For some time now we've heard that they've run out of one of the modern world's staples in that socialist paradise of Venezuela - namely, Toilet Paper. Well, the authorities have now responded by confiscating toilet paper stockpiles. Apparently the stolen stockpiles have been depleted, because now the folks running what could be a very wealthy country have taken over toilet paper factories:

A chronic shortage of toilet paper has forced the Venezualan government to send troops to a factory to make sure stocks are fairly distributed.

The South American country has been beset by a lack of consumer goods due to inflation and tough trading conditions.

It has led President Nicolas Maduro to order a national price regulator to take over loo roll plants in the capital Caracas to verify production

processes

and distribution, before placing them under the watch of

the National Guard

.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2427867/Troops-Venezuelan-TOILET-PAPER-factory-chronic-shortage.html

This can't end well....

Bloody bloody computer! I had a long reply already typed in and the thing froze! Now I must start again with a load of waffle.

Let's return to the glorious days in the 1970s when the Shah-n-shah was ruling Iran, the sun was high, the girls were beautiful and I was building a fertiliser plant (which could produce explosives at the turn of a switch) in the environs of Persepolis.

In all Iran (well, maybe not Teheran) the toilets were flushed and the waste went into a large hole in the garden, lined with stone. In that climate the liquids filtered through the stone walls and helped irrigaye the gardens. The solids stayed behind and were broken down by the bountiful supply of insects. This system had worked for a thoussand years and helped Shiraz to have some of the most beautiful and bountiful gardens I have seen anywhere. The birthplace of the rose, the temple of the citrus trees, the city is beautiful.

Then along came the Westerners. Hands held up in horror that there was no toilet paper! The local population used their left hands and a watering can. Quelle surprise! So the local stores, ever open to new business, brought in toilet paper. And the individual cess-pits started to block up with all the papier mache that came into the pit, flowed to the sides but could not filter through. So the place began to stink and the locals could only relate it to the dirty foreigners brought in by the Shah. So they got rid of the foreigners (including me) along with the Shah, and are happily living in a stink-free country without the benefits brought by toilet paper.

As I had to earn a living I went to Saudi and built a lot of houses for a lot of soldiers, then moved on to Libya. At that time (1980) Benghazi had three government run supermarkets, Tripoli had five. Virtually no other shops in Benghazi, apart from pharmacies and cigarette shops, but a few in Tripoli. So these supermarkets sold everything needed for 300,000 citizens. As the British Army had been there from the early 40s until the early 70s we had no nonsense about using the left hand. But we did, early on, have an Ambassador. And he had a wife. And she told the British press how hard life was, because she had to bring toilet paper from the UK! So the Libyans went and shot a policewoman in London and we broke off diplomatic relations. So the Ambassador (with wife) had to return to the land of bountiful Andrex). Then in about 1986 we heard in Benghazi that the Libyans were going to build a paper factory. Now, working for the Scandinavians, this interested us greatly - all paper-making technology is either Scandi or Canadian. It's to do with trees, you see. But it turned out that this factory was only for making toilet paper, so we stepped back.

However big Maggie T must have thought that Muammar was flipping the bird to her Ambassador, because she ordered Ronnie Rayguns to bomb Libya - all because of toilet rolls.

Now the Japanese have stepped in with a peaceful solution, which I have found very attractive and have installed in palaces and hospitals in the Middle East and SE Asia. An update on both the bum-gun and the watering can/left hand methods.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJqxEbq1EDg

Said Policewoman was Evonne Fletcher, I still remember her name.

Employ a teenager while they still know everything...

Back in those glorious days of the Shah, Tehran was touted as the largest city in the world without a central sewer system. Sewage flowed into the jubes along the roads or into very large septic tanks.

Toilet paper was available in Tehran in 1974, but not sliced bread.

I did find some Kellog's Post Toasties that were 16 years old in Tehran and some WWII US army issue cigarettes in Kermanshah. Ate the Post Toasties and smoked the cigarettes.

Life was good then.

I'd probably still be in Iran if things had worked out differently.

We had nearly finished the fertiliser factory and the civil contractor (Gamma) was looking for a new Technical Manager as the German incumbent was retiring to his yacht in the Mediterranean. I had been offered the job and was agreeing terms when the shooting started.

Memories of the Westinghouse Club in Shiraz, the Grumman guys who were going to take to the hills, rather than go back to the States. It may be more than 30 years ago, but I still have many clear and fond memories of one of the best postings in my life.

But back to toilet rolls...

The Venezualan situation is just an example of the economy that has been mis-managed since the oil was first discovered. The people were not the beneficiaries of the oil wealth - this first went to the big oil companies, then - when nationalised - to the better-off in the cities.

Health and education did benefit to an extent after nationalisation, but again more in the cities than the countryside. It is easier to administer a budget that can be seen to be spent close to those who administer. When young I was a committed socialist and was too socialist for the Labour Party, thus being expelled due to my Keep Left and Young Guard connections. But through a long and varied life I have come to understand that there are very few people who have the time and opportunity to practice a benevolent socialist agenda. Most people are concerned for their own person, their family and close kin. This results in a situation like a pack of dogs fighting over a bag of bones.

And that is the situation in Venezuela today - was yesterday - will be tomorrow.

off Venezuela topic.

what about having a thread were some of us oldtimers stun the young bucks with stories of the 70s when life was an <deleted> beautiful adventure in Tehran, Baghdad, Jeddah, Kuwait, Benghazi, Bandar Abbas, Dhahran, etc.?

off Venezuela topic.

what about having a thread were some of us oldtimers stun the young bucks with stories of the 70s when life was an <deleted> beautiful adventure in Tehran, Baghdad, Jeddah, Kuwait, Benghazi, Bandar Abbas, Dhahran, etc.?

Please do! We younger ones need to be reminded how things were different back in old days. The good and the bad. Then we could make this world a bit more fun place to be once again.

off Venezuela topic.

what about having a thread were some of us oldtimers stun the young bucks with stories of the 70s when life was an <deleted> beautiful adventure in Tehran, Baghdad, Jeddah, Kuwait, Benghazi, Bandar Abbas, Dhahran, etc.?

Please do! We younger ones need to be reminded how things were different back in old days. The good and the bad. Then we could make this world a bit more fun place to be once again.

my English lankvitch noletch is two limitated to kompose an intresting topik taitel zerefor i suchest zat eizer Chuck or Humpf will do ze honours.

off Venezuela topic.

what about having a thread were some of us oldtimers stun the young bucks with stories of the 70s when life was an <deleted> beautiful adventure in Tehran, Baghdad, Jeddah, Kuwait, Benghazi, Bandar Abbas, Dhahran, etc.?

Please do! We younger ones need to be reminded how things were different back in old days. The good and the bad. Then we could make this world a bit more fun place to be once again.

my English lankvitch noletch is two limitated to kompose an intresting topik taitel zerefor i suchest zat eizer Chuck or Humpf will do ze honours.

Are you biting my coffee deprivated brain for missing few articles and commas, you old monster?

I'm serious thought. It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible). I also think that the current plastic ways of life is quite boring, compared to the past.

It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible).

my housemaid which i imported from Eritrea:

the lady who insisted that i replace my housemaid

with a Yemeni houseboy and a Pakistani driver or

she won't marry me.

grinding my teeth i complied with her request

It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible).

my housemaid which i imported from Eritrea:

Amete 1975.jpg

You must worry Mrs. Naam constantly.

the lady who insisted that i replace my housemaid

with a Yemeni houseboy and a Pakistani driver or

she won't marry me.

grinding my teeth i complied with her request

akh.jpg

Ah, I see! Well, teeth can be repaired but soulmates are hard to come by.

It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible).

my housemaid which i imported from Eritrea:

Amete 1975.jpg

You must worry Mrs. Naam constantly.

Apparently Mrs Naam breeds ducks...

Regarding the 'off topic' which seems to have superceded the original topic (and I love discussing toilet rolls) may I suggest that we form another sub-forum about our former lives - maybe on a country-by-country basis, where we can give our pro- and con- opinions, illustrated by the various incidents in our lives.

I can contribute on Iran, Saudi, Sweden, Libya, UAE, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia, Vietnam, Nigeria, Hong Kong, Singapore, China and UAE. (Maybe others where I have lived for a shorter time, such as Austria, Slovakia, East Germany, Spain and France)(These latter were not work-projects, but vacations of two months or more)

It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible).

my housemaid which i imported from Eritrea:

Amete 1975.jpg

You must worry Mrs. Naam constantly.

Apparently Mrs Naam breeds ducks...

No - it's Naam who's quackers.

Naam's a Vulcan, therefore faithful unto death.

It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible).

my housemaid which i imported from Eritrea:

Amete 1975.jpg

You must worry Mrs. Naam constantly.

not since we got married 34 years ago. but she is still unreasonable. she doesn't mind housemaids but will not allow that i keep a mia noi.

It would be nice to hear your stories of the old days in different parts of the world (with pictures, if possible).

my housemaid which i imported from Eritrea:

Amete 1975.jpg

You must worry Mrs. Naam constantly.

not since we got married 34 years ago. but she is still unreasonable. she doesn't mind housemaids but will not allow that i keep a mia noi.

On the subject of mia nois, my wife's response was "just try it". Now that sounded positive initially but there was something about the tone with which it was said that leaves me reluctant.

On the subject of mia nois, my wife's response was "just try it". Now that sounded positive initially but there was something about the tone with which it was said that leaves me reluctant.

If I may be so rude as to intrude for a moment in your off topic nostalgic reverie, I think the Venezuelan issue is self-correcting. Further economic mismanagement will surely lead to hyperinflation, which will result in the currency filling the gap, so to speak. I can vouch from personal experience that low value bank notes do double up as toilet paper in an emergency, as I experienced in both Laos and China.

Coming to think of it I wonder whether any sociologist has studied whether there is a link between Countries with high rates of dysentery also having low worth bank notes, and if so would disposing of said low value notes also lead to an improvement in public hygiene.

Naam's a Vulcan, therefore faithful unto death.

Vulcan?

Were it not so sad this story would be quite hilarious...

A country that has seen a multi-decade oil price bonanza and currently enjoys oil revenue of some $90billion per annus, whoops annum, has an economy so mismanaged that even toilet paper is in short supply. It just goes to show that the mix of tin-pot ideology and incompetence are guaranteed to wreck any economy irregardless of all the potential strengths it should enjoy. Truly tragic.

Were it not so sad this story would be quite hilarious...

A country that has seen a multi-decade oil price bonanza and currently enjoys oil revenue of some $90billion per annus, whoops annum, has an economy so mismanaged that even toilet paper is in short supply. It just goes to show that the mix of tin-pot ideology and incompetence are guaranteed to wreck any economy irregardless of all the potential strengths it should enjoy. Truly tragic.

Which is a good argument for colonialism.

A major player in the G20 (or G8) should take over the country and, for a portion of the revenue, put good fiscal controls in place. Teach the locals to run the system the colonial power puts in place and then, after a decent period, leave the country to run itself.

Colonialism and Empire work. May not be the best system, but then what is?

Were it not so sad this story would be quite hilarious...

A country that has seen a multi-decade oil price bonanza and currently enjoys oil revenue of some $90billion per annus, whoops annum, has an economy so mismanaged that even toilet paper is in short supply. It just goes to show that the mix of tin-pot ideology and incompetence are guaranteed to wreck any economy irregardless of all the potential strengths it should enjoy. Truly tragic.

Which is a good argument for colonialism.

A major player in the G20 (or G8) should take over the country and, for a portion of the revenue, put good fiscal controls in place. Teach the locals to run the system the colonial power puts in place and then, after a decent period, leave the country to run itself.

Colonialism and Empire work. May not be the best system, but then what is?

When the topic of colonialism crops up the wife and I usually argue. I remember well our trip to Singapore when I nostalgically pointed to a London style bus and proceeded to cross at a pedestrian crossing without more than a cursory glance at a car, so confident it would stop, which of course it did. What would Thailand be like today if the British had pushed across from Burma? Returning to the subject at hand I can only wonder whether through reverse cultural osmosis the bum gun might have reached blighty, or do are winters make this a bad idea?

When the topic of colonialism crops up the wife and I usually argue. I remember well our trip to Singapore when I nostalgically pointed to a London style bus and proceeded to cross at a pedestrian crossing without more than a cursory glance at a car, so confident it would stop, which of course it did. What would Thailand be like today if the British had pushed across from Burma? Returning to the subject at hand I can only wonder whether through reverse cultural osmosis the bum gun might have reached blighty, or do are winters make this a bad idea?

The japanese manufacturer Toto supplies integral bum-guns with warm/hot water spray.

It will also supply heated toilet seats.

When I was working in the Aramco offices in Dhahran the toilet cubicles also had a paper liner dispenser adjacent to the toilet-roll dispenser - these liners to be placed on the toilet seat before you sat down, to be placed in the small refuse container before you left the toilet.

I also liked, in Singapore, the automatic flush system for when you stood up or moved away from the WC, installed because of the law there that all toilets for use of the public had to be kept clean at all times. (That is a post-colonial law, though).

I loved working in Singapore, as the people I worked with (mainly Singaporean and Korean) were far more polite, better educated, more work-concious than I or my German co-workers. I admire them.

When working in Hong Kong the colonial rub-offs also included the education and work-ethic we had insisted upon in colonial days, but also carried a far larger sense of fun than in Singapore.

Have you driven in Malaysia? Look at the traffic in KL, compared to Bangkok and tell me that colonial influence doesn't work.

(But then go to Bangladesh or India and see the opposite side of the coin!!)

Amazing that there is such a fuss about something which much of the world has managed perfectly well without.

I thought the bum-gun was illegal in England, though I can't see why!

Yes, HB, Singapore is nice for a short period, but everyone is so earnest! I found it great to visit, but would hate to live there (it was fine in the '60s, before the Minister Mentor got his claws on it.)

I lived in Hong Kong for 25 years, arriving just before the Cultural Revolution. That got a bit tense at times, particularly when the Communists started leaving bombs around. After that it never looked back. I left before the 'ultimate Chinese takeway', but I believe things have not changed too much since (though it is horribly overcrowded).

But I took a Thai friend there, and after a couple of days, he said, "Take me back to Thailand; everybody here is so serious, and in such a hurry!"