Spike Mulligan Was The Author Of The Funniest Joke Ever, Scientists Say.

[p_brownstone]

Here's the joke as displayed on www.laughlab.co.uk/winner.html which did the scientific study:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line.

He says: "OK, now what?"

Patrick

[taxexile]

who the fukc is spike mulligan ?

here are some quotes by another very funny guy , sadly not with us anymore , spike milligan.

Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

His vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form.

on seeking permission to celebrate 80th birthday with 12,000 ft skydive

Well, we can't stand around here doing nothing, people will think we're workmen

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

(French Translation) - Apéritif: a set of dentures.

I can't see the sense in it [his honorary CBE] really. It makes me a Commander of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes - at least that exists.

I told you I was ill!

[Crossy]

Hmmm, I can find no mention of the Great Mr Milligan (or even Mulligan whoever he was) on the laughlab pages. I wonder where the BKK Post got that snippit?

I also didn't find any particularly funny jokes

The 'fact' that they decided that the GERMANS have the best sense of humour in the world says everything about this 'scientific study'.

[suegha]

The 'fact' that they decided that the GERMANS have the best sense of humour in the world says everything about this 'scientific study'.

What?

[taxexile]

also didn't find any particularly funny jokes

it was in the way he told them.

milligan imho was a master of zany madcap satirical comedy , think kenny everett , think harry hill , think monty python , they all drew ideas from milligan.

[Khun Yak]

The 'fact' that they decided that the GERMANS have the best sense of humour in the world says everything about this 'scientific study'.

What?

This should prove it... Germans got humor....

.....did anyone say something funny though

Cheers,

KY

[Crossy]

also didn't find any particularly funny jokes

it was in the way he told them.

milligan imho was a master of zany madcap satirical comedy , think kenny everett , think harry hill , think monty python , they all drew ideas from milligan.

Spike was on my list of favourite comedians, as you say definately all in the delivery.

I don't believe any of the jokes on the laughlab site (which are singularly unfunny) can be attributed to the great man.

Particularly, the 'winner', when Spike was at his peak in the UK I doubt that 90% of his audience had even heard of New Jersey let alone knew of the Irish like people who hunt ducks there

Edited June 12, 2006 by Crossy

[tripperj]

also didn't find any particularly funny jokes

it was in the way he told them.

milligan imho was a master of zany madcap satirical comedy , think kenny everett , think harry hill , think monty python , they all drew ideas from milligan.

Spike was on my list of favourite comedians, as you say definately all in the delivery.

I don't believe any of the jokes on the laughlab site (which are singularly unfunny) can be attributed to the great man.

Particularly, the 'winner', when Spike was at his peak in the UK I doubt that 90% of his audience had even heard of New Jersey let alone knew of the Irish like people who hunt ducks there

The joke was found to be the funniest, but it was not untill after this that a sketch from a 1950's radio was uncovered in wich spike told (and wrote) a version of this joke which involved a man in his living room ringing the amulance for his wife. This is the earliest recorded version of the joke and it is acredited to spike. you can all wake up now rant over.

[Crossy]

also didn't find any particularly funny jokes

it was in the way he told them.

milligan imho was a master of zany madcap satirical comedy , think kenny everett , think harry hill , think monty python , they all drew ideas from milligan.

Spike was on my list of favourite comedians, as you say definately all in the delivery.

I don't believe any of the jokes on the laughlab site (which are singularly unfunny) can be attributed to the great man.

Particularly, the 'winner', when Spike was at his peak in the UK I doubt that 90% of his audience had even heard of New Jersey let alone knew of the Irish like people who hunt ducks there

The joke was found to be the funniest, but it was not untill after this that a sketch from a 1950's radio was uncovered in wich spike told (and wrote) a version of this joke which involved a man in his living room ringing the amulance for his wife. This is the earliest recorded version of the joke and it is acredited to spike. you can all wake up now rant over.

Well researched that man!!

That presentation makes far more sense to have come from the great man, would have worked a treat on 50s radio.

[lungbing]

My two favourites by Spike are :

There are holes in the sky

Where the rain gets in

The holes are very small

That's why rain is very thin.

A doctor fell down a wishing well

And broke his collar bone

But Doctors should attend the sick

And leave the well alone.

That last line being a triple pun ( I think)

I even have Goon screensaver on this 'ere PC.. And a copy of "The Ying Tong Song"

[Kan Win]

And a copy of "The Ying Tong Song" Please see below

The Ying Tong Song

(Orchestral intro)

Tenor: There's a song that I recall

My mother sang to me.

Spriggs (off): Oh! (a sigh)

Tenor: She sang it as she tucked me in

When I was ninety-three.

(harp plays a rising chord...)

Spriggs: I diddle, I. Who was that bum?

Bluebottle + Spriggs:

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po,

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong (bluebottle drops behind)

Ying tong iddle I po

Spriggs: Keep lad up. Keep.

Bluebottle: Keep up lad up.

Both: Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Spriggs: lad

Both: Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po (lad)

Iddle I po (lad)

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong (Spriggs: iddle) (Bluebottle: ying tong)

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong iddle

Bluebottle (spoken):

Ying tong iddle I po!

(short raspberry, Secombe)

Both: Oh!

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Iddle I po!

(trumpet bit)

Bluebottle:

Ying. Ying tongy tongy.

Ying tong iddle I po.

Ying tong iddle I po.

(Secombe under this: What a lovely lovely boy!)

(or Secombe under this: What a lovely melody devine!)

Ying ying ying tongy tongy.

(Milligan: Get out the rifle, sir.)

(or Milligan: Get off the record.)

Yeeeng.

Ying tong ying tong d'gy-n'o.

Ying tong d'ga.

(Secombe: Get away.)

D'g d'g d'ga.

Ying tong iddle I po.

Seagoon:Hear that crazy rhythm

Driving me insane.

Strike your partner on the bonce (bonk?).

(thump)

Eccles: Ooh. I felt no pain.

(Seagoon screeches)

Seagoon, Bluebottle and Eccles:

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying...

(harp chord rises)

Soprano: Take me back to Vienna....

(Raspberry section, probably Milligan)

Bloodnok: Ohhhhh!

Eccles: Oh!

(harp chord)

Soprano: Take me back to Vienna, where the....

(crash!)

Seagoon, Spriggs and Bluebottle (far off):

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

(mad dash to foreground)

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

(Spriggs: where's he going lad?)

(BB: I don't know)

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Seagoon: LOOK OUT!

(cry from Bluebottle)

(mad dash to distance)

(hastily)

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

(dash to foreground)

Ying tong...

(whine of bomb dropping, explosion)

Double speed, but same tempo, Goons:

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Iddle I po.

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Iddle I po.

One: Ying! Tongy tongy tongy.

Yiddy diddy diddy da daaa. Ying diddy.

Ying tong diddle. Yiddada boo.

(rhythmic thigh slapping, raspberry)

All Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle

Ying tong iddle I po

Ying tong ying tong

Ying tong iddle I po

Iddle I po.

Bluebottle?: Whoooooh!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ying Tong was written by Roy Smiles, 38, a stand-up comic and actor turned playwright, in what he admits is a conscious attempt at populism.

[taxexile]

(rhythmic thigh slapping, raspberry)

without that , it just wouldnt have been at all funny.

justice cocklecarrot was always my favourite , or was that from 'round the horne'?

[lungbing]

Wasn't Justice Cocklecarrot in Beachcomber?

Round the Horn had a number of odd characters including J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock and Ramblin' Sid Rumpo. . Now they are names to conjure with.

Shades of eating Sunday lunch 40 odd years ago listening to that and waiting for 'The Navy Lark' to come on.

And yet I can't remember what happened last week..........

[Postie]

Spike, when in India, always marvelled at the perfectly spherical bread/pastries on their dining table.

The cook prepared the food away from the house. In the gardens.

Spike was walking through the grounds and fleetingly glanced through the kitchen window.

There was the cook. Picking up two lumps of dough.

Placing them under each armpit and rolling them like an oarsman.