...."Going out with intent".........if happy in a relationship why "Go out with intent".........doesn't quite fit does it?

I agree.

Although to be fair, there is a difference between emotional unfaifulness and physical unfaithfulness....perhaps the Thais understand this better with their mia nois.

Simmilarly, I have heard a woman say that if her husband had sex with another woman, a one nighter, and was caught, they would fight, but eventually get over it, but if he was caught in a passionate kiss with a close friend of his, there would be no argument; she would dump him. A kiss being more emotional betrayal than just lustful sex.

Remember Eric Bana in "Chopper"?

Bana. "Who are you ********! Who else are you *******?

Girlfriend. "What do you mean? I work in a brothel, I'm ******** everybody".

Bana. (thinking).... "Well who else are you kissing then?".

...."Going out with intent".........if happy in a relationship why "Go out with intent".........doesn't quite fit does it?

Yes, i agree, doesnt fit.

Remember Eric Bana in "Chopper"?

Bana. "Who are you ********! Who else are you *******?

Girlfriend. "What do you mean? I work in a brothel, I'm ******** everybody".

Bana. (thinking).... "Well who else are you kissing then?".

A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex, and so much more emotionaly involved than sex.

I can't imagine kissing a prostitute.

..a thought just crossed my mind.

I have a strong feeling that if a thread of this kind were out in the open forum, there would be more members saying things along the lines of no man can be faithful and that its instinct etc.

I wonder how representative bedlamers are? But, its very nice to read honest opinions and has been even nicer to read certain comments (for me anyway, as they match my own "belief" system when it comes to relationships).

Anyway..basically i believe we should treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.

Remember Eric Bana in "Chopper"?

Bana. "Who are you ********! Who else are you *******?

Girlfriend. "What do you mean? I work in a brothel, I'm ******** everybody".

Bana. (thinking).... "Well who else are you kissing then?".

A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex, and so much more emotionaly involved than sex.

I can't imagine kissing a prostitute.

You have led a sheltered life, I kissed a whole bar full one new year's eve, they clean their teeth like everybody else.

..a thought just crossed my mind.

I have a strong feeling that if a thread of this kind were out in the open forum, there would be more members saying things along the lines of no man can be faithful and that its instinct etc.

I wonder how representative bedlamers are? But, its very nice to read honest opinions and has been even nicer to read certain comments (for me anyway, as they match my own "belief" system when it comes to relationships).

Anyway..basically i believe we should treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.

Eek, there definitely is an instinctive drive to sow the wild oats......but its not an uncontrollable reflex.

For a civilised person, a member of our Western type of society, some instincts have to be curbed. It's all in the head.... infidelity is a choice,

I think too, that there is a difference between sex drive and the drive to sow wild oats.....a man does not have to curb his libido to remain faithfull.

Remember Eric Bana in "Chopper"?

Bana. "Who are you ********! Who else are you *******?

Girlfriend. "What do you mean? I work in a brothel, I'm ******** everybody".

Bana. (thinking).... "Well who else are you kissing then?".

A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex, and so much more emotionaly involved than sex.

I can't imagine kissing a prostitute.

You have led a sheltered life, I kissed a whole bar full one new year's eve, they clean their teeth like everybody else.

A peck on the cheek, sure....but not tongue wrestling, saliva swapping pashing. I could not pash a virginal stranger that way either....it's too intimate.

Remember Eric Bana in "Chopper"?

Bana. "Who are you ********! Who else are you *******?

Girlfriend. "What do you mean? I work in a brothel, I'm ******** everybody".

Bana. (thinking).... "Well who else are you kissing then?".

A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex, and so much more emotionaly involved than sex.

I can't imagine kissing a prostitute.

You have led a sheltered life, I kissed a whole bar full one new year's eve, they clean their teeth like everybody else.

A peck on the cheek, sure....but not tongue wrestling, saliva swapping pashing. I could not pash a virginal stranger that way either....it's too intimate.

Don't try to tell me what I did or didn't do...

I'm no prude, far from it and I've done some downright dirty things in my time, but the thought of pashing a pro.......

But, come to think of it...it's not about cleanliness neccessarily, it is about intimacy.

Intimacy is for a lover.

You're laying down physical rules and requirements for commitment, when it's all about mental intimacy, not physical.

A pair of strangers who meet in a New Zealand night club and spend one night together will carry out virtually the same physical acts that a pair of newly weds will.

One pair will continue to do so for a life time, the others may never meet again.

That's the difference between commitment and intimacy.

A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex, and so much more emotionaly involved than sex.

Now THAT I can identify with. I remember a very simple kiss (the first one) with a woman that soon after became my wife. All I can say is WOW! And, there was none of the mouth washing stuff... that came later that night. It was just a simple kiss on the lips that lasted only a moment, but it sure had a stong affect on both of us.

I've only had two real loves in my life and she was the second one. For me, our 7 year marriage was worth the heart break at the end. I can't say I've ever really kissed another woman since... and have no desire to do so.

I did all the mouth washing stuff with a wide variety of women from when I was a teenager and up until I first got married at 28, but none of it was like that first simple kiss with Maria.

Now, I just let the women decide what they want and go along with that. Everyone is a little bit different.

Emotional betrayal is yes, to me, far more unforgivable than a one night stand of sex. Which, mind, would not make me happy and if it were more than once would indicate a total lack of respect for me and I would end the relationship, but if it were an emotional betrayal of my trust that would end the relationship immediately.

As an avid reader of lifestyle columnists in the news papers it seems to me that many women are now opting for one night stands and leaving commitment out of their lives.

I suspect singles of both sexes have an eye out for Mr or Mrs right but still like a bit of casual sex on the side until they come along.

You're laying down physical rules and requirements for commitment, when it's all about mental intimacy, not physical.

A pair of strangers who meet in a New Zealand night club and spend one night together will carry out virtually the same physical acts that a pair of newly weds will.

One pair will continue to do so for a life time, the others may never meet again.

That's the difference between commitment and intimacy.

Yes....to a degree maybe, or completely......that is my point; if one of that one-night-stand-couple was jumping the fence (had a partner at home), and there was emotional intimacy, then there is a worse betrayal than if it was just a root with no passion.

I think commitment and intimacy are inextricably entwined. I think we are using the word "intimacy" differently.

Is that something like love of money being the root of all evil?

(1 Timothy 6:10)

Is that something like love of money being the root of all evil?

(1 Timothy 6:10)

hehe....I'm not religious, so I couldn't say.

I am (when it suits me) a Kiwi, though, and as the biology books state, a kiwi eats roots and leaves. Depending on where you place the commas, and on the intonation, I would say it may be a sad indictment on NZer's.

Online marriage databases to curb cheating

CHINA'S exploding wealth has created a culture of secret mistresses and second wives. Now officials are putting marriage records online so lovers and spouses can check for cheaters.

State media said Beijing and Shanghai will be among the first places to put marriage databases online this year. The plan is to have records for all of China online by 2015.

But the Ministry of Civil Affairs a few years ago said such a project would be operational by last year. Officials have not explained the delay, but not all areas have such databases ready yet. Ministry numbers show 23 of the country's 22 provinces, four regions and four municipalities do.

Bigamy is illegal in China, and corruption inspectors with the ruling Communist Party have said several officials have been guilty. That includes the former head of the National Bureau of Statistics, Qiu Xiaohua. He was called a "vile social and political influence" and expelled from the party in 2007.

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/breaking-news/online-marriage-databases-to-curb-cheating/story-e6frea73-1225982576838

..a thought just crossed my mind.

I have a strong feeling that if a thread of this kind were out in the open forum, there would be more members saying things along the lines of no man can be faithful and that its instinct etc.

I wonder how representative bedlamers are? But, its very nice to read honest opinions and has been even nicer to read certain comments (for me anyway, as they match my own "belief" system when it comes to relationships).

Anyway..basically i believe we should treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.

In theory perhaps Eek, in practice........ let me give you an example.

I was going out with a girl, before we met I had a fairly busy social life surrounding my work and colleagues. I often suggested that my GF go out for a night with her work colleagues to give her a break from me, I knew there was opportunity, I was quite happy for her to do so........ but no.....she didn't want to be treated as I would have wished to be treated............she kept coming over to join my evenings out!!

I was married and faithful the first time I got to Thailand in 1969. I stayed faithful for six months. There were many opportunities for me not to be faithful.

I flew to Hawaii over Christmas for a week to be with my wife who lived Stateside. She didn't meet me at the airport. Getting her hair done.

She had changed my prepaid hotel reservations without asking me to a cheaper smaller room and used the money difference to arrive in Hawaii a couple of weeks before and have a longer vacation there before I arrived.

Walking down the street with my military haircut a hippy attacked me and called me a baby burner (he kicked me in the balls). He was a lot bigger than I was and a dirty looking guy about my same age. He didn't walk away from the encounter.

My wife called me a killer.

I bought a fifth of Jack, boarded a military flight out of Hawaii and spent the rest of Christmas week in a brothel in Taipei.

Wife number two had an affair with my best friend and business partner. I could understand it. He has handsome, well spoken, talented and rich. His wife was a bit slow and not the knockout that mine was and I was on the road 5 days a week. But not only had he been my friend for 15 years he was also my partner and primary business contact and reference. In one afternoon in a hot tub room rendezvous romantic play place my wife not only ruined our sex life she also ruined my business life. As I saw it back then I had only two alternatives, kill him or get out of town and never speak to or see the guy again. I left town with my wife and family and started over in a different part of the country in a different business. 20 years of my life went down the tubes. She did a number on me. I wandered about in my mind with no purpose or direction for 5 years until I got it together again.

I was befriended by a stripper and a lesbian Army colonel and moved in with them. I worked 200 miles from my home during the week and lived with the two ladies during the week and went home to my wife and family on the weekends. I didn't care. She had messed up my life big time and I was going to have some fun for a change. Actually it worked pretty well for two years. The lesbian and stripper enjoyed being alone together on weekends and I enjoyed being with my family. During the week me and the ladies played and horniness was never an issue. The wife eventually discovered my living arrangement and that led to a divorce.

My third wife was a cute little Italian lady who gained 50 pounds and got a butch haircut after our marriage. I had an affair with two of my assistant managers at work. My fault. I admit it. I was 45 and my wife and the two assistant managers were all 26 years of age.

Frankly as far as fidelity in Thailand goes I am still shell shocked by my previous life.

Casual sex is so 1900.

Four years with my wife now (married 080808), never strayed.

If one was a teen in the 1960's you really know the meaning of casual sex. The advent of the birth control pill, no serious new incurable diseases, women's lib and hippies made for a sex a minute atmosphere. Then came HIV and pantyhose, sex was not only dangerous but it smelled bad.

Short skirts were attractive and sexy, Hot pants were a challenge!

I give a good right hook!!

Went out last night with a couple of male friends who i have known for more than 10 years.

One of them was rather drunk as in falling over like a dead fly drunk.

So, he came out with the rather lovely ditty -

The only dog i have slept with in Geneva is Patsycat.

I retaliated in kind with a good kick to the goolies and a few punches round the head.

I am not a violent person, but that just got me going. We are now the best of friends again and the situation is forgotten - ish.

I am not a chav or one of those women you see piccies of on a night out.

I live on my own with the cat and i think i just needed to let some of the crazy anger out of my system... and he pushed the wrong button....

Deep breaths Deep breaths!!!

And i won!!!

I give a good right hook!!

Went out last night with a couple of male friends who i have known for more than 10 years.

One of them was rather drunk as in falling over like a dead fly drunk.

So, he came out with the rather lovely ditty -

The only dog i have slept with in Geneva is Patsycat.

I retaliated in kind with a good kick to the goolies and a few punches round the head.

I am not a violent person, but that just got me going. We are now the best of friends again and the situation is forgotten - ish.

Apart from the bruises - you go girl

There's little that's casual about adultery or unfaithfulness to along term partner.

Many people talk about "open relationships" and how mature adults can handle them but it real life they seldom work.

You slip off the porch too often you can lose partner, children, home, and even the friends are usually divvied up.

I have a friend in the States who makes movies. Documentaries mostly but he has also been the main cameraman on some big time Hollywood stuff, he did one of the Beverly Hills Cop movies in the 80's among others.

I am trying to get him interested in coming to Thailand to do some filming. He is divorced, 65 and I think it would be fun to work with the guy as we did when we were both in college. Him filming and me writing the scripts. When I first got to Thailand I was a bit of a rake and rambling boy and had a photographer follow me around for a few days in the usual haunts in Bangkok.

Yesterday I was sitting at my computer emailing him some of the photo's of me with various unusual looking bar personnel, mama sans, lady boys, dancers, soi dogs, midgets; all the flotsam and jetsam that washes up on the shores of Nana, Patpong and Cowboy.

The young woman who I thought was quietly watching a movie on TV came in my office fists and nails flying accusing me of being a no account butterfly and bad person in general and not loving her as faithfully as I should.

Now my right shoulder is pained a bit and I have scratches all over my back like I was in fight with a cat.

I have never really understood how people actually think Thai women are in any way submissive because I have never met one.

I have tried for years to find a person who would go along with an open relationship and have tried to work out a couple without success.

I have a gay friend who seems to have hit upon success. He is 65 and is living with a nice guy who is 45. The younger partner likes older men and he likes men in their 20's. They seem to do OK. They have double dates all the time. Neither being attracted to the romantic interests of the other. The old guy doesn't like old guys and the younger partner doesn't like younger guys. This seemed like a good model but I have not been able to find a 45 year old woman who likes older men and who does not mind me going out with younger women.

All the typical BS aside I have not really found any younger women in Thailand who prefer older men. Accept, tolerate and cherish maybe but not really prefer. That's not to say I haven't won contests old verses young but the victory was due to stealth, cunning and wealth rather than strength and handsomeness.

Why is it every relationship thread ends up being about your various stories Mark? do you think your post here has any relevance to the OP and if so, please let me know how.

Why is it every relationship thread ends up being about your various stories Mark? do you think your post here has any relevance to the OP and if so, please let me know how.

1.Do you think there comes a moment when the person you are worth is valuable enough to you that they aren't worth possibly losing over a casual encounter?

2. Or..that casual encounters are OK, so long as the secret is kept?

SBK wrote, I have a cousin in law with four mias (three mia nois and a mia leung) his father was the same. He is absolutely honest with any new wife as to the existence of the others and a couple of his wives are actually friends. I don't classify that as cheating.

Emotional betrayal is yes, to me, far more unforgivable than a one night stand of sex. Which, mind, would not make me happy and if it were more than once would indicate a total lack of respect for me and I would end the relationship, but if it were an emotional betrayal of my trust that would end the relationship immediately.

Patsycat wrote, I got my revenge - we were still married and I got his life insurance which was the first time i got to Thailand..... and the second et al.

I retaliated in kind with a good kick to the goolies and a few punches round the head.

Mark wrote, I was married and faithful the first time I got to Thailand in 1969. I stayed faithful for six months. There were many opportunities for me not to be faithful.

Wife number two had an affair with my best friend and business partner.

My third wife was a cute little Italian lady who gained 50 pounds and got a butch haircut after our marriage. I had an affair with two of my assistant managers at work. My fault.

Frankly as far as fidelity in Thailand goes I am still shell shocked by my previous life.

Most of the comments I have written and read in this thread have been about relationships and commitment and the price paid for fidelity and infidelity.

I give a good right hook!!

Went out last night with a couple of male friends who i have known for more than 10 years.

One of them was rather drunk as in falling over like a dead fly drunk.

So, he came out with the rather lovely ditty -

The only dog i have slept with in Geneva is Patsycat.

I retaliated in kind with a good kick to the goolies and a few punches round the head.

I am not a violent person, but that just got me going. We are now the best of friends again and the situation is forgotten - ish.

I am not a chav or one of those women you see piccies of on a night out.

I live on my own with the cat and i think i just needed to let some of the crazy anger out of my system... and he pushed the wrong button....

Deep breaths Deep breaths!!!

And i won!!!

He deserved it... or more than that. Gentlemen don't tell... and if you know you might do something stupid if you get too drunk then don't get drunk.