Did I Make Her Lose Face?

[DegenFarang]

False alarm her battery was dead, just called me from a friends phone. Not angry, coming to my place now.

Thanks for the help ya'll. Enjoy your somtom and sticky rice.

[phetaroi]

She lost face, but I would have done the same thing you did. I would have been upset that we end up going to a different location and with people I didn't know - without me being involved in the process of deciding this.

Sounds like you had plans with your girlfriend and those plans got tossed out without you even realizing it.

I agree with this.

Did she lose a little face, perhaps. But on the other hand it is important that she learn to make decisions "with" you as opposed to telling you decisions.

[IanForbes]

Funny thread. Thanks for my morning laugh.

The OP did the right thing in his original post. The GF changed the plans and he stood his ground. She has to live with the consequences of her actions. He has to live with his. If you weaken then women know they can manipulate you with anything. The OP's other posts are totally irrelevant to this topic. All they do is give a possible idea about his interests and character. It is only conjecture whether or not the other 8 ladies were going to sponge off the OP. But, it happens so often that could be a possibility.

It is VERY common for Thais to change their plans at the last moment, and that includes the nicest of the Thais. All a farang can do is make set plans for himself and follow through with them. Let the Thai women come along or stay behind. It's their choice. If they value your company they will come along. If not then there is nothing lost.

[Kadafi]

False alarm her battery was dead, just called me from a friends phone. Not angry, coming to my place now.

Thanks for the help ya'll. Enjoy your somtom and sticky rice.

Not angry as she has probably just finished banging a farang to pay for her night out, which you couldnt do!

They all tried it on, which you cant blame them on a guy who knows very little about thai culture, doesnt speak a lick of thai and just sticks to eating his farang food.

I'm sure soon as she walks through the door she will have you down by her feet like a lapdog saying sorry for not coming along...

[sassienie]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

You are the one that brought up this issue of paying in the first place.

Although I completely agree with you for not going with your G/f and her mates, I would have done the same, I think you are worried that she will consider you as a skinflint and not want to be your girlfriend anymore.

It`s not so much about her losing face, but moreso how will this affect your g/f`s feelings towards you after this.

[sassienie]

False alarm her battery was dead, just called me from a friends phone. Not angry, coming to my place now.

Thanks for the help ya'll. Enjoy your somtom and sticky rice.

Not angry as she has probably just finished banging a farang to pay for her night out, which you couldnt do!

They all tried it on, which you cant blame them on a guy who knows very little about thai culture, doesnt speak a lick of thai and just sticks to eating his farang food.

I'm sure soon as she walks through the door she will have you down by her feet like a lapdog saying sorry for not coming along...

Hit the nail on the head.

[DegenFarang]

False alarm her battery was dead, just called me from a friends phone. Not angry, coming to my place now.

Thanks for the help ya'll. Enjoy your somtom and sticky rice.

Not angry as she has probably just finished banging a farang to pay for her night out, which you couldnt do!

They all tried it on, which you cant blame them on a guy who knows very little about thai culture, doesnt speak a lick of thai and just sticks to eating his farang food.

I'm sure soon as she walks through the door she will have you down by her feet like a lapdog saying sorry for not coming along...

i'm not going to dignify this with anything other than

LOL

[DegenFarang]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

You are the one that brought up this issue of paying in the first place.

Although I completely agree with you for not going with your G/f and her mates, I would have done the same, I think you are worried that she will consider you as a skinflint and not want to be your girlfriend anymore.

It`s not so much about her losing face, but moreso how will this affect your g/f`s feelings towards you after this.

Not at all. I could have sex with her best friend right in front of her and I'm pretty sure she would not leave me.

I just know losing face is a big thing for Thai's and after I left I thought she might be losing a lot of face when they all arrived and I wasn't there.

Pretty difficult to be insecure with Thai women, at least for me. Even if they leave its not hard to find a new one.

[DegenFarang]

Why so many cynics on this board? I think its probably because most of you are 50+ and dating 20-30 year olds who constantly cheat on you and who you have to pay for.

[Kadafi]

Not at all. I could have sex with her best friend right in front of her and I'm pretty sure she would not leave me.

I just know losing face is a big thing for Thai's and after I left I thought she might be losing a lot of face when they all arrived and I wasn't there.

Pretty difficult to be insecure with Thai women, at least for me. Even if they leave its not hard to find a new one.

You think that makes her love you or something? the opposite, shows she doesn't give a sh*t about you if she would stick around after you have sex with her best friend.

You need to learn and learn fast, or else you will just learn the hard way...

[Moonrakers]

Why so many cynics on this board? I think its probably because most of you are 50+ and dating 20-30 year olds who constantly cheat on you and who you have to pay for.

Of course, that must be it. After all there can surely be no other reason for our cynicism eh!

[Geekfreaklover]

So has she arrived home yet?

[Moonrakers]

Ask Zorro, he'll know where she is.

[Geekfreaklover]

Why so many cynics on this board? I think its probably because most of you are 50+ and dating 20-30 year olds who constantly cheat on you and who you have to pay for.

I take offence to that. Some of us are 20-30 year olds that are dating 50+ year olds who we are constantly cheating on and who pay for us.

- oops hold on - my gik's mobile is ringing.

Edited November 2, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[Moonrakers]

Why so many cynics on this board? I think its probably because most of you are 50+ and dating 20-30 year olds who constantly cheat on you and who you have to pay for.

I take offence to that. Some of us are 20-30 year olds that are dating 50+ year olds who we are constantly cheating on and who pay for us.

- oops hold on - my gik's mobile is ringing.

Edited November 2, 2009 by Moonrakers

[HappyThaiLife]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

You did the right thing I reckon. You two should have spent the evening with each other...I did with my gf. 9 girls is a bit much and you had to wait for them as well.

However, I read some of your other comments and wonder what sort of deal you have with your gf? You set the precedent in past that you always pay for her friends? I don't do that; no chance. I'll pay the odd time with one of her friends.

You mentioned that you could have one of your friends and she would be back at your feet? Well, if that is really the case, she could be just playing you for your wallet and that is YOUR problem not hers. You let it happen; it is your wallet.

Curious what sort of girl she is? Office/restaurant/pub job? or BG? Farang hunter?

If you are on a wallet based relationship...look out, you are in for a fall soon enough. There is always someone out there with a larger wallet and more...

[HappyThaiLife]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

You did the right thing I reckon. You two should have spent the evening with each other...I did with my gf. 9 girls is a bit much and you had to wait for them as well.

However, I read some of your other comments and wonder what sort of deal you have with your gf? You set the precedent in past that you always pay for her friends? I don't do that; no chance. I'll pay the odd time with one of her friends.

You mentioned that you could have one of your friends and she would be back at your feet? Well, if that is really the case, she could be just playing you for your wallet and that is YOUR problem not hers. You let it happen; it is your wallet.

Curious what sort of girl she is? Office/restaurant/pub job? or BG? Farang hunter?

If you are on a wallet based relationship...look out, you are in for a fall soon enough. There is always someone out there with a larger wallet and more...

[sassienie]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

You are the one that brought up this issue of paying in the first place.

Although I completely agree with you for not going with your G/f and her mates, I would have done the same, I think you are worried that she will consider you as a skinflint and not want to be your girlfriend anymore.

It`s not so much about her losing face, but moreso how will this affect your g/f`s feelings towards you after this.

Not at all. I could have sex with her best friend right in front of her and I'm pretty sure she would not leave me.

I just know losing face is a big thing for Thai's and after I left I thought she might be losing a lot of face when they all arrived and I wasn't there.

Pretty difficult to be insecure with Thai women, at least for me. Even if they leave its not hard to find a new one.

If as you say, you could have sex with her best friend in front of her and she still wont leave, well what does this tell you?

Arr comon, wise up.

Fools never listen to advice or use common sense, they only learn by experience.

And one piece of advice is: keep spending the money, otherwise it`s, NEXT MUG PLEASE.

Edited November 2, 2009 by sassienie

[jackr]

You were a dick... along with not going you should have given her a massive bollocking... a Thai guy would have.

[sanook2me]

I'm surprised at some of the comments from the Thai (s)experts....

No face lost at all.... only in your Thai paranoid head which alot of us go through at somestage here.

Thais change their mind all the time.... when i go out with my mrs i always take spare clothing for going somewhere decent or casual because its happened countless times to me...

Honey, are we coming back home after sports..

Yes...

Erh, no after sports gets taken to fancy dancy disco in old flip flops and shorts!

They change their mind constantly and probably going to a park is not so much fun for them as they have had Loy Kratong every year its probably boring for them.....I'm sure for a gaggle of young(20s?) girls shopping around the night plaza sounds more fun than being surrounded by lots of little kids running around a park....

I don't honestly think you would be expected to foot the bill for 8 mates...who are you Rothschild? and if you were... dump her and move on...

[personchester]

I imagine the conversation when you tried to explain her what's up:

Guy> Honey, you go ahead and have fun with your friends. I'll go home and meet you later ok?

TG> Why you do this - what you say? I want go with you, why you do that?

Guy> Don't feel like hanging out with all those people, I wanted to spend time with you at Queen Sirikit park.

TG> You no like my friend? They no good for you? What you say?

Guy> It's not that, but I just wish you had asked me before changing plans.

TG> You come we have fun, I take care you ok?

Guy> Nah really, I'll go home. You go ahead and have fun!

--- insert drama here ---

The above conversation is a possibility, but it all depends on the actual relationship was/is it romantic or platonic, (and gymnastic of course) if it is the former then the action taken by the GF was a poor decision, however, the change of the original plan that she activated seems to indicate that the relationship (in her eyes) is the latter, and that she is regards him basically as her ATM man.

[mca]

Honey, are we coming back home after sports..

Yes...

Erh, no after sports gets taken to fancy dancy disco in old flip flops and shorts!

Been there done that.

"My mom's just called. The neighbour's died. Can we pick mum up?"

So there's me at Wat Nong Wang temple in Khon Kaen on a Sunday evening with the monks chanting and everybody in black and me sporting a Norwich City football shirt, Nike shorts and Reeboks feeling like a right c#nt.

[anselpixel]

This is the most entertaining thread I've seen on TV.

Thanks to the players.

[mca]

Who does fund the family, she or you ?

She

[Max2000]

OP did the right thing. In earlier days as a newbie, I was in same situation and guess what - I was supposed for foot the bill for all the girlfriends. Not a cheap evening. Never again.

Loy Kratong is a huge thing for Thais. It's a spesial night for a couple.

She want to bring her sister, then some friends? Hmmmm. Seems more like a party night with free food and booze, some shopping too. Puuuh, you just saved yourself 5-10K.

Then today she's angry at you and hang up ??

Let her cool down, and then have a serious talk with her.

I would seriously questioned her love and sinserity.

Time to set down some groud rules at the home base.

Did she loose face? Shure she did. She can blame herself - She should have asked you first.

[neverdie]

Such a funny thread. Im not sure whether to keep laughing or start crying

[MiG16]

here is what I dont understand

do couples dont talk to each other these days?

why didnt the OP simply tell the GF:

"I dont mind us changing the plans slightly and having your sister join us, but Im not looking forward to going out with 8 strangers. Id have liked it to be us, but etc etc"

that way, if she has some issues about what her friends will think or not think, you simply discuss it.

the best way is to communicate openly. otherwise you end up accumulating false impressions, misunderstanding, and so on.

instead of worrying about whether or not she lost face, shouldnt you be spending time worrying about your openness with each other and how that would affect your relationship?

in terms of footing the bill: unless the host has explicitly invited people and stated they are footing the bill Thais do NOT assume some guy will have to pick up the bill. at least not the Thais I know.

[thaihome]

Might be worth pointing out that the Night Market is across the street from Lumpini Park, which is a huge Loy Krathong place. It was packed last night.

I think the OP did the right thing for him, and it is unfortunate that the GF allowed herself to by put in a position to have to choose between him and her friends. I don’t think she lost any face because he backed out.

I do find the people that have made this into a money issue hilarious. I do wonder if some of them can actually make a post that is not about a Thai and money. That is really sad.

TH

[neverdie]

here is what I dont understand

do couples dont talk to each other these days?

why didnt the OP simply tell the GF:

"I dont mind us changing the plans slightly and having your sister join us, but Im not looking forward to going out with 8 strangers. Id have liked it to be us, but etc etc"

that way, if she has some issues about what her friends will think or not think, you simply discuss it.

the best way is to communicate openly. otherwise you end up accumulating false impressions, misunderstanding, and so on.

instead of worrying about whether or not she lost face, shouldnt you be spending time worrying about your openness with each other and how that would affect your relationship?

in terms of footing the bill: unless the host has explicitly invited people and stated they are footing the bill Thais do NOT assume some guy will have to pick up the bill. at least not the Thais I know.

Young Miggy,

You are forgetting one thing .... We are MALES. We dont like all that touchy touchy talkie talkie stuff, easier to update and change girlfriends when it comes to that

[Tim207]

here is what I dont understand

do couples dont talk to each other these days?

What is it with women and their obsession for verbal comunication? I think his feelings are pretty clear without 3 hours of sharing feelings. Ugh, I not go (this isn't the evening I signed on for). Ugh, you go have fun (it's ok it isn't a big deal, we can go out anytime). Ugh, see you when you get home (I will be waiting for you to come home so we can spend some alone time together). It isn't that hard to understand.

A woman can notice a slight change in tone when a guy talks to a pretty waitress but is oblivious to this obvious show of affection directed at her.

He is talking she just isn't listening because she is too busy trying to read a deeper meaning from a shallow pool.