My first Isaan visit.

[sirchai]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

You can't be serious. They have a bad reputation because of the US base? C'mon. and read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udorn_Royal_Thai_Air_Force_Base

Ever thought about all the other airports and "friendship bridges"??

When I ask Thai people about the bad reputation of Udon Thani girls, they point that Udon Thani reputation is due to the US base which was there during the vietnam war.

And Pattaya, same story, Sattahip base.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/25/world/asia/25iht-thai.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

When I ask Thai people.....you gotta be kidding. Firstly, they'd never tell you the truth, even if your Thai would be perfect. Then I'd think there're as many "bad girls" as in Ubon Ratchathani,, Sisaket, or any other provinces.

[Khunmanoun]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

I think your misses really really loves you don't you?

Did you say never buy a house?....did you? or are you just living surviving in hers?

The Thai psychology you pretend to know is embarrassing really,i think you need to get out more pal.

Well, my thai wife gave me 4 kids and we built a house for our (long) holidays, but we are the only ones living in it. I have travelled a lot in Asia and in Thailand in particular, I don't know if it is enough for you ;-)))

[Khunmanoun]

I just can't see where you are coming from here the family spent quite a few thousand baht on myself. Petrol.national park fees.food.beer the list goes on 5000 was a good will gesture on my part which my girlfriend refused twice before I slipped it in the window of the car when we left to head Into the airport.

Mate, you did the right thing. If I stayed at a friends house (as I do when I go home) for a week or two at a time, I would not feel comfortable unless I bought them a gift of some substantial value, or took them out for at least several high cost meals. They save me $1,000 a week in accommodation and car costs - if I spend $400 on them I'm still winning. Arguably the cost to them is negligible, but that is definitely a moot point.

So why should it be any different here. The difference is, what do you buy a poor family from Isaan to show your gratitude? A nice artwork to hang on the wall, tickets to the latest show and a night on the town in BKK, a gift voucher at Central Festival? Yeah right, they could really use all of those couldn't they.

Giving cash was the best solution - they refused as they are bound to do, you insisted as you were socially obliged to do....regardless of what country you're in. They showed you tremendous hospitality and you repaid them in the most practical sense - a cash gift. The amount was IMHO appropriate. 5k is not loose change for a Falang, and it's not a huge fortune for a Thai farmer.

As to the future etc.....well it hasn't happened yet. You'll have to wait and see what it brings and how you handle each and every situation. Try your best to make sure the outcome/s are what you want and are happy with. No doubt you will be tested, as you would be tested in any relationship with in-laws in your own country.

Arm yourself with as much information as you can (good and bad opinions should all be welcomed), put them through the grinder and form your own conclusions. As different things happen, refine your thinking and reform your opinion, ad infinitum. It ain't all good, and it ain't all bad either. Learn from your mistakes, don't make the same mistake twice, remain in control.

$1000 dollars a week in Esaan ? Are you kidding ? This is 32,000 Baths, please explain how you can spend that in rural Thailand in a week. You can stay more than two months in an hotel in Khorat for that money.

[Khunmanoun]

This is a fact that Udon Thani girls have a bad reputation in Thailand, my friend. You accept it or not, it will not change. This does not mean that the girls from other parts are good ...

[asdecas]

@ Ryro88 - You stayed 4 days in Isaan, where everything is dirt cheap and you really believe village people spent close to 5000 on you ? Well, I have doubts.

A good meal cost 50 baths, how much is benzine now ? A night in an hotel cost 400-500 baths.

I generally find that eight baths are sufficient for a four-day stay.

[Lobo4455]

So guys all the girls tht work in Pattaya Massage Parlours are from Isaan?Well I just got back from Pattaya and looks like I m in love with a local girl there...

[MrRed]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

I think your misses really really loves you don't you?

Did you say never buy a house?....did you? or are you just living surviving in hers?

The Thai psychology you pretend to know is embarrassing really,i think you need to get out more pal.

Well, my thai wife gave me 4 kids and we built a house for our (long) holidays, but we are the only ones living in it. I have travelled a lot in Asia and in Thailand in particular, I don't know if it is enough for you ;-)))

Thanks for clearing that up .....so you did build a house with your money.........but advised others not to do! why?

[Khunmanoun]

Hey guys, a nice reading on Udon Thani here :

http://www.thailovelines.com/Frontinfo/udon-thani-marry-a-thai-woman.html

[MrRed]

Concerning the warm welcome you have received, I got the same treatment 17 years ago, and I am still very warmly received in the village. They are certainly sincere. But please separate money from that. You do not need to PAY for that, it is free. Certainly, if something happens to a family member, not helping at all would get you a bad reputation, but this is perfecly understandable. Do not build any house, deal with big amounts of money before a couple of years. Take your time !

Just so people can see you are talking in riddles......and by your other posts i would imagine your first love was from Udon Thani lol!

Anyway carry on old bean.

Sincere hahaha ...your cover is blown!

[Khunmanoun]

Thanks for clearing that up .....so you did build a house with your money.........but advised others not to do! why?

Where did you see I gave such an advice ? I said the OP gave too much money during his first visit imho, and I adviced he waited a couple of years before doing anything big with his money over there.

I have nothing against building a house there. To be honest, when I did mine, I spent waaay too much because I did not know anything about construction. Now if I had to build a new house I would do it for 2-3 times less.

The problem in Thailand is that you can find many cheap workers (200-300 baths per day) but it is very hard to find good and cheap construction managers. But I am disgressing. My point is that when you have some experience of Thailand, everything magically cost 2-3 times less.

[Khunmanoun]

Concerning the warm welcome you have received, I got the same treatment 17 years ago, and I am still very warmly received in the village. They are certainly sincere. But please separate money from that. You do not need to PAY for that, it is free. Certainly, if something happens to a family member, not helping at all would get you a bad reputation, but this is perfecly understandable. Do not build any house, deal with big amounts of money before a couple of years. Take your time !

Just so people can see you are talking in riddles......and by your other posts i would imagine your first love was from Udon Thani lol!

Anyway carry on old bean.

Sincere hahaha ...your cover is blown!

I have had one only love in Thailand and she is my wife, hopefully for life. And she is from Khorat, not Udon.

Do not build any house before a couple of years. Take your time ! PLease read the full sentence.

[MrRed]

See my above post

Sincerity will never cost less.

[thongsuknork]

Well nice posts i liked many of the posts but all are true , i belong to issan no problem build a home and stay in Issan one day if u feel like so Welcome to Issan what happens depends on us how we take things be smart and live Happily.

[misterphil]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

Very true. I wish someone would visit me, buy me dinner and then give me a months salary when they leave.

[myluckythai]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

indeed.giving m this is like giving a european 1000 euro's. Now the fun starts. and 4 days is easy to show only your good side and hardly enough to get a real impression. But i hope Op is right and they are indeed very nice and not leeches. good luck to you OP

[Loles]

I didn't expect that they would throw rotten eggs at you on the first visit. Not to worry, you will soon be erecting a nice house on "family-land" for the clan and be willing to live in Nakhon nowhere for the rest of your live.

Once accomplished, you will find out if the "hospitality" is a lasting factor. If yes, you may have hit the jackpot. If not, you are in good company. "V" does rarely stand for "Victory" for Farangs in Thailand, more so for "Victim".

Cheers.

Yes swissie, this is my opinion also. I have many experiences (mine and my friend's too).

They are so grabby, and I have never seen exeption. Before or after, but the black soup comes.

Sorry to say it, but this is the true life there.

The last demand against me was I have to build a house to the village's WAT, not so big, only 4 bedrooms enough for monks. Those money hungry team "family" wanted to make big face with sign their name to the house's wall. Not my name, their name.

I told them, OK, I coming soon back ...

[Queenslander]

Congratulations on your first trip to this beautiful part of the country. As one who is married ( 10 years now) to an Isaan woman I know that there are genuine lades and families in this area. Good luck with your relationship - me? - could not be happier!!

[Loles]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

indeed.giving m this is like giving a european 1000 euro's. Now the fun starts. and 4 days is easy to show only your good side and hardly enough to get a real impression. But i hope Op is right and they are indeed very nice and not leeches. good luck to you OP

And my question: why you have to pay at all?

When some-one visits your mother at home the guest pays for them ???

And this is not THAI, this ISAAN, and this a very big different.

[misterphil]

I just can't see where you are coming from here the family spent quite a few thousand baht on myself. Petrol.national park fees.food.beer the list goes on 5000 was a good will gesture on my part which my girlfriend refused twice before I slipped it in the window of the car when we left to head Into the airport.

Mate, you did the right thing. If I stayed at a friends house (as I do when I go home) for a week or two at a time, I would not feel comfortable unless I bought them a gift of some substantial value, or took them out for at least several high cost meals. They save me $1,000 a week in accommodation and car costs - if I spend $400 on them I'm still winning. Arguably the cost to them is negligible, but that is definitely a moot point.

So why should it be any different here. The difference is, what do you buy a poor family from Isaan to show your gratitude? A nice artwork to hang on the wall, tickets to the latest show and a night on the town in BKK, a gift voucher at Central Festival? Yeah right, they could really use all of those couldn't they.

Giving cash was the best solution - they refused as they are bound to do, you insisted as you were socially obliged to do....regardless of what country you're in. They showed you tremendous hospitality and you repaid them in the most practical sense - a cash gift. The amount was IMHO appropriate. 5k is not loose change for a Falang, and it's not a huge fortune for a Thai farmer.

As to the future etc.....well it hasn't happened yet. You'll have to wait and see what it brings and how you handle each and every situation. Try your best to make sure the outcome/s are what you want and are happy with. No doubt you will be tested, as you would be tested in any relationship with in-laws in your own country.

Arm yourself with as much information as you can (good and bad opinions should all be welcomed), put them through the grinder and form your own conclusions. As different things happen, refine your thinking and reform your opinion, ad infinitum. It ain't all good, and it ain't all bad either. Learn from your mistakes, don't make the same mistake twice, remain in control.

Dont make the same mistake twice is the best advice to any foreigner living in this Country.

Whats the saying? Once bitten twice shy.

Edited November 25, 2013 by misterphil

[rgs2001uk]

Your story sounds very similar to my first visit to Buri Ram, with a hooker who worked in a bar in Pattaya many moons ago.

Same thing, a big party, everybody almost too friendly. Then some things like: "Look at my house, it needs a new roof".etc...

Unfortunately that was 20 years ago and I quit my "renting" women life. But I can assure you that most girls/women bring their foreign boy friends to their village in a way that all seems to be fine.

I didn't speak their language, nor could I eat their food. That has changed, when I met my wife when I wasn't looking for companionship. Then I lived a year in her village and guess I know what people think when a foreigner shows up.

Now were're happily married for more than 11 years and we still see foreigners coming to the village from time to time. Same same, but different.-

very similar to my first visit to Buri Ram,

I read no more, before falling of the chair and pissing myself with laughter, yes been there done that.

Good old Boo Lee Lam, forever joined at the hip with with its twin (Khmer as opposed to Siamese) sister, Soo Lin.

<deleted>, even the Thais laugh on hearing these names.

[dao16]

Yeah, I remember this thread from before. I think what you did sounds alright. 5k isn't an insane amount, especially if you are seriously interested in the girl. nice gesture.

Really, I find you can't win either way in the short run. If you spend a bunch, you will be an ATM; if you don't spend anything, you will be "ki niao." So, I don't pay much attention to that junk.

Now just realize that, even though I think your 5k gift was fine, what others are saying is true. You are expected to set limits when it comes to money--NOBODY ELSE WILL DO IT FOR YOU. They will take and take and take. I have seen it between Thais. People are just always on take mode, but in the village it mostly turns out to balance out (although some take more than they give, for sure). Since you are a foreigner, you are definitely seen as having more to give.

Anyway, here is a suggestion: next trip, stop by spend regularly and then NO GIFT at the end, or like 500 for mom and 500 for dad. See how that goes down. Don't make a thing of it, but try it. You will get some idea of how they will adjust.

Honestly, my wife and family will spend whatever you give them. It is an endless, gaping maw of need. My wife even knows it and gives me what she earns and lets me divvy it out to her as needed (I keep it separate from my money).

I figured it out, though, several years ago when my wife was talking to me about finances and said "I know you would never let us run out of money." After some clarification, it turned out that she meant that she trusted me to use the money appropriately--even if it meant saying "no" to her or her family.

This will sound bad, but many Thai ladies are like that. They like to spend their husbands' money, but they also expect the husband to manage the money. You lay down the law. Say no when it is overboard. Say yes when you want to and it is reasonable.

I still give money to my in-law (the parents) and sometimes to brothers and cousins and nephews, but I don't feel bad if I can't (or don't want to) and they recognize that and don't make trouble about it.

Set boundaries.....sorry, rambling over.

[Maggusoil]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

You can't be serious. They have a bad reputation because of the US base? C'mon. and read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udorn_Royal_Thai_Air_Force_Base

Ever thought about all the other airports and "friendship bridges"??

No this Khunmanoun, speaks Thai and he is an expert.

Udon Thani girls are bad. Other girls in Isaan are good.

You must believe him. He says he knows and has made his pronouncement.

That's that.

and . . . err . . . . that's being careful about making a generality of course

except about Udon Thani girls

mmm

the intellect is awesome no doubt

[Maggusoil]

Khounmanoun, I would get off the bus right here, before you have no feet to leave on . . .

[bigdod]

Yep, I have to agree with both sides here. I've been with my (Isaan) missus for 6 yrs now and her family have never once asked me for a single cent and have a few friends dotted around with similar stories. On the other hand however, during that time I have witnessed an almost endless stream of suckers who obviously did all their thinking with the small head and not the big one leaving with their tail between their legs and the wallet dry.... end of the day mate, its up to you. If it's good, keep doing it, if the alarm bells ring - listen to them. First instincts generally are never far from wrong...and of course remember, all of these stories doing the rounds have (with the possibility of 'artistic licence') came from somewhere. When i moved over here first, the best bit of advice I got from an old dude was "dont buy anything that you're not prepared to walk away from"...

[mgjackson69]

Everyone's story is different....I suspect the worst are probably fabricated.

In my case, I did not build a house...my wife already had secured financing and bought a house before we ever met. She had it well over half paid off when we married; I paid off the balance.

I have told at least three family members "no" when asked to "loan" money. The only person I have helped is Maae, when the stupid younger sister gave a finance company the chanote to 8 rai for land to secure a 40,000 baht loan. I paid the loan with the condition that the chanote be transferred to my wife's name, and had papers drawn up to the effect that Maae and Paaw can live there free as long as necessary.

My wife has passed the word that I will not 'loan' money. She also knows that I am not going to let anyone (family) go hungry or have to sleep in the road. On more than one occasion she has also told me not to loan/give money if asked.

I also do not buy whisky when the sloppy drunk nephew asks for it.

[dao16]

Yep, I have to agree with both sides here. I've been with my (Isaan) missus for 6 yrs now and her family have never once asked me for a single cent and have a few friends dotted around with similar stories. On the other hand however, during that time I have witnessed an almost endless stream of suckers who obviously did all their thinking with the small head and not the big one leaving with their tail between their legs and the wallet dry.... end of the day mate, its up to you. If it's good, keep doing it, if the alarm bells ring - listen to them. First instincts generally are never far from wrong...and of course remember, all of these stories doing the rounds have (with the possibility of 'artistic licence') came from somewhere. When i moved over here first, the best bit of advice I got from an old dude was "dont buy anything that you're not prepared to walk away from"...

Very good post. The "walk away from it" bit is very good as well. I would also add one thing (more to my previous post than to yours), which is that, of course, this is all subjective and depends on an individual's situation. We bought a car here and it was relatively painless. My wife and I were both living abroad and a 9 or 10 thousand baht a month payment was not really even noticed (as you can see, I don't even remember what the payments were, exactly--and my wife paid off a decent chunk of it from her earnings).

Now working here I make much less, so those things are cut out. Probably move outside of Thailand again and the reverse will be true.

So, I wouldn't knock a guy for giving more than I would, just like I don't gripe at a few friends of mine who spend serious time in casinos with (for me) serious money. A whale would laugh at them, but it is waaaaay too rich for my blood, so I don't play. Same with this issue. Some guy might give his wife's fam 15 or 20k a month. A lot of guys in Thailand make a lot more money than I do. Fine, if he makes enough money, doesn't even register. The problem I see is the boundaries not being set and people punching over their weight--I am in a low weight class now, and I have set the limits accordingly, haha.

[rotorbreeze]

I didn't expect that they would throw rotten eggs at you on the first visit. Not to worry, you will soon be erecting a nice house on "family-land" for the clan and be willing to live in Nakhon nowhere for the rest of your live.

Once accomplished, you will find out if the "hospitality" is a lasting factor. If yes, you may have hit the jackpot. If not, you are in good company. "V" does rarely stand for "Victory" for Farangs in Thailand, more so for "Victim".

Cheers.

I was treated the same..and encourage to build a house on her land...same as you...trust...I spent nearly 3 years in Sarakham, enjoyed the area, rented a house and daily visits to house being built. What I may suggest and could happen is the girl friend of your girl friends may get jellious and will lead her into a way of night life where you may not want to go...drugs got my Thai wife...she fell to her girlfriends and later the chinese credit leanders and drug dealers to sell house without me concent..slowly this took place...I could see the change in her...so a word of the wise..be close to your enemy you will know YOUR weakness.

As other comments yes the family will see you as the ATM machine...get money..or worse invest in raising pigs, cattle, chicken or land..you loose...

The best advise is get as much for free...once ya have to pay...ya might as well pay for the night here in Pattaya...easy you know the deal...as for the visiting of gf family and wading into the New found heaven... depth of crystal clean warm water...expect the water to show more preditors than what is seen from a distance. Ya have just read the Danger sign "Swim at your own Risk" rip off current here!

[Anon999]

@ Ryro88 - You stayed 4 days in Isaan, where everything is dirt cheap and you really believe village people spent close to 5000 on you ? Well, I have doubts.

A good meal cost 50 baths, how much is benzine now ? A night in an hotel cost 400-500 baths.

I see you know as much about Isaan as I do about Outer Mongolia. For a start everything is not "dirt cheap". Last weekend 4 of us went for meal and it cost 1200 baht and that wasn't being extravagant. Included 1 beer 2 bottles of water and a Sprite. Petrol is 39 baht a litre and yes you can get a night in a hotel for 500 baht but that's not the average by any means.

As I've lived in Isaan for over 7 years I'm qualified to comment.

Your other posts seem to be just as well informed!

Edited November 25, 2013 by Anon999

[cooked]

Everyone's story is different....I suspect the worst are probably fabricated.

In my case, I did not build a house...my wife already had secured financing and bought a house before we ever met. She had it well over half paid off when we married; I paid off the balance.

I have told at least three family members "no" when asked to "loan" money. The only person I have helped is Maae, when the stupid younger sister gave a finance company the chanote to 8 rai for land to secure a 40,000 baht loan. I paid the loan with the condition that the chanote be transferred to my wife's name, and had papers drawn up to the effect that Maae and Paaw can live there free as long as necessary.

My wife has passed the word that I will not 'loan' money. She also knows that I am not going to let anyone (family) go hungry or have to sleep in the road. On more than one occasion she has also told me not to loan/give money if asked.

I also do not buy whisky when the sloppy drunk nephew asks for it.

Same here, sort of, rarely money... if they need stuff, and I think it's necessary, we go buy it together. Last year, irrigation stuff, next year maybe a rice harvester. We always buy a Kilo or so of chicken for them when we go to Macro.

Anybody can walk in here any time and eat, they know that, the family even lent me money when my credit card got eaten, I don't usually eat rats and frogs but we can always go over and partake. They asked for and got, a duck from us last week, things seem so simple and civilised in this family group (10 people at present, it varies) that I am so lucky to be at the head of. (I think).

[lineofentry]

My Issan Mother in Law is amazing, my wife is the youngest of 7 children, her father died when she was 2 months old. My wife's family were the poorest in their village at that time, very few of the rest of the family or village wanted to know them. She worked, farmed, hunted, gathered in the forest and just got by raising the children on her own.

These days all of her children work and support themselves and their families, none of them are drinkers or gamblers, my mother in law is frugal to a fault, although my wife and I are comfortable, we are never put upon and my wife is happiest when growing things on the land. I have a deep respect for my Issan family and feel honoured to be accepted and welcomed by them for the past 13 years.