It's always been a well know fact that if you are a black, one legged,single parent, deaf, unemployed, Welsh lesbian, you can really milk the UK benefits system.

You can now add being Prime Minister of Australia to that list

The only relevant part of the above is the Julia Gillard was born in Wales but is a naturalised Australian citizen.

She is the first women PM of Australia but not PM elect

She is probably the first red haired female PM of Australia (a natural blood nut not bottle bought)

She has a male partner but not married and he is a hair dresser so maybe the court is out on her being a lesbian

Definitely not unemployed but Kevin Rudd (the deposed PM) may be joining the ranks of the Unemployed.

CB

I think it's very nice of you to give a displaced welsh person a job, even if they do live with a hairdresser.

When I was little we used to drive to the coast through Wales. We would see lots of little Welsh people running round in the hills worrying sheep or playing hide and seek with their probation officers, I often wondered where they'd gone................

I think it's very nice of you to give a displaced welsh person a job, even if they do live with a hairdresser.

When I was little we used to drive to the coast through Wales. We would see lots of little Welsh people running round in the hills worrying sheep or playing hide and seek with their probation officers, I often wondered where they'd gone................

Australia has a long term policy of letting people from rugby playing nations emigrate here. The theory is that only the poor, the tough and the stupid would emigrate here and they make perfect rugby players. So far despite our best efforts with taking 80% of the kiwi population the ones who are good players have resisted this cunning plan and stayed in the land of the long white cloud and nervous livestock.

CB

when will australia admit that it is eons away from being able to field a world class football team, they have a tiny football league ,not a great player pool, and absolutely no home grown trainer talent not yet anyway but there is plenty of scope for years to come, already the pundits are talking about the new aussie team that will take the next world cup by storm,lots of this years qualifiers who really were contendants have had their bums kicked and are on their way home, so australia is in good company!!but after sitting through months of hype here in sunny qld and keeping very, very, quiet,a slight mention of the home team not becoming world champions in the local RSL is enough to cause a riot 2 minor contenders england and germany should be on their way home too very soon, but in their home countries there wont be fault finding and public witch hunts it will just be back to work their is another 1 in 4 years,I,m not bashing australia its my home , patience, maturity,and most of all genuine promotion and support of home grown talents, will lead australia to the world cup maybe not next time but in years to come :jap:

Ethnic politics plays a huge part in Aussie soccer as well.

Virtually every club was founded by a particular immigrant community and the old hatreds die hard. So the Italians won't work with the Greeks who wont work with the the Turks who wont work with the Serbs who wont work with the the Croats....

Remember that idiot Aussie goalkeeper giving the Nazi salute to the crowd when he played for a London club?

Would now be a good time to talk about Cricket ?

How are the Aussies doing these days

Neither Britain nor Oz can discuss Wimbledon, so cricket seems the best way to keep the peace.

Funny goings on with FIFA World Cup.

OZ getz seemingly rubbished.

NZ treated as great team.

Both were eliminated at the same level..

OZ won 1 game, NZ never lost a game, but why the disparity in the way the media treated the teams, both tried.

No, the Kiwis tried, The Socceroos were very trying.

NZ has one or two fair players, but many of the Australian team are BPL or similar standard - Kewell, Schwartzer, Cahill, so on. So probably more was expected of them - plus, the Aussie media always talks up their own teams far more than most other countries (US excepted). So they have further to fall.

Look at the English team - supposed top playeers, yet they all looked completely out on their feet by half-time on the last match I watched. Maybe a long hard season and no rest, maybe the climate and height at which they are quartered, maybe lots of late nights. Don't know, but don't expect them to go further.

Argentina will win - Maradonna will stand for President. (Of USA)

Funny goings on with FIFA World Cup.

OZ getz seemingly rubbished.

NZ treated as great team.

Both were eliminated at the same level..

OZ won 1 game, NZ never lost a game, but why the disparity in the way the media treated the teams, both tried.

australia just has to stop believing its own publicity and hype , already they are spouting off about winning the next world cup, australians never lose a game no matter what sport because the other team played better than they did! it is always a biased referee and linesman or themselves were not playing their best game, when if not at the world cup are you supposed to play your best and give your all for your team and country , instead of behaving like spoilt kids :jap:

It didn't take long...........

Posting pictures of Crow Boy without permission will get you into trouble...................

She'd probably make his side this year but no, wrong team limpy.

Would now be a good time to talk about Cricket ?

How are the Aussies doing these days

Ah, cricket, that little black bug that makes an irritating noise, but trout like to eat them.

lol

Keeping it in the family.

Genuine Australians, nuff said........

Posting pictures of Crow Boy without permission will get you into trouble...................

Not me mate or my team. The body belongs to Barry Hall ex St Kilda then Swan now with the Dogs. The head belongs to a butchered duck -------- no sorry not quite right, it belongs to Julia Gillard ex Welsh bint now Australian PM (but not elect)

CB

Easy mistake

lol

That's the map Kiwi kids learn at skool

(So they can find their way to the benefit office when they emigrate)

Two birds with one stone

lol

That's the map Kiwi kids learn at skool

(So they can find their way to the benefit office when they emigrate)

Two birds with one stone

Naaaaah, this one, more familiar,

I bought a t-shirt in Aukland that had a map of New Zealand and Australia. Over NZ it had "North Island" and "South Island" over Oz was "West Island"

CB

I bought a t-shirt in Aukland that had a map of New Zealand and Australia. Over NZ it had "North Island" and "South Island" over Oz was "West Island"

CB

My dad was living in Mt Waverly, Victoria.

I made him half a dozen of those, have one kid's one left.

On wearing one, he was continually asked where to buy one.

Kiwis in OZ......LOL

I shoulda gone into business.

WEST ISLAND.....Love it.

WEST ISLAND.....Love it.

Yes I liked that Tshirt - kinda miss it really. It was good quality cotton and the screen printing used natural inks. It was really good for cleaning the bugs and tar off the motorbike. One day I forgot and used it to wipe the oil of the chain and that was it - ruined. Best thing I ever got from New Zealand.

CB

Only in Australia ...

Col, the Country Lawyer, ran across an old client outside of the Alice Springs Court house.

The old client was an aboriginal lady who was beaming from ear to ear.

And, she was carrying a sheet of corrugated iron under one arm and a case of Fosters under the other.

'G'day Mary', says Col , 'What are you looking so happy about today?

Just bin to da Fambly Court Col, about my deevorce, and look,

I got half da house and half da contents!!

WARNING : ONLY Read This Once You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD.

You will laugh - guaranteed! ENJOY!!

I went to Bunnings recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t yourself'

road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite

habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Bunnings, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time..

The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chilli from the night before were staging a revolt.

In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the

direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odour might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two

different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odour so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees.

This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. .......BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether

region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging.

One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, re-acquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir,

you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing

at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return .

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chilli, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Woolies. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Hadda post it sumplace, BUNNINGS is in OZ

I understand when Nu Zealund inevitably becomes a state of Australia it will be renamed Upper East Tasmania and Lower East Tasmania.

I doubt they would warrant being part of a state.

How about Norfolk Island South and Norfolk Island Further South?

Tasmania play real footy anyway, so they wouldn't want them.

Tasmania is just a poor NZ look alike.

...... even to the apples.

As for football, guess they join Victoria's effeminates with AFL POOFIE FOOTY.

No self respecting Kiwi would admit to living there.

BTW:

Tri Nations, "REAL RUGBY FOOTBALL" begins this week.

ABs v Springboks, Auckland.

Men v Men.

AFL v NRL <BR><BR>This will open your eyes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR><BR>What do we have here???????<BR><BR>AFL or NRL ?<BR>Guess ! ! <BR><BR>36 have been accused of spouse abuse<BR>7 have been arrested for fraud <BR>19 have been accused of writing bad cheques<BR>117 have directly or been indirectly bankrupted.at, at least 2 businesses<BR>3 have done time for assault<BR>71;cannot get a credit card due to bad credit <BR>14 have been arrested on drug-related charges<BR>8 have been arrested for shoplifting<BR>21 are defendants in lawsuits and <BR>84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year<BR><BR>Can you guess which organization this is? <BR>AFL? NRL<BR><BR>Give up yet? . . . <BR>Scroll down <BR><BR>Nieher, it's the 535  members of the AUSTRALIAN PARLIAMENT IN CANBERRA <BR><BR>The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year, designed to keep the rest of us in line<BR><BR>You've got to pass this one on.