Married a Thai and appear to do nothing right !

[AhFarangJa]

OP, join the club.......

If I fix something that now works it seems I did it wrong.................. .........................

I talk to myself now cos I don't answer back...............

Transam, talking to yourself is ok... it is when you start to answer back you know you have a problem

op. did she earn her degree or buy it?

[taiping]

The answer is known to everyone on TV - why not you?

[tomyumchai]

so there was me convinced that i should be marrying an educated hi-so girl after reading the constant tv reports on how rubbish the bar girls are.............oh hum.......

[wprime]

She is judging your actions based on what she was taught, and not based on active analysis.

It is very common among Thai people due to the way the educational system and family system is structured. Common Thai people learn methods of doing things without any real understanding which makes it difficult for them to comprehend why other methods may be better.

[tubby johnson]

Are women hard-wired to loathe meek, domesticated men who do all the washing and ironing? Just a thought.

Man up, man. Run away before she beats you up.

[davo2212]

Golf

Sent from my GT-I9507 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[iancnx]

So go on OP.... Give us the rest of the story.... Whose house? Land? Condo? How much Sinsod? And what does her old man do?

[ppmacready]

You only EVER need to ask your self 2 questions.

Am I happy?

Can I afford her?

Either answer no, move on!

[Skint]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Your not alone sandman77 is a buggered and beaten husband, leave the washing for her when she finishes work she's educated so she will know what to do

[tracker1]

OP, join the club.......

If I fix something that now works it seems I did it wrong.................. .........................

I talk to myself now cos I don't answer back...............

Transam, talking to yourself is ok... it is when you start to answer back you know you have a problem

op. did she earn her degree or buy it?

Earned it

[Kasset Tak]

Hi so and university degree is not the same...

[iancnx]

So go on OP.... Give us the rest of the story.... Whose house? Land? Condo? How much Sinsod? And what does her old man do?

Add to that does she have a car? And where does she shop, and how old are the two of you?

[SlyAnimal]

I married a so called university educated woman who now appears to think I do nothing right, every time things happen she says thais dont do this or thais dont do that eg raise their voice, starting to really piss me off I work from sun up to sun down doing washing, washing up, repairs around the home,cooking maybe I should get out and start drinking and socializing instead of being an unpaid paying servant and stay at home husband! and the stupid comments she makes are just plain annoying

She's right. Thai men don't usually raise their voices, and confrontation is generally seen as a big no no as well. The other things which she is complaining about, would probably be the "right" way in western culture, but the wrong way in Thai culture.

Thus, the problem you have, is that you're from a western culture, and expect her to behave according to your cultural values, she's from a Thai culture, and expects you to behave according to her cultural values.

As a result, you guys are clashing on a few things, which makes you both frustrated and then you're losing respect for each other as a result of your frustrations.

Your best solution, would probably be to sit down and talk things out, for you to learn a bit more about Thai culture and "Thai style" and for her to learn a bit more about western culture. A relationship is often about compromises, and many Thai/Farang relationships fail because of their cultural differences (As well as a language barrier and people having a lack of respect for their spouses, but from what I gather these aren't the cause of the friction in your relationship).

If you're aware of the problem, and she's aware of the problem, then you can try to work it out and make allowances for each other's differences.

Also she might have more respect for you if you were out working, or doing something more positive than just staying at home. But so long as you explain your reasons for staying at home, and she accepts them, then it shouldn't be a problem.

That's my 2c anyway

[IamNoone88]

I wise man once told me to carefully choose your moment to really stamp your feet and make a point. You have to know when to do it and how hard to do. It cannot be impulsive and must be planned - choose your battle!. I have only used it on a few occasions - my wife is Chinese on a domestic front and my staff are Thai. It sends a strong message that enough is enough and the limit has been reached. The wonderful thing to realise is that a very, very occasional explosive well timed (non-violent) outburst can have a dramatic effect - a bit like an icy bucket of water - shock and awe, as the Amercans would say. Ultimately, we are forgiven because we are "western" and its expected of us - we can't help it. The message gets across and our behavior is forgiven. You just have to know when and how hard to stamp your feet for maximum effect and minimal damage. And then you can return to the Asian way with everything in check. Don't try more than once a year!

[bananafish]

Others have said it.

You need to get a life and be a man.

If all you do is try to please her and help her, and everything about your life is focused on her, she will lose all respect for you.

This is true of women the world over, women want a man, not a lap dog.

[star kicker]

if she wants you to embrace thai culture get a gik or two, maybe even a mia noi living round the corner.

when she complains tell her; this is thai culture

start lying to her, sit around the house doing nothing, stop giving her money because you need it for drinking and gambling or the lottery - because you met a monk or had a dream giving you the lucky numbers.

when she complains tell her; this is thai culture

[JMWPACIFIC]

A university education does not hi-so make her. Maybe she is simply a "princess" and can't control herself, Head for the exits.

Put the shoe on the other foot and think of all the wives who've put up with this nonsense from husbands.

[namatjira]

Its Thailand, everything works backwards, if you are white you can do no right, if you are brown you can stick around

[dotpoom]

"maybe I should get out and start drinking and socializing instead of being an unpaid paying servant and stay at home husband! and the stupid comments she makes are just plain annoying".

Odd you refer to yourself as an unpaid servant..... you clean up your own mess in your own house....you are not doing it for the next door neighbor in their house...you are doing it for yourself. ....why do you think that makes you an unpaid servant?

[bananafish]

http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/00011992

[joshstiles]

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Who knows, maybe she just married you for the money .

hey....that would be a first! Pretty soon they'll all be doing it.

[HerbalEd]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

[wprime]

Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

You did mis-read, OP is a woman, see:

I work from sun up to sun down doing washing, washing up, repairs around the home,cooking

[jeff2258]

It is not the problem of marrying an university educated women that all this happen. Thai women chosing foreigner is because they alway think that they are better then Thai guys, eg, they are not lazy, they are smarter, they are not womenizer and etc.. She is working and you are not, that is what Thai guys do. If you go out and start drinking as adviced by some TV members here, then you are as bad as Thai guys and add in another excuse to nag you more. Try get something useful to do and show that you are not what she thinks you are. This is just an advise, If you want her to respect you, then show her the respect you should get.

[pigeonjake]

OP.Does she work?

sure does 5 days a week thats why I dont mind helping out up to a point

with what you do there cant be much more left for her to do,

we have a pig farm, im away in iraq doing 28days on and 28off, when im away my wife looka after our pigs, 160 of them,

and when i get home we do them together,

you get the word together,

i fo my work my wife does hers and when im home we do it together,,

i truely think shes taking you for a ride,, im not being rude to you or your wife, but come on,,,

jake

[HerbalEd]

In Thailand ... of all countries ... why would any man put up with disrespect from his woman???

[joshstiles]

sooooo....who pays for everything? If you do....well.....maybe you ought to drink more....or get the hell out. A marriage of money is no substitute for a marriage of love. It doesn't sound like you are in need of fulltime nursing yet....perhaps if you do a bit of exploration outside, you may find some other more like able options.

I also do all the house hold chores....sometimes I work, but I don't pay for a damn thing. My wife also tells me that I don't follow Thai culture....sometimes I yell....sometimes I get angry, even at Thai people (who would have thought), most of the time I just laugh because the culture here is so illogical and backwards. I am not so proud of my nationality....but very thankful that I am not Thai.

...and now the the moderator benefit....I certainly hope I have not 'slurred' any race or group of people and especially not stated anything that is not true. I hereby swear that I have stated everything as best I can and with all of the knowledge that I possess (accept for why I decided to come to thailand) and I hereby make this statement in front the the head monk on top of the mountain above my home. Rock on.

[wealth]

OP.Does she work?

sure does 5 days a week thats why I dont mind helping out up to a point

Thais don't do that. I mean working only five days a week. At least six ... tell her that ...

[joshstiles]

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OP.Does she work?

sure does 5 days a week thats why I dont mind helping out up to a point

Thais don't do that. I mean working only five days a week. At least six ... tell her that ...

make it 7....she needs some more space.

[Anneytulip]

Really? Why are you putting up with this treatment? Sounds like she is not happy with you. People don't pick on each other if the are happy.

I think it's time to sit for a good chat and find out what's really going on and hopefully you both can work on it