Being the devious sod I am...

Encourage Ex to come to Indo, you can be sure she will bring some supplies , lag her to the customs prior to arrival or to the cops in Jakarta, or just wait for the inevitable performance to attract the attention of the local plod, this should slow her down for a few weeks or even months if the right people are spoke to. Use the trouble as an excuse get the divorce paperwork done in LOS while the ex is "in absentia" and take the kids to Indo. ( As an aside, like Malaysia the custody laws are very pro father in Indo.) If granma insists on coming along with the kids, see how long she lasts in a fundimental neighbourhood with no gambling, no booze, no friends and no language skills.

I continue to believe that as she obviously doesn't care one bit about the kids in her deluded druggie daze, that if you simply make it clear to her that you will take the kids but never offer her anything else (and keep to this consistently without engaging in her other games) she will eventually tire of what little responsibility she is managing to maintain with respect to them and ask you to take them off her hands as a relief. She sounds far too warped and selfish to behave any other way.

In fact, I'd recommend your next step be to tell her you're too busy to deal with her any more and she can have the kids.

I bet before long she'll be BEGGING you to take them. Sad, but effective.

She has called me around 20 times today, but the banks are now closed so she has gone quiet.

I didn't answer any of her calls as I know what they will be about anyway.

IJWT may have the best answer at the moment. It is such a very confusing situation.

I have emailed her two sisters husbands in the hopes that they may be able to talk some sense into her via the sisters.

I don't know anymore.

I feel stuck between trying to do the best thing for my kids and trying to save my own life (perhaps literally).

Anyway, my project is due to be completed in the next 2 months. I am not sure whether my contract with be renewed or not. If not we are all in the <deleted> as I have no money left each month and she has blown everything I have given her, if only she would sell the 17 million house for what the bank want for it plus a little more for herself everything would be ok, she had an offer for 13 million but refused because she wants 17 million. I think about 6 million is still owed to the bank which have now called in the debt.

I can't believe her reaction, sell it I said and you will have 7 million in your pocket, NO WAY she reckons it is worth 17 million and I won't sell it for less.

Even if you lose it all to the bank?

Yep, it is worth 17 million...

argh....I am so bored with all this.

Who gives a shit about the cost of a house.

There are two little girls involved in the situation, who should be the priority. From what i have read here - your ex is not capable to be a good mother to them. It is not their fault - they were born through love which has now gone sour.

Please take care of them because that is all that is needed. If you lose money or face or whatever - who cares - as long as those wee girls are happy and smiling that is all that counts.

You've been given all the advice you need. All you have to do now is grow a spine and get on with it rather than popping back in here pissing and moaning about houses and millions of baht and phone calls. You've got children that need you. FOR fuc_kS SAKE EITHER GET A fuc_kING GRIP OR SHUT THE fuc_k UP. If this gets me banned so be it. STOP fuc_kING WHINING AND DO SOMETHING.

Who gives a shit about the cost of a house.

She does. Not me. I was just trying to help her keep the assets for the sake of the kids.

I have no interest in any of the houses or money. I have my own new life.

You've been given all the advice you need. All you have to do now is grow a spine and get on with it rather than popping back in here pissing and moaning about houses and millions of baht and phone calls. You've got children that need you. FOR fuc_kS SAKE EITHER GET A fuc_kING GRIP OR SHUT THE fuc_k UP. If this gets me banned so be it. STOP fuc_kING WHINING AND DO SOMETHING.

I apologise. I didn't realise I was forcing you to read my whinging.

But I will take your advice and fuc_k off.

Thanks to all who have contributed, sbk, IJWT, Boo, JD, Mobi etc etc.

You've been given all the advice you need. All you have to do now is grow a spine and get on with it rather than popping back in here pissing and moaning about houses and millions of baht and phone calls. You've got children that need you. FOR fuc_kS SAKE EITHER GET A fuc_kING GRIP OR SHUT THE fuc_k UP. If this gets me banned so be it. STOP fuc_kING WHINING AND DO SOMETHING.

I apologise. I didn't realise I was forcing you to read my whinging.

But I will take your advice and fuc_k off.

Although it sounded harsh, I think the actual point was to get you to stand up and do something.. rather than just f+#k off.

Totster

I don't think endure wants you to eff off either. And while I don't agree with his phrasing, I do see what he means. You need to be proactive and do something. Find out what to do and get it done.

It might be hard, but you will feel better for it if you do.

You've been given all the advice you need. All you have to do now is grow a spine and get on with it rather than popping back in here pissing and moaning about houses and millions of baht and phone calls. You've got children that need you. FOR fuc_kS SAKE EITHER GET A fuc_kING GRIP OR SHUT THE fuc_k UP. If this gets me banned so be it. STOP fuc_kING WHINING AND DO SOMETHING.

I apologise. I didn't realise I was forcing you to read my whinging.

But I will take your advice and fuc_k off.

Although it sounded harsh, I think the actual point was to get you to stand up and do something.. rather than just f+#k off.

Totster

That's the general idea

That's the general idea

A bit harsh all the same, I'd say.

Moss

Nope......tough love.

Nope......tough love.

Actually I disagree.

The problem with forums is that people come on here asking for help and advice, and a few kind folks do just that. Sometimes the advice is taken, and on other occasions the OP's have more questions, or they prevaricate on the advice for one reason or another.

What Endure, and others who come on forums and think that by insulting and swearing at someone is going to spur them into action, have not understood, is that OP's on this kind of traumatic thread rarely tell you the full story.

By that I mean that there may be other, contributory factors that have brought the OP's problems to this state, but he cannot be totally open about certain matters in a public forum.

So I venture to suggest, that without knowing all ins and outs of the particular problem, especially those involving marital abuse, cheating and the welfare/well being of children, it is very foolish, not to say, downright ignorant to use the kind of language that Endure used.

IMHO it was highly irresponsible.

That's the general idea

A bit harsh all the same, I'd say.

Moss

As opposed to what? Another 70 posts proffering advice that seems to be unwanted?

I've said my piece. Tuky (and his children) can take it or leave it.

Nope......tough love.

Actually I disagree.

The problem with forums is that people come on here asking for help and advice, and a few kind folks do just that. Sometimes the advice is taken, and on other occasions the OP's have more questions, or they prevaricate on the advice for one reason or another.

What Endure, and others who come on forums and think that by insulting and swearing at someone is going to spur them into action, have not understood, is that OP's on this kind of traumatic thread rarely tell you the full story.

By that I mean that there may be other, contributory factors that have brought the OP's problems to this state, but he cannot be totally open about certain matters in a public forum.

So I venture to suggest, that without knowing all ins and outs of the particular problem, especially those involving marital abuse, cheating and the welfare/well being of children, it is very foolish, not to say, downright ignorant to use the kind of language that Endure used.

IMHO it was highly irresponsible.

Tuky's wife is a monster. She's got his kids. He wants them back. How complicated is that?

You've been given all the advice you need. All you have to do now is grow a spine and get on with it rather than popping back in here pissing and moaning about houses and millions of baht and phone calls. You've got children that need you. FOR fuc_kS SAKE EITHER GET A fuc_kING GRIP OR SHUT THE fuc_k UP. If this gets me banned so be it. STOP fuc_kING WHINING AND DO SOMETHING.

it might be correct that Tuky has been given all the advice he needs. but it seems he needs besides advice to talk to people who sympathise with him/his situation and are able to drop a few soothing words. if the heart of a seasoned old Klingon warrior melts down when he sees the pictures of his little ones and assessing Tuky's situation sitting more or less helpless in Indonesia it should be a breeze for others to be understanding too.

having said so i'd like to add that i would walk over dead bodies if these were my children or grandchildren!

I've said my piece. Tuky (and his children) can take it or leave it.

..which only goes to show what an ignorant and uncaring person you really are...

Nope......tough love.

Actually I disagree.

The problem with forums is that people come on here asking for help and advice, and a few kind folks do just that. Sometimes the advice is taken, and on other occasions the OP's have more questions, or they prevaricate on the advice for one reason or another.

What Endure, and others who come on forums and think that by insulting and swearing at someone is going to spur them into action, have not understood, is that OP's on this kind of traumatic thread rarely tell you the full story.

By that I mean that there may be other, contributory factors that have brought the OP's problems to this state, but he cannot be totally open about certain matters in a public forum.

So I venture to suggest, that without knowing all ins and outs of the particular problem, especially those involving marital abuse, cheating and the welfare/well being of children, it is very foolish, not to say, downright ignorant to use the kind of language that Endure used.

IMHO it was highly irresponsible.

Quite correct, always two sides to every story, but is it is wrong to reply to a question in a passionate way in such circumstances ? I think the OP has asked for advice and been given it. If you don't like the answer, be careful with the question.

Actually this thread has morphed from what it started out as. Finding a house I paid money for on the internet for sale without my knowledge.

Anyway, from my side. Folks who tell me to grow a spine, get some balls etc etc all I can say is that I have.

Do you know how easy it would be for me to just walk away? Change my phone number? I was offered a job in Saudi the other day.

By sticking around, trying to help not just my kids but also their Mother IMHO does take balls. I am doing what I think is right rather than the easier and more cowardly option of simply doing a runner. As I have said before I have a new life now, I don't have to stick around and try to do anything for them.

I am certainly not superman, my work load is almost too much for me. But if I don't work and contribute even if only financially at this point, who will? The wife certainly won't.

I don't send any money to the wife, her sister is married to an HSBC Manager and any money I send gets put into a bank account started by him and the finances are let out on an as per need basis. Need meaning what the kids need and I am assuming also providing daily living for the MiL who is taking care if the kids. These actions I have taken either through advice or support from you guys in this threads, my thanks go out to you.

From an email this morning I am lead to believe that the wife is already working in a disco somewhere in Hong Kong. But this is yet to be proven. She is not living with the kids.

Strangely enough I got a phone call yesterday from the wife wanting money, I told her no. The kids are provided for financially I am not supporting her too. About 1 hour later I received several calls from angry Thai men calling me all sorts of buffalo names. Is she in HK? nobody seems to know where she really is.

Anyway, Endure...I understand your post and I thank you for taking part at all.

As Mobi says if I told the full story this thread would rival one of the games threads in post count, there is so much more to the whole story. Mobi actually knows quite a lot of it.

So please understand me everyone. Perhaps I only post here when things are getting too much emotionally and it does tend to sound like I am whinging or whatever, But I am rather alone here and most people active in this thread know me personally. It is not like I can unload all this at the pub and it certainly wouldn't be fair on my girlfriend to listen to all this. Although she is very supportive of it all.

I have a feeling that worst is yet to come concering the wife, but with, or without my kids I will always be here for them. If I cannot look after them myself (which is perhaps true enough) then I still need to be known to them. I still need to call the MiL each day and tell them that "Daddy Rak Kitty and Daddy Rak Candy and Kitty Rak Daddy and Candy Rak Daddy and Daddy Rak Kitty and Candy and Kitty Rak Candy etc etc TOO THE MOON" in our little singsong that we have developed.

At this point my kids still know who I am, our little song will hopefully always help them to remember who I am and that they are loved by their Dad.

This thread has helped me out a lot, helped me to realise that I am not to blame for everything, comments from you all have helped me to regain a lot of my self confidence and hope for the future. Whatever that may be.

And I am still here, still supporting my kids as best I can at the moment, I am still concerned about their Mothers welfare and future.

If you knew ALL that had taken place over the last 6 years you would say that I have one heavy set of balls and one hel_l of a backbone by still being here rather than having run away.

I think it's time you changed your phone number tuky.

You have your MIL's number and other important numbers in Thailand... get a new number and trash the old one.

You can still maintain contact with the ones you love.

I agree, change your phone number.

And you know my story, so I won't go into it here, but these girls deserve better than she has to offer. If she really is in HK, now is your chance. But, given her sneaky mind, she could just be saying that to get you back to Thailand to cause you more heartache.

Be careful but also remember that your daughters need a good life too.

I think it's time you changed your phone number tuky.

You have your MIL's number and other important numbers in Thailand... get a new number and trash the old one.

You can still maintain contact with the ones you love.

I agree, change your phone number.

And you know my story, so I won't go into it here, but these girls deserve better than she has to offer. If she really is in HK, now is your chance. But, given her sneaky mind, she could just be saying that to get you back to Thailand to cause you more heartache.

Be careful but also remember that your daughters need a good life too.

You guys are both correct, but may I just point out that from my side I would rather keep my number (company provided) because I know she will always contact me on this number.

I can at least keep some track of her by keeping this number.

We spoke today, She told me she is coming to Indo etc etc etc. I would rather know this than not know. So I will keep this number as sometimes it is better the devil you know...

sbk, I know your story. We have met in real life and I feel very close to you due to our long term relationship here on TV. You also know my intimate story. I am not such a stable guy myself and possibly not such a great candidate for a father figure.

However, my life has changed. I remember being told by PB in the mods forum that it is hard in the beginning but in the long run I will know I have made the correct decision. This is still true.

So, what to do now?

Well...just continue. Get myself settled down. Make sure I put myself into a position that I will be required to work here for many more years. Then, when I am able to take care of them I will pursue custody of my kids. Until then I call them every day and tell the I love them every day.

I have to get myself right first. JD and sbk, you two guys probably know that better than anyone else in my whole life. Including my own Parents, who have told me to give up on the kids and run away.

In an earlier post someone suggested (IJWT???) that I might need some professional support from a qualified doctor (shrink).

Probably correct. I have been relying on you guys for support, advice and sympathy.

Maybe I need to consider more personal attention, however, in my line of work it kinda seems like this is my lot in life.

Endure, I am sorry you received some negative feedback. I know you meant well. As does everyone else.

Thanks to all.

Nothing to say, have a tear in my eye for you.

Endure, I am sorry you received some negative feedback. I know you meant well. As does everyone else.

No problem. We're all trying to help you in our own different ways. Mine's just more abrasive than most. Hope it all works out for you and the kids.

I've said my piece. Tuky (and his children) can take it or leave it.

..which only goes to show what an ignorant and uncaring person you really are...

No, it only goes to show that I used a different method of offering advice in the hope that it might jolt things along. Now if you could climb down off that horse of yours this thread is about Tuky and his children, not me.

I've said my piece. Tuky (and his children) can take it or leave it.

..which only goes to show what an ignorant and uncaring person you really are...

No, it only goes to show that I used a different method of offering advice in the hope that it might jolt things along. Now if you could climb down off that horse of yours this thread is about Tuky and his children, not me.

Amen to that.

If Tuky had taken your ill considered advice, there would no longer be a thread.

It would seem that even ex mods are above criticism and are never wrong. You just can't take it can you?

I suppose, as ever, you will have the last word even if these days you are unable to exert your little power trip by banning me.

Back to poor old Tuky...... and Endure, if you have nothing constructive to say, Shut the Fck up!!!!!!

I've said my piece. Tuky (and his children) can take it or leave it.

..which only goes to show what an ignorant and uncaring person you really are...

No, it only goes to show that I used a different method of offering advice in the hope that it might jolt things along. Now if you could climb down off that horse of yours this thread is about Tuky and his children, not me.

Amen to that.

If Tuky had taken your ill considered advice, there would no longer be a thread.

It would seem that even ex mods are above criticism and are never wrong. You just can't take it can you?

I suppose, as ever, you will have the last word even if these days you are unable to exert your little power trip by banning me.

Back to poor old Tuky...... and Endure, if you have nothing constructive to say, Shut the Fck up!!!!!!

I'll bear in mind my 'ignorant and uncaring' persona the next time you're looking for some medical equipment that's difficult to obtain in Thailand.

I'll bear in mind my 'ignorant and uncaring' persona the next time you're looking for some medical equipment that's difficult to obtain in Thailand.

Sometimes you should read what you write.

"this thread is not about me" yet you give shit awful advice and when I take you to task for it you tell me to get off my high horse.

Endure this is all about you - but you just don't know it.

Then you throw in a nasty meaningless threat that leave me quaking in my shoes, (at the mere thought of the wonderful Endure not bringing me my medical equipment), which has absolutely nothing whatever to do with this thread.

There seems to be be more than one poster here who may need some counseling

I was attempting to point out that I'm not the 'ignorant uncaring' person you seem to think I am partly by pointing out that I was willing to help you in your attempts to get some equipment that you needed. It wasn't a threat at all in the same way that my original post on this thread was not an outburst of bad manners but as you seem determined to misunderstand everything I say I'll leave you to it.

Give it a rest, both of you.. !

We all try to help in our own ways.. I understood what Endure was doing, and have no problem with it. This situation has been going on for years (or so it seems), with advice and help being given by various people, that has eventually not been listened to, or he's gone back on actions that have been aided by friends.

Yes, there probably are underlying factors, and these are important, but after all this time there is only one person that can end this, and this is Tuky. It's all very well everyone pussyfooting around with the "poor you", "what a terrible experience" etc.. but the stand has to be made...by HIM

Totster

I also know Tuky on a personal level and upon learning about his situation, I like many others felt for him. I may not not know him as well as some of you and some of you may not know him as well as you are lead to believe. I have been following this topic with concern and I have to admit that I don't think Endure was wrong in expressing his opinion, after all the topic is quite open to suggestions as to what and what not do. Right?

The best advice given so far is from Totster... I'll second his opinion. I live 15 minutes away from his house. (Tuky's)

Time for you to get yourself together and knock the booze on the head mate!

Tuky, based on what I've seen from you (publicly and otherwise), I think you have a lot of issues. One of them now seems to be that you don't think you deserve the kids as you wouldn't make a good father for them. Whether or not you would make a good father in this case is beside the point. That you are any kind of father at all is an improvement on what they have now, and not being a great father doesn't excuse you from the responsibility of trying to be some kind of father- and you know if you don't try that will screw you up permanently.

I think the reason you've stuck around is that basically at heart you're a morally concerned person. You know the kids need your help; you know that running away completely would be wrong. However, there are too many factors out of your control, and I think you need to start looking at what is in your control and what is not.

You ARE in control of how you respond to the way your family contacts you. I think you've got to take a strong stance against abusive contacts, like anything from your wife. Who cares if she tries to come to Indonesia? Let her try to find you as a foreign stranger, and then see what happens if she wants to make trouble. It's just fuc_king with your head. Jai Dee's right; you should get rid of the number she knows.

You ARE in control of how you respond to any offers by the family, and what you tell them. I still think that- as tough as it may seem- you need to make them look (in their selfish, evil, money-grubbing little minds) at the children as a financial BURDEN, not a financial OPPORTUNITY. That means you've got to be tough and strong, and be willing to take the risk that you'll be out of control in a way that you're already out of control- in other words, with what happens to the kids as long as they're in custody of these mad losers who have them. You'll just have to promise yourself that you'll try to make it up to them once they ARE in your control again.

You ARE in control of how you treat yourself and how you approach your personal health. With all of these other problems, you don't need any other personal issues at all to worry about. In fact, you could ask yourself how things got this bad with the family- was it all impossible to predict, or did some of it come from patterns that you still need to kick? Obviously, you don't want to go down this path again with anyone else, especially once you've got your kids back again.

I think a good therapist could be an invaluable objective aid for you to help yourself figure out what YOUR priorities, responsibilities, and values are.

Good luck.