Groan

How the hell do you post an image here nowadays?

2 antennas got married

Not a great wedding

but the reception was fantastic

Why do gorillas have big nostrils

because they have big fingers

A termite walked into a pub and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"

A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."

So God creates Adam, but sees that Adam is lonely in the garden by himself.

• God : "Adam, I'm going to create a woman for you."
• Adam : "What's a woman?"
• God : "Oh they're wonderful. She'll be beautiful, intelligent, funny, cook for you, clean for you and have sex whenever you want."
• Adam : "That's amazing!"
• God : "It's going to cost you though."
• Adam : "What's it going to cost me?"
• God : "An arm and a leg."
• Adam : "Huh... what can I get for a rib?"

Whats red and smells like blue paint?

answer: red paint

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road

Groan

How the hell do you post an image here nowadays?

Click in Reply

look for and click More reply Options

now you will find Attach Files - Choose Files

select the file and it will be uploaded

Now where the upload bar was you will see Add to Post / Delete

the Add to Post will add wherever the cursor is in the reply

and you will see something like this [axxachment=123456:headache.jpg]

(I had to spell attachment wrongly otherwise nothing was shown]

Good Luck

Thank you Laislica

^^

You're welcome

My dog has got no nose!

How does he smell?
Awful!

Well trained dog

I came out of the fish 'n chip shop with a meat pie, large chips & a jumbo burger.

A poor homeless man, sitting there said,

"I've not eaten for 2 days."

I told him. I wish I had your willpower.

I came out of the fish 'n chip shop with a meat pie, large chips & a jumbo burger.

A poor homeless man, sitting there said,

"I've not eaten for 2 days."

I told him. I wish I had your willpower.

I love this!

Beggars walk up to me so I point to my watch and tell them the time.

Occasionally they say, no, no - I need money.

I reply - indeed, we all do and walk on.

What am I - A walking ATM?

Oh, sorry, Hmmmmm, just ask the wife.....

An Irish boy stood crying at the side of the road.

A man asked him "What's wrong?"

The boy said: "Me Ma is dead."

"Oh, be jayas" the man said.

"Do you want me to call Father O'Reilly for you."

The boy replied, "No tanks, mister. Sex is the last ting on me mind at the moment."

But Laislica, my car is not red.....

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.

I thought she was joking .........

... and then I saw her face

Laislica, many thanks for the info you gave to Loong. Now I too can post images, the above is my first.....

Stay Safe

AFJ

The Pope went to Northern Ireland during a trip he asked Paddy what he thought of County Down .

Paddy says " It's <deleted> since Carol Vorderman left " !!

Laislica, many thanks for the info you gave to Loong. Now I too can post images, the above is my first.....

Stay Safe

AFJ

Oh Shit, what have I done LOL

The Pope went to Northern Ireland during a trip he asked Paddy what he thought of County Down .

Paddy says " It's <deleted> since Carol Vorderman left " !!

Sorry mate, but you're going to have to explain that one.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.

I only intended to rough him up a bit.