Tomboy Gik

[kerryk]

This thread has become rather difficult to understand... and far removed from the original story

It was easier to follow before when everyone was sticking to the guy's 2 basic choices... dump her or have a threesome

Does beg the question how many of our illustrious posters have had a threesome with a Tom. Because if no one has then we can assume it is not really a choice eh?

[ALFREDO]

Thai womens interest in Farang men is purely for money and a materially better life . I believe my thai wife does actually love me .

My wife has been doing Thai lovelinks for a widowed friend ; then she thought she would try herself . She has lots of response for herself , but little for her friend .

There has been Bill clearly a wealthy man . I had to write all the E Mails , with which more and more I pinned him down to be not ready for a relationship .

Now there is a frenchman , I have had to write more E Mails . They have started to Skype , but not too much activity lately .

My wife says that if she goes off with the frenchman , I will have to marry her younger sister , who is a very butch Tom .

My wife and other Thai women are very pretty and alluring , but really all they want is money .

Do you not have any self respect?

Not to mention cajones.

-Toscano-

Are you really doing that? Help to connect your GF-wife, with other man?

You are something special!

I saw something similar in my small Isaan village lately. A relationship came in turmoil and he, NL-Belgium helped her on ThaiLoveLink.

First no positive outcomes with a German, an English, now she lives in Sweden and he still stays in their (her) house!

To the OP

A second lady in my relationship? That is normal! But usualy from my side!

Anyway, can do nothing against it, if she likes sometime sweet hours with another lady, better that, than with another man!

At least, if a pregnancy occurs, it should be still clear who is the father!

Possible after some time she finds the way back in the right harbor.

My GF had also her first sexual contacts over nearly 2 years when she was young, with Tom boys. But after she tried a man, she never looked back!

Edited May 4, 2012 by ALFREDO

[canuckamuck]

In the west when one lesbian is feminine, and the other is butch. they still call them lesbians. How is it different here. If she's bi she she's bi.

Perhaps the term effeminate carpet muncher might suit, but then again that might apply to bi man as well.

[Rainmon]

i think the wife and the tomboy have a full on relationship thats been going on for some years. the husband is just the meal ticket.

i spoke to a thai man the other day whos wife is living with a farang for 3 years he told me that when she has got enough money from him she will come back to him. same same for lesbien its not just about the money its all about the money.

tit

Farang men need to understand there is no real love for them (95% of the marriages) and they fund the Thai wife's life and family on multiple levels, houses, cars, motorbikes, ,medical expenses, list goes on and on. I have one friend that is near the age of his wife and they share expenses and she works a good job, but this is an exception. Most Farang are simply being fooled and taken to the cleaners. I would never marry or live with Thai girl (again), the cultural difference is too vast, and if I was the husband in this case, no way I would put up with this non sense and they would both be gone...and what this Thai guy says about his wife coming back after a few years is so true, I have known cases where old Farang with much younger wifes leave them after 7 or 8 years (after draining the bank account and saving up some big money) and the husbands are in shock, as the girl just ups and leaves (or kicks him out of his own house he bought in her name) after she can't take any more of the drunk fat slob and moves on...and he is left wonder what the F happen, I thought she loved me?

[Beetlejuice]

Not just Asian, open marriages have also been quite common in the upper classes in the west as well. Only recently becoming acceptable enough to disclose publicly - but not for politicians in the US, witness Newt's recent evidence voters will forgive you being a promiscuous lying cheater, but God forbid he admit he tried to come to an honest arrangement with his wife.

I don`t care about being in an open marriage.

If my wife want`s to go rompy pompy with the mailman or the local Dyke, tom cat, dee dik dy, however you describe them, than that`s up to her. What I would object to is if I was the mug that was financing her pleasures and lifestyle.

I`ve made it clear to the missus that she can do whatever she likes provided I`m not paying and this is exactly what the OPs friend should be imposing on his wife. You do what you bladdy well like, but don`t expect any financial support from me and if they believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, than happy grazing.

The problem with these people who put up with all this crap is that they are weak minded and the long and suffering..i am now in the position where I am the person that brings the money in and if those around me are not content with the support I provide for them, than they can all sod off and good luck to all who sail in her.

Edited May 4, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[metisdead]

A post asking for a translation of Thai script has been removed. English is the only acceptable language, except within the Thai language forum, where of course using Thai is allowed.

[theblether]

The problem with these people who put up with all this crap is that they are weak minded and the long and suffering..i am now in the position where I am the person that brings the money in and if those around me are not content with the support I provide for them, than they can all sod off and good luck to all who sail in her.

Brilliant Beetlejuice!!! and spot on.

Excellent

[wildorchid]

i would like to say i have a friend in germany married and start divorce paper in 8 weeks,

for a thai lady to get a married visa she must study german for 3 months, she meet and love with a tomboy in german language school, they alredy married with a german man, and then they plan together to meet in germany and keep they husband same time and take money as much as they can!

my friend can know what is happening and all they plan finish and my friend send his X wife back to thailand, and she alredy looking for a new man before she take the plane back to thailand, and now she has found a new man ( fool ) and her plan to come back too germany.

[Rancid]

Thai Toms all tend to wear the uniform of short, chubby with cropped hair, whatever fantasies some punters may have about Lesbian voyeurism I doubt would be fulfilled by these blokes. Used to live in a town-house opposite a few Karaokes, saw plenty of Toms dropping off their girls to work, also saw a few real good bitch slappings that seemed related to money as the wallet eventually came out. Another one lived opposite in another place, was constantly screaming into her phone and had gangs of other Toms regularly dropping by, police eventually carted her off on amphetamine charges, 3rd time lucky, goodbye. Whole neighborhood was utterly delighted after the fact but never showed anything prior...ah how Thai. Note: because Thais may not show it doesn't mean they aren't thinkin' it.

The OPs mate would be best keeping away from the Tom, there will probably be a gang, would also suggest he rethinks his relationship. Generally when things look suss it is because they are (and this time is definitely one of them), seems the Tom is getting impatient and surely he has figured out where the money will be coming from one way or another, also been dissing you to suss you out. She may look like a frumpy, ugly girl, but the psyche and aggression is all male so OP should figure in how much she//he covets his wife and assets. Move on, take your losses and start anew. Thai girls are "usually" the epitome of feminism, why would you want a bull dyke in your life? Come on, take some pain to get the gain, life in retirement should be relaxing and enjoyable, who needs all this crap?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Not just Asian, open marriages have also been quite common in the upper classes in the west as well. Only recently becoming acceptable enough to disclose publicly - but not for politicians in the US, witness Newt's recent evidence voters will forgive you being a promiscuous lying cheater, but God forbid he admit he tried to come to an honest arrangement with his wife.

I don`t care about being in an open marriage.

If my wife want`s to go rompy pompy with the mailman or the local Dyke, tom cat, dee dik dy, however you describe them, than that`s up to her. What I would object to is if I was the mug that was financing her pleasures and lifestyle.

To me that's irrelevant, as long as I'm happy with what she's doing for me - not just talking sex here, but believe me even just that part's a pretty dam_n high bar for most to jump - and isn't lying or otherwise trying to scam me.

And of course I'm free to dabble outside if I like and she's got no right to quibble.

As far as the financing side goes, believe me that's no great prize from me either, no upfront deposits, strictly pay as I go, enough left in reserve for severance pay to keep things civil, but never talking about more than I could earn in a few decent days' worth of light yakka.

So bottom line is I can't lose either way, and don't see monogamy as part of the bargain on either side, in fact lay it out right from the start that I think it's unrealistic to expect in the long term.

But dishonesty I won't tolerate for a second, and do my best to live up to my own expectations in that regard.

Edited May 4, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[johnrabiab]

if the tomboy is making your life hell get rid of it. backbone man

[RubbaJohnny]

Every range every age every stage life is full of variety.I think if people of any orientation are honest in loving relationships why is at anyone else's business?

Love is not for sale,prostitution is a poor alternative for poor people,how many posters here would consider it as acareer move for self or daughter?

Many say its part of society here and human nature.

I think it reflects difference in economic potential where rich can rent poor bodies

[wana]

Every range every age every stage life is full of variety.I think if people of any orientation are honest in loving relationships why is at anyone else's business?

Love is not for sale,prostitution is a poor alternative for poor people,how many posters here would consider it as acareer move for self or daughter?

Many say its part of society here and human nature.

I think it reflects difference in economic potential where rich can rent poor bodies

the rich exploit the poor in nearly every country on some level .......large corporations in the west will normally put shareholders and profits

in front of quality of life and working conditions for the staff etc ,

rich people will always employ poorer people to do unpleasant stuff they cant be bothered or see themselves as above doing that .....

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Love is not for sale,prostitution is a poor alternative for poor people

Actually it's a great alternative for many. It's their body to do with as they will, as long as they're responsible adults making their choice freely no one's got the right to criticize IMO.

And not only poor, I know one Aussie nurse had a great sideline, specialized in travel escorting for rich gents, and used that to subsidize a sideline in giving relieve to handicapped patients that would never have had a go that way, ended up starting a whole organized non-profit that now gets funding from Melbourne city council.

Retired now kids are grown but happy living in her country home fully paid for and no regrets.

You get good and bad in all countries and walks of life, don't judge or pity people by category, if you don't know their situation personally.

[brit1984]

i think the wife and the tomboy have a full on relationship thats been going on for some years. the husband is just the meal ticket.

i spoke to a thai man the other day whos wife is living with a farang for 3 years he told me that when she has got enough money from him she will come back to him. same same for lesbien its not just about the money its all about the money.

tit

Farang men need to understand there is no real love for them (95% of the marriages) and they fund the Thai wife's life and family on multiple levels, houses, cars, motorbikes, ,medical expenses, list goes on and on. I have one friend that is near the age of his wife and they share expenses and she works a good job, but this is an exception. Most Farang are simply being fooled and taken to the cleaners. I would never marry or live with Thai girl (again), the cultural difference is too vast, and if I was the husband in this case, no way I would put up with this non sense and they would both be gone...and what this Thai guy says about his wife coming back after a few years is so true, I have known cases where old Farang with much younger wifes leave them after 7 or 8 years (after draining the bank account and saving up some big money) and the husbands are in shock, as the girl just ups and leaves (or kicks him out of his own house he bought in her name) after she can't take any more of the drunk fat slob and moves on...and he is left wonder what the F happen, I thought she loved me?

I think you are wrong... obviously I have seen a few Farangs (of the "drunk fat slob" variety) holding hands with (probably) prostitutes and it is unlikely they are going to live happily ever after... but non all Thai-Farang relationships are like this... my Thai in-laws just gave me a MU7 as a welcome-to-Thailand gift... last year they gave us money to help us set up a business in London... my wife could have found a richer guy (Thai or non-Thai) to marry but she married me because we love each other... maybe I am just in the 5% of exceptional cases (that you scientifically measured) where the Thai wife is not sponging off the rich foreigner... but strangely (in the context of your comments) all the Thai-Farang couples I know personally are in ordinary loving relationships...

[Debothai]

The best option is to have them both...OR if you don't want a third woman in your bed, then change your location...Move to another province.

[WilliamCave]

I have read a lot of the posts here on tomboys and there partners. Was talking to some Thai friends about this on a few occasion and they confided in me about there younger years in school when they went to uni. A lot of Thai girls like many other cultures look at each other to see how they look and dress. And here in Thailand a lot of girls live together when going to school and they like the look of other beautiful girls and many have sampled the goods not meaning they are full out gay or Tom just because they live together in close quarters and usually sleep in the same room together even the same bed. Chances of them being to gether are high. I have heard this many times living in Thailand

[kerryk]

The best option is to have them both...OR if you don't want a third woman in your bed, then change your location...Move to another province.

I don't think any male currently posting on Thai Visa has had a Tom in bed with his wife or significant other. I think it is a fiction of porn films. So why even discuss that option. Or correct me if I am wrong.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I don't think any male currently posting on Thai Visa has had a Tom in bed with his wife or significant other. I think it is a fiction of porn films. So why even discuss that option. Or correct me if I am wrong.

I certainly have group sessions, hundreds over the years, but only a minority of them with a wife, depending on how you define the role. Many of the girls involved swing both ways, and some of them have gotten involved with each other through their relationships with me, but none of them were obvious toms other than having short hair and being more assertive than usual.

The few obvious toms involved with any of my girls haven't ever participated concurrently, but we haven't had any problems sharing amicably. Sometimes they've asked to borrow money from me directly rather than through their dee, but same issue with many Thai friends and relations as is common.

[gand]

Lady or Ladyboy? Will we be reading that the hubby committed suicide soon? Ant the wife saying he was depressed?

[kerryk]

I don't think any male currently posting on Thai Visa has had a Tom in bed with his wife or significant other. I think it is a fiction of porn films. So why even discuss that option. Or correct me if I am wrong.

I certainly have group sessions, hundreds over the years, but only a minority of them with a wife, depending on how you define the role. Many of the girls involved swing both ways, and some of them have gotten involved with each other through their relationships with me, but none of them were obvious toms other than having short hair and being more assertive than usual.

The few obvious toms involved with any of my girls haven't ever participated concurrently, but we haven't had any problems sharing amicably. Sometimes they've asked to borrow money from me directly rather than through their dee, but same issue with many Thai friends and relations as is common.

I hear what you are saying. But I have found it impossible to interest a genuine real, 100% dyed in the wool, Tom to hop in the sack with me and her dee. Has anyone?

[Ulysses G.]

I don't think any male currently posting on Thai Visa has had a Tom in bed with his wife or significant other. I think it is a fiction of porn films. So why even discuss that option. Or correct me if I am wrong.

I certainly have group sessions, hundreds over the years, but only a minority of them with a wife, depending on how you define the role. Many of the girls involved swing both ways, and some of them have gotten involved with each other through their relationships with me, but none of them were obvious toms other than having short hair and being more assertive than usual.

The few obvious toms involved with any of my girls haven't ever participated concurrently, but we haven't had any problems sharing amicably. Sometimes they've asked to borrow money from me directly rather than through their dee, but same issue with many Thai friends and relations as is common.

I hear what you are saying. But I have found it impossible to interest a genuine real, 100% dyed in the wool, Tom to hop in the sack with me and her dee. Has anyone?

I think that you mean for free. It is not all that difficult to find lesbian relationships in Thailand where a man can join in for a fee.

[ayayay]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband,

wow, really?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband,

wow, really?

No, IMO definite exaggeration. However they certainly talk about it much more openly than girls in the west - being more open about such topics in general IMO.

I think it's likely to be over half, if including adolescent experimenting, not necessarily full-on physical relationships.

[brewsterbudgen]

Your friend could do what a lot of reasonable Thais do when they think that there is too much to lose by divorcing or breaking up and have open / convenience marriage arrangement. This is a lot more common than it seems, particularly among the moneyed classes. You sit down, discuss the rules and then you might even go as far as vetting each others' part-time partners. A classic Asian detente.

Not just Asian, open marriages have also been quite common in the upper classes in the west as well. Only recently becoming acceptable enough to disclose publicly - but not for politicians in the US, witness Newt's recent evidence voters will forgive you being a promiscuous lying cheater, but God forbid he admit he tried to come to an honest arrangement with his wife.

As I explained earlier, Dee is not a lesbian, she is a heterosexual girl that is currently dating someone with the outward appearance of a man. To be a lesbian, she would need to be attracted to females who dress as girls. It is a heterosexual perversion.

This seems rather difficult for many here to grasp. Call a Dee a "lesbian" and she gets very upset!

Maybe in "Thainglish".

To me normal English terminology

homosexual = gay = exclusively prefers (people that are physically) the same sex (no matter how they dress)

lesbian = the above but only applies to females

bi-sexual = swings both ways

The finer points of the Thai language categories, or how they choose to mangle English words for their own purposes, like "mansion" or "serious" won't change how I use the words in my own language thanks.

Many Thai words/phrases don't have exact analogues in English eg "mia noi" "kreng jai".

Given a lesbian couple, I will usually refer to the male-acting/appearing one as Tom, and the feminine one as Dee.

If she also likes to go with men, then in English she's a bisexual woman. But I wouldn't count if she only goes with farang for financial reasons, just as many (most?) of the male sex workers around Boys Town just pretend to be gay for money but are actually hetero, that's just a job.

I think you've proved my point. Sorry it's difficult for you to grasp.

[rod2011]

Very enlightening topic.

What do Thai call Tomboy or Toms is there a special Thai word or just 'friend' which seems to cover many things.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

This seems rather difficult for many here to grasp. Call a Dee a "lesbian" and she gets very upset!

I think you've proved my point. Sorry it's difficult for you to grasp.

I interpreted the above as you're claiming that we shouldn't call a Dee a lesbian.

Did you mean only that we should use the term "bisexual"?

I've known many Dee that won't go with guys, and in English I will call them lesbian even if it makes them angry.

[theblether]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband,

wow, really?

My gf reckons the figure is closer to 20%, she says that she has seen many a fight take place when a Tom in particular has come on strong to a heterosexual lady. Surprisingly for me she says that there is still a lot of Homophobia in Thailand.

I'm only passing on what she says so don't shout at me.

[kurnell]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband,

wow, really?

My gf reckons the figure is closer to 20%, she says that she has seen many a fight take place when a Tom in particular has come on strong to a heterosexual lady. Surprisingly for me she says that there is still a lot of Homophobia in Thailand.

I'm only passing on what she says so don't shout at me.

I have done a count of every office I have worked in for the last 12 years, and it is way more than 20%

[theblether]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband,

wow, really?

My gf reckons the figure is closer to 20%, she says that she has seen many a fight take place when a Tom in particular has come on strong to a heterosexual lady. Surprisingly for me she says that there is still a lot of Homophobia in Thailand.

I'm only passing on what she says so don't shout at me.

I have done a count of every office I have worked in for the last 12 years, and it is way more than 20%

Could be, I don't know, what's your best estimate??

Not that I'm that bothered though, it doesn't keep me awake at night