Really Awkward Problem After Giving A Gift To A Thai Person

[fletchsmile]

Anyone saying the gifts could be taken as an insult are talking out of their behinds. While that may be true of OTHER cultures, it is not going to be the situation here for you and the specifics involved.

However it is possible that you have made the lady "shy" by being too generous- the original money (1000 baht up from 350 baht) regardless of the 90 minutes extra to find the place, is akin in the west to paying a taxi driver 100$ for an agreed $15 ride just because he helped you inside the hotel with your luggage.

It's also possible that by saying "you are not satisfied with me" she used a dictionary and mis-translated her intentions, namely that she wanted to say the 1000 baht was already too much.

The underlying Thai custom I suspect to be at work here is a very strong feeling called "greng jai"- it is sort of like "gratitude mixed with indebtedness". You get "greng jai points" for having certain social standings vs others, and by being a guest of that lady+boss' place, you are already on quite a high "greng jai score" with them. What this equates to is that they feel they should do things for YOU, not the other way around. By being so generous you upset this balance, causing them to feel overwhelmed with impotence and the inability to right the situation.

Thats my guess, given the facts provided.

Will,

Isn't "greng jai" more of an attitude of deference, where you restrain your own interests or wishes /thoughts in deference of someone else's interests needs/ thoughts. Also reluctance to disturb people? Usually lower to higher person

In the work place I used to find "greng jai" was one of the biggest obstacles to getting things done, and used to spend a lot of effort to develop an environment where people wouldn't "greng jai" me, as often by deferring to what you think the boss might want or think just gets in the way of what actually needs doing. eg won't express an opinion in case it conflicts with yours; won't disturb you if you look busy even if something is actually critical and you would rather be disturbed if you knew etc

Yes, you are greng jai your boss simply because he is "above" you socially. However, one cannot hope to eliminate greng jai from the work place. It is actually one of two very useful motivational tools (the other being "face") and crucial to the productivity of any Thai operation.

Regarding your interview question with the young lady with many older siblings- in Thailand, the youngest daughter is often the least spoilt (and burdened with the most familial responsibility). It's almost an exact 180 on western ideas on the subject. A very unlucky choice of word nonetheless!!

I've always found greng jai slows things down, as it involves deferring to the superior, not disturbing them, not challenging them etc, instead of doing what needs doing. Hence I always encourage people not to greng jai me. Working in professional areas where you want ideas, suggestions, decisiveness, action, speaking up and people to actually think for themselves etc greng jai stifles these. Working with lower level unskilled staff like maids and security guards where a no questions or authoritarian/command style culture is more effective then probably it's useful. In short it's useful if you want people to just do what you say, with you taking all the decisions, but a pain where you want people who actually think. It also gets compounded where more than two people are involved, as a lower person feels obliged to greng jai seniors, and where seniors have a different opinion it results in them doing nothing so no-one is offended

Funny on the kids, my experience has been that the older kids generally shoulder more responsibility. Often working so the youngest can study. They are also grow up helping take care of the younger kids, so develop the responsibility. Indeed one of the reasons I asked that question at interview was that a previous Thai boss always used to ask it, and it helps with familiarity. She told me that she preferred hiring the first or second born who take more responsibility in life, and were more reliable, whereas the youngest grows up being looked after.

[arthurwait]

I'll still go with the guy is wealthy/rich and got a bit insulted by being given a tip and told to go enjoy himself.

But maybe the receptionist is his wife and got insulted by her being treated like the hired hand.

Anyway it's all speculation and there's only one person that knows the truth. For gods sake ask him.