Well Eek I've had a read through, there are those that have had affairs, and the marriage failed. There are those who have not had affairs and the marriage failed. There are those who would not have an affair......so why do these people not have affairs......I believe fear... .....fear of losing what they have, fear of losing their integrity, fear of having to start over again, fear Eek........................is that the base for a solid monogamus relationship?

Does a relationship collapse when one partner no longer fears the consequences of infidelity?

So you are saying that my wife and I, for example, are not faithful to each other out of love and respect but out of fear.

What on earth are you nattering on about?

We respect the law.....because it is the law......because we love the law.......or because we fear the consequences of breaking that rule? Is faithfulness not an unwritten rule of expectation.....why would we not fear the consequences of being unfaithful? Seems to me to be a sensible way to look at being unfaithful, look at the consequences and if you fear the envisaged outcome............

You don't for one minute think I expected any person to agree do you?............after all, wives love you so much they would never ever consider feeding your sausage to the ducks even if you did stray..........fear.........naw doesn't even enter into a relationship overflowing with love...................until............

I never thought the day would come but I agree with Ian.

I grew up with an father who cheated on my mum, I have never tolerated infidelity. It's my only real deal breaker (sorry edit: one of 2 deal breakers, violence being the other).

Mr boo was informed of this at the very very early stages of our relationship. So the way I see it, he had the choice from the beginning & agreed. And as much as I respect & love him, when the opportunity to stray comes alone (and it does) I also respect myself & my beleifs.

Don't get me wrong, we have our fair share of problems but we have always at least tried to be as straightforward with each other as possible.

I was hearing recently some gossip about a married work colleague who is having it off with another colleague & the first question that I asked was "at what point did you know you didn't have respect for your husband anymore?" She seem a bit taken aback by the question, to her the affair seemed to be an ego boost, I doubt thoughts of her husband even came into the equation, which then made me wonder why she had married the guy in the first place.

There are numerous reasons why someone would cheat on a partner but I really don't' believe that respect or empathy for the person they are doing the dirty on is anywhere in sight, it is purely a selfish act. That is my opinion on it.

If you want to sleep around then be single or find someone who is happy to have an open relationship but don't lie or deceive, that is just cowardly.

Where would we rank adultery on the list of marital sins?

Many women (and men) stay with serial adulterers, is this more foolish than sticking to a violent partner?

Maybe we could make a list and rank them in order of seriousness, snoring can be lethal to a relationship, but I suppose most people would put up with a bit of farting in bed.

Is unfaithfulness less important when there's no legal marriage? I'm not married but I'm still faithful; I wasn't faithful when I was married but I justify this because she did it first and more often.

Interestingly we broke up instantly when my sins were found out, after decades of her confessing hers and me forgiving her.

Thinking back, I didn't actually like being married. I felt enclosed and (being in a violent marriage) not allowed the freedom I had been used to.

I lost alot of friends, was fired from jobs etc. I lost me.

It has taken 16 years to re-find me.

And Mark - i got the life insurance because I was his wife, and I hit my friend because the bastard deserved it. He has been hit by other female friends for saying almost the same rude comments. One actually smashed a chair over his head... and she was Swiss and one of the quietest people I know...!!! Like a little mouse of a girl.

Back to marriage, I just thought it would be a wee fairytale, unfortunately it turned to hell. We were just not good together. He didn't speak any English and I found speaking French 24/7 was just too much. We did have some laughs and I have got some good memories.

I think after a few years the bad memories sort of slip into a bad dream and you start to remember the good times.

Thank god i didn't have a little Patsy.

Guess the sin depends on what the person is willing to tolerate, doesn't it scead? Like my dad says, you never know whats going on in another man's head or another man's bed. I don't stand in judgement of others relationships. That kind of thinkgin tends to have a nasty tendency to come back and smack one in the face.

As usual, SBK hits the nail on the head!!

What a wonderful person you seem to be, I would really like to meet you sometime and have a chat.

As the saying goes "we learn by our experiences". I did, and i am sure that a lot of you lot have too. Ups and downs and good times. I shall be 48 this year and my sister shall be 58 - she called me up for advice last night on her 35 year old marriage. Who am I to give advice? Her words - "you have street cred"!! What am i to do, take her to an oldies disco!!

Not anymore - never again shall a man break my heart, or insinuate himself into my life. Apart from the cat and there may be another.

The problem being 47 is that i look at younger men, and when i look at older men they just don't do it. Shall have to get used to that, i guess. Younger men, the same, don't like my music etc. Bruce.

PS I look in at about 35. Good skin, i was told!!

My mother is 80 and looks 60.

You've no idea how many hearts you just broke with that post...

Yummy yummy me!!!

It gets down to self respect.

I know that i shall never be 30 years old again, but.

When I slapped my younger friend earlier this week - it was to tell him, never again will you treat older or younger women like how he did.

I hope he got the reasilation that women are not bits and pieces to be played around with.

Sorry, feminazi coming out....!!! Woops!!

A discussion over coffee led to a male friend saying he doesnt believe any man could be 100% faithful in Thailand.

eek,

I am a living example that this is not true.

I have never cheated on my lady, actually never been even tempted into doing so. We have been together for many years now.

:jap:

Because I'm just human and I'm tempted and Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. The Bible says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Christ said, I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery. I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times....

Jimmy Carter, The Playboy Interview: 1976.

Because I'm just human and I'm tempted and Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. The Bible says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Christ said, I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery. I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times....

Jimmy Carter, The Playboy Interview: 1976.

In 1976 I did not know there was a magazine called Playboy.

Candidate for quote of the day?

Yummy yummy me!!!

It gets down to self respect.

I know that i shall never be 30 years old again, but.

When I slapped my younger friend earlier this week - it was to tell him, never again will you treat older or younger women like how he did.

I hope he got the reasilation that women are not bits and pieces to be played around with.

Sorry, feminazi coming out....!!! Woops!!

It all comes down what self respect is worth.

You are lucky you can maintain your self respect although I don't think violence is ever a good answer.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I sold out. I wanted my own business. I was dead tired of bowing and scraping to bosses that did not have a clue, I was tired of being a yes man when I knew they were wrong. I fired people because my boss didn't like them, not because they did a bad job. People with families. I promoted people because my boss liked them not because they knew the job. I did all this to maintain my health insurance for the kids. I did this to make sure the kids went to the best schools and got a good education. I stayed married to a woman who made me feel less than a man every day because of the kids. I stayed married to a woman who had an affair with my best friend because of the kids.

I treated my depression with beer and Jack Daniels and football on TV. I tried a shrink and pills but the side effects were worse than the hangovers.

Then one day I was older and the kids were grown and my wife told me I was a washed up drunk, has been, that no woman would want. She was right. I was a drunk. I stopped drinking and moved to Thailand six years ago.

Now I have my self respect back. I am glad you have yours too. No one should make another feel small.

I never told my kids about my wife's infidelities. I met her the first time when she was still married to husband number one. I should have known better. That will be my last gift to her. Let the kids think mom's a saint and dad is the sinner.