Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

You make fidelity sound like a cowardly thing, based in fear.

What about all those god-fearing religious people who follow their god's commandments? Is it not possible to be a "good" person simply out of love for one's god?

Is it not possible to be faithfull simply and purely out of love?

Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

You make fidelity sound like a cowardly thing, based in fear.

What about all those god-fearing religious people who follow their god's commandments? Is it not possible to be a "good" person simply out of love for one's god?

Is it not possible to be faithfull simply and purely out of love?

Stay in a relationship for fear of offending one's god?..........

But we must surely ask why does love and being faithful not seem to carry many relationships through to the intended conclusion of 'til death do us part'

What is the special ingredient that holds some relationships together longer, and why does this ingredient not appear to be so readily available in these days of women being more independent financially.........in the old days....of longer marriages......how much of the togetherness and fidelity was maintained by fear?

And yes I think being in love can encourage a person to show respect for their love by being faithful. But if one is not faithful and your partner does not find out.....the only repercussions are within yourself, perhaps a fear of being able to deal with that situation is also factor?

Cowardice......no.......perhaps bravery in your self denial.......because as Ian Forbes has demonstrated you can be shat on even though you genuinely made all the effort required.

I stay monogamous because I fancy my husband still after 10 years but more importantly I respect him. He doesn't cheat on me for the same reason.(and yes, I do know) We had a convo very early in our relationship where we agreed, if we ever thought about straying to just let the other know as it would mean we had lost something & maybe had a chance to get it back before anyone made a silly mistake.

Being monogamous isn't about fear, imo that is such a stupid thing to think, for me being monogamous is about respect. If you sleep around on your partner, at least be honest & let them know what you are doing or intend to do, that way it gives them some choice in it & they can decide whether to accept it or not.

I've been here quite a few years and fidelity is a difficult situation. I know men who are committed to their wives, but more than a few of those wives have a Thai boy friend/husband on the side. Of course, the other way around is more common.

A lot of it is a function of age. Younger men just can't keep it in their pants. On TV, we have a lot of older men whose needs are a little less physical and are content with a home and a sense of security. Even some of them stray, occasionally.

Of the 20 to 40 year old range, there is more infidelity than fidelity from what I have seen. Somewhere around 35 - 50 this seems to change.

Of course, fidelity and commitment are two different things. Some men remain very committed to their partner. Sex here is a little more like alcoholism: It's hard to give it up completely, and there is the occasional slip.

Finally, people tend to remember people's shortfalls more than their virtues.

Speak for your self Scott, I was still horny at 50, it's only at 62 that my sex life seems to have slowed down to a couple a day.

I stay monogamous because I fancy my husband still after 10 years but more importantly I respect him. He doesn't cheat on me for the same reason.(and yes, I do know) We had a convo very early in our relationship where we agreed, if we ever thought about straying to just let the other know as it would mean we had lost something & maybe had a chance to get it back before anyone made a silly mistake.

Being monogamous isn't about fear, imo that is such a stupid thing to think, for me being monogamous is about respect. If you sleep around on your partner, at least be honest & let them know what you are doing or intend to do, that way it gives them some choice in it & they can decide whether to accept it or not.

I admire that Boo. I have only met two couples in my life that were in love after 10 years of marriage. One guy was a doctor and married his grade school sweetheart. In his whole life he had only had one woman. He was also a wealthy and good looking man he could have had anyone. He had a son that was dating one of my daughters. A relationship that I wholeheartedly supported. I figured like father like son. It didn't work out. My daughter went off to NYC to find fame and fortune. Oh well, sigh.

Speak for your self Scott, I was still horny at 50, it's only at 62 that my sex life seems to have slowed down to a couple a day.

Here we go again.......

Was that a deliberate and designed challenge to Marky and Ian to boast?

I stay monogamous because I fancy my husband still after 10 years but more importantly I respect him. He doesn't cheat on me for the same reason.(and yes, I do know) We had a convo very early in our relationship where we agreed, if we ever thought about straying to just let the other know as it would mean we had lost something & maybe had a chance to get it back before anyone made a silly mistake.

Being monogamous isn't about fear, imo that is such a stupid thing to think, for me being monogamous is about respect. If you sleep around on your partner, at least be honest & let them know what you are doing or intend to do, that way it gives them some choice in it & they can decide whether to accept it or not.

Kudos to both of you.

I'm not sure if I would have the gumption to make that sort of agreement,,,,,but then, I have been deeply hurt in the past and (profoundly sadly) have lost my faith in humankind.

I still believe in true love....I just don't believe I will be lucky enough to have it given to me.

Speak for your self Scott, I was still horny at 50, it's only at 62 that my sex life seems to have slowed down to a couple a day.

Here we go again.......

Was that a deliberate and designed challenge to Marky and Ian to boast?

I doubt they need a challenge.

Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

So you are saying that my wife and I, for example, are not faithful to each other out of love and respect but out of fear.

What on earth are you nattering on about?

Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

So you are saying that my wife and I, for example, are not faithful to each other out of love and respect but out of fear.

What on earth are you nattering on about?

I'd be asking him how comes he knows so much about you and your missus if I were you Mooners...................( the cheek )

Speak for your self Scott, I was still horny at 50, it's only at 62 that my sex life seems to have slowed down to a couple a day.

I am speaking in a very general manner. It's not just about being horny; it's also about actually going looking.

Speak for your self Scott, I was still horny at 50, it's only at 62 that my sex life seems to have slowed down to a couple a day.

Here we go again.......

Was that a deliberate and designed challenge to Marky and Ian to boast?

It may be difficult to understand but I never talk about relationships with others unless it has a valid point in the matter under discussion. I feel it is useless to voice repetitious platitudes and much better to use allegorical stories with the Socratic method of explaining things. Although in my case I am not creative enough to make up allegories, so use my own experiences to illustrate a point.

For example Boo could have said it is morally right to be faithful. She didn't. She used a personal experience, herself and her husband, to illustrate the point. I think this is an exemplary way to illustrate how she feels. She does get a bit carried away and judge the other point of view with a value laden word like “stupid” and perhaps this encourages flaming but in general I think her way of describing her feeling is worthy of praise.

However some people have a difficult time understanding that relating a personal experience, like Boo did, is not bragging. Perhaps Boo is bragging that she and her husband have been faithful for 10 years but that is not the main point I derived from her relating her experience. I think it is an experience different than mine and 99% of the people I know but because it is not common in my world to see faithful people does not mean it doesn't happen.

Speak for your self Scott, I was still horny at 50, it's only at 62 that my sex life seems to have slowed down to a couple a day.

I am speaking in a very general manner. It's not just about being horny; it's also about actually going looking.

Now you're accusing us of not even looking any more.

These remarks are very hurtful when you get to a certain age you know.

Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

So you are saying that my wife and I, for example, are not faithful to each other out of love and respect but out of fear.

What on earth are you nattering on about?

I'd be asking him how comes he knows so much about you and your missus if I were you Mooners...................( the cheek )

You're right, of course.

There's some incredibly insightful people on internet forums. Some even seem to know the better half and I better than we do.

It’s got nothing to do about bragging or fear of getting caught, although that could be the case in some situations. However, it DOES have everything to do about respect. And, I don’t just mean respect for one’s spouse, but more importantly, respect for one’s own integrity. Lose that and everything else is worthless.

It is easy to remain faithful if you are still passionately in love with your spouse, but that seldom lasts more than 5 years. After that the dangers can appear and you have nothing but your own self respect to rely on. I stayed faithful to my first wife for 20 years, but not because I wasn’t tempted many times. I often had to work away from home for a month at a time. That allowed me many opportunities to stray had I been so inclined. But, I wasn’t going to go down that road. Once you cross the line there is no going back. I wasn’t about to risk losing my family for a quick roll in the hay. I was still passionately in love with my second wife when she left after 7 years of marriage. I never felt any interest in other women when I was with her. But, after our marriage ended I made the conscious choice to remain single.

My father was a handsome man, and women always found him attractive. But, he was an old prude and wouldn’t breach his own principles. Despite continually fighting with my mother (verbal arguments) he never strayed in the 65 years they were married. I know, because he beat those same principles into me from the time I was born. I’m still an old fashioned gentleman because of it.

In many of my former beliefs I’ve changed 180 degrees, but never about self respect.

You're right, of course.

There's some incredibly insightful people on internet forums. Some even seem to know the better half and I better than we do.

Only because some of us have seen the same scenario played out by others many times before and listened to their stories afterwards.

You're right, of course.

There's some incredibly insightful people on internet forums. Some even seem to know the better half and I better than we do.

Only because some of us have seen the same scenario played out by others many times before and listened to their stories afterwards.

So what you are saying is, that your experiences mean that you know my relationship with Mrs. 'Rakers better than I do?

You're right, of course.

There's some incredibly insightful people on internet forums. Some even seem to know the better half and I better than we do.

Only because some of us have seen the same scenario played out by others many times before and listened to their stories afterwards.

So what you are saying is, that your experiences mean that you know my relationship with Mrs. 'Rakers better than I do?

Fighting talk that is Mooners.I'll hold your coat............

You're right, of course.

There's some incredibly insightful people on internet forums. Some even seem to know the better half and I better than we do.

Only because some of us have seen the same scenario played out by others many times before and listened to their stories afterwards.

So what you are saying is, that your experiences mean that you know my relationship with Mrs. 'Rakers better than I do?

Nope, but I do know things that can happen to any marriage that seem out of control of either partner. I have no idea about your relationship with your wife... other than you are probably both nice people. If you weren't then you'd probably be complaining more. It goes with the territory.

He's trying to back out of it Mooners...................Deck him, deck him !!!!!.................( sorry Ian, I just haven't seen a good fight in ages ).

Don't hold me back suiging. No, don't hold me back now.

Don't hold me back suiging. No, don't hold me back now.

OK mate, OK !!!! ..............................................( I wasn't going to )

Don't hold me back suiging. No, don't hold me back now.

:lol:

I needn't remind you that I'm a mean old fcuker who doesn't fight fair and it's always a nasty ending.

Ian my dear chap., fully aware of that old boy, hence I'm the one holding the coat...............( Old Suiging family motto " He who runs away lives to fight another day. If in doubt, f%%^&ck off out)

Should that not be

"He who runs away, gets to run away another day"?

Should that not be

"He who runs away, gets to run away another day"?

Anything you say Mooners, anything you say.......Just hurry up and Deck Ian. SBK's been waiting for someone to do it for months.

It's against my religion.

Anger and hatred will only allow the dark side to draw me in.

bugger