I've Finally Found Her...

[IamMaiC]

After almost three years in Thailand I have never fallen in love or loved a girl as more than a friend, until now that is.

.  

the fact that she is prone to sulks is worrying , and mood swings too.

mind you dont get burned ...is my advice

here we go again the all wise darlek complaining about braces and how people talk on the phone giving GS advice

[chonabot]

Nice stuff GS , hope it all works out for you , just 2 points from someone who married an ex BG nearly 8 years ago.

The gamut of emotions I went through then were something I wouldn't have missed for the world , but I am glad they remained in my heart and head , I feel you are diluting the experience somewhat by the invited views of others.

But that's your call , fair play etc.

Secondly , cocaine............it nearly killed me , it can make you crazy , literally.

Not a wise choice , first , second or 10 th time around.

It makes you so greedy and needy , normal things in life take a back seat.

BELIEVE ME !

You're both adults , but do all you can to avoid your gf from coming into contact with it again , if you love her as you say.

It never has a happy ending.

I hope you and yours will.

I'm still very much in love and happy.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Nice stuff GS , hope it all works out for you , just 2 points from someone who married an ex BG nearly 8 years ago.

The gamut of emotions I went through then were something I wouldn't have missed for the world , but I am glad they remained in my heart and head , I feel you are diluting the experience somewhat by the invited views of others.

But that's your call , fair play etc.

Secondly , cocaine............it nearly killed me , it can make you crazy , literally.

Not a wise choice , first , second or 10 th time around.

It makes you so greedy and needy , normal things in life take a back seat.

BELIEVE ME !

You're both adults , but do all you can to avoid your gf from coming into contact with it again , if you love her as you say.

It never has a happy ending.

I hope you and yours will.

I'm still very much in love and happy.

Thankyou Chon,

We went house hunting yesterday and as we're becoming more 'couply' and she and I are both realising it IS real, I am hanging out less of our dirty laundry on here - but I started this post because I WASN'T 100% sure and wanted to share my anxiety and get advice from people like yourself who knew what they were talking about.

As the post grew I was proving the cynics and flamers wrong as I went which was satisfying but in a way selfish because wasn't winning Ning's war or 'our war', that was MY little victory and probably my inbuilt desire to prove I'm not as stupid as I sound, which probably stems from blah blah blah, etc...

Incedentally, last night we were drinking Chivas Regal in the Hilton Hotel with a guy I know who's in the media industry over here.

He, like everyone else who's met her, says she's a very smart and nice girl who will be hard work but that I should stick with.

Later at a pool bar, he revealed he is also happilly married to an ex BG, he warned me that no matter how many strings she has to her bow, it doesn't matter, because Ning may very well be able to fix up an old motorbike, beat everyone at pool or create her own cothing but it wouldn't matter if she could play the clarinet, run a business, rescue a species from extinction and win an Olympic medal - she will ALWAYS be remebered for her stint as a whore and nothing else, as my friend (speaking from experience but also six happy years) pointed out to me while Ning, on the other side of the room, jumped for joy having just potted the black.

BTW: Cocaine turned her ex into an ###### and the subject is not something she's mentioned since, so if I ever did have the money to sutain it as a habit - I doubt very much I'd be stupid enough to start doing it especially seeing as the monk who read my palm yesterday afternoon told me that I drink and smoke too much.

[phennecke]

Did she talk about her "father" in Ireland once again?

My wife just saw this. "Maybe father of her child?"

[Neeranam]

You meet a sexy, beautiful girl, who used to work as a bar-girl/hostess girl(what reason did she do this job do you think?). She moves in with you so soon!

She doesn't care if you aren't loaded. You will pay in some way or another man!

I don't want to sound negative but it doesn't look good!

Sounds like a rich guy probably saw through her and saw that she was a gold-digger and dumped her. She is looking for ane nice easy guy while she plans her next big kill.

Don't be a sucker.

It most likely is destiny and danger.

My feeling is it probably won't be too dangerous, she will make up some excuse to leave, maybe only for a couple of weeks. Enjoy "it" while you can.

Never met ANYONE, let alone know anyone who can handle this sort of woman.

No offense to you, but what have you got to offer her? She can pick anyone.

I could be wrong. There is a small chance of you having a 50 year long wonderful relationship.

Still give you 2 weeks.

[Coffee Dude]

Hang in there GS. My crystal ball is broken right now so I can't say whether everything will work out for you. One thing I CAN say from experience is, the skeletons will probably come out of the closet for a while. You either have to beat the skeletons, accept and live with the skeletons, or the skeletons will beat you.

GL

Coffee!!!

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I don't think there's that many skeletons, I'm ready for them when and if they appear though, I'll have my xylophone stick.

Phenneck you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and Neeranam, do you have any experience on the subject in which to judge?

That's not a criticism, you may well be right it could go tits up, but why would that nesscessarily have anything to do with the fact she's an ex BG?

Assumption is rife on this forum.

[IamMaiC]

Scamp You took the chance to be her BF and she did the same with you don't mind people's post's so much maybe some of them are jealous I think you are brave to pick an ex BG to be your love Not sure if i would have done the same, but I don't know how many men my wife has slept with and I don't care because it's Me and Her now.

You keep your head up and just care for her as best you can

[falong]

I don't think there's that many skeletons, I'm ready for them when and if they appear though, I'll have my xylophone stick.

Phenneck you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and Neeranam, do you have any experience on the subject in which to judge?

That's not a criticism, you may well be right it could go tits up, but why would that nesscessarily have anything to do with the fact she's an ex BG?

Assumption is rife on this forum.

Well ... You finally found an appropriate avatar This avatar changing every 20 minutes is an indication that you don't really know <deleted> you really are. Looking for an identity? Havn't found yourself yet? Thats ok... We all go through this..Usually at age 15.

Palm Reading? No comment.--I cant think of anything to say-- I think it speaks for itself.

Earning 2 dollars an hour and you're drinking chivas and smoking imported cigarettes?

Those are about the nicest things I can think of saying at this time.

Look out below

[bkkmadness]

Well ... You finally found an appropriate avatar 

hmm, and yours is a camp looking farang man.

Earning 2 dollars an hour and you're drinking chivas and smoking imported cigarettes?

Chivas at the Hilton hotel, heinakens, out playing pool, not on the poverty line yet then.

Good luck Scampy, I'm coming round to this girl slowly each time I read your threads so keep them up bruv.

[mbkudu]

I don't know how many men my wife has slept with and I don't care because it's Me and Her now.

IammaiC, you bring up a good point. There really isn't much difference between a typical western woman and a bar girl when one is comparing past sexual encounters. Western women often will sleep with a man on a first date after a chance meeting in a club or disco. Most, by the time they are 30 or so, ready for marriage,

have been shagged numerous times by various men.

The main difference is that the bar girl, ho, yo whatever, gets a small amount of money up front for it. So, who be da ho?

[Girlfrombar]

I think you are brave to pick an ex BG to be your love

i don't think it's scampie 'pick'

but she just happened to be ex BG, instead

scampie:- didn't ask her b4 if she'd be the ex BG, did ya?

hello gorgeous why u sitting here alone, r u ex BG, if yes, let's be my GF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stroll]

"It wouldn't matter if she could play the clarinet, run a business, rescue a species from extinction and win an Olympic medal - she will ALWAYS be remebered for her stint as a whore and nothing else."

Odd footnote to refer to your loved one, TGS, is it such a big deal? Surely not in Thailand, and I hope it isn't for you or her neither.

[mbkudu]

"It wouldn't matter if she could play the clarinet, run a business, rescue a species from extinction and win an Olympic medal - she will ALWAYS be remebered for her stint as a whore and nothing else."

Odd footnote to refer to your loved one, TGS, is it such a big deal? Surely not in Thailand, and I hope it isn't for you or her neither.

If it is a big deal even in the far depths of your subconcious, then the relationship will never succeed. The only way man with ex bar girl relationships can succeed is if both just let the past go.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

The only way man with ex bar girl relationships can succeed is if both just let the past go.

And this is where we are likely to fail - NOT because of her past proffession.

Okay, I do not believe it will last as much as I'd like it to.

I believe she will stay faithful and I believe she will stick with me when times are rough but she has a very volatile personality - she's had to fight from an early age (her grandpa taught her to box when she was 12) and she's been in some nasty fights over jeaulosy during her BG time.

After a talk last night it became clear to me that she wasn't capable of loving somebody fully as it is a sign of weakness. This is why she keeps so much back to her self so that she doesn't get hurt when what she's used to (dissapointment) eventually does happen.

I really want to love her but there are so many things that piss me off about her, the fact that she's TOO strong minded and volatile when annoyed being one of them.

However, when it's good it's very good and when it's bad it always feels as if it will end there and then, but I find her persona so inconsistent.

When you develop an infactuation for someone, you look for a reason to believe that this is the person you've been looking for all these years... It doesn't have to be a good reason, and that's what I think this is - an infactuation born from a desire - albeit on both sides - to have a significant other.

Maybe we need to have a talk and a hug and just stay friends - something that we talked about last night. I'd like to give it one last shot because her going would be a big change for me and a very empty one.

One thing I want her to understand and NOT be afraid of is that if we were best mates as well as BF and GF then that is the recipie for an ideal partnership, but she would have too much to lose if it went tits up... Face included.

I need to talk to her as a friend when I'm in a mood about something, I don't want to call anyone I know and start boring them so I come on here, where some people sort of know me and others don't and I talk about it which helps me a bit as it's an outlet and if people enjoy reading and replying then no problem.

My next post could make the nay-sayers very happy but I won't lie if it does all come to an end, because I had the chance to be happy and I went for it and at the end of the day, her shortcomings were never the result of a bad or untrustworthy heart and nothing to do with her BG past which was my main point.

We may just be wrong for each other - simple as that.

Falong - Imported ciggies????

[Coffee Dude]

The Gentleman Scamp Posted on Sun 2004-09-12, 11:47:48

However, when it's good it's very good and when it's bad it always feels as if it will end there and then, but I find her persona so inconsistent.

This trait sounds a bit (alot) like my second wife (who was actually the Daughter of Satan). It turned out, after a new learning experience, that this was a "mental castration" technique more commonly refered to as "pussy whipping" . It is a personal preference for a man to like or dislike this type of treatment. I personally couldn't take it any more and called a bluff on her ultimatum of 'her way or the highway'. The stipulation was simple "We don't play this hand over". If you leave you stay gone. This was a difficult thing for me to do because after several years of serious pussy whipping I was a bit of a wimp . In any case she played her hand and 2 weeks later wanted to come back. Huh uh!!! Next!!!

Coffee!!!

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I could be being "pussy whipped" for my own good.

I get very scared when I like somebody because I've lost people I've been close to since I was two years old and it's maybe the reason that when things go wrong I make a mountain out of a mole hill and all my emotional baggage comes back to haunt me.

It may be me that's the problem, or maybe it's 50/50.

My past made a bit of a drama out of this morning and she didn't give me a shred of sympathy, which I now know was to help me and make me stronger.

As much as I dislike Falong's comments, he may actually have a valid point at times, maybe I am immature in many ways and instead of looking for sympathy I should listen to my critics as well as my allies.

Jesus, I really do think to much and I need to toughen up, lighten up, put the past behind me and knuckle down which is exactly what Ning said this morning.

[Coffee Dude]

Nothing wrong with a little sensativity training GS. In the case I can relate it turns out to be a system that made me not want to question anything that she did. As I found out later for good reason. Turns out that she was having a lot more sex than I was.

Not making a direct comparison or trying to say this is the same with your Ning. Just a remark about something that rings familiar to a past event.

Coffee!!!

[Halo]

Hey Dave

Bully and Madicinebox are at it, I know people that have been banned for less.

If you are down in Oct then give me an E Mail for a few beers, its where the sensible people live.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Nothing wrong with a little sensativity training GS.  In the case I can relate it turns out to be a system that made me not want to question anything that she did.  As I found out later for good reason. 

Turns out that she was having a lot more sex than I was.

Not making a direct comparison or trying to say this is the same with your Ning. Just a remark about something that rings familiar to a past event.

Coffee!!!

The ex I had in England sounds exactly like this, she was having a lot more sex than I was and she was an absolute nutter.

The rare good/strong points she had are the ones Ning reminds me of and I have to make sure I don't 'compare' her (which can't be helped sometimes) because Ning has done zero wrong so far into the relationship - unless you include over-reacting, being over emotional, haunted by the past and being a little untidy for a Thai girl, but I would only be a hypocrite to complain about that.

It's almost as if I've figured out that she is a good girl and that she won't screw around and that she does like me for who I am and now I only have my own insecurities and hang up's to worry about, so now that I know I have something good after all, I'm afraid of losing it to the point where I am in danger of fukcing it up myself.

In which case I am a baby who can't decide on a fixed avatar because my relationship status has come to a point where my past has returned to make a complete, anxious mess of my head, analyse everything and expect Ning to take it on board and make it all better.

It is okay now until the next time but I hate being in the frame of mind I was this morning, it's not healthy and I've now revealed every weakness to her so soon into the relationship.

I know know why I was single for so long - it was easier, words she said at the beginning when she was doubting herself and saying "you can do better than me etc..." What a turnaround.

I need to teach myself how to be happy - to put it one way, you can't fly if your baggage is over the weight limit.

I am so so tired.

BTW: Halo, no idea what your post means - are you in the right thread?

[taxexile]

whatever her attractions , you sound too sensitive to be getting deeply involved with a ballbreaker like her so early on , stay friends for a (long) while before getting in deep. if she is really the one then it will happen anyway ,i feel you are in for a big fall with all the attendant misery and depression that comes the way of the sensitive.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

whatever her attractions , you sound too sensitive to be getting deeply involved with a ballbreaker like her so early on , stay friends for a (long) while before getting in deep. if she is really the one then it will happen anyway ,i feel you are in for a big fall with all the attendant misery and depression that comes the way of the sensitive.

In that case isn't NOW the time to change things?

I just got scared, that's all... If we went from lovers to friends, we would get so used to being friends that I doubt it would go back into a relationship.

We're back on the rails again and should both see how things go for a bit longer and have an evaluation when we're at the 1 month mark.

[taxexile]

maybe now is the time to change things , but having never met either of you its impossible for me to make any judgements.

but if things are getting stormy after only a couple of weeks then think hard.

a lifelong friendship might be more rewarding than a short but high intensity relationship.

good luck though whatever you do.

unless you go for it , i guess youll never know for sure!!

[kitty]

whatever her attractions , you sound too sensitive to be getting deeply involved with a ballbreaker like her so early on , stay friends for a (long) while before getting in deep. if she is really the one then it will happen anyway ,i feel you are in for a big fall with all the attendant misery and depression that comes the way of the sensitive.

In that case isn't NOW the time to change things?

I just got scared, that's all... If we went from lovers to friends, we would get so used to being friends that I doubt it would go back into a relationship.

We're back on the rails again and should both see how things go for a bit longer and have an evaluation when we're at the 1 month mark.

Be careful GS,

You sound alot like me...

i've been single for 3 years(except for thai man for 2 months)

and my main reason is fear, fear of rejection, of feeling unworthy of my partner, of going back to where i was 3 years ago( a depressed fool).

So staying single is easier, i dont get hurt and dont question anybody about "do they really like me or are they pretending, will they walk away tommorrow without a care?"

I do hate myself in relationships,im insecure and jealous and i feel like an idiot.

I thought after 2 years id changed and got confidence but being with the thai man and letting my guard down...well.....i went back into that depressed fool after being hurt.

So my advice?? If your anything like me....be very careful, i know you shouldnt, but i recommend what a few people said....hold a bit back, keep a little barrier up.

Do your best to do everything right so if it fails you know you did the best you can and wont blame yourself.

Also, remember...if this doesnt work out dont beat yourself up over it, if you done all you could you've nothing to be ashamed of and someone else just as good or better will come along

*apologises this is long*

[elsie]

BTW: Halo, no idea what your post means - are you in the right thread?

I believe it's our old friend from Hua Hin, Scampy. And his post's for Dave.

[davethailand]

Hey Dave

Bully and Madicinebox are at it, I know people that have been banned for less.

If you are down in Oct then give me an E Mail for a few beers, its where the sensible people live.

Hi Halo,

I thought i saw you in the club the other day, obviously not, pissed again.

I'm planning a trip there at some stage with her indoors, will definatly email you.

cheers

DT

[Halo]

Good man, Dave. Look forward to it.

New avatar then.

GS best of luck, never know we might bump into eachother.

[Coffee Dude]

Hey Scamp I've missed this thread. How's your Ning anything new?

Coffee!!!

[IamMaiC]

Yeah GS what's new? getting married yet?

[The Gentleman Scamp]

DAY 28

We're still together and will probably continue to be until October 15th, after which the likelyhood is that we will remain good friends.

I'm very fond of her but having lived with her for a month (It's a month today actually) I think she's too young (and untidy) to be serious relationship material.

I can't type much now but what would make a great post for fans of this soap opera to read is the time we went to Ranong together for my visa run and she stuck by me and supported me even though I screwed up and had to pay a three day overstay, resulting in 9hrs of severe hunger on the bus back, and only a roll of toilet tissue and half a bottle of lukewarm water to stop our stomach acids from eating their lining.

That would be a good post for when I'm not in a 2bt a minute internet cafe (there's TV dedication for you) - will write soon.

Have to go now, gotta nip home and give Ning the bike if she's woken up yet but it's only 5pm - a little early for her.