Are Aussies Really So Bad?

[chuchok]

Why do the sea gulls fly upside down over Austouylia

because it is not worth s&*ting on

When asked about the immigration of Kiwis to Aussie in the mid 80s, Muldoon replied 'New Zealanders immigrating to Australia raise the IQ of both countries'

Who ate all the pies

Who ate all the pies

ah the memories....how are those Ashes this year me Aussie cobbers?

All in good fun; congrats on the Seedney Hobart in ya copy boat.  well down wild oats...  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do you have the foggiest idea how many Ozmates are Mods here?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

how do you think you roo rooter lot became mods..

[Jai Dee]

Some of cricket's greatest sledges...

1. Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F***ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your wife, she throws me a biscuit"

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f***ing bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f***ing bat & you can't f***ing bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*** off."

7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!"

8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever f***ing mention my wife again, I'll F***ing rip your F***ing throat out."

10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you're f***ing useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c***".

11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

12. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

13. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

[chuchok]

Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan.

Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"

In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike. Ian Healy yelled to Warne, (I think) "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped" The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics. the batsman's retort: "Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."

[Jai Dee]

"Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Some of cricket's greatest sledges...

1. Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F***ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your wife, she throws me a biscuit"

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f***ing bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f***ing bat & you can't f***ing bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*** off."

7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!"

8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever f***ing mention my wife again, I'll F***ing rip your F***ing throat out."

10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you're f***ing useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c***".

11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

12. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

13. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

[Jai Dee]

An Aussi plumber at the cricket...

[khall64au]

Modern day bank robber? be afraid...........

[Jai Dee]

Don't forget Australia Day... January 26th.

Meanwhile here's why we love our lamb chops on Australia Day.

No Chuchock... not that kind of love...

[chuchok]

Don't forget Australia Day... January 26th.

Meanwhile here's why we love our lamb chops on Australia Day.

No Chuchock... not that kind of love...

Wouldn't dream of it mate...Baaaaaaaaaa

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Don't forget Australia Day... January 26th.

Meanwhile here's why we love our lamb chops on Australia Day.

No Chuchock... not that kind of love...

No Kiwi's allowed at the Oz day barbie ( for obvious reasons )

[elsie]

Don't get too excited boys...

[Axel]

Surprised, that this thread is still around after one year.

Have a nice AUSTRALIA - DAY.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Surprised, that this thread is still around after one year.

Have a nice AUSTRALIA - DAY.

Thanks Axel. We did.

[Jai Dee]

Surprised, that this thread is still around after one year.

Have a nice AUSTRALIA - DAY.

Thanks Axel. We did.

Ken Oath we did.

Cheers Axel.

I reckon this thread must be the second longest running thread on TV... after rain of course.

Thanks for starting it mate...

[Artisi]

Bloody beauty - can't wait for the next one -

Actually, if you're a dinky-di, every day is Australia day - or does it just feel like it.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Bloody beauty - can't wait for the next one -

Actually, if you're a dinky-di, every day is Australia day - or does it just feel like it.

[chuchok]

THE FOSTERS AD DURING THE OLYMPICS

I don't have a kangaroo for a pet

I don't wrestle with crocodiles And I don't wear a cork hat

I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace

I can wear my country's flag with pride

I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent

My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilson's, the Santerellis,

the De Costis, the Wong's and the Jakamarras

I play football without a helmet

I like beetroot on my hamburger

I ride in the front seat of the taxi

I believe it's a prawn not a shrimp

I believe the world is round and down under is on top

I believe Australia is the best address on Earth

And Australians brew the best beer.

now..... THE REAL AUSSIE

I ate my pet Kangaroo

I am shit scared of crocodiles And I wear a baseball cap

I love star wars And the wookie is my favourite

I would rather get pissed

And watch someone else carry the country's flag with pride

I like to rock to Billy Ocean

I am blind to my incompetence

My neighbours are the Smith's, the Wilson's, the &lt;deleted&gt;, the Lebs,

the Chinks and the Abo's

I watch football with a tinnie

I take the beetroot off my hamburgers...

And throw Macca's pickles on windows

I do runners from taxis

I believe the world is flat And Australia is f******* miles away from anywhere

I believe Australia is the best address on earth

And Australians brew the best beer

And that's why we never touch Fosters...

We export that s***.

[udon]

'ken brilliant.

Where did you find that?

[stumonster]

$45k eBay bid for Aussie blokes

January 30, 2006

SNAGS, good conversation, and a hel_l of a lot of laughs with four Aussie blokes - some would call it priceless.

But four boys from inner-Sydney's Balmain, and a bidder named manic_macka beg to differ, and $45,000 is the going rate.

And there's still four-and-a-half days left to bid.

Marketing reps Corey, Mark, Zac and law student Lachie have put themselves up for auction at online marketplace eBay, welcoming bids for a weekend with four blokes in Sydney.

"Couldn't be bothered making the effort finding new friends at the pub?" the offer reads.

"Don't have friends who are up for a couple of beers, a few snags and a hel_l of a good time? Or just bored with your current friends and their obsession with nerd stuff?"

"What you need is a weekend with four fun blokes in inner Sydney."

The boys won't fly the successful bidder to Sydney or pay for their bus fare, but are promising to wine and dine true Aussie style - with a few tinnies and a barbie.

They also allude to the possibility of an "international guest" from the UK, "making it five blokes for the price of four".

"It's easier than chatting to randoms in a pub and you know we'll be your friend from the moment you arrive til the moment you leave. That's our promise to you!" the offer says.

The highest bid - from manic_macka - comes in at a cool $45,000, with the site so swamped with questions (more than 200) the boys have been forced to issue a statement reminding bidders "this offer is for you and one guest only".

"Provided, of course, they are prepared to enjoy some beer, some snags, some good conversation and a hel_l of a lot of laughs."

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/commo...55E1702,00.html

[FlyingDutchman]

This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in Adelaide.

He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to Darwin.

He's not too keen on this , but he needs the money and so takes off.

A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in the middle of nowhere.

So he stops and asks if they would like a lift.

They say OK. The truck driver says, "All right, hop in, but you'll have to ride in the back."

A 100 km down the road he stops at a truck stop, which amongst other things, involves a load inspection by the local cops.

He is asked where he is off to and he says "Darwin".

The cops go round the back, open the doors, slam them shut quickly and rush round desperately to the driver saying, "For Chrissake get going to Darwin straight away and don't stop - - two of your eggs have already hatched , and one of them has already stolen a bike"

[chuchok]

'ken brilliant.

Where did you find that?

A secret place that I use for these special occasions...

[Old Croc]

$45k eBay bid for Aussie blokes

January 30, 2006

SNAGS, good conversation, and a hel_l of a lot of laughs with four Aussie blokes - some would call it priceless.

But four boys from inner-Sydney's Balmain, and a bidder named manic_macka beg to differ, and $45,000 is the going rate.

And there's still four-and-a-half days left to bid.

Marketing reps Corey, Mark, Zac and law student Lachie have put themselves up for auction at online marketplace eBay, welcoming bids for a weekend with four blokes in Sydney.

"Couldn't be bothered making the effort finding new friends at the pub?" the offer reads.

"Don't have friends who are up for a couple of beers, a few snags and a hel_l of a good time? Or just bored with your current friends and their obsession with nerd stuff?"

"What you need is a weekend with four fun blokes in inner Sydney."

The boys won't fly the successful bidder to Sydney or pay for their bus fare, but are promising to wine and dine true Aussie style - with a few tinnies and a barbie.

They also allude to the possibility of an "international guest" from the UK, "making it five blokes for the price of four".

"It's easier than chatting to randoms in a pub and you know we'll be your friend from the moment you arrive til the moment you leave. That's our promise to you!" the offer says.

The highest bid - from manic_macka - comes in at a cool $45,000, with the site so swamped with questions (more than 200) the boys have been forced to issue a statement reminding bidders "this offer is for you and one guest only".

"Provided, of course, they are prepared to enjoy some beer, some snags, some good conversation and a hel_l of a lot of laughs."

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/commo...55E1702,00.html

The bidding for this BBQ is now up to $85,000!!! A frenchman made the latest bid.

[surin]

'ken brilliant.

Where did you find that?

A secret place that I use for these special occasions...

Probably an Auckland newspaper!!!

[Huangy]

The song below bubbled up from the murky depths of my mind recently. I'm still not sure if it's a piss take or what. I'd like to think it was a piss take on Aussie nationalism. Please!

Oh, and what's with the sudden sacredness of the Aussie flag? Anyone else note those clods surrounding themselves with the flag as they beat up the lebs and others in Cronulla? And what about this nonesense?

Huangy

Exhibit seizure leaves democracy flagging: gallery By David Marr

January 30, 2006

A RAGGED Australian flag that was hung outside a Melbourne art gallery has been seized by Victorian police.

The artwork was removed in a surprise raid some days ago, although police remain unsure if its display outside the Trocadero Art Space, in suburban Footscray, was breaking any laws.

For some months the Trocadero has hung works on a billboard outside its first-floor window on Hopkins Street.

The burnt flag, by the artist Azlan McLennan, was titled Proudly UnAustralian and first appeared 12 days ago.

The gallery's director, Michael Brenner, said he had received no complaints. But two days later, when the gallery was unattended, Senior Constable Jay McDonald, of the Footscray police, climbed out the window of the India Impex internet cafe next door and removed the flag.

Convict Streak By Dave Warner

Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak

We wanna fight everyone we meet

Anzac Day is our day of the year

We march our march, we drink our beer

We don't like Slopes, we don't like Yanks

I'd personally like to blow up

every Commie tank

We're only few but we fought in 'Nam

Packed our guns alongside Uncle Sam

Ask any of us, it were no sin

The only crime was that we didn't win

(chorus)

And ... The Poms are weak as piss

The French are queer

The Germans are ######s,

but they make good beer

Don't criticise what you don't understand

If you think I'm talking shit

you don't belong in this land

I'm Australian, we all are

We watch the telly and we drive our car

But don't you ever SAY WE'RE WEAK

Or you'll learn all about our Convict Streak

The world began with Adam and Eve

But Australia started at Gallipolli

Our fathers put the Desert into Desert Rats

Their uncles slipped the boot in,

up in Lambing Flats

Don't criticise what you don't understand

It's not that we're behind the times,

we're in a different land

We might be slobs but WE'RE NOT WEAK

Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak

(chorus)

I'm Australian, so are you

It doesn't matter if you're Ding or Jew

Just remember, while you're here

You march our march and you drink our beer

Edited January 31, 2006 by Huangy

[dr_Pat_Pong]

The song below bubbled up from the murky depths of my mind recently. I'm still not sure if it's a piss take or what. I'd like to think it was a piss take on Aussie nationalism. Please!

Oh, and what's with the sudden sacredness of the Aussie flag? Anyone else note those clods surrounding themselves with the flag as they beat up the lebs and others in Cronulla? And what about this nonesense?

Huangy

Exhibit seizure leaves democracy flagging: gallery By David Marr

January 30, 2006

A RAGGED Australian flag that was hung outside a Melbourne art gallery has been seized by Victorian police.

The artwork was removed in a surprise raid some days ago, although police remain unsure if its display outside the Trocadero Art Space, in suburban Footscray, was breaking any laws.

For some months the Trocadero has hung works on a billboard outside its first-floor window on Hopkins Street.

The burnt flag, by the artist Azlan McLennan, was titled Proudly UnAustralian and first appeared 12 days ago.

The gallery's director, Michael Brenner, said he had received no complaints. But two days later, when the gallery was unattended, Senior Constable Jay McDonald, of the Footscray police, climbed out the window of the India Impex internet cafe next door and removed the flag.

Convict Streak By Dave Warner

Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak

We wanna fight everyone we meet

Anzac Day is our day of the year

We march our march, we drink our beer

We don't like Slopes, we don't like Yanks

I'd personally like to blow up

every Commie tank

We're only few but we fought in 'Nam

Packed our guns alongside Uncle Sam

Ask any of us, it were no sin

The only crime was that we didn't win

(chorus)

And ... The Poms are weak as piss

The French are queer

The Germans are ######s,

but they make good beer

Don't criticise what you don't understand

If you think I'm talking shit

you don't belong in this land

I'm Australian, we all are

We watch the telly and we drive our car

But don't you ever SAY WE'RE WEAK

Or you'll learn all about our Convict Streak

The world began with Adam and Eve

But Australia started at Gallipolli

Our fathers put the Desert into Desert Rats

Their uncles slipped the boot in,

up in Lambing Flats

Don't criticise what you don't understand

It's not that we're behind the times,

we're in a different land

We might be slobs but WE'RE NOT WEAK

Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak

(chorus)

I'm Australian, so are you

It doesn't matter if you're Ding or Jew

Just remember, while you're here

You march our march and you drink our beer

[steveromagnino]

More sledging comments please... the best thing to come out of cricket....

[stumonster]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite

>> chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a

beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me

another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him

a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's

gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You

waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say

hello to me and then expect me to run around like your

slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and

wash and iron all day long?

The husband sighed. "IT'S STARTED"

[dr_Pat_Pong]

[Lisa28]

The husband sighed. "IT'S STARTED"

[Jai Dee]

On the side of the road in a country WA town...