Saw this piece in today's Telegraph and was going to post it in the ouside the box thread on PC but then it developed and became too ridiculous for the sesible Bedlam forum.

Watercliffe Meadow primary in Sheffield is to be known as a "place for learning" after governors decided that the traditional description sounded too "institutional".

The £6 million "learning experience", which opens on Monday, will also encourage pupils to wear soft shoes indoors and has got rid of the traditional school bell at the end of lessons, in order to make the place more welcoming.

"We decided from an early stage we didn't want to use the word 'school', this is Watercliffe Meadow, a place for learning," said Linda Kingdon, the head teacher.

"One reason was many of the parents of the children here had very negative connotations of school.

"Instead we want this to a be a place for family learning, where anyone can come.

"We were able to start from scratch and create a new type of learning experience.

"There are no whistles or bells or locked doors.

"We wanted to de-institutionalise the place and bring the school closer to real life."

But the move was described as "ridiculous" and part of a "political correctness agenda" by the Campaign for Plain English, the organisation which opposes the use of gobbledygook in public life.

So far so good but:-

Among examples of confusing terminology the campaign has fought against in recent years was the widespread rebranding of lollipop ladies as "school crossing patrol officers", teachers being known as "knowledge navigators" and the emergence of the "education centre nourishment production assistant" - otherwise known as dinner ladies.

It follows efforts to rebrand libraries as "idea stores", dustmen's trucks being referred to as "provider vehicles" and a recent high-level attempt to ban the use of the word "inmates" for prisoners in case it offends them.

Earlier this week David Lee, the leader of Wokingham borough council in Berkshire, announced a personal mission to banish jargon including terms like "network model" - meaning map - and "predictor of beaconicity" for a good idea.

I've just had a predictor of beaconicity, I'm going down the pub to chat up the intoxification center liquid refreshment delivery facilitator (aka barmaid).

Honestly sometimes I wonder do any of these dingbats who come up with this garbage really believe it improves anything or are they all just taking the p1ss and the nice little consultant's fee? If it's the latter where can I sign up because I can take the p1ss even though I've had no formal training.

hmmm.... we've always called them crossing guards where I lived.

Lollipop ladies conjures up pix of hugely pregnant mums.....

..hehe....... ..haha....... ......PMPL.

School traffic patrols when I was at school, and still are called that.

No parental supervision then either...... we kids were responsible those days.

Where can I find a good intoxication centre?

www.TheStickerOrStampYouGetForEnteringTheKindomOfThailand.com

This is the bit that gets me.

"We wanted to de-institutionalise the place and bring the school closer to real life."

So the kids leave "A Place For Learning^TM" and come out into the real world and find they have to go to this institution called Work. Or will they de-instututionalise that so we all go to "Places of rewarded effort"? If we get sick do we go to "Places of health rehabilitation"? If we are bad boys and girls we go to "Places of confined re-learning"? Of course we'll be referred to as guests not inmates and definately not prisoners as that is far too 60's retro style.

But this set me thinking that if the term school with all it's connotations of bells, timetables, lessons etc is so emotionally disturbing I, and many of you, surely have a strong case of abuse to bring against our establishment? I was forced to go to SCHOOL and attend LESSONS sticking to TIMETABLES getting marked WRONG in RED INK and being CANED when I was BAD. All these negative vibes have had a profound mental effect on me such that I should be able to claim compensation for the abuse I received during my time at SCHOOL.

Anyway I'm a bit late for morning nourishment so will have to go to a sustenance provision center and exchange some rewarded effort vouchers for midday nourishment after which I might go for some physical perambulatory exercise.

I'm warming to this , anybody know where I can sign on as a consultant? My rate is very unreasonable.