OZZIE = 1

SOMALIA PIRATES = 0

http://au.news.yahoo.com/latest/a/-/latest/8601029/navy-frigate-saves-tanker-from-pirates/

OZZIE = 1

SOMALIA PIRATES = 0

http://au.news.yahoo...r-from-pirates/

its a good job the Somalians didnt challenge them to a game of Cricket

1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. she thought she was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18.. Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs ... a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.

27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few!

BT :jap:

This is an anecdote explaining the manner in which my way of life was rotated.../../

Ok, not so short.

In other words........

Now, this is the story all about how

My life got flipped-turned upside down

/../

To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Finally someone with some cultural training.

Walked past a tree with a Liverpool season ticket nailed to it. I thought to myself: "I'll have that"

After all, one can never have too many nails.

Australian Cricket Team................................( well I thought they were funny )

.

.

You're not allowed to say that - even here!

And I don't think it's funny!

Mods - where are you!!!!

Australian Cricket Team................................( well I thought they were funny )

A laugh a minute.

(Well, that was about how long they lasted at the crease!)

Australian Cricket Team................................( well I thought they were funny )

A laugh a minute.

(Well, that was about how long they lasted at the crease!)

Yes, they creased me up as well......

.

You're not allowed to say that - even here!

And I don't think it's funny!

Mods - where are you!!!!

.

.

You're not allowed to say that - even here!

And I don't think it's funny!

Mods - where are you!!!!

.

My God!! Even the mods are at it now!

Is there no justice in the world any more?

(Says he, having just watched Arsenal fluke a draw against Leeds)

I flunked my Biology exam last Friday...

I was asked to name two things

commonly found in cells.

Apparently, 'Aboriginals' and 'Boat People'

were not the correct answers.

Sure you have the right ethnic group there?

Although Māori make up only 14% of the population, they make up almost 50% of the prison population.

Wiki

What do you call a Maori in a suit?

The defendant.

Oldie, but so TRUE.

London underground ad.

Great beer too.

Had to put it in.

Oldie, but so TRUE.

London underground ad.

Great beer too.

Had to put it in.

Steinlager?? Are you insane?

I rememeber the old-style Hong Kong Sevens, before all this IRB exploitation - where, in the old stadium, we used to go up to the back wall to buy the next few jugs of beer. Long queues at the Heineken girls, even longer at the Tiger Beer stands. Very long at the Carlsberg stands. The San Mig stands were sometimes do-able, but we could always get quick service at the Steinlager stand - we'd be the only customers.

But being as we were a 25-30 strong rugby team, we kept the stand pretty busy. Have half-a-dozen jugs in your hands, go back down the concrete tiers to your team and by the time you'd poured the last pint the first guys were yelling for more.

I remember playing the 15-a-side Northern Hemisphere -v- Southern Hemisphere on the Friday night, I remember the kiddies seven-a-side on the Saturday morning, but then everything is hazy. Great days in the start of the nineties.

.

You're not allowed to say that - even here!

And I don't think it's funny!

Mods - where are you!!!!

.

My God!! Even the mods are at it now!

Is there no justice in the world any more?

(Says he, having just watched Arsenal fluke a draw against Leeds)

What have i missed ???? .....

What have i missed ???? .....

The ravings of a lunatic.

What have i missed ???? .....

The ravings of a lunatic.

dam_n.... i wanna see !!! , i truly feel that i have to see to pass judgment

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"

...........................

My wife's fanny tastes like a tropical fruit.

She'll let any mango in there.

.................................

My wife told me to get on the internet and buy something that makes me last longer in bed.

I've ordered sleeping pills.

.............................

The pill ...is the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

I will get my Coat

Have to post this as, Aussie humour is needed for our scaly pal before he turns into a handbag and a rather nice pair of shoes............

WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO

cube?

?A laughing stock.

?The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a

meeting.

They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?

A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers

tossed the coin on Boxing Day?

Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky

Ponting: “You lads can bat.’’

Just as quick, Ponting replied: “No, we can’t. We really can’t.”

??What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?

?A waiter.

?Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?

The woman who irons their cricket whites.

?What’s the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?

He forgot it was chained to his foot.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?

To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his

wife and teammate Michael Hussey

tells her he’s heading out to the middle.

His wife replies: “I’ll hold, he won’t be long!”

??What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?

Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.

?Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?

The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

??What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

?Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come

from.

??What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?

?The entire Australian innings.

?What’s the Australian version of LBW?

Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

?Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?

?Because he can get out without even trying.

?What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is

almost certainly going to be a wicket?

A bat.

?What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?

A vacant lot.

?Why can’t Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?

They eat all the grass.

?What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in

common with Michael Jackson?

They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

???Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian

immigration officers at Sydney airport?

They asked him if he had a criminal record.?? ?He replied: “I didn’t know

it was still necessary.”

???What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?

?At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.

Have to post this as, Aussie humour is needed for our scaly pal before he turns into a handbag and a rather nice pair of shoes............

WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO

cube?

?A laughing stock.

?The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a

meeting.

They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?

A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers

tossed the coin on Boxing Day?

Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky

Ponting: "You lads can bat.''

Just as quick, Ponting replied: "No, we can't. We really can't."

??What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?

?A waiter.

?Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?

The woman who irons their cricket whites.

?What's the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?

He forgot it was chained to his foot.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?

To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his

wife and teammate Michael Hussey

tells her he's heading out to the middle.

His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"

??What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?

Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

?Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?

The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

??What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

?Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come

from.

??What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?

?The entire Australian innings.

?What's the Australian version of LBW?

Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

?Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?

?Because he can get out without even trying.

?What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is

almost certainly going to be a wicket?

A bat.

?What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?

A vacant lot.

?Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?

They eat all the grass.

?What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in

common with Michael Jackson?

They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

???Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian

immigration officers at Sydney airport?

They asked him if he had a criminal record.?? ?He replied: "I didn't know

it was still necessary."

???What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?

?At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.

Best lotta laffs in ages.

Thank heaps.

BRILL MATE, MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD.

BT :jap:

Today I was diagnosed as being colour blind. Came right out of the green.

Go to Google translate

English --> Chinese ( traditional )

Type: fuc_k that pussy good!

Translate

Copy, paste and then translate back into English

Don't ask how much free time I have

Go to Google translate

English --> Chinese ( traditional )

Type: fuc_k that pussy good!

Translate

Copy, paste and then translate back into English

Don't ask how much free time I have

How on earth does " fuc-k that pussy good " translate to " don't ask how much free time I have "...................Google's useless

Go to Google translate

English --> Chinese ( traditional )

Type: fuc_k that pussy good!

Translate

Copy, paste and then translate back into English

Don't ask how much free time I have

How on earth does " fuc-k that pussy good " translate to " don't ask how much free time I have "...................Google's useless

- it dosnt translate to ' don't ask how much free time I have ' , that was just at the end of the email i received this morning ....

but i did translate it .......

Confucius say,

"If you are in a book store and cannot find

the book for which you search, you are obviously in the.....

Confucius say,

"If you are in a book store and cannot find

the book for which you search, you are obviously in the.....

like it