Sleeping arrangements with GF and daughter

[chrisinth]

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It's called the family bed

No, it's call a big problem if the shit hits the fan with the OP's bird and a photo is handed to the BiB...... alt=w00t.gif width=18 height=20>

It can be even more damning with an innocent 12yo's posting on facebook or any other social media.............

Be careful and put your foot down.

[Showbags]

^^ zero tollerance with a 3yo little girl that is your own daughter.

awesome.

Edited May 12, 2014 by Showbags

[Estrada]

You made your bed so lie in it.

This is Thai culture.

[recycler]

5 years ago when my, then girlfriend, now wife, moved in here just 2 year old son slept in the other bedroom from day 1. Only sleeping with us when he's ill or when guests occupy the other bedroom. We never had any discussion about this.

Now we have a daughter that will be 2 in 4 months and I hope to do the same with her, not sure if that will be as easy, she's very persistent...

I'm still amazed by these sleeping together habits of Thais, when poor and there is only 1 room I can imagine, but even the quite well to do sleep with the kids in the room. I've even seen people buying a 2 bedroom house and take the wall between the bedrooms out!

Probably this is another reason for the frequent affairs of Thai man en woman, child in... sex out of the door ;-)

[malt25]

Sleeping together is village style. If ever there was an allegation of wrong doing, you could be charged in your home country.

Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008

This act allows people to be charged in the UK for crimes committed abroad.

I think Australia has a similar act in place.

Absolutely correct. No matter where or how you break an Australian law regarding minors you can & will be charged by Australian authorities.

Recent case of Aussie family, father & son, on holidays. Father bought / procured, a girl for son to deflower him. All thought it a bit of a harmless joke at the time. Father charged upon return to Australia for being involved in procuring a minor for underage sex... his son. Very embarrassing & expensive for dad.

The exact details may be slightly different to those I have stated but the overall picture shows how one can & does get prosecuted for any violation of Australian law even when in a foreign country.

So, if you happen to be an Aussie... sleeping in same bed as a 12 year old..... even if approved by child's mother..... you are in deep s**t.

I realize this might sound extreme, but, if Australian authorities really want to make some brownie points they can request your extradition back to Australia for criminal offence involving a minor. It will make BIG headlines back home.

Just something to think about.

Cheers.

Mal.

[BradinAsia]

Yes, many Thai homes only have 1 room.

Yes, many Thais in a family all sleep on one mattress (often 3 generations all together).

Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice).

They also go out to 'short-time' hotels for an hour of Privicy sometimes, money allowing.

You have three choices, sleep alone, sleep together, get the daughter to sleep alone.

Sorry, fourth choice, find a new gf with no children.

Oh, and I agree, it's not satisfactory for many men brought up in the western world.

My sympathies for your predicament.

"Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice)."

You obviously know nothing about Thai people and Thai culture. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that

you and I are from the same country. Mainly for your bigoted view of the word and your poor spelling.

[benalibina]

Yes, many Thai homes only have 1 room.

Yes, many Thais in a family all sleep on one mattress (often 3 generations all together).

Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice).

They also go out to 'short-time' hotels for an hour of Privicy sometimes, money allowing.

You have three choices, sleep alone, sleep together, get the daughter to sleep alone.

Sorry, fourth choice, find a new gf with no children.

Oh, and I agree, it's not satisfactory for many men brought up in the western world.

My sympathies for your predicament.

"Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice)."

You obviously know nothing about Thai people and Thai culture. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that

you and I are from the same country. Mainly for your bigoted view of the word and your poor spelling.

Sorry....if i recall correctly, he is thai....but....whatever he wrote is correct.....also the fact of having sex when others are ...sort of sleeping.

I think you do not know much about thai culture......but maybe you associate yourself within the hiso circles.

[BradinAsia]

Dude...for your own protection, you need to put a stop to this immediately. This situation is putting you in danger.

Yes I agree I am not comfortable with this and am working on getting her back into her own bedroom.

Any suggestions?

"Working on getting her back in her own room" sounds like you don't make the decisions in your house

and you've already accepted that. Since you are not the one who decides, it's like a committee meeting.

Two votes against your one. You lose every time... until you get frustrated and change GF's.

[jimky]

The only husbands and wives I know there sleeping arrangement don't sleep together.

My Thai Mom (lived in US since a child) and her farang husband, their kids are grown have nice house and sleep in separate bedrooms. They are all kissy kissy too for old people. (married for over 20 years).

In my wife's village: 3 generations on same large mattress on floor. Long time ago I bought a bed no one used it.

My wife's aunt and uncle (oldest kid is 35) Separate neighboring what I guess you can call houses (or separate wood shacks).

Not related Thai couple we know the most in our city, middle class business people, they have 3 bedrooms but his wife sleeps in living room with multiple kids

At home when it was just us me my wife slept together. Now my wife sleeps with the kids in a separate room.

(perhaps the other 200 couples I know living here do sleep together, I never asked )

++++

That in mind, and just putting it out there. If all other areas of relationship is well. Any problem with just sleeping in different rooms?

Edited May 12, 2014 by jimky

[Gandtee]

This applies not only to girls. Some boys sleep with their parents up to and into their teens.It would seem that the Thais like something to cuddle---when you have Thai visitors, do they pick up a cushion and cuddle it? They are also afraid of ghosts. Maybe that is another reason for wanting to sleep with parents. It seems very unhealthy to me.

[wandasloan]

Yes I agree I am not comfortable with this and am working on getting her back into her own bedroom.

Any suggestions?

From your fairly short post, I think you are taking the wrong approach here. Everything you do and say shows negativism and rejection of the situation and by extension, the people themselves.

I suggest you work on how to REWARD your step-daughter by allowing her to have her own room, where she can do her own things, without you and Mum always looking over her shoulder. "Now that you're a big girl, we are going to show our confidence in you by allowing you....."

Have serious and if necessary long discussions with Mum beforehand so that she will support you even if, as is likely, she is very scared to let this child go.

But stop being negative.

.

[rtco]

My Thai wife has a 12 year old from a previous marriage and when she comes to stay she sleeps in a separate bedroom period. Having said that I also have a 2-year old daughter with my wife who does currently sleep in the same bed but that arrangement will cease as soon as I determine it should.

[monkey4u]

I once had a g/f in Khon Kaen who had a 14 y/o son

He refused to sleep in own room, always wanted to be next to his mother.

When I commented on this I was told shut up Not your business

We were renting a 3 bed room house

My solution was simple,

I moved out and found a new g.f with NO baggage

[Krataiboy]

I have four stepchildren - three boys and a girl - and a child of my own by my Thai wife. Before her husband died they all used to sleep in a one room apartment, the two youngest in the marital bed, the others on the floor. After we got together,I rented a two bedroom house and my wife agreed that all the kids (whose ages ranged from four to eight) would sleep in one room and we in the other. When my stepdaughter eventually reached puberty, I suggested to my wife that it might be better for her to sleep in a different room to her brothers, who were all older than her). She agreed and I built a third bedroom on to our house. My stepdaughter was delighted to have some privacy.

When our little daughter came along, she slept in our room until she was three (a lot longer than is usual in the West, but I was as happy with the arrangement as my wife was) .At first she slept in a cot and later on a mattress at the foot of our bed so that we could attend to her easily in the night if she needed us. At the age of three I suggested we move her in with her half-sister, whose room had an adjoining door with ours. My wife rather reluctantly agreed (Thai women are very close to their children and tend to go along with what their little ones want) , but I think adults are entitled to some private time together, so I put my foot down).

These arrangements have worked extremely well, without causing any domestic strife or disruption. Faced with your particular situation, I cannot but feel sharing a bed with mother and a daughter at least a year older than mine was when she reached puberty is inadvisable and potentially risky, for a number of fairly obvious reasons. One that has not been mentioned is the potentially hazardous combination of neighbours' wagging tongues and the readiness of the forces of law and order here to exploit a situation which could be to their pecuniary advantage. I'm sure you get my drift.

Personally, I would explain all your misgivings about the present sleeping arrangements to your girlfriend, point out that it is affecting your relationship with her and, as sweetly and tactfully as possible, insist that it is in everybody's interest for her daughter to have the luxury of her own room. Don't bribe either the mother or daughter as you will be setting a very bad precedent.

Good luck! And let us know how you get on!

[Mentors]

In my wife family my father-in-law made in the large one room house some smaller rooms with thin wood walls so every kid could sleep alone.

[eastcanje]

Dude...for your own protection, you need to put a stop to this immediately. This situation is putting you in danger.

Yes I agree I am not comfortable with this and am working on getting her back into her own bedroom.

Any suggestions?

Offer to buy her an I-pad if she don't already have one....I AM being serious BTW.....tell her if she sleeps in her own room, you will buy her one so she will not be lonely in her own room....

I like the "I-Pad" incentive to get her to sleep in her own room. Remember Michael Jackson sleeping in the same bed with minors, (let's not debate whether it was innocent or not) and the results? Like you, Aussie Steve, I would definitely be very uncomfortable with this situation!

[ggt]

So I often woke up with daughter virtually on top of me, and GF on floor next to bed.

Did you complain loudly...say a few choice cuss words...and kick the daughter out of bed...?

Edited May 12, 2014 by ggt

[tezzainoz]

Sleeping together is village style. If ever there was an allegation of wrong doing, you could be charged in your home country.

Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008

This act allows people to be charged in the UK for crimes committed abroad.

I think Australia has a similar act in place.

Yes

all you need is a trip to a western country and a do gooder puts in a complaint

next your up before the court on the child protection act

I have seen this happen before so like it has been said

talk to your girlfriend about the dangers this can have for a western and man, and the fact she could loose financial support if any thing happens to you

The iPad idea is great

she will most likely fall asleep watching utube vids

I know because I use this idea to get personal time from the

Daddy What Who Why Questions

Edited May 12, 2014 by tezzainoz

[Strangebrew]

Well one it could be a setup to extort money from you or two could be innocent but eitherway It can end up bad for you explain to both your concerns on this if she cares for you she will comply If not expect a visit from the BIB. But in the end a new Girlfriend without kids is best for you.

[kovaltech]

Sleeping together is village style. If ever there was an allegation of wrong doing, you could be charged in your home country.

Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008

This act allows people to be charged in the UK for crimes committed abroad.

I think Australia has a similar act in place.

I like to comment on that ;-) but only of Topic...

Even in case that any "act" is legal in your country, the fact that the act was illegal in the country where you committed the act makes you punishable in the US - UK ?

Other way around...

Age of consent in Thailand is 15 ?...

In the US-UK its 18 years old ?...

If the Thai girl is 17 years old , can you be punished for that in the US-UK ? ( my opinion you can only be punished if the act is a crime in the country where you have committed the given act... )

Edited May 12, 2014 by kovaltech

[Rorri]

AussieSteve, on 11 May 2014 - 19:32, said:

fatdrunkandstupid, on 11 May 2014 - 19:19, said:

I see no problem here whatsoever.

If getting a good night sleep is the issue, get a bigger bed for all three of you. If you are going to be accused of something untoward with the minor, that will happen regardless of where she sleeps inside your house.

So perhaps, before the keyboard warriors assail you hereunder you can have a good think, and then post exactly why you are uncomfortable with the current arrangement.

Oh...and because it is "not my culture" is not an answer. It is a cloaked avoidance of the real reason(s) why you are uncomfortable.

You may be comfortable sleeping with a minor but I think you will be in a minority here ( or maybe not ......this is what people often associate with Thailand)

The "real" reason wether you see this as cloaked or otherwise is I want some privacy with my GF to have some "fun"

Plus I don't want to be in a position of being accused of "touching" a minor.

The fact that it isn't normally accepted in my culture covers both these topics. Or not???

Aussie, I think fat's name says it all... ignore such stupid posts, being drunk, and I guess often, has damage some of his brain cells.

[Rorri]

maccaroni man, on 11 May 2014 - 20:02, said:

It's called the family bed

Nah, it's the family "making" bed

[BadBouy]

I see no problem here whatsoever.

If getting a good night sleep is the issue, get a bigger bed for all three of you. If you are going to be accused of something untoward with the minor, that will happen regardless of where she sleeps inside your house.

So perhaps, before the keyboard warriors assail you hereunder you can have a good think, and then post exactly why you are uncomfortable with the current arrangement.

Oh...and because it is "not my culture" is not an answer. It is a cloaked avoidance of the real reason(s) why you are uncomfortable.

Wow! I thought Micheal Jackson passed away, good to know he is alive and well in the LOS.

[FlorenceM]

I don't agree with the sentence "Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice)."

As a Thai I think it's NOT normal at all except for very poor families which are too poor to separate bedrooms in their houses.

I notice that these kind of one-big-bedroom houses are in countryside. I feel weird when some foreigners think we are what we are not by judging only from what you see. For example, if you experience a lot about north eastern cultures, you will know about north eastern cultures (as I know, most of girls who have relationship with foreigners are from there), it doesn't mean that you already know everything about Thailand. Sorry, if it's too frank.

I've slept in my own bedroom since I was 6. I was scared at first but my parents taught me how to stay alone and gave me motivation, like giving me gifts and rewards if I could do it. After a while I didn't find any problems sleeping alone anymore.

Let her sleep in the same room less and less until she gets used to it. Give her some conditions like if she sleeps here tonight, she cannot go to the zoo this week bla bla bla. It might be harder to do this to her than small kids as she is already 12, but there are always the ways.

I think using motivation works pretty well, but I don't think you should give her Ipad or something like that. It can slow her learning acquisition down if she uses it too much. Or maybe you can limit her "Ipad time".

I think the person that affects her actions the most is her mother, so make sure that the mother will support her daughter to do that too.

Hope this helps.

Edited May 12, 2014 by FlorenceM

[Rorri]

Carmine6, on 12 May 2014 - 04:31, said:

krisb, on 12 May 2014 - 04:08, said:

I never knew there was 57 varieties of baked beans! Fascinating.

Op I would prefer my own bed. I sleep much better.

You can't sleep with a 12 yo.

If that's a real comment about the 57 varieties, it's actually an old marketing slogan of Heinz, rather than a statement of fact. They actually sell, or used to sell, a Heinz 57 steak sauce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinz_57

I believe in 1934 they actually had 57 varieties of Heinz products....so your reference to Heinz 57 steak sauce is a little mmm strange.

[Rorri]

thailiketoo, on 12 May 2014 - 08:33, said:

AussieSteve, on 12 May 2014 - 08:20, said:

Thanks guys, a few good suggestions there and some good explanations of why this occurs.

Yes it is a fact that she is afraid to sleep by herself, although she is out of our bed and in her own now , it is still in the same room which I want to change.

I think a combination of bribery and putting my foot down should work.

Interesting take. You don't know you might be in jail for 20 do you? I'd go to another country and change my name. If she can find you, you might have to explain to the authorities in Thailand or Australia why you allowed a 12 year old to sleep in your bedroom. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Thai women are not different. Your Thai woman is not different.

He could simply keep the link to this story...it would help to prove his case.

[BradinAsia]

Yes, many Thai homes only have 1 room.

Yes, many Thais in a family all sleep on one mattress (often 3 generations all together).

Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice).

They also go out to 'short-time' hotels for an hour of Privicy sometimes, money allowing.

You have three choices, sleep alone, sleep together, get the daughter to sleep alone.

Sorry, fourth choice, find a new gf with no children.

Oh, and I agree, it's not satisfactory for many men brought up in the western world.

My sympathies for your predicament.

"Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice)."

You obviously know nothing about Thai people and Thai culture. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that

you and I are from the same country. Mainly for your bigoted view of the word and your poor spelling.

Sorry....if i recall correctly, he is thai....but....whatever he wrote is correct.....also the fact of having sex when others are ...sort of sleeping.

I think you do not know much about thai culture......but maybe you associate yourself within the hiso circles.

TV, the hub of bigotry.

[myluckythai]

explain to your girlfriend that a 12 year old is starting to grow into a young woman. If she was younger i see no problem, but now she is going through some changes it would be better to not sleep with you in the same bed anymore. Furthermore you could try to convince the gf and daughter how nice it is for a young girl/ woman to have her privacy. Last note. You don't have to agree with all the thai customs. You can explain that some things are done different back home and you would prefer things like this to go your way. good luck

Edited May 12, 2014 by myluckythai

[Rorri]

BradinAsia, on 12 May 2014 - 09:07, said:BradinAsia, on 12 May 2014 - 09:07, said:

AnotherOneAmerican, on 11 May 2014 - 18:53, said:AnotherOneAmerican, on 11 May 2014 - 18:53, said:

Yes, many Thai homes only have 1 room.

Yes, many Thais in a family all sleep on one mattress (often 3 generations all together).

Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice).

They also go out to 'short-time' hotels for an hour of Privicy sometimes, money allowing.

You have three choices, sleep alone, sleep together, get the daughter to sleep alone.

Sorry, fourth choice, find a new gf with no children.

Oh, and I agree, it's not satisfactory for many men brought up in the western world.

My sympathies for your predicament.

"Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice)."

You obviously know nothing about Thai people and Thai culture. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that

you and I are from the same country. Mainly for your bigoted view of the word and your poor spelling.

One must also be careful when criticizing others, that they choose their words correctly "word" should be "world," you should also look at the definition of "bigot" as you have no proof that AnotherOneAmerican is a bigot, or in fact from his experience is wrong. I would also suggest you don't know Thai culture either. In fact, my wife tells me that mama and papa do "boom boom" when everyone sleeping, but they not make crazy noisy "boom boom" like farang.

Edited May 12, 2014 by Rorri

[Greg Nixon]

Tell the girlfriend that the daughter has been playing with your Thai Visa Forum member when the wife sleeps o the floor and that it is time to end your temptation with her daughter. Ask her to say nothing to her daughter as you are embarrassed by the whole situation. That should do the trick as it is unlikely your girlfriend will confront her. Remember your girlfriend is dependent on her daughter for security in your girlfriend's old age and remember that Thais have a very liberal view of sex - not morality connected. After sleeping alone for 2 weeks, your girlfriends daughter will prefer the new sleeping arangements. Just to reassure the family that you like everyone invite her to sleep in your bed ( but not next to you) occasionally when your girlfriend is unavailable to you.

I also had this problem but my Thai wife also loves my membership and privacy so she eased the child out and into her own bedroom. She comes back rarely but the honeymoon is over.