ways.

2 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

You need to see a therapist. What strangers do in their private lives has nothing to do with you.

You're the one, from all your actions here, which I'm sure correlate with how you treat people in the outside world. Of course what strangers do in their private lives isn't what I see, but that behavior continues until more see it for what it is.

Disrespect, just like you did just now, thinking someone who's obviously far more educated than you on psychology needs a therapist. I could recommend one for you, but the fact remains, this is how you've been all your life, and there is no cure.