Going To Esaan To Meet The Family

[kangeroo]

i remember the first time to see her family i had to go to the market buy a big bag of rice and dried fish also some books and clothes for her family , whisky was another thing and smokes .

but to my surprise they put some colour on the small bedroom (as they put it ) and bought a brand new sofa and bed .

there is a lot more i could add but that would take all day . Cheers

[DILLIGAD]

OP i live in Surin, go to cambodia instead.

Why, You havn't?

[Semper]

OP i live in Surin, go to cambodia instead.

Why should he, don't they have families in Cambodia? BTW. I live in CM.

[isawasnake]

I think the biggest thing to note for me when I went out there were the people who lived around that just came up and flat out asked for money. It was only a couple, so not so bad. Giving or not gets into personal philosophy, but the fact that somebody even asks bugs me personally, not that I conveyed that. Interestingly, I guess this is just "part of their culture" whereupon you can respond to them that it is just "part of my culture to not give somebody free money who is asking for it". I mean, we are in Thailand, but I am still me, right? Isn't that what it's all about, cultures "culturing" each other?

[Gary A]

If your experience was much different from this, perhaps you picked a gold digger and should reconsider your choice of women.

You guys keep saying this over and over. Only gold diggers have greedy family members? Only gold diggers have aunts and uncles who have sold away their inheritance? Only gold diggers have uneducated members of their family with unrealistic and selfish expectations of what they deserve from a farang who married into the family? All my wife does is fight with her Isaan side of the family. I think they must have locked you in a room up there 9 years ago, your life perspective is so limited.

It appears that you have missed the point. Your girlfriend/wife should be shielding you from greedy family members and not urging you to be the walking ATM. My wife has an uncle who is one of the town drunks. I was seriously chastised because I gave him a hundred baht so he would go away. I was advised to let her handle him. He no longer bothers us.

She wasn't mean or rude, she just gave him chores to do and paid him for what he did. He didn't do much so she paid him accordingly. She explained to him that the amount she gave him was the same as she would pay any other worker. Now she is the cheap one and I am OK.

My wife does NOT fight with her family. She gives them her opinion and that is the end of it. Maybe that's not as good as it sounds because she treats me the same way. My wife knows EVERYTHING and I know how to keep my mouth shut.

[macksview]

I think the biggest thing to note for me when I went out there were the people who lived around that just came up and flat out asked for money. It was only a couple, so not so bad. Giving or not gets into personal philosophy, but the fact that somebody even asks bugs me personally, not that I conveyed that. Interestingly, I guess this is just "part of their culture" whereupon you can respond to them that it is just "part of my culture to not give somebody free money who is asking for it". I mean, we are in Thailand, but I am still me, right? Isn't that what it's all about, cultures "culturing" each other?

bugger me,you must have been in some crap-arse village for someone come up to you to beg money,you should have told your tour guide if that happens again you will never go back,she would make sure it did not most probably.

some days, there is quite a few people visit my fil's house,selling fish,prawns,vegetables,they are not the usual daily vendors,it is people short of money,fil usually buys something (even if he only will give the items to older family members),but never do they want money for nothing.

he buys stuff generally,because these people have children and he always will tell them not to buy lao, but on food for the children.

teenage children often will come to the house and offer to wash the truck/walls of property,do some gardening,polish shoes,do cleaning,take out the mil's grey hairs,but never would they expect money for nothing.

[farangme]

Hope the OP enjoys the rest of his visit.

However.

One thing to consider, if the reationship is to continue, is where the OP sees himself in a year, or five years time? At 25 he has his life ahead of him. His girlfriend's career is in the bar. Would she she be prepared to live a different life? Away from the village, away from the Pattaya bars?...I am not flaming here... It is a serious question. What are their long term plans? Or perhaps it is just a roll in the hay. If so, fine. Good. Enjoy it. If not. Beware. Most of the bargirls retired up there in Surin have serious sugardaddies who have sold all their assets and invested into the village. Plus pensions. Try competing with that as a young wipper snapper and the gf will lose face big time. It's a fiscal world up there.

Kinda difficult to support a girl from the vill with limited resources. TL is for the older guys. That is unless you can find a gal who's willing to sacrifice her most productive years for 'love'.

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[farangme]

My favorite was when 'the guys' were sitting around the fire late at night relaxing with some mekong and out of the blue, the cousin from across the soi threatened to kill me if I didn't marry her. <deleted>? Needless to say I've never stayed in the village again. Sorry, but I have to say, 'F'in hillbillies'.

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[SlyAnimal]

I think the biggest thing to note for me when I went out there were the people who lived around that just came up and flat out asked for money. It was only a couple, so not so bad. Giving or not gets into personal philosophy, but the fact that somebody even asks bugs me personally, not that I conveyed that. Interestingly, I guess this is just "part of their culture" whereupon you can respond to them that it is just "part of my culture to not give somebody free money who is asking for it". I mean, we are in Thailand, but I am still me, right? Isn't that what it's all about, cultures "culturing" each other?

I have that occasionally where I live, it's usually the guys who have fried their brains doing drugs previously. They come and ask for money or whiskey if they see me in the street. One of them, will come up and speak English with me, the same conversation, word for word, every time, before asking for money (I think he used to beg in a tourist area maybe?). My gf just tells me to ignore them, and laughs at me if I get bailed up by them in conversation. Although they don't come up to me as frequently now, I think they realise that I'm just not the charitable type.

But yeah, in general just ignore them, they aren't really representative of the general population, most normal Thai people think the same thing about them as what you do (And although they pity them, they also know that if they give them money, they'd be constantly asking for more, so that they could feed their alcohol/drug/gambling habits)

[macksview]

My favorite was when 'the guys' were sitting around the fire late at night relaxing with some mekong and out of the blue, the cousin from across the soi threatened to kill me if I didn't marry her. <deleted>? Needless to say I've never stayed in the village again. Sorry, but I have to say, 'F'in hillbillies'.

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when in the village/burb,i hop on the scooter and just ride up through little villages,sometimes get lost,but can usually understand the directions back,but only 1 village at a time because most of them dont know 3 villages either side of them,or i send a photo back to fil,and he can translate how to get me home.

in some little village i stopped at for a leo,when a big suv pulled up,out hopped 3 isaan gems,blue jeans black tops,it looked like a pattaya bg reunion,1 gem said in best bg english "i like you, you come my house it ok, farang house",stunned i said nothing,ignoring them,thankfully they left on mass.

Edited November 18, 2012 by macksview

[farangme]

My favorite was when 'the guys' were sitting around the fire late at night relaxing with some mekong and out of the blue, the cousin from across the soi threatened to kill me if I didn't marry her. <deleted>? Needless to say I've never stayed in the village again. Sorry, but I have to say, 'F'in hillbillies'.

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when in the village/burb,i hop on the scooter and just ride up through little villages,sometimes get lost,but can usually understand the directions back,but only 1 village at a time because most of them dont know 3 villages either side of them,or i send a photo back to fil,and he can translate how to get me home.

in some little village i stopped at for a leo,when a big suv pulled up,out hopped 3 isaan gems,blue jeans black tops,it looked like a pattaya bg reunion,1 gem said in best bg english "i like you, you come my house it ok, farang house",stunned i said nothing,ignoring them,thankfully they left on mass.

Ah, such loyalty (referring to the gems)

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[Mur]

wont be long before you hear the sound of the band at the wedding procession. Yours. Enjoy. That music is fantastic

[thenervoussurgeon]

I just finished typing out a fairly long and reasonably coherent post on this and then moved my mouse the wrong way and wound up on a sponsor's site with the post gone…so now to do a quicker and more slapdash effort before bed:

Some of you are, to my mind, remarkably bitter and contemptuous about this whole thing. In my 30 years experiencing this country, I’ve made the Isarn trip with a few different Thai GFs. I’ve never experienced the worst of what was described above and indeed found the experience far more pleasant than not.

I’ve made the trip without sufficient funds to be even a little bit generous and was treated with warmth and generosity. On occasions when I had more money, I never offered myself up to be exploited, was not visibly expected to, and received no ill treatment as a result of that (rather was again, treated well).

I hesitate to say this, and even apologize for doing so, but I can’t help but feel that the more extreme sorts of things some of you had happen is very possibly an indication of something about your behavior or choices and/or the woman whom you accompanied. I personally would never allow myself to be disrespected in such ways nor would I spend any time with a woman who allowed me to be or was actively complicit in it.

Were there ever any instances of behavior by relatives, neighbors or hangers on that I found unpleasant or even intolerable? Absolutely (mostly; though not exclusively, confined to inordinate and downright rude scrutiny and objectification). But my displeasure was quickly picked up on by the woman I was with or I spoke of it to her in a diplomatic and discrete way and it was dealt with.

I always had a good time. It never cost me a lot (and no more than I was willing and able to spend – which, trust me, aint all that much).

dont you realize most of us are just taking the piss and having a laugh,lighten up and laugh along with us.

[DILLIGAD]

Just expect most things to go over your head or in one ear and out the other. As long as you remember that, you will have a whale of a time.

Always have an exit strategy too.

[SteeleJoe]

I just finished typing out a fairly long and reasonably coherent post on this and then moved my mouse the wrong way and wound up on a sponsor's site with the post gone…so now to do a quicker and more slapdash effort before bed:

Some of you are, to my mind, remarkably bitter and contemptuous about this whole thing. In my 30 years experiencing this country, I’ve made the Isarn trip with a few different Thai GFs. I’ve never experienced the worst of what was described above and indeed found the experience far more pleasant than not.

I’ve made the trip without sufficient funds to be even a little bit generous and was treated with warmth and generosity. On occasions when I had more money, I never offered myself up to be exploited, was not visibly expected to, and received no ill treatment as a result of that (rather was again, treated well).

I hesitate to say this, and even apologize for doing so, but I can’t help but feel that the more extreme sorts of things some of you had happen is very possibly an indication of something about your behavior or choices and/or the woman whom you accompanied. I personally would never allow myself to be disrespected in such ways nor would I spend any time with a woman who allowed me to be or was actively complicit in it.

Were there ever any instances of behavior by relatives, neighbors or hangers on that I found unpleasant or even intolerable? Absolutely (mostly; though not exclusively, confined to inordinate and downright rude scrutiny and objectification). But my displeasure was quickly picked up on by the woman I was with or I spoke of it to her in a diplomatic and discrete way and it was dealt with.

I always had a good time. It never cost me a lot (and no more than I was willing and able to spend – which, trust me, aint all that much).

dont you realize most of us are just taking the piss and having a laugh,lighten up and laugh along with us.

3 Points:

1) Note my use of the words "some of you" (emphasis added)

2) About 1/4 of the posts I'd read when I posted that essentially said, 'Never mind anything else -- people in Isaan just want to take you for all they can get and get drunk'. It didn't upset me or offend me (I almost made a joke about bringing funds because I actually like that stupid sort of humor where you repeat something already said as if it hasn't been said - but I realized I didn't want to perpetuate that message); I just thought (as I indicated) that it said something about some of the people who posted it. And it didn't reflect what I (and apparently a few others, as it turns out) had experienced.

3) Don't assume that if someone doesn't find the same things funny that you do, that they must need to lighten up (and once they do they will laugh at the same things).

Edited November 21, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[Fookhaht]

Money, whisky and cigarettes.. and lots of money.. oh dont forget the money.. and yeah bring some cash dude!

Maybe if your "girlfriend" is a hooker and from a low moral family.

Last time I had a girlfriend from Issan and visited the family they refused to let me pay for anything. Really amazing hospitality and a great family. Dad is in the army and the mother is a french teacher.

I wouldn't respect anyone that tries to fleece a guest.

Right on, Metapod. I have made literally dozens of trips to rural villages in Isaan with friends and partner. Never once have I been exploited. Conversely, I have always been on the receiving end of kindness and hospitality.

If you're getting fleeced, time to consider finding your g/f's somewhere else rather than in the bars of Pattaya.

[thongsuknork]

momey money money money money only

[MAJIC]

1) Diarrhea - Theres a near certainty a party will be thrown in your "honour." I use honour loosely as you will be expected to pay for it and crowds will soon build for free food and drink. If, like me, you take a drink, you will convince yourself you can eat the local food and end up shitting in the worst toilet imaginable whilst wearing a miners light to see.

2) Phanum Rung - Not far form Surin, worth a visit and will get you away from the village.

3) Paranoia - People will laugh at you and point at you, the only word you will understand is farrang which will be every 6 words on average. You wont know whether they are saying "o isnt he handsome" or (more likely) "get the farrang to buy more whiskey."

I say all tongue in cheek. I love going to the misses village, whilst I would not live there its great for a few days. You will be expected to pay for everything but most of the people are very hospitable and nice. Good luck!

Many a true word spoken in Jest!

[maccaroni man]

A good game is in trying to determine who is a brother or a lover of the GF

[patongphil]

A good game is in trying to determine who is a brother or a lover of the GF

Your experience I take it.

Did you ever figure it out?

why so biiter?

[NeverSure]

A good game is in trying to determine who is a brother or a lover of the GF

True. I actually know for a fact that a school teacher near Sisaket who you would never suspect, was living with her Thai BF. She was going on the dating sites and conning farangs. One Dutch guy came and visited her 3 times. He hung out with her for a couple of weeks each time and even visited the school a lot.

NONE of the Thais would tell him. They all knew about it. He was sending and giving her a lot of money. That's just one guy I know of, and another teacher in that school who is a casual friend of mine told me about it and even sent me pictures of the two. My friend didn't approve, but she wouldn't help the guy either.

My friend told me there were other guys suckers along the way who had been fleeced, thinking they were going to marry her. She was, incidentally, very pretty and something just over 30 years old.

It's not just bar girls.