My Lao wife of 6 years has decided to go gold digging

[surprise surprise]

I returned home to Laos about a month ago from a 4 month trip to Europe as my father was ill and all seemed to be well although it was indeed a long time for my wife to be alone, albeit with her family and keeping in touch during the whole trip exchanging pictures and text messages.

2 weeks ago I realized she had recently been going out to an expat bar in Vientiane, and had a couple 'adventures' (with money involved) following her new girl friends' ideas about having fun and making extra cash… I asked her about it and she honestly confirmed the facts.

I didn't make much of it as indeed I had been away for a long time and thought, wrongly, that it would stop there… She now tells me she has met a 'rich' 48 year old american who does 'business everywhere', and that she wants to live like some other Lao women married to foreigners driving a big vigo, going shopping, and living in a big house… She already has a car and I built a nice comfortable house for both of us next to her mom's 2 years ago, following her understandable desire to live with the family. We're about 10 miles outside of Vientiane, i contribute by paying the bills, occasionally buying food, giving extra cash to her mother when needed and a monthly stipend to my wife; I get along well with everyone and days go by peacefully. I'm 40 she is 26.

She is completely honest about her intentions, she only wants a lot of money from this man, for a new car, to buy more land and a bigger house, thus gaining 'respect' in the neighborhood, which involves huge sums of money (well over $100k), which I won't spend given we have everything we need already.

The man in question wants to come visit in two weeks (wife hasn't told him about me), to see how she lives, meet the family (?), and i have difficulty seeing how this would work out, unless of course I left which I am not prepared to do at this point given my investment in both time and money, and the fact that everyone gets along well.

I am not sure where to go from here on handling the issue and decided to post since I have seen some very good advice from TV posters on other threads re. similar issues.

This is not a troll… I'm simply looking for Ideas and questions i might not think of to handle this in the best possible way for all involved;

Thanks!

[iancnx]

Ahhhhh Forrest. Good luck with the thought process. Hopefully you will get there in the end. Gather up every moveable possession, ditch the bitch and leg it springs to mind.

And make sure you tell her if she wants a divorce it will cost her half of your entire investment. That'll put a smile on her face.

[waynethor]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any patience for gold digging or unfaithful woman, so I'd just try to salvage what I can financially and emotionally then move on if I were in that situation. There really couldn't be any love or trust left, but that's me. I'm amazed at the things other men put up with though.

Unless married to each other, I thought laws preventing interaction between Laotian women and foreign men in Laos was something that the authorities took very seriously. Am I wrong?

[Upnotover]

You have to admire her honesty I suppose. As your marriage is over (it would be if it was mine) the best will be for you to try and get some cash out of it and clear off. Although I would imagine this chap might be able to spot the recent presence of a.n.other in her home when he drops by in 2 weeks time, that might impact on her $100K aspirations somewhat. What does her Mom think about all this?

[mjnaus]

What the hell? If you're serious, and indeed not a troll... Where is your self respect dude? Do you seriously need to think about what to do when your WIFE is going after another man? Amazing.....

Pack up your stuff and take off, no brainer!

[KarenBravo]

You have an easy choice.

Stay and share your wife with a stranger.

Grow a set and leave.

[robertthebruce]

Sorry to hear what's going on, not a nice situation for you for sure.

Try and get some of your money back etc etc, start the Divorce proceedings and head out the door.

It will be difficult to begin with, but time is a healer, hopefully in the future you will meet someone who deserves you..

All the best

[surprise surprise]

The reason I'm putting up with this, at least for now, is that this is all very sudden, I was away 4 months (during which she wrote my own mother to tell her she missed me and asked to remind me she loves me very much...) and yes i was unfaithful a while back and tell myself it's only fair as long as things get back to normal (Which I'm not sure wether they can or not... time will tell)

Re. her mother this is a weird one; my brother in law who is an english teacher and very respectable guy offered to speak to the mother about this and try to find out what is going on; my wife learned about it and asked I not involve anyone else as this is strictly between us and that her mother will support any decision she makes (she is the last of 9 and is responsible for her mom's well being) - I haven't decided if I will talk to her or not, but it's an option.

Re. leaving with my stuff, it's not a problem, i can take all the things i have bought she doesn't mind, but I cant take the house with me and I doubt I could get anything back from this investment.

[KarenBravo]

Ask yourself.....could you really stay and meet this American that you have never met before, look him in the eye and be civil, knowing full well that he has had sex with your wife, probably multiple times?

[OxfordWill]

My avatar about says it all in this case.

[KarenBravo]

Okay......another suggestion.

If you decide to stay, tattoo the word DOOR-MAT backwards on your fore-head.

Every time you look in the mirror, you will be reminded of what you are.

You think your wife will continue to give you respect? Pah!

[Pomthai]

Have a go with the eight remaining sisters . Collect assets that you can, tell mum all. Leave.

[harrry]

I tthink you can only bail out if you can. It will only get worse.

[willyumiii]

Pretend you you are her brother....and share his wealth!

It works for Thai husbands!

[Cpkt8]

Leave with all your possession, sell the house and wish her all the best. She has made her choice. You should move on as well. My opinion.

[surprise surprise]

Ask yourself.....could you really stay and meet this American that you have never met before, look him in the eye and be civil, knowing full well that he has had sex with your wife, probably multiple times?

The guy has no clue, he's coming back to Laos on purpose to see her again and in my book he gets to have a chance at realizing what's really going on. If any of you were in his shoes wouldn't you want to know that you are being taken on a ride?

[lovelaos]

Whilst not unheard of, this is still quite unusual for Lao women. I will not pass judgement here but would advise the OP to seek a divorce, things are not going to get any better, in fact they will only get a lot worse.

Under Lao law you would be entitled to 50% of assets. If she admitted to adultery in court, the OP would get considerably more.

However, divorce in Laos can take years if you decide to fight for what is rightfully yours in court. There is a quick route which costs around 1000 USD but you would have to come to an agreement as to who gets what.

Good luck.

[Bulldozer Dawn]

Get the details of the rich guy and track him down on facebook. Then create a facebook account with photos warning about your wife's HIV infection and invite him as a friend.

[surprise surprise]

Leave with all your possession, sell the house and wish her all the best. She has made her choice. You should move on as well. My opinion.

Probably what I'll end up doing unless she comes around and understands the futility of her current thinking. I'm not sure from our conversation that she has really made a choice, it's not as clear cut in her mind and it would suck if I left without being sure, as we would loose what we have and the 'magic falang' probably wont be as magic as she has come to expect...

she'll loose the support I provide to both her and the family, and would become part of the bar scene with all the risks involved. She needs to stay with her mom as her care taker so the option of moving in with some new guy is out the question.

Like I said this is new and sudden and I'm looking at my options, leaving and starting over being one of them; with no mutual respect there is of course no possible relationship.

Thanks for the supportive comments.

Edit: I cant sell the house as it is directly attached to the mothers & on her land.

[Mango Bob]

I think your a troll. But in that rare case your not. She will never be satisfied. She takes one guy for his money, she is going to want more. I just can't believe you have no pride and you let this go on. Got to be trolling.

[ttthailand]

I would not make any decision quickly. Most of all I would not tell her anything and go about life as normal. Car would be in my control, she can't use, and as far as going away I would leave that issue up in the air. She is playing a c-nt by having this guy come for a visit while you are still married, no respect for you at all. Not up to her if you stay or go.... Just be careful !

[ttthailand]

You could go away and drive up on the day he is there and yell" honey I'm home" big surprise

[krisb]

What the hell? If you're serious, and indeed not a troll... Where is your self respect dude? Do you seriously need to think about what to do when your WIFE is going after another man? Amazing.....

Pack up your stuff and take off, no brainer!

Exactly.

Your wife has done you a favour and at least come clean about her whoring.

She's a slut.

Make your Father proud, get outta there

BUT...make sure you tel the American boyfriend what she's really like.

Then go have a few beers together and both bang her girlfriends.

[hotsoup]

Lot of things do not add up here. (They usually do not!) Are you really married? Pretty difficult to marry a Lao girl..not like Thailand. You say the house is 'attached' to the mother's house...How does all that show up on land papers?.Again I have no knowledge of how it works in Lao as opposed to Thailand. How much did you spend? Source of money? Documented? Was it all legal? Can you afford to throw it all away? I think, for what it is worth, you have 4 choices!

1 If it is your house and can be proven, if you want, sit it out and see what happens

2.Sue for divorce..again presume you have the papers identifying source of money for assets

3.If you want to keep her, simply find the guy and face him down! Nor many people want to be confronted with a guy saying: 'Why do you want to f*** my wife? If he is difficult have you and the family find some Luk Nong!

4. Run Away

[surprise surprise]

Lot of things do not add up here. (They usually do not!) Are you really married? Pretty difficult to marry a Lao girl..not like Thailand. You say the house is 'attached' to the mother's house...How does all that show up on land papers?.Again I have no knowledge of how it works in Lao as opposed to Thailand. How much did you spend? Source of money? Documented? Was it all legal? Can you afford to throw it all away? I think, for what it is worth, you have 4 choices!

1 If it is your house and can be proven, if you want, sit it out and see what happens

2.Sue for divorce..again presume you have the papers identifying source of money for assets

3.If you want to keep her, simply find the guy and face him down! Nor many people want to be confronted with a guy saying: 'Why do you want to f*** my wife? If he is difficult have you and the family find some Luk Nong!

4. Run Away

Were 'married' at the village level, not officially so there are no divorce issues for any of us. I am free to leave so to speak.

The house is physically attached to the mother's, so we share the land / main entrance gate to park the car etc. If I choose to leave I'll loose the house which I was somewhat prepared to do when I built it in case things went wrong. It's only been 2 years since I built it so it would be a loss of about 300k baht (I'm glad I didn't buy the land)

I do have time, there's no real rush as everyone is ok with me being around, again I get along very well with the family and I suspect nobody knows what's going on, except the brother in law who is married to one of the sisters and therefore cannot say much / he was disappointed to hear the story and offered to help. As I wrote earlier I haven't talked with the mother yet. (she showed up with some food for me yesterday while I was on the computer... very nice and must mean something)

[Upnotover]

Am guessing not really being married reduces the chances of getting any money back from the house (presumably her name) and car (also?) to practically zero, unless she wants to pay you out of her hoped for 3M baht, unlikely. But good news as you are free to get up and go without ties, as she is and seems to have decided to do, albeit that you have to get out of her house.

[Cpkt8]

Leave with all your possession, sell the house and wish her all the best. She has made her choice. You should move on as well. My opinion.

Probably what I'll end up doing unless she comes around and understands the futility of her current thinking. I'm not sure from our conversation that she has really made a choice, it's not as clear cut in her mind and it would suck if I left without being sure, as we would loose what we have and the 'magic falang' probably wont be as magic as she has come to expect...

she'll loose the support I provide to both her and the family, and would become part of the bar scene with all the risks involved. She needs to stay with her mom as her care taker so the option of moving in with some new guy is out the question.

Like I said this is new and sudden and I'm looking at my options, leaving and starting over being one of them; with no mutual respect there is of course no possible relationship.

Thanks for the supportive comments.

Edit: I cant sell the house as it is directly attached to the mothers & on her land.

She is wavering between you and $$. Is that love? That kind of woman is not worth your love and concern. If you stick with someone who loves you lesser or no love, it will be very draining (psychologically) for you in the long run. It's better you find your happiness elsewhere. Life is short.

As for the house, since you can't sell... take it as tamboon. And a lesson learnt.

Suk suk na!☺️

[inzman]

Dude, I would hang around for some cash, then split!

[phuketrichard]

Leave with all your possession, sell the house and wish her all the best. She has made her choice. You should move on as well. My opinion.

Probably what I'll end up doing unless she comes around and understands the futility of her current thinking. I'm not sure from our conversation that she has really made a choice, it's not as clear cut in her mind and it would suck if I left without being sure, as we would loose what we have and the 'magic falang' probably wont be as magic as she has come to expect...

she'll loose the support I provide to both her and the family, and would become part of the bar scene with all the risks involved. She needs to stay with her mom as her care taker so the option of moving in with some new guy is out the question.

Like I said this is new and sudden and I'm looking at my options, leaving and starting over being one of them; with no mutual respect there is of course no possible relationship.

Thanks for the supportive comments.

Edit: I cant sell the house as it is directly attached to the mothers & on her land.

Can you live/sleep/love her knowing what she did to you already? if so ur a better christian than I.

your never ever going to be able to trust her again.

the minute she <deleted> another guy ur vows flew out the window.

MY advice ,

walk away

[Gecko123]

You're not legally married, your stake in the house is only 300K, goes without saying you could leave on a dime.

Kind of wondering whether your wife sees you as a cheap charlie. Why? Pretty inexpensive house, the help with expenses comments. But that's beside the point. Sounds like the relationship is over. The only question is: are you going to leave with your tail between your legs or with a 'I'm the CEO, bitch' attitude.

The thing that jumps out is: the new boyfriend doesn't know about you. That sounds like something you could use to your advantage.

So here's what I'm thinking. Find out how to contact the new boyfriend (Facebook, phone number, email). Need to get this before anything else. Once you have this, you're in the driver's seat.

Tell her if she wants out, no problem. But you've got to get paid. Get her to wrangle the new boy toy to cough up 300K to buy you out. That's chump change in most parts. If she doesn't play along, it's threaten to spill the beans time: AIDS, stone cold hooker, she did this to her husband before you, now she's doing it to you, etc., etc. Just threatening to tell him about you will probably scare the guy off. Since she sees him as a bigger meal ticket than you, she's got a lot of incentive to go along with the plan.

Things start getting crazy, back off, and hit the road.