Thais Touching Your Kids

[3zie]

My two daughters are younger and wherever we go they will get a lot of attention. What annoys me is that it is only because of their skin colour……this is racism and I hate it.

That's racism is it?

Seems like people just think your daughters are cute. You should be proud not pissed off.

correct!!!

and that's just what people do arround here... for instance, our neighbour has a beautiful boy of about 2years old, 100% Thai, and everybody wants to touch and carry him around. His parents don't find it strange. Nothing to do with racism... Be proud!!!

[toptuan]

My son gets touched too and sometimes it irritates me but i realize i'm in thailand and this happens a lot

Well said. You're living in an alien culture. Deal with it.

[loong]

I think that Thailand is in a more 'innocent' age where kids are concerned, in the sense that no one is as conscious (in a family/community setting) of the possibilities of lurking perverts as citizens of English-speaking lands have become, and so most friendly attention is taken (and given) at face value.

The up-side is that kids get a lot of friendly attention. The down-side MIGHT be that there really are a few perverts out there who don't get caught as quickly as they might elsewhere.

From what I know, Thais are very much aware. Even more so than Farangs. They are very aware of the danger that their children are more likely to be abused by family members and close friends. I know of people who worried when a family member with a young daughter remarried. They are concerned that the new stepfather may possibly abuse the young daughter.

A lot of westerners regard all strangers as possible perverts, yet the evidence shows that they should be more concerned about family members, friends, maybe even teachers and priests.

[oldsparrow]

I think that Thailand is in a more 'innocent' age where kids are concerned, in the sense that no one is as conscious (in a family/community setting) of the possibilities of lurking perverts as citizens of English-speaking lands have become, and so most friendly attention is taken (and given) at face value. The up-side is that kids get a lot of friendly attention. The down-side MIGHT be that there really are a few perverts out there who don't get caught as quickly as they might elsewhere.

In the UK, once I share a semi detatched house with other Thai students. My room was on the ground floor facing the road. Sometimes one English boy around 9-10 years old came around asking: "Hi, do you have some sweet to share?" I gave it to him through the window. Days later my flatmate told me: "Today a boy came asking for sweet. I let him in and gave him something from the fridge." I said "Pal, NEVER let him in again, we can be child abuse suspects from that situation."

Was I paranoid?

Edited June 5, 2009 by oldsparrow

[7baht]

touch my kids and Ill bury u in the jungle so far that when they find ur body the Egyptian prymids will have been forgotten

[toptuan]

I think that Thailand is in a more 'innocent' age where kids are concerned, in the sense that no one is as conscious (in a family/community setting) of the possibilities of lurking perverts as citizens of English-speaking lands have become, and so most friendly attention is taken (and given) at face value. The up-side is that kids get a lot of friendly attention. The down-side MIGHT be that there really are a few perverts out there who don't get caught as quickly as they might elsewhere.

In the UK, once I share a semi detatched house with other Thai students. My room was on the ground floor facing the road. Sometimes one English boy around 9-10 years old came around asking: "Hi, do you have some sweet to share?" I gave it to him through the window. Days later my flatmate told me: "Today a boy came asking for sweet. I let him in and gave him something from the fridge." I said "Pal, NEVER let him in again, we can be child abuse suspects from that situation."

Was I paranoid?

In Thailand, you would be. In the U.K., no. Good advice!

[7baht]

you could be sitting with the queen herself pal touch my kids and ur in the history books

[oldsparrow]

I think that Thailand is in a more 'innocent' age where kids are concerned, in the sense that no one is as conscious (in a family/community setting) of the possibilities of lurking perverts as citizens of English-speaking lands have become, and so most friendly attention is taken (and given) at face value. The up-side is that kids get a lot of friendly attention. The down-side MIGHT be that there really are a few perverts out there who don't get caught as quickly as they might elsewhere.

In the UK, once I share a semi detatched house with other Thai students. My room was on the ground floor facing the road. Sometimes one English boy around 9-10 years old came around asking: "Hi, do you have some sweet to share?" I gave it to him through the window. Days later my flatmate told me: "Today a boy came asking for sweet. I let him in and gave him something from the fridge." I said "Pal, NEVER let him in again, we can be child abuse suspects from that situation." Was I paranoid?

In Thailand, you would be. In the U.K., no. Good advice!

Thanks!

[Shazza]

My boys don't get touched so much now, but when we first came here my youngest was five, red hair, white skin, brown eyes and rose red lips... just gorgeous... he got grabbed and touched a lot.... a guy in the neighbourhood grabbed him by the genitals and I stormed outside with my dictionary and let him have it... told him off for laughing - I didn't realise that was a coping mechanism back then... I had taught my lovely boy to say in Thai, "Excuse me, I don't like that"... but after he was grabbed (at 7 years old) while going to the loo (bathroom, toilet) at Carrefour... I apologised to him and told him that if that ever, ever happened again that he was to kick the person, shout at the top of his voice... "Mai chop! Go away!" and do anything he wanted to to make the bugger lose face in a major way.... but all three of my kids still get admired as they are all really good looking, I don't mind that, just can't quite figure out where the good looks came from!!!

[needforspeed]

a guy in the neighbourhood grabbed him by the genitals and I stormed outside with my dictionary and let him have it... told him off for laughing -

Impresive that you can controll your emotions like this, if some one touched my girl on the way you discribed i would punch him and call the police, no talking anymore.

[somchaiq]

That is a normal behaviour for Thai (man or woman) to beautiful or handsome kids. Since the Man was another Kids Parent. I would tell him something, like : "Thank You" and that is it, as long as they only touch a arm or maybe the Head.

My Son (5 Years) gets many times touched by Thai, telling him/us that he is handsome.

You should be happy that your daughter is beautiful and the People recognize it.

[MrRichard2009]

People who are different get treated differently by many people, not always poorly, just differently sometimes.... that's life. Did you really thing they would just blend in an no one would notice ? Your living in a fantasy world.

[way2muchcoffee]

touch my kids and Ill bury u in the jungle so far that when they find ur body the Egyptian prymids will have been forgotten

That kind of attitude makes you a real danger to yourself, your family, and everyone else. In short, a menace to society, particularly this one.

[nicolas18]

I have 3 sons who are touched regularly by Thai women and they don’t seem to mind it and neither do I. If I had a daughter, I wouldn’t let Thai males or farang touch her, NO WAY. The women NEVER have any sexual motive but the men are frikkin perverted. Many here don’t realize the incest and other sexual depravities that go on.

Same I wouldn’t let gay Thai men touch my sons. Homophobic? NO, but its just the way I feel. I have had a big problem with my brother in law who is a freak of nature(but no so bad) gatoy. I’d suspect that they are mentally inbalanced and I don’t like letting him/her look after the boys by himself/herself. I have been here for over 10 years and know that Thai men don’t go around touching other Thais daughters. There would be some serious consequences if they did.

I want to reply to your post but I don't know where to start... Let's see... The women who never have sexual motives (10% of all convicted pedophiles are women)? The "men are frikkin perverts" part? The homophobic part? The mentally unbalanced katoeys? dam_n, that's a tough choice...

[nisakiman]

I think far too many posters on this thread have been brainwashed by the "everyone's a paedophile" brigade, as promoted by "The News of the World" and other such gutter press.

Perhaps a little common sense wouldn't go amiss.

Here in Greece, it's normal for men to be friendly to kids, and kids aren't shy about talking to strangers. It's all very normal, and very healthy.

I'm sure anyone with any intelligence would be able to differentiate between normal affectionate touching of a child's shoulder/arm and a creepy groping (which I think would be a rare exception).

I have two daughters (now adults), and this kind of paedophile paranoia was never an issue with us. As I say, a little common sense goes a long way.

[IMA_FARANG]

I voted "other".

Because my response would be dependent on what I percieved his intentions were.

It's entirely possible that person was just trying to compliment her...and his first language and customs (learned responses) weren't up to saying something like, "My isn't your daughter beautiful. Is she a Farang and Thai mix?".

So frankly, my response would be dependent on exactly what I thought his intentions were at the time...and if I was in a bad mood...well, that could be bad for him.

[rohitsuk]

I most certainly don't get upset.

I live in Thailand, where -thank god- common human interaction is still allowed.

That said, no situation is alike, and while I appreciate some kinds words meant in a kind way, there are also people that I prefer to keep my daughter away from. And they're not necessarily all Thai either.

The voice of reason

Totally agree

I have two half Thai children a boy and a girl they both are singled out [in a nice way] for the colour of there skin.

I don't believe this incident with the Thai man is anything to do with gender but all to do with the Thai's rather shallow infatuation with beauty.

And for the poster who wrote;

'Nearly every farang (obviously exceptions) knows not to even so much as look at prebusecent girls, FOR THE VERY reason that they don't want to alarm the parent'

I find this very sad , to me looking at happy young children is like viewing some breath taking countryside or snorkelling in a coral reef, it's a joy and there is nothing sordid about it.

I'd agree that approaching an unaccompanied child is a completer NO and I teach my kids not to talk to or go anywhere with strangers

Spot on chaps and there is not much more to say so I will shut up !

[phetaroi]

The voice of reason

Totally agree

I have two half Thai children a boy and a girl they both are singled out [in a nice way] for the colour of there skin.

I don't believe this incident with the Thai man is anything to do with gender but all to do with the Thai's rather shallow infatuation with beauty.

And for the poster who wrote;

'Nearly every farang (obviously exceptions) knows not to even so much as look at prebusecent girls, FOR THE VERY reason that they don't want to alarm the parent'

I find this very sad , to me looking at happy young children is like viewing some breath taking countryside or snorkelling in a coral reef, it's a joy and there is nothing sordid about it.

I'd agree that approaching an unaccompanied child is a completer NO and I teach my kids not to talk to or go anywhere with strangers

Having a been a teacher/school administrator in the States my whole life, I have seen few parents be balanced about this sort of thing. In America there is a paranoia about it that makes me seriously worry about humanity in our country (talking about the U.S.). A couple of examples:

1. A truly violent line of thunderstorms were rolling through our area after normal school had let out. A 12 year old was walking home alone. Lightning strikes nearby. Trees falling over. Hail. Tornado watches and warning. One student was walking home well after most of the kids had gone home. A motorist stopped and offered a ride. The kid refused and the motorist simply drove away. The parent went ballistic and wanted the motorist tracked down and arrested and tried for child abuse. Gee, maybe he was just a good Samaritan.

2. I had a telephone conversation with one of my former colleagues after moving here. Asked what I did in all my spare retirement time. Among the many things I listed was just going to the park sometimes and watching the kids play. She said, "That's really weird Vince." And meant it.

I think back to my own childhood and some of the people who interacted with me as if I was a special kid -- just being nice to me. Chauncey, the neighbor who was a close family friend. Carl, the bus driver. And more. Very fond memories of these everyday people who were just being nice to a kid. What a shame that children are taught that every adult you don't know is evil...particularly when most molesters are family members or very close family friends.

[phetaroi]

In the USA the PC crowd (including Obama) lobbied that the banks were discriminating against ethnic minorities by not offering the same mortgages as they were to more financially stable people that happened to be white. We all know what that led to.

I realise that my posts may appear racist to a degree, but I assure you that I do not have a racist bone in my body.

This thread has NOTHING to do with President Obama. Nothing at all.

You may not be a racist (although keep in mind, racists don't usually think of themselves as being racists), but you are certainly an ideologue.

[phetaroi]

Mind there's a flip side.....

On an earlier occasion I was with my then infant daughter in Bookazine browsing the books with my daughter perched in one arm - All of a sudden the a young French women to the left of me let out and explanation - My daughter had got both hands inside the woman's top trying to get one of her tits out....

I remarked... "I'd better get her home, I think she's hungry'.

Guess your daughter should have been either arrested or beaten.

[phetaroi]

I wasn't offering advice - and please tell me why do you refer to me as a bar stool attendant? I just pointed out that I was puzzled that your observations are so different to mine.

Your idea of what is taking care of a child is also different to mine. If I took littl'un to a busy shopping mall, she would be under my watchful eye for the whole time. You rely on looking at where the assistants are looking to locate your daughter's whereabouts. Of course, yes that's fine isn't it - as long as the assistants aren't busy or maybe looking at somebody else's child.

You don't even realise that by the time you reacted, your child had already been assaulted and it could have been much worse.

I'm not offering you advice, I just hope that nothing even worse happens to your daughter while you let her run around.

An infamous story

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Bulger

and another

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Adam_Walsh

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22444871-1245,00.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amy_Mihaljevic

Of course, there are many more reports like this.

The bar stool comment did seem unfair to me.

On the other hand, in regard to Adam Walsh, etc. Along with these horror stories are billions of adult/kid interactions everyday that are perfectly innocent and good for kids. Paranoia, paranoia, paranoia.

[phetaroi]

If a Guy did touch the Kids I suspect I would have carried out a subconscious risk assessment which would have taken nanoseconds as I believe any protective father would.

I do suspect most Thai males wouldn't touch a strangers child for the same reasons we wouldn't touch theirs.

Jubby, your comment is what has been missing from this thread. As a parent you should make a subconscious risk assessment when something occurs.

There are 3 things that have bothered me about this thread:

a. The automatic jump to a conclusion that any attention by a stranger is necessarily evil when, as one poster put it, it has no ulterior motive 99.9% of the time.

b. That some people would immediately launch into physical aggression.

c. That it's normal for even innocent touching. The whole "personal space" thing is much more normal in all cultures than is frequent touching.

What's needed is a little balance in thinking.

Yesterday I was riding home on the Skytrain...standing. I noticed a Thai girl (maybe 9?) sitting with her mom. My thoughts in order were...I wonder what the costume is for? A school play of some sort? A Thai festival? Nice family the way they are conversing in a semi-adult way. Girl has nice manners. Oops...does anyone think I am staring for the wrong reason?

[Daewoo]

OK - I admit I have read pages 1 and 11 only - Shoot me if I missed something...

1) I don't think Thai males are any more predicated to pedophilia that any other nationality... their idea of the appropriate age of consent may be lower than the Western standard in some cases, noting that the age of consent for most western nations goes back to the need of the English to stop maters preying upon their servants...

2) In Thai society, it is perfectly normal for Thai's to be 'aunty' (and less so uncle) to every child in the vicinity, so it is perfectly normal for them to pick up, hug, walk away with, any child that comes near them... It isn't pedophilia, it is a different culture…

That said, I just took two of my sons to Thailand for a holiday. I was really looking forward to the way I knew that the Thai's would want to pinch their white cheeks, and hug them… unfortunately, the kids hated it… the 3YO is already shy, so would just try and hide… the 5YO would say 'sawasdii khup' in a quiet voice, and then the girls would get in his face and start jabbering away in rapid fire, full volume Thai… and he was just dumbstruck…

I would just hold their hand, and then when they went all quiet and shy say 'khao pben aii mak mak'...

So, the kids didn't like it... but there was nothing sinister in it... It is just the Thai culture of being able to show their closeness the kids... any wonder their own kids are treated like children until they are married with two kids of their own ...

Cheers,

Daewoo

[kensingto]

I don't know about you. But I find it is rude to being touch by someone else. It would be harassment if I am a woman. I hate being touch, stay away from me if you don't want trouble. Call the police if someone touch you, bet the police wouldn't bother.

[wintermute]

Thai culture tends to treat children very well and it's normal for people to dote on kids. I would not let any farang male anywhere close to my kids because I know it's not appropriate for the culture and let's face it farang in Thailand are a very mixed bag leaning more towards the shady side of things.

[MikeyIdea]

I would be much more worried if a farang did that than a Thai

Why? Because a farang (who has not been living in Asia for a number of years) is behaving strangely, a Thai is not. Many westerners see it as racism and ugly but racism is only ugly if people make it ugly. Another word for racism is different and there is nothing ugly in being that. Many westerners assume that all people are as intolerant and fault-finding as they are…

I was at the British Church on Convent Road yesterday with my daughter, wanted her to see Lucia and play with kids. There were quite a few kids playing in the playground. One 2 year old kid didn't come when his father told him to and I helped him down, got a strange look from his father. I of course immediately wrote him off as a narrow minded expat working on a 3-year contract, someone to avoid, someone I fortunately don't have anything in common with anyway any longer

How utterly boring it is when parents cannot even bother to look for the reason why the child is touched, and where of course. Too lazy to look for the reason? Indoctrinated since childhood?

Embarrassing isn't it, the way many intelligent westerners choose not to think and instead react the way they are programmed, and yet they are so quick to complain on others who don't think the way they do

If someone out-of-appreciation touched my 5-year-old daughter? I'd be proud of course

PS

Guesthouse, Thais regularly touch, hold, pick up the children of other Thais that they do not know, where do you live if you haven't seen that? One place where Thais don't touch would be an expensive moo baan where the neighbours all think they are too good to talk to each other, another is Emporium… It's not rural against city, it's rich Thai's touch less, poor more.

Do I touch other peoples kids? – I often do yes, but it depends on the situation. A little common sense is worth a lot, principles very little…

Edited December 14, 2009 by MikeyIdea

[lioness]

I'm amazed that so many people would actually be violent because somebody touched a girls ARM and said that they thought she was cute.

I think that most people can tell whether it's a creepy thing or not.

Political correctness out of control again.

Spot on

[gregb]

To GuestHouse and the others who claim that in Bangkok Thais don't touch other Thai's kids, you are completely mistaken. Sorry. You just are.

My wife constantly touches and plays with any random child she meets at the supermarket. The parents of the child don't have any issues with this, and usually smile and encourage such friendly interaction. These children are always Thai/Thai. We don't see many farangs in our section of Bangkok. I don't touch them, because I grew up in the repressive West and have been completely corrupted by western culture, but Thais are very much more level headed and reasonable about such things.

Some children are shy and then you back off, but most of the children enjoy it. I can't explain why you don't see it, GH. Maybe you simply refuse to look, or are otherwise so bitter that you naturally destroy any pleasant feelings among the people around you and replace it with fear. I'm sure most TV readers have experienced the sensation of being at a party where everyone is happy and joking and a single angry person enters and spoils the mood for everyone.

I will say that as a parent, if you constantly react to people touching your children in a negative manner, your child will also learn to recoil when someone touches them. They are quite astute and will learn your preferred reaction quickly. You may consider this a good thing, but do keep in mind that such biases stay with them their whole lives, and it can have unintended consequences like affecting their relationship with their future spouse. Just be careful what you teach your children. Your actions do have consequences for them, and over protectiveness isn't always a good thing.

To the OP, I would say if you really feel uncomfortable with this but don't want to offend, simply tell the person initiating contact "please don't touch her, she has a skin infection and I wouldn't want you to catch it." This way, they don't feel like you are personally rebuking them. It is a good face saving solution for everyone involved. But at the same time, I would encourage you to try and become more receptive to Thai culture. Not everything conceived in the West is a good thing. The taboo against human contact is definitely one of those things that has more negative than positive attributes.

[bkkjames]

On one hand I like the fact that someone thinks my son is cute and wants to touch his hand etc.

On the other hand, I have now put in a special order of junior sized t-shirts for him that says:

"Pull My Finger at your Peril".

[Matan]

It's interesting to see how uncomfortable Western parents get when a Thai woman touches their child. It's just not the done thing in the West, but it is here and the Thais I've mentioned it to are shocked that parents would be uncomfortable with it. If you are going to have children in Thailand, accept this cultural difference and maintain your natural parental vigil.

Of course, I suppose the people who cry "Paedophile!" as soon as someone looks at their children, rather than seeing the cultural difference regarding behaviour towards other people's children (which I think only someone who has spent 95% of his time on Thai soil in a bar with a hooker on his lap could actually achieve) are probably the ones who wai to just about every single person they meet, from a petrol station attendant to a 7/11 worker.