I was reading the obvious troll thread about old men / young girls ( why do they think they love you )...........

It got me thinking about this story that's happening right. You know I'm not a troll so you can take it as read that everything I say here is true. I will take it as read that some people will fly off on a tangent, and some people will a true knowledge of Thai culture will put forward compelling explanations. I have a clue as to what is happening culturally here, but no more than that......I'm telling the story so that I can be educated by others......here goes.

My girlfriend has a friend who is by far and away the very best friend she has in the world. This girl is educated, from Chiang Mai originally, and now lives in Bangkok. As far as I was concerned she is and always would be a Dee, her Tom is also from Chiang Mai and they moved to BKK together to find work and set up home together.

( For those that don't know, it's a lesbian relationship, Dee is the feminine and Tom is the butch ).

Any time I was in BKK with my lady we visited these friends and everything seems just fine, just normal. The Dee works at a major specialist electronics plant, and works in the Export Department. Just a regular girl, nothing to do with the sex trade, getting on with her life.

I noticed a few arguments brewing during Songkran between the Tom and Dee, but things seemed to be rolling along relatively normally.

So!!......I arrive in BKK in July to be met with the following developments. The Tom and Dee had separated, the Dee reckoned the Tom cared more for her family than her, and she was bitterly unhappy at that. okay, at this point who cares, in love, out of love, same old story.

Now the twist in the tale.........the Dee, who is now 32, took stock of her life and decided that she had no kids, no house, and no stability. All she had to show for 15 years of work was a car on credit. A work colleague of hers, a male who is a bit older, ( I'd say around 40 ) and not in the same looks league, ( a geek ), offered her the following package. Sin Sod ( don't know how much ), a house, pay off the car and a fancy wedding......and the hope of having kids to make the respective families happy.

She accepted..........being an idiot as I am the first thing I said to my lady was " how is she going to adjust to being with a man? ". The answer came thus........" it is better for her life ".

That seems to be a very important and compelling line in Thai culture " it is better for her life ". It's a line of self sacrifice, ( maybe too strong a term ) that seems to run through Thai culture in a way that is alien to we Westerners. So although the initial troll got me thinking about it.......this is a Thai love story.......a story not based upon modern Western ( Hollywood ) depictions of the way love should be........it's a depiction of a reality for many people.

To make life better for their family..........." it is better for her life ".

Maybe some people need to know that the dynamic of Thai society is much deeper and broader on this issue than they can believe........but I'll pass it over to the experts for their opinion.

So it all boils down to marrying for money not love.

Here we go again.

So it all boils down to marrying for money not love.

Here we go again.

No.

It is a question of the extent of subjectification into a dominant ideology. If accepting of this Althusserian material ideology then the marriage becomes a question of 'love'.

The further a person moves from the socially fabricated reality, the more doubts and sense of material concerns will arise.

....or it could just be for the money.

More a compromise than a love story, I think.

There was a situation about a year ago with a homosexual, a very old friend of one long standing female friend of mine. He was happy going to the bars and picking up other men. Never in a long term relationship. He knows he is homosexual and happy with it. Women do absolutely nothing for him whatsoever.

Yet he married a woman. Paid the sin sot. Set up house and the rest of it. From what I hear there will never be any children at all. The whole marriage is for show for his family. For his family to have a better life knowing they can say he is married to a woman even though close friends and family know he is homosexual.

In the UK they are very much against these 'arranged' marriages but here I think people are willing to make a compromise for the benefit of the family and not for themselves.

Now what was I doing, oh yes

So it all boils down to marrying for money not love.

Here we go again.

No.

It is a question of the extent of subjectification into a dominant ideology. If accepting of this Althusserian material ideology then the marriage becomes a question of 'love'.

The further a person moves from the socially fabricated reality, the more doubts and sense of material concerns will arise.

....or it could just be for the money.

I did the same thing, gave up everything for a better life. She has me now, the sacrifices I have made.

" how is she going to adjust to being with a man?"

She never had a boyfriend before, are you sure?

Indee, being a 'Tom' means, being a lesbian 150%!

But being a 'Dee' means not, being a lesbian! It means only, to take the advantage of a relationship, with advantages of a relationship, without becoming pregnat and abandoned.

I know a couple of girls, going back to the normal 'way of life' in thailand, after a 'Tom' relationship.

Ever noticed, most of the Dee's are really pretty ladies/girls? Best protection, not become a mother with 17, is a Tom 'boyfriend'

Now what was I doing, oh yes

Do you mind.......it took me 10 minutes out of my life to write that OP.

Blether I am never really sure what my wife thinks, I asked he after we were married a few years, why did you marry me, she said she didnt want to be alone she was 29 at the time i was 41, and later I asked her why she left Issan and she said because she didnt want to be poor. She worked for a chemical co. in BKK

So yes I kind of do think they look for a better future and the "love" aspect is not foremost as it might be for "us"

Having said that occasionally she grabs me in bed at night and says "love husband" so "who knows"

So it all boils down to marrying for money not love.

Here we go again.

I read it as boiling down to the practicalities of life

I did the same thing, gave up everything for a better life. She has me now, the sacrifices I have made.

Still friends with the bloke you left?

Some societies worship the individual, sometimes to their own peril. Other societies focus primarily on community and the individual is subservient to the needs of the community. I know which one I would rather live in but I understand both. Western thinking can be so black and white. Where are all the shades of grey?

Blether I am never really sure what my wife thinks, I asked he after we were married a few years, why did you marry me, she said she didnt want to be alone she was 29 at the time i was 41, and later I asked her why she left Issan and she said because she didnt want to be poor. She worked for a chemical co. in BKK

So yes I kind of do think they look for a better future and the "love" aspect is not foremost as it might be for "us"

Having said that occasionally she grabs me in bed at night and says "love husband" so "who knows"

Thats an order right ?

Blether I am never really sure what my wife thinks, I asked he after we were married a few years, why did you marry me, she said she didnt want to be alone she was 29 at the time i was 41, and later I asked her why she left Issan and she said because she didnt want to be poor. She worked for a chemical co. in BKK

So yes I kind of do think they look for a better future and the "love" aspect is not foremost as it might be for "us"

Having said that occasionally she grabs me in bed at night and says "love husband" so "who knows"

Ah to be able to read the mind of a lady.........I think that would be a curse to be honest

No way on this planet would it work. Once the financial honey moon is over the GUY will be history.

Not a gambling man but would risk 100 bht on my theory. .................

No way on this planet would it work. Once the financial honey moon is over the GUY will be history.

Not a gambling man but would risk 100 bht on my theory. .................

Which seems to be an extension of a story we are already familiar with

@TB

I think you are misinterpreting the motives.

I don't think Thai people, in general, attach as much importance to the sexual partner as we from the west do.

It's not about who she is sleeping with, but the quality of her and her families life.

I think that is far more sensible than the western ideas of romance, and everything for love.

Blether I am never really sure what my wife thinks, I asked he after we were married a few years, why did you marry me, she said she didnt want to be alone she was 29 at the time i was 41, and later I asked her why she left Issan and she said because she didnt want to be poor. She worked for a chemical co. in BKK

So yes I kind of do think they look for a better future and the "love" aspect is not foremost as it might be for "us"

Having said that occasionally she grabs me in bed at night and says "love husband" so "who knows"

Ah to be able to read the mind of a lady.........I think that would be a curse to be honest

I can’t imagine being in a committed relationship with a woman who’s mind I couldn’t read. That would be worse than a curse for me.

Blether I am never really sure what my wife thinks, I asked he after we were married a few years, why did you marry me, she said she didnt want to be alone she was 29 at the time i was 41, and later I asked her why she left Issan and she said because she didnt want to be poor. She worked for a chemical co. in BKK

So yes I kind of do think they look for a better future and the "love" aspect is not foremost as it might be for "us"

Having said that occasionally she grabs me in bed at night and says "love husband" so "who knows"

Ah to be able to read the mind of a lady.........I think that would be a curse to be honest

I can’t imagine being in a committed relationship with a woman who’s mind I couldn’t read. That would be worse than a curse for me.

You can read a womans mind ,

you are a millionaire in the making as a one off. ...

So it all boils down to marrying for money not love.

Here we go again.

I read it as boiling down to the practicalities of life

Yes I agree but it still boils down to money. Take his wealth out of the equation and she wouldn't look at him.

So it all boils down to marrying for money not love.

Here we go again.

I read it as boiling down to the practicalities of life

Yes I agree but it still boils down to money. Take his wealth out of the equation and she wouldn't look at him.

Will he look at her in 20 years time ?

@TB

I think you are misinterpreting the motives.

I don't think Thai people, in general, attach as much importance to the sexual partner as we from the west do.

It's not about who she is sleeping with, but the quality of her and her families life.

I think that is far more sensible than the western ideas of romance, and everything for love.

Hence why I said.......

a story not based upon modern Western ( Hollywood ) depictions of the way love should be

Okay so we first remove his wealth, then his age, looks, personality, manners, sense of humor, experience, attitude, lifestyle, whatever else and what are you left with? The thing is, how much money you have, affects pretty much everything about you and how you live your life. A guy with money and the same guy without money are not really going to be the same guy.

Okay so we first remove his wealth, then his age, looks, personality, manners, sense of humor, experience, attitude, lifestyle, whatever else and what are you left with? The thing is, how much money you have, affects pretty much everything about you and how you live your life. A guy with money and the same guy without money are not really going to be the same guy.

So very true.

" how is she going to adjust to being with a man?"

She never had a boyfriend before, are you sure?

Indee, being a 'Tom' means, being a lesbian 150%!

But being a 'Dee' means not, being a lesbian! It means only, to take the advantage of a relationship, with advantages of a relationship, without becoming pregnat and abandoned.

I know a couple of girls, going back to the normal 'way of life' in thailand, after a 'Tom' relationship.

Ever noticed, most of the Dee's are really pretty ladies/girls? Best protection, not become a mother with 17, is a Tom 'boyfriend'

This is very true. Many Dees revert back to real men after having fun with a Tom relationship.

To THE BLETHER

Your topic is very good.

I met a girl on an online dating site. She was 32. She was beautiful. We chatted online. We spoke on the phone. We kept in touch.

Eventually I met someone else (a real relationship), but I still chatted with this "beautiful girl".

Recently, this "beautiful girl" met a man from Austria. The man flew here to meet her. He proposed. She accepted.

All the time, this "beautiful girl" remained in contact with me. She said that she didn't love the man from Austria. She said she only wanted children and someone with money to take care of her family.

I date these girls because I live here. If I didn't live here, I would have no interest in them at all.

To THE BLETHER

Your topic is very good.

I met a girl on an online dating site. She was 32. She was beautiful. We chatted online. We spoke on the phone. We kept in touch.

Eventually I met someone else (a real relationship), but I still chatted with this "beautiful girl".

Recently, this "beautiful girl" met a man from Austria. The man flew here to meet her. He proposed. She accepted.

All the time, this "beautiful girl" remained in contact with me. She said that she didn't love the man from Austria. She said she only wanted children and someone with money to take care of her family.

I date these girls because I live here. If I didn't live here, I would have no interest in them at all.

mines different.

To THE BLETHER

Your topic is very good.

I met a girl on an online dating site. She was 32. She was beautiful. We chatted online. We spoke on the phone. We kept in touch.

Eventually I met someone else (a real relationship), but I still chatted with this "beautiful girl".

Recently, this "beautiful girl" met a man from Austria. The man flew here to meet her. He proposed. She accepted.

All the time, this "beautiful girl" remained in contact with me. She said that she didn't love the man from Austria. She said she only wanted children and someone with money to take care of her family.

I date these girls because I live here. If I didn't live here, I would have no interest in them at all.

mines different.

Yes. They are always "different".

And they stay "different" right up until the time we realize they are exactly the same as all the others.

Isn't it crazy how we all fool ourselves!!!

Okay so we first remove his wealth, then his age, looks, personality, manners, sense of humor, experience, attitude, lifestyle, whatever else and what are you left with? The thing is, how much money you have, affects pretty much everything about you and how you live your life. A guy with money and the same guy without money are not really going to be the same guy.

Yes he is a guy.

She is a lesbian, I fail to see what she is attracted to?

Oh yes money.