Serious And Disturbing Email

[John K]

The first thing I would do is read this piece from stickman. He does PI work and this piece give a lot of pointers. Second is I just skimmed this thread and I am sure I missed a lot but in general anxiety will rip a hole in you so you need to remove the cause ASAP. In his piece he shows how to trace an IP so if the email came from a place that makes no sense you can rest easy.

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Weekly2006/weekly274.htm

Edited August 22, 2006 by John K

[TBWG]

Hi Tippaporn

Computers far to b****y smart. I notice on TV header an ad for tracing e-mails

see Readnotify.com

Hope this helps.

Keep calm TBWG

[meom]

I have a feeling it is one of your wife's close female "friends" who is looking forward to the day when she can console you.........

Any of your wife's friends ever get overly 'playful' with you?

I wish Tip good luck but for the same thing it is is own wife sending the mail.

Happened to me; after 5 years in the relationship with the missus I had to find out that she was already married

By mistake (I thought) she left some papers hanging around in which she had a complete different last name than I thought she had.

When I confronted her she sort of spilled the beans and everything became clear. Main thing was that she wanted to be "caught" because she was to afraid to tell me directly.

In the end everything worked out alright so I wish the same for Tippaporn.

[Tippaporn]

One final thing you worry about the condo being cleared out, that would suggest money is at the root of things, however that fact that money is not immediatley withdrawn from your communal bank account indicates otherwise.

Good Luck keep a clear head and take care.

TBWG

Good point, TBWG. This is one of the contradictions regarding this scenario. She's not abused me financially through all the years. In fact, she's hocked jewelry on several ocassions when she's run out of cash and felt too proud to ask me for more money. I've admonished her for doing so.

[Tippaporn]

difficult to know what sort of advice to give , do you have a trusted friend here in Thailand who could "take a look" and see if your wife is leaving and returning to the condo alone , and if is she where she says she is when you call her.

hopefully , and if the relationship is as strong as you say , this will just turn out to be a malicious e-mail from a jealous acquaintance , but after 8 months away you should realise that there is a possibility that these things do happen.

dont torture yourself with visions of police set ups and double jeopardy situations , keep a clear mind and think all your actions through before doing anything.

Thanks, tax. Unfortunately, all of my Thai friends are known and recognizable to my wife. I am aware that long absences have the potential to cause someone to stray due to loniless, perhaps. I rule nothing out at this point. Possibly I am overreacting, but it's a potentially grave situation. Perhaps I am a wuss, but admittedly I am a bit beside myself. She means a lot to me.

[meadish_sweetball]

First of all, Tip, I am very sorry to hear of your predicament.

Secondly, having read through the thread it's great to see how much useful information people can come out with when they show their best side. Possibly the best point of Thaivisa.

Based on your info, I fully agree it sounds very unlikely your wife is two-timing you. If she was primarily after cash, things or money would already have disappeared in your vicinity. Guest House is also very correct when he says that this person is much more likely to want to get to your wife than to help you in any way.

If the IP search does not bring up anything conclusive, perhaps a trusted friend or a professional PD who can monitor your wife a little is the best solution, after all.

[Tippaporn]

I have a feeling it is one of your wife's close female "friends" who is looking forward to the day when she can console you.........

Any of your wife's friends ever get overly 'playful' with you?

I wish Tip good luck but for the same thing it is is own wife sending the mail.

Happened to me; after 5 years in the relationship with the missus I had to find out that she was already married

By mistake (I thought) she left some papers hanging around in which she had a complete different last name than I thought she had.

When I confronted her she sort of spilled the beans and everything became clear. Main thing was that she wanted to be "caught" because she was to afraid to tell me directly.

In the end everything worked out alright so I wish the same for Tippaporn.

Wow, meom. Sorry to hear but happy to know things did work out for you in the end. I pray this isn't what is happening to me.

[meom]

I have a feeling it is one of your wife's close female "friends" who is looking forward to the day when she can console you.........

Any of your wife's friends ever get overly 'playful' with you?

I wish Tip good luck but for the same thing it is is own wife sending the mail.

Happened to me; after 5 years in the relationship with the missus I had to find out that she was already married

By mistake (I thought) she left some papers hanging around in which she had a complete different last name than I thought she had.

When I confronted her she sort of spilled the beans and everything became clear. Main thing was that she wanted to be "caught" because she was to afraid to tell me directly.

In the end everything worked out alright so I wish the same for Tippaporn.

Wow, meom. Sorry to hear but happy to know things did work out for you in the end. I pray this isn't what is happening to me.

The only way to find out in my opinion is to confront her directly, see her reaction and take it from there.

If it turn out that she's already married it doesn't have to be the end. She could very well care more about you than the other so if that's the case it's up to you to take it or leave so to speak. Anyway good luck.

[Tippaporn]

First of all, Tip, I am very sorry to hear of your predicament.

Secondly, having read through the thread it's great to see how much useful information people can come out with when they show their best side. Possibly the best point of Thaivisa.

Based on your info, I fully agree it sounds very unlikely your wife is two-timing you. If she was primarily after cash, things or money would already have disappeared in your vicinity. Guest House is also very correct when he says that this person is much more likely to want to get to your wife than to help you in any way.

If the IP search does not bring up anything conclusive, perhaps a trusted friend or a professional PD who can monitor your wife a little is the best solution, after all.

Thanks, Meadish. From all the wonderful posts it is very comforting for me to hear so many of you being supportive of my wife's heart. I decided to post my situation on TV precisely because I value the opinions of TV's membership due to their experience with Thailand moreso than I could hope to receive an objective opinion from those with me in the States.

TV is without a doubt unsurpassed in the degree of benevolence to be found within a single site. My hats off to all - from admin to mods to members.

[mrbojangles]

First of all Tipp, sorry to hear of your dilemma. These situations are always a curse when living far apart.

Some people on here have given some great advise already and as Meadish says, this is the best part of TV.

Could i ask, how good is your wife on the computer ? The reason i ask, is that when me and the mrs first met, i set her up an e-mail account and showed her how to use it etc. A few months later i was getting e-mails from "her" telling me all sorts. I called her and quickly realised that her naivety on the computer was at fault. She had given her password to all and sundry, as these so called friends helped her with her english and shown her how to use the computer etc. We had our suspicions but couldn't prove who it was.

After that, i got her a new e-mail account, changed the password and deleted all the addresses on the old one and have never used it since. The mrs is now very competent on the computer and we both learned a valuable lesson about keep passwords to ourselves.

Hope everything turns out for the good Tipp

[Tippaporn]

Do you have a family and child elsewhere that the email sender is talking about that you should save your money to support? If so how do they know this. Does she have a maid by any chance? As you say it does sound like another Thai and female. Was the $13,000 loss something you checked out? It may mean nothing even if it was not what was said as very often such a loss can be from gambling and covered up with other stories; but I suspect it is on your mind.

I did not read it as the other was living in the condo - only that she sometimes had him in your pickup and maybe came to condo, but even that was not clear. Most Thai have had a husband when young (don't know her age now of if you ever discussed prior relationships) and a third party could well say she has a Thai husband when they have been apart for ages. Sorry can not provide any solid advise but I would be very leery using a third party unless you are very certain you can trust them.

Thanks, lopburi. The fact that I have two children, one son and one daughter, is common knowledge among our family and acquaintances. It does suggest insider knowledge, though I'm puzzeled at why only my son was mentioned. Perhaps the writer did not know how to spell 'daughter?'

We do have a maid, recently hired just before I left last July. She is Burmese and I've had little association with her since I left shortly after she started working for us. She's approx. 19 years old and quite meek. If vibes are worth anything I did cop good feelings from her both when she started and during my short time back last Dec. I would discount that she's involved. She speaks zero English, BTW.

My wife does not gamble, except for lotto once in a while and penny ante card games amongst friends and family. I would nominate her for an Academy Award had she faked her very emotional response to losing the ฿13,000. She cried over the phone for quite a prolonged spell and repeatedly admonished herself. Pulled my heartstrings, I can tell you.

[Sakeopete]

Tippaporn,

I hope it is a hoax but please be cautious. A few years ago I became friends with a Brit named John retired military. He married a local village woman she brought him to meet me because I was the only Falang who lives there. I new from my wife and the other villagers that she had husbands mysteriously die after they had no money left. My conscience couldn’t take it and I warned John by e-mail at the risk he would tell her and put my family in harm while I was away working. My wife was a bit scared but I couldn’t look him in the eyes knowing what I new. Well he didn’t believe me and stopped visiting me to my relief. Less than a year later he died after spending all his money buying her farm land. His wife said he died while they were visiting Pattaya from smoking too many cigarettes that night. Less than a week later her mother is bragging how her daughter’s new British boy friend is trying to help her get John’s UK pension. She didn’t get it because they were not legally married only village marriage. She has brought a new husband over last year and I would not even come out of my house to say hello.

My point is love is blind but be aware that if the sender is for real he/she could be taking a risk letting you know. Check it out for peace of mind.

Good luck to you.

[chippie]

I have been playing with the IP locators and they only give rough guides to location.

Two emails from my brothers in Canada only gave the province and city.

My own IP address is stated as the county i'm in not even the town.

[Tippaporn]

First of all Tipp, sorry to hear of your dilemma. These situations are always a curse when living far apart.

Some people on here have given some great advise already and as Meadish says, this is the best part of TV.

Could i ask, how good is your wife on the computer ? The reason i ask, is that when me and the mrs first met, i set her up an e-mail account and showed her how to use it etc. A few months later i was getting e-mails from "her" telling me all sorts. I called her and quickly realised that her naivety on the computer was at fault. She had given her password to all and sundry, as these so called friends helped her with her english and shown her how to use the computer etc. We had our suspicions but couldn't prove who it was.

After that, i got her a new e-mail account, changed the password and deleted all the addresses on the old one and have never used it since. The mrs is now very competent on the computer and we both learned a valuable lesson about keep passwords to ourselves.

Hope everything turns out for the good Tipp

Thanks, Mr. Bo. The wifey is computer illiterate. On top of that she cannot write English at all and so does not email me. We talk enough on the phone that email is not warranted. Although I must add that she generally does not call me; I usually call her. I've attempted to teach her on many occasions but she truly lacks interest in knowing anything about computers.

[jdinasia]

Hi tippaporn, a good start, if you have a trusted Farang friend close to your condo. Arrange for them to go around to your place to use your PC. You could arrange this with your wife and just come up with some excuse about needing some info from a file.

This friend could then access the PC history and find out if indeed the computer was being used and what for at that particular time when the e-mail was sent.

This is a start and will give you more of an idea of who or who may not be behind this.

Just a thought, Good luck and i hope it is not for real, however if it is for real, then you MUST know.

then again it might be EN

[jing jing]

Hi Tip,

First of all, sorry to hear about your predicament. We've never met but from reading your posts I get the feeling you're a real good fellow -- definitely not deserving of the sturm und drang going on at the moment.

At times like this it can be difficult to approach things from a purely logical point of view. Nevertheless I am wondering why you have this aversion to the idea of employing a private investigator. I mean, it's one thing to spy on your woman when there has been no reason whatsoever to suspect any wrongdoing, but ferchrissakes, you've just gotten the mother of all wake up calls over here and the next best thing to (or maybe even a better thing than) showing up yourself unannounced or having a close buddy check things out for you is hiring a pro to do the job properly and eliminate all doubt once and for all.

You've indicated that your plans for the future revolve around this individual and you've already made what sounds like a substantial investment, both emotional and financial, in the relationship... in my opinion it's a no-brainer that at this point there's really no better alternative than hiring a private eye and getting the truth ASAP.

When all is said and done, if it turns out to be a hoax but your wife learns you hired a PI to check her out, certainly after she sees the emails she'll understand why you had to do what you did.

Serious stuff, man... I sure hope you get to the bottom of this mystery and she comes up clean. Cheers Tip, and I wish you all the best.

[Lacoste]

Hi tippaporn, a good start, if you have a trusted Farang friend close to your condo. Arrange for them to go around to your place to use your PC. You could arrange this with your wife and just come up with some excuse about needing some info from a file.

This friend could then access the PC history and find out if indeed the computer was being used and what for at that particular time when the e-mail was sent.

This is a start and will give you more of an idea of who or who may not be behind this.

Just a thought, Good luck and i hope it is not for real, however if it is for real, then you MUST know.

then again it might be EN

jdinasia, incase you had not noticed, this is a serious topic. There is no place here for your petty flames.

Please leave.

Regards.

Lacoste.

Edited August 22, 2006 by Lacoste

[Tippaporn]

Tippaporn,

I hope it is a hoax but please be cautious. A few years ago I became friends with a Brit named John retired military. He married a local village woman she brought him to meet me because I was the only Falang who lives there. I new from my wife and the other villagers that she had husbands mysteriously die after they had no money left. My conscience couldn’t take it and I warned John by e-mail at the risk he would tell her and put my family in harm while I was away working. My wife was a bit scared but I couldn’t look him in the eyes knowing what I new. Well he didn’t believe me and stopped visiting me to my relief. Less than a year later he died after spending all his money buying her farm land. His wife said he died while they were visiting Pattaya from smoking too many cigarettes that night. Less than a week later her mother is bragging how her daughter’s new British boy friend is trying to help her get John’s UK pension. She didn’t get it because they were not legally married only village marriage. She has brought a new husband over last year and I would not even come out of my house to say hello.

My point is love is blind but be aware that if the sender is for real he/she could be taking a risk letting you know. Check it out for peace of mind.

Good luck to you.

Thanks, Sakeopete. You relate a worst case story that is due to financial greed. Initially I've scrutinized her very closely to try and uncover any hidden motivations or personal agendas.

The first instance where she passed the test was after I had returned to the States on our initial meeting. I had promised to send her small amounts of money each month, about ฿10,000. Being a complete novice to transferring money overseas I started out with a personal check. When that didn't work well I tried an international bank draft.

She emailed me stating that the bank in Thailand wanted a rather large fee and although the money was guaranteed they needed to hold the check for 30 days. I then had the idea to open an account for her Stateside and send her the ATM. This method would allow me to control the amount of money available to her. She emailed back asking what she should do with the draft. I instructed her to send it back to me.

Almost a month passed and I still had not received the draft in the mail. Thinking it had gotten lost (yes, I should have asked her first) I went to the bank to put stop payment on it as it was the only way I could recover the funds if lost. I emailed her to let her know.

I called a few days after the email and for the first time heard her answering the phone crying. She was a bit unintelligible but kept repeating that she was not interested in my money. Apparently, she misinterpreted what I had done and thought that I was letting her know she was spending to much and that I was cutting her off.

Following that incident was a month plus of utter silence from her. I could not raise her on the phone nor would she respond to my many emails. Her pride had suffered and she did not want anything to do with me anymore. She's told me since that the only reason she reopened communication was because I wouldn't give up on her. That told her I was for real. Of course, she also gave me very solid evidence as to where her heart truly was.

* As a footnote to conclude the story, when I did return to Thailand on holiday about a month later she handed me the bank draft.

Edited August 22, 2006 by Tippaporn

[kayo]

Ouch Tip.

You'll need to find out how much is true.

Where the email was sent from. Your car.

Try all the circumstances, and validating them. Then maybe you'll be surer of the ultimate fact finding.

I'll be thinking of you. My heart is racing for you.

DO NOT underestimate the cunningness. I wish for you none of this is true, yet do NOT underestimate....

Edited August 22, 2006 by kayo

[Tippaporn]

Hi Tip,

First of all, sorry to hear about your predicament. We've never met but from reading your posts I get the feeling you're a real good fellow -- definitely not deserving of the sturm und drang going on at the moment.

At times like this it can be difficult to approach things from a purely logical point of view. Nevertheless I am wondering why you have this aversion to the idea of employing a private investigator. I mean, it's one thing to spy on your woman when there has been no reason whatsoever to suspect any wrongdoing, but ferchrissakes, you've just gotten the mother of all wake up calls over here and the next best thing to (or maybe even a better thing than) showing up yourself unannounced or having a close buddy check things out for you is hiring a pro to do the job properly and eliminate all doubt once and for all.

You've indicated that your plans for the future revolve around this individual and you've already made what sounds like a substantial investment, both emotional and financial, in the relationship... in my opinion it's a no-brainer that at this point there's really no better alternative than hiring a private eye and getting the truth ASAP.

When all is said and done, if it turns out to be a hoax but your wife learns you hired a PI to check her out, certainly after she sees the emails she'll understand why you had to do what you did.

Serious stuff, man... I sure hope you get to the bottom of this mystery and she comes up clean. Cheers Tip, and I wish you all the best.

Thanks, jing jing. Since it hasn't been 24 hours since I received the emails and since deciding to post my predicament on TV for advice I've still much to digest before I make any concrete plans on what my next step will be. I will call her first, though I'm not sure what I'll say yet, to see if there's anything unusual that I can ascertain from a phone conversation.

I'll give a little time to allow the sender of the emails to respond to my enquiries. If there's no progress or new developments then I tend to lean towards a PI or some of the offered help I've recieved via PMs. I'm also still waiting to see whether or not an IP trace can yield any results that might help me determine further the identity of the sender.

Once more, my heartfelt gratitude goes out to all you folks who've bothered to reply on this thread and via PMs and expressed your concern and/or offered assistance.

[Clip_My_Wings]

1st question, how did he/she know your E mail address?

I'm truly touched at the immense outpouring of concern. You all have my most respectful and heartfelt appreciation

I'll try to reply to individual posts as quickly as possible. Just know that I'm reading each and every one of them.

That's another point I've considered, Kurgen. This sender is unknown to me. Yet how did they obtain my address? Two possibilities occur to me - 1) it is someone close to us who has access to our condo and quite possibly my computer, and 2) it was discreetly obtained by someone removed from us from a member of our household.

My opinion thus far is No. 1.

Tippaporn can you please clarify what you mean by obtaining your address ?? do you mean your condo address or simply your email address ?

if it's email addres this could be obtained simply by a number of means and wouldn't be so hard to fathom. Say for instance if you've communicated directly to someone on this board via email.

best thing in this kind of scenario is try to think and discover the motives of the sender. If the sender "is as he claims" caring about your interests then I would expect that he (or even she) would reply to your emails and reveal more truth and impelling evidence. If however you get no further reply it does suggest more sinister motives (this is not deducing whether or not the email is ficticious or ot simply that the motives of this person dubious)

interestingly the username looks like it is a real falang name. could be worht in investigating this presuming the sender has not made this up.

anyway try not to do anything rash and collect as much evidence as possible. Then with a collective head decide what to do.

Good luck and I hope you find the truth and it works out for the best

[tourleadersi]

Hey there Tip

As far as getting a PI involved, if you get one worth his salt then there never will be a chance of your wife finding out. I have no experience in this, but I should imagine that some of the agencies in Bangers are very professional and will be discreet. There is no need to tell anyone what you are doing...

I still don't like the idea of resorting to this however, but should you find that as the days pass you become more and more stressed, it maybe a worthwile option for the sake of yourself and your wife.

I had a friend who suspected his gf was up to no good. He spoke to me about it and I suggested he confront her about it. I don't want to go into details out of respect for one of my best friends but there was a window of opportunity where he might have had a conclusive answer. He let this moment slide at the time believing he could let it go. He admitted later that it was something that he perhaps wished he had handled differently at the time.

I suggest you ask yourself whether this is something you can dismiss without any kind of conclusive evidence or reassurance. If you can then great, if you can't then you need to decide how you can best get the answers that you seek. My heart really goes out to you mate. One of my weak points is that I am very quick on the draw. I admire your control in how you are handling all of this. Turning to friends for advice is wise. I would do the same, but the advice I would be asking for is how best to remove burn stains from the patio after torching all her clothes!

[kat]

Tip:

I agree with others that you should hire a good PI. I don't think it would be a violation of trust under the circumstances. You've mentioned very good reasons for not confronting at the moment, and I think you should continue to follow your instincts.

Hiring a PI is not a violation, because you have very real concerns: Your safety if you return; her safety if someone around her intends harm; your peace of mind, trust, and financial security (midnight packing, etc.).

I really hope none of this is true, and it sounds very much like it could be a jealous, spiteful person in your midst, but you will not be sure until you are sure.

*edit: once you know the deal, you can tell her that you could not tell her immediately in case there was someone around her who was waiting and listening, which is also the truth.

Edited August 22, 2006 by kat

[Lacoste]

The wifey is computer illiterate. On top of that she cannot write English at all and so does not email me. We talk enough on the phone that email is not warranted. she truly lacks interest in knowing anything about computers.

Im sorry Tip but you are condradicting yourself here, as you go on to say in another post.

She emailed me stating that the bank in Thailand wanted a rather large fee and although the money was guaranteed they needed to hold the check for 30 days.

So if this is the case someone else knows your e-mail and personal arangements, they must have helped her with the e-mail?

Edited August 22, 2006 by Lacoste

[Tippaporn]

Ouch Tip.

You'll need to find out how much is true.

Where the email was sent from. Your car.

Try all the circumstances, and validating them. Then maybe you'll be surer of the ultimate fact finding.

I'll be thinking of you. My heart is racing for you.

DO NOT underestimate the cunningness. I wish for you none of this is true, yet do NOT underestimate....

Thanks, Klown. Why is it that just seeing your avatar makes me smile again?

[kayo]

BTW, Steven Narome was the name right?

Not unusual for a thai to use a fake farang name.

I heard Steven Gerrard was quite a popular footballer.

\Narome...Naroom... Naromee...Could be Thai?

[Tippaporn]

The wifey is computer illiterate. On top of that she cannot write English at all and so does not email me. We talk enough on the phone that email is not warranted. she truly lacks interest in knowing anything about computers.

Im sorry Tip but you are condradicting yourself here, as you go on to say in another post.

She emailed me stating that the bank in Thailand wanted a rather large fee and although the money was guaranteed they needed to hold the check for 30 days.

So if this is the case someone else knows your e-mail and personal arangements, they must have helped her with the e-mail?

Sorry for the seemingly contradictory info regarding my wife's emails. Before I had moved to Thailand she would utilize a then nearby 3rd party (not a friend but a paid service) to write and read my emails. This person no longer works in the particular Internet cafe she used to frequent, nor do we live in that are of town any longer. Since we've been together there's obviously been no need for her to utilize email anymore.

[Lacoste]

Sorry for the seemingly contradictory info regarding my wife's emails. Before I had moved to Thailand she would utilize a then nearby 3rd party (not a friend but a paid service) to write and read my emails. This person no longer works in the particular Internet cafe she used to frequent, nor do we live in that are of town any longer. Since we've been together there's obviously been no need for her to utilize email anymore.

Fair enough, thats that theory out the window anyway.

[Tippaporn]

I have been playing with the IP locators and they only give rough guides to location.

Two emails from my brothers in Canada only gave the province and city.

My own IP address is stated as the county i'm in not even the town.

Thanks, Chippie. I guess that doesn't bode well for nailing down anything conclusive. If I could verify that my computer was used then I could certainly narrow down the suspects. Someone else mentioned about installing a keylogger, or perhaps accessing the computer to see what activity conincided with the time the emails were sent. Both of those options are beyond me, though. The last would require not only an acquaintance but one with enough computer saavy, too. I, myself, wouldn't know how to go about checking your computer for particular activity.

[Clip_My_Wings]

Are you 100% sure that this was a third party ?? or is that something your wife told ou?

I don't want to scaremonger but if you wife did involce family or friend in the writing/procesing your bank draft then this would raise a few eyebrows and suggest she is not the only one privvy to your email and circumstances.

The wifey is computer illiterate. On top of that she cannot write English at all and so does not email me. We talk enough on the phone that email is not warranted. she truly lacks interest in knowing anything about computers.

Im sorry Tip but you are condradicting yourself here, as you go on to say in another post.

She emailed me stating that the bank in Thailand wanted a rather large fee and although the money was guaranteed they needed to hold the check for 30 days.

So if this is the case someone else knows your e-mail and personal arangements, they must have helped her with the e-mail?

Sorry for the seemingly contradictory info regarding my wife's emails. Before I had moved to Thailand she would utilize a then nearby 3rd party (not a friend but a paid service) to write and read my emails. This person no longer works in the particular Internet cafe she used to frequent, nor do we live in that are of town any longer. Since we've been together there's obviously been no need for her to utilize email anymore.