Counseling For Thai Wife

[JingerBen]

It sounds like a mia-noi would be the obvious Thai solution.

Counseling by quacks and heavy mind-altering medication would be a psychiatric snake-pit that she might pull you into after her. It's often said here that there's a right way; a wrong way; and a Thai way, to do things.

Always take the Thai way.

In this case it would be a mia-noi.

That might be the shock-treatment she needs. Who knows?

All the best, Dude.

[connda]

It sounds like a mia-noi would be the obvious Thai solution.

Counseling by quacks and heavy mind-altering medication would be a psychiatric snake-pit that she might pull you into after her. It's often said here that there's a right way; a wrong way; and a Thai way, to do things.

Always take the Thai way.

In this case it would be a mia-noi.

That might be the shock-treatment she needs. Who knows?

All the best, Dude.

What? Double my trouble. I have enough headache with one.

[FWIW]

It sounds like a mia-noi would be the obvious Thai solution.

Counseling by quacks and heavy mind-altering medication would be a psychiatric snake-pit that she might pull you into after her. It's often said here that there's a right way; a wrong way; and a Thai way, to do things.

Always take the Thai way.

In this case it would be a mia-noi.

That might be the shock-treatment she needs. Who knows?

All the best, Dude.

So, you are suggesting to a man with a moody, unstable and abusive wife (his words I think from the OP) to go and take a mia noi.

Hopefully, at some point before the wife snaps and starts sawing away at his penis with a meat cleaver, he will realize that this is not the best advice.

OP: you have my sympathy and I hope that you can sort out a course that is not disasterous for you. Personally, I do think that the biggest con that women have pulled on men throughout history, is that somehow we are responsible for how they feel. People should take ownership of their own emotions, and not blame others. "You make me sad/angry/unhappy" is the biggest cop out going - sadly however, its what we all buy into.

[harryfrompattaya]

If she gives you nothing, what is the point of having a relationship with her? It sounds like she has so much emotional baggage that it would take several years of councelling and motivation for her to get to the bottom of herself...

Actually this started around menopause. She actually was different.

So maybe you just have to get her through menopause and she will go back to the way she was before which I trust was okay.

Good luck. Before she can have counseling she has to acknowledge the need and be willing, even if it is just counseling about menopause. Does she have any Thai friends or family that could help? Thai ladies do achieve some peace talking with each other even if it is not directly talking about the problem.

I had the same problem and I finally left. Best thing I ever did

I would say you should get counseling soon to work out your problem.

The part the she said I was acting nice to get a farang says it all

[connda]

I pulled this off an internet site that discussed anger in menopausal women. It pretty well hits the nail on the head.

Recognize the expressions of anger. Women may express anger through the emotional or physical abuse of others. These are oftentimes partners or children, who make safe targets, while the actual causes of the anger are not attacked.

Yes I do...I make a safe target. Although remaining a target will not be an option much longer.

[arunsakda]

Get out ASAP or do what a Thai guy would likely do. Get a girlfriend.

[davehowden]

Perhaps your wife's anger issues are too deep seated to resolve easily, even with counselling. But 2 other options to consider are:

1. Basic hormone level check. Maybe HRT could help her deal with menopause if this is contributing to her mood swings and abusive behavior. A trip to a GP may be a first step.

2. The old Thai standbye for minor (and even not so minor) psychological issues is meditation. Is she enough of a Buddhist that she would spend a few weeks in a temple meditating? It does have excellent results for some people.

Perhaps your wife's anger issues are too deep seated to resolve easily, even with counselling. But 2 other options to consider are:

1. Basic hormone level check. Maybe HRT could help her deal with menopause if this is contributing to her mood swings and abusive behavior. A trip to a GP may be a first step.

2. The old Thai standbye for minor (and even not so minor) psychological issues is meditation. Is she enough of a Buddhist that she would spend a few weeks in a temple meditating? It does have excellent results for some people.

My Thai gf goes to the temple for a week or so whenever things get too much for her (family, kids, me). It certainly helps and is "free", cuts down my fags and booze bill as well.

[haybilly]

Connda,

At the risk of being considered callous, I would reluctantly but definitely suggest you take the following steps.

Firstly, carefully take steps to extricate yourself and your assets from the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you will ultimately split from the relationship, but being prudently prepared would be to your advantage.

Secondly, seek a clinical diagnosis, not from a psychologist, but from a psychiatrist.

(Your wife’s behavior seems indicative of psychosis, perhaps Bi-polar which can be treated very effectively with Lithium. This is only an observation, of course. It may well be that other, less easily treatable psychosis is at play. Menopause, alcohol, and current medication could also be an issue. A correct diagnosis from a professional should help you in your decision making far more than all the posts your fellow board members make here.)

You sincerely have my sympathy, actually my empathy, as I had a relationship such as yours that continued for over 10 years with me explaining to everyone that “if you love someone, you stick by them whatever”. Unfortunately, nobody gave me the advice I am now giving you, and to be truthful even if they had, I perhaps would have still repeated “if you love someone, you stick by them whatever”.

The serious fact is that mood swings by your partner, such that you don’t know from one moment to the next how they will change, will over time have a quite devastating effect upon your own health.

So, my advice, not given glibly, not chauvinistically, but I hope in a balanced caring way, would be for you to take the 2 steps I outline above, prepare for the worst, and most importantly take responsibility for your own future and, ……Get ready to leave.

I doubt that meditation will have any significant, lasting benefit without clinical intervention.

I wish you all the very best with your future, whatever you decide.

This is definitely one of the most useful posts throughout this topic--before I got to it I was preparing to write about a close friend, a farang, who was married to a Thai lady with Bi-Polar disorder and she made his life so miserable that he attempted to end his own life--fortunately his friends saved his life; your wife needs to seek help herself, which means she has to accept that she has a problem--this may never happen; if she does not then you, Connda, need to extricate yourself and as much of your assets as you can.

[NancyL]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

That's why I made the suggestions I did in post #38, which seem to have been ignored by everyone. The OP can approach this as a joint problem -- there are problems with the relationship and both parties need to make changes. Then seek marriage counseling. Any competent marriage counsellor is going to insist on a medicial assessment for both parties, including a psychiatric assessment, especially after an initial meeting and learning the nature of the problems. They will have recommendations of where to go and who to see. That's more helpful than just saying "you're the one with all the problems and unless you do something about it, I'm leaving" and not providing any other guidance or support.

My advice is specific and actionable. No one else has actually told the OP specifically where to seek help.

Edited March 17, 2012 by NancyL

[elektrified]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

Good point. There are 2 in a relationship. Joint counseling can sometimes be helpful as well.

[connda]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

That's why I made the suggestions I did in post #38, which seem to have been ignored by everyone. The OP can approach this as a joint problem -- there are problems with the relationship and both parties need to make changes. Then seek marriage counseling. Any competent marriage counsellor is going to insist on a medicial assessment for both parties, including a psychiatric assessment, especially after an initial meeting and learning the nature of the problems. They will have recommendations of where to go and who to see. That's more helpful than just saying "you're the one with all the problems and unless you do something about it, I'm leaving" and not providing any other guidance or support.

My advice is specific and actionable. No one else has actually told the OP specifically where to seek help.

Not ignoring you NancyL. That was good info that I am definitely considering. I appreciate the suggestion. Thanks!

[transam]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

That's why I made the suggestions I did in post #38, which seem to have been ignored by everyone. The OP can approach this as a joint problem -- there are problems with the relationship and both parties need to make changes. Then seek marriage counseling. Any competent marriage counsellor is going to insist on a medicial assessment for both parties, including a psychiatric assessment, especially after an initial meeting and learning the nature of the problems. They will have recommendations of where to go and who to see. That's more helpful than just saying "you're the one with all the problems and unless you do something about it, I'm leaving" and not providing any other guidance or support.

My advice is specific and actionable. No one else has actually told the OP specifically where to seek help.

Not ignoring you NancyL. That was good info that I am definitely considering. I appreciate the suggestion. Thanks!

I tried in the UK, trying to sort out the love of my life (UK wife of 20 years), she had medical problems and her consultant could not talk to me because of patient confidentiality reasons. All went pear shaped and end of story. Sadly.

[NancyL]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

That's why I made the suggestions I did in post #38, which seem to have been ignored by everyone. The OP can approach this as a joint problem -- there are problems with the relationship and both parties need to make changes. Then seek marriage counseling. Any competent marriage counsellor is going to insist on a medicial assessment for both parties, including a psychiatric assessment, especially after an initial meeting and learning the nature of the problems. They will have recommendations of where to go and who to see. That's more helpful than just saying "you're the one with all the problems and unless you do something about it, I'm leaving" and not providing any other guidance or support.

My advice is specific and actionable. No one else has actually told the OP specifically where to seek help.

Not ignoring you NancyL. That was good info that I am definitely considering. I appreciate the suggestion. Thanks!

I tried in the UK, trying to sort out the love of my life (UK wife of 20 years), she had medical problems and her consultant could not talk to me because of patient confidentiality reasons. All went pear shaped and end of story. Sadly.

But surely the wife's medical consultant would have talked with the marriage counselor who could have provided guidance on what you could have done to help her.

[funcat]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

That's why I made the suggestions I did in post #38, which seem to have been ignored by everyone. The OP can approach this as a joint problem -- there are problems with the relationship and both parties need to make changes. Then seek marriage counseling. Any competent marriage counsellor is going to insist on a medicial assessment for both parties, including a psychiatric assessment, especially after an initial meeting and learning the nature of the problems. They will have recommendations of where to go and who to see. That's more helpful than just saying "you're the one with all the problems and unless you do something about it, I'm leaving" and not providing any other guidance or support.

My advice is specific and actionable. No one else has actually told the OP specifically where to seek help.

Not ignoring you NancyL. That was good info that I am definitely considering. I appreciate the suggestion. Thanks!

I tried in the UK, trying to sort out the love of my life (UK wife of 20 years), she had medical problems and her consultant could not talk to me because of patient confidentiality reasons. All went pear shaped and end of story. Sadly.

..small world...same problems everywhere.. my "ex-wife" psychiatrist in US have said that he can't treat her anymore cause she is stronger(!) minded that him...but here it is different,they don't just listen to us (common sense) cause we are just from different world...Thai husbands will treat them different(hmmm)...we are just to nice and have money(ATM?!)...

What works here(!) is a GOOD consensual sex...ask your wife,if she was satisfied last night,she will be nice to you next day (sorry Nancy little out of your topic)

[Beetlejuice]

Two words.

Move - On

( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. )

Sorry, Winnie, talk is easy and easier said than done.

Many married couples have financial and asset commitments together, perhaps children, maybe the husband has become too old for the attraction of desirable women and not least but most important, perhaps the OP still loves his wife, even with all her faults?

Life is not always as simple as some may believe with a quite fix solution to everything.

[drtreelove]

Try fish oil; worked wonders for my Thai wife and our relationship. We were facing similar problems and then I read an article on Omega 3 effects on depression, bi-polar disorder, violent behavior reduction in prisoners, etc. I was surprised that she went for it much more readily than councelling or other options. She's been taking multivitamins and Omega 3 supplements ever since (7 years) and it's a world of a difference.

"For years, omega-3 fats have been promoted for their cardioprotective benefits, now they are showing promise for their benefits to brain health. Science shows deficiencies in zinc, iron, protein and B vitamins in infancy can cause behavior problems in teenage years—since these nutrients are required for proper brain development. Researchers are now discovering that supplementation with omega-3 fats provides mood-stabilizing and antidepressant benefits, playing an important role in brain development and long-term health[1]. Emerging research also reveals omega-3 fats encourage the growth of neurons in an area of the brain that controls impulsive behavior; having enough of these EFAs may keep violent impulses in check. Supporting the idea that without the essential omega-3 fats the brain works poorly."

"In 2004 the National Institutes of Health published a study that found a correlation between the intake in omega-3 fatty acids and lower murder rates[2]. Since then, there have been numerous studies reaching the same conclusions. The same author published a paper in 2006[3] with the following conclusion “clinical studies suggest that supplementation with omega-3 fatty acids may reduce aggressive, impulsive and depressive behaviors” he went on to say that “omega-3 supplementation would be an important contribution to public health because these nutrients are inexpensive, non-toxic and readily available.”

Edited March 17, 2012 by drtreelove

[connda]

Two words.

Move - On

( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. )

Sorry, Winnie, talk is easy and easier said than done.

...perhaps the OP still loves his wife, even with all her faults?

Yeah. People nowadays seem to miss the point of a marriage. Nobody said it's easy. Maybe I'm old school, but I think that if you commit to marriage, you work though the issue. I consider it a moral commitment.

Too bad so many married couple think that it's OK to pull the nuclear option and destroy the marriage because they just can't be bothered to attempt to work through the issues. Talk to people who have been married 40, 50, or 60 years. They'll all tell you that they occasionally hit a wall, but they endeavored to get to the other side.

Yeah, there are beautiful, available lasses all over the place. But I'm not interested. I'll work with what I got: for better or for worse. I'm not saying there isn't a time to cut your losses, but I'm not there yet.

[rakchaingmai]

Two words.

Move - On

( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. )

Sorry, Winnie, talk is easy and easier said than done.

...perhaps the OP still loves his wife, even with all her faults?

Yeah. People nowadays seem to miss the point of a marriage. Nobody said it's easy. Maybe I'm old school, but I think that if you commit to marriage, you work though the issue. I consider it a moral commitment.

Too bad so many married couple think that it's OK to pull the nuclear option and destroy the marriage because they just can't be bothered to attempt to work through the issues. Talk to people who have been married 40, 50, or 60 years. They'll all tell you that they occasionally hit a wall, but they endeavored to get to the other side.

Yeah, there are beautiful, available lasses all over the place. But I'm not interested. I'll work with what I got: for better or for worse. I'm not saying there isn't a time to cut your losses, but I'm not there yet.

I have been going though a rough patch at the moment this comment just made perfect sense to me we are working though it a day at a time .

I guess i am not old school as i am 32 years old but i agree with your comment.

[connda]

It sounds like a mia-noi would be the obvious Thai solution.

Counseling by quacks and heavy mind-altering medication would be a psychiatric snake-pit that she might pull you into after her. It's often said here that there's a right way; a wrong way; and a Thai way, to do things.

Always take the Thai way.

In this case it would be a mia-noi.

That might be the shock-treatment she needs. Who knows?

All the best, Dude.

So, you are suggesting to a man with a moody, unstable and abusive wife (his words I think from the OP) to go and take a mia noi.

Hopefully, at some point before the wife snaps and starts sawing away at his penis with a meat cleaver, he will realize that this is not the best advice.

OP: you have my sympathy and I hope that you can sort out a course that is not disasterous for you. Personally, I do think that the biggest con that women have pulled on men throughout history, is that somehow we are responsible for how they feel. People should take ownership of their own emotions, and not blame others. "You make me sad/angry/unhappy" is the biggest cop out going - sadly however, its what we all buy into.

I actually do not buy into that. My moods are my own. I'm that only person responsible for fixing my emotions.

Unfortunately for wife, I tell her she is responsible for her own moods. Generally when she is in a "mood", I don't let her drag me down with her. That gives me the space to attempt to work through this.

[connda]

Many of the people posting here agree the wife has a problem and needs to seek psychiatric assessment. That's probably true, but no one likes to be told "you have a problem; you should go see a psychiatrist". That can be an intimidating process, especially if you've never been to a psychiatrist before.

That's why I made the suggestions I did in post #38, which seem to have been ignored by everyone. The OP can approach this as a joint problem -- there are problems with the relationship and both parties need to make changes. Then seek marriage counseling. Any competent marriage counsellor is going to insist on a medicial assessment for both parties, including a psychiatric assessment, especially after an initial meeting and learning the nature of the problems. They will have recommendations of where to go and who to see. That's more helpful than just saying "you're the one with all the problems and unless you do something about it, I'm leaving" and not providing any other guidance or support.

My advice is specific and actionable. No one else has actually told the OP specifically where to seek help.

Not ignoring you NancyL. That was good info that I am definitely considering. I appreciate the suggestion. Thanks!

I tried in the UK, trying to sort out the love of my life (UK wife of 20 years), she had medical problems and her consultant could not talk to me because of patient confidentiality reasons. All went pear shaped and end of story. Sadly.

It use to be that doctors would consider a husband and wife a family unit and information would be shared equally. Now the doctor can't talk to you about your own wife and vice versa?.

Doctor: "Your wife is dying in the next room."

You: "OMG! What is it. Can it be cured. What is the prognosis?"

Doctor: "Sorry. I can't talk to you. Patient confidentiality.........oh, we expect you to pay the bill."

Whatever county that is, if you haven't left, it's time.

Edited March 17, 2012 by connda

[connda]

Two words.

Move - On

( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. )

Sorry, Winnie, talk is easy and easier said than done.

...perhaps the OP still loves his wife, even with all her faults?

Yeah. People nowadays seem to miss the point of a marriage. Nobody said it's easy. Maybe I'm old school, but I think that if you commit to marriage, you work though the issue. I consider it a moral commitment.

Too bad so many married couple think that it's OK to pull the nuclear option and destroy the marriage because they just can't be bothered to attempt to work through the issues. Talk to people who have been married 40, 50, or 60 years. They'll all tell you that they occasionally hit a wall, but they endeavored to get to the other side.

Yeah, there are beautiful, available lasses all over the place. But I'm not interested. I'll work with what I got: for better or for worse. I'm not saying there isn't a time to cut your losses, but I'm not there yet.

I have been going though a rough patch at the moment this comment just made perfect sense to me we are working though it a day at a time .

I guess i am not old school as i am 32 years old but i agree with your comment.

Good for you. You're one of the exceptions!

[harryfrompattaya]

Two words.

Move - On

( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. )

Sorry, Winnie, talk is easy and easier said than done.

...perhaps the OP still loves his wife, even with all her faults?

Yeah. People nowadays seem to miss the point of a marriage. Nobody said it's easy. Maybe I'm old school, but I think that if you commit to marriage, you work though the issue. I consider it a moral commitment.

Too bad so many married couple think that it's OK to pull the nuclear option and destroy the marriage because they just can't be bothered to attempt to work through the issues. Talk to people who have been married 40, 50, or 60 years. They'll all tell you that they occasionally hit a wall, but they endeavored to get to the other side.

Yeah, there are beautiful, available lasses all over the place. But I'm not interested. I'll work with what I got: for better or for worse. I'm not saying there isn't a time to cut your losses, but I'm not there yet.

Please wake up you are married to a Thai who you give money too sorry. She if you can stop giving money to her

I think you are troll or afraid to get moving

Be happy

[Beetlejuice]

Two words.

Move - On

( Rather than try to work some problem that she likely doesn't even recognize, just move on and get one without issues. There's no shortage. )

Sorry, Winnie, talk is easy and easier said than done.

...perhaps the OP still loves his wife, even with all her faults?

Yeah. People nowadays seem to miss the point of a marriage. Nobody said it's easy. Maybe I'm old school, but I think that if you commit to marriage, you work though the issue. I consider it a moral commitment.

Too bad so many married couple think that it's OK to pull the nuclear option and destroy the marriage because they just can't be bothered to attempt to work through the issues. Talk to people who have been married 40, 50, or 60 years. They'll all tell you that they occasionally hit a wall, but they endeavored to get to the other side.

Yeah, there are beautiful, available lasses all over the place. But I'm not interested. I'll work with what I got: for better or for worse. I'm not saying there isn't a time to cut your losses, but I'm not there yet.

Please wake up you are married to a Thai who you give money too sorry. She if you can stop giving money to her

I think you are troll or afraid to get moving

Be happy

I agree that what’s the point of staying in a boring, loveless marriage.

But the problems is the older we get, the less our options for change become. Many have become well established into their environments, including the home and their lifestyles.

It`s not so easy for the guy’s 50 and over to suddenly just pack everything up, leave they’re wife’s high and dry and walk away leaving everything behind that has perhaps taken them years or even a lifetime to archive and then just start again. Plus, unless some of the older guys have truckloads of cash the odds of them finding a nice new desirable wife are extremely remote.

Maybe the younger guys have more opportunities to change their lives as they have the time to start again and more chances of meeting women and beginning a new family.

As for the older guys, my advice is, stay with what you have. This is Thailand, so plenty of short time available, for a price, if you know where to look and have the money. As a matter of fact, the real savvy guys can have the best of both worlds. Anyway, that’s the route I would take and sometimes do, especially when the alternatives are not so good.

Everyone`s situations are difference and as I said; talk is easy, but things are not that simple.

Edited March 17, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[BigJohnnyBKK]

If you want a real relationship, it is possible here but not easy. The bigger the age difference and the poorer the girl's background, the more difficult IMO. But never impossible.

Love is a verb, not a feeling. If you want to "have" love, you have to learn how to love, give the best of yourself to the other person, do your best to help them grow and learn to love themselves. If you have really made a committment to the other, pulling out because they are going through hard times would IMO only be betraying yourself.

However there are many dishonest people out there who will try to take advantage of others. If you're just looking for youth, external beauty and fun in exchange for money, then at least be honest with yourself and your service provider at all times so everyone is aware you're going to pull the plug when it isn't "fun" for you anymore.

Don't forget many times both sides are the victims here, not least of their own mental paradigms. Real love can sometimes turn around even the worst situation, but it always take time, patience and the willingness to suffer.

[worgeordie]

The OP must have enough good /bad information now to help

solve his problem??

In an earlier post I called him crazy for doing the house work,

dishes ect, BUT that was before he said his wife was working

and he was retired,so i am sorry for that..

So if the wife can function alright outside the house and hold

a job down ,it seems the problem is cause by the home and

the OP, or he may just be a troll as hinted at earlier,who knows

this is the Internet.

regards Worgeordie

[kropotkin]

The OP must have enough good /bad information now to help

solve his problem??

In an earlier post I called him crazy for doing the house work,

dishes ect, BUT that was before he said his wife was working

and he was retired,so i am sorry for that..

So if the wife can function alright outside the house and hold

a job down ,it seems the problem is cause by the home and

the OP, or he may just be a troll as hinted at earlier,who knows

this is the Internet.

regards Worgeordie

So Clockwork Orange will start helping in the house as soon as he retires?

I hope you have a patient wife.

[onthedarkside]

a number of the crude posts removed.

[haybilly]

I must say that she sounds like a definite candidate for a Bi-Polar condition--not sure from what the OP has said whether this behaviour is completely uncharacteristic or whether she has had periods like this in the past--also, I don't know whether Bi-Polar comdition can just 'manifest' out of the blue--but the symptoms described do seem to fit the bill.

[funcat]

It's not a soap opera,but a serious life problem...I would be glad to find some solutions for the OP and some others too...the easiest way is to just pack and leave,but some people still DO CARE... !!!

[HaleySabai]

1969-North American women demanded "freedom", now they have 'equality' but they don't have husbands..... but they do have bananas,just ask Anna!