Do You Live In A Thai Village Full Time

[johnnyk]

Love the attempt at reimbursing some of the double dosh!

I'll bet they didn't insist too mutt!

[migrant]

TPWG,

I'll add to the "great post"

But also want to congratulate you on the house, beautiful! It is similar to the one we are trying to come up with for our move in a few years.

Did you draw it up, or use someones plans?

Guess what I'm getting at is...........

Do you have more pics/ plans on the house? Not really on thread, but would love to see PM or otherwise.

Appreciate anything! Thanks!!

[TBWG]

Love the attempt at reimbursing some of the double dosh!

I'll bet they didn't insist too mutt!

Hi All

Thanks for all the positive response’s to my post on village life. I am currently trying to summon up the courage to post the details of the unfortunate events that unfolded that very evening at the Karaoke bar.

However, before doing so I have to mentally prepare for the possibility of a re-occurrence of the flashbacks and nightmares that followed that fateful evening.

After all, the last thing I want to do is bring on a bout of my old trouble, the coprolalia phase of my latent Tourette's syndrome is particularly embarrassing. (Google it) Wikipedia

God…I love Thailand.

TBWG

[cobra]

This has been a very refreshing and interesting thread,

Thanx to all the posters for sharing.

Having spent an odd weekend or two in a few villages, (Korat, Suphanburi),

I often wondered what an extended existence would be like, how one would fill their day, etc.

Thanx all,

[wapipatjohn]

I used to live in a village near Kumpawapi full time, in fact I was the only Falang to live here despite 5 other Thai Falang marriages and one gay couple. I have been told that the other Falangs all stayed in hotels because they couldn’t handle the dirt/dust, flies, no hot water etc.

I didn’t mind all that, my problem was the boredom.

I got up with the family around 6 am had a cup of coffee, then sat around for a couple of hours then had breakfast at a more civilised hour.

If my dodgy internet connection was working I would check emails and surf the net until lunchtime.

I would then have a light lunch and return to the computer with a beer, I made it a rule of mine never to drink before noon !

The highlight of my day was to go shopping with my wife in Kumpawapi or Udon Thani.

During the day my wife did all the things Thai women do, a few chores, and a lot of eating, sleeping and of course non stop gossip !

I would go to bed around 8 pm.

Next day I got up with the family around 6 am had a cup of coffee……etc, etc, etc,

.

BORED !! I was!

Because I had always led an active life, I found I was not ready to curl up and die just yet, ( Retire !! )

So last January I decided to go on a teacher training course down in Ban Phe. My wife was horrified when she found out that it cost nearly 70,000 Baht. She did everything she possibly could to try to stop me, even after I qualified she was telling me to stop being silly.

But I am now an English teacher in a fairly large school 3 hours south of my wife’s village.

A house is supplied with the job, and my wife and our 2 year old daughter live with me most of the time.

I teach 1,200 students a week from the age of 13 to 18, and now there are not enough hours in the day for me. My wife gives me very little support despite being told that I am a good teacher ( something she doesn’t want to hear as she was sure I would

“ Crash and Burn” when I started teaching ). I know I am not a good teacher yet, but one day I will be, as I get on well with the kids and my fellow teachers ( they think I am a crazy Falang teacher ).

I only drink at weekends now ( and then not to excess ) and I now live in a small town population approximately 12,000. I am the only Falang living here, and there are no western amenities, just a couple of Thai Karaoke bars just outside of town. We haven’t even got a 7/11 here, so I now have to go shopping at Tesco’s in a nearby large town 30 kilometres away.

I decided on Teaching after I visited some friends in Pattaya . where I felt embarrassed to be a westerner. I looked at all the brain dead, western morons there, most of whom have never seen Thailand,

( Pattaya is Pattaya and is not representative of Thailand !!) and felt that there was more to life than Sun, Sex and Beer,

I didn’t like the way the western males treated Thai people especially the women there.

Most of us who live here know that Thai women do not work bar because they like it, (one once told me that,”it was a dirty job but the money was good”) most have young children they have to support, and nearly all their money is sent home to their families. Most of the Pattaya type males show no respect or understanding for these Ladies. Of course there are some Thai women who enjoy the lifestyle, but I am sure not many.

So if like me any of you are not ready for the scrap heap just yet, and can’t face endless days of dull boring routine inactivity, try going on a teacher training course, age is not a problem. Once qualified you could even teach privately in your own village, it doesn’t have to be a full time job and it will give you the chance to have something to aim for in life, instead of just filling the days until you eventually die.

My only regret is that I didn’t find out about teaching years ago. I really enjoy the work, and the Thai kids are great, they are very respectful to everyone, unlike Western Kids !!

When I lived in a village I was 58 going on 70. Now I am teaching I am 58 going on 30 !!

Edited October 22, 2006 by wapipatjohn

[turnpike]

I used to live in a village near Kumpawapi full time, in fact I was the only Falang to live here despite 5 other Thai Falang marriages and one gay couple. I have been told that the other Falangs all stayed in hotels because they couldn’t handle the dirt/dust, flies, no hot water etc.

I didn’t mind all that, my problem was the boredom.

I got up with the family around 6 am had a cup of coffee, then sat around for a couple of hours then had breakfast at a more civilised hour.

If my dodgy internet connection was working I would check emails and surf the net until lunchtime.

I would then have a light lunch and return to the computer with a beer, I made it a rule of mine never to drink before noon !

The highlight of my day was to go shopping with my wife in Kumpawapi or Udon Thani.

During the day my wife did all the things Thai women do, a few chores, and a lot of eating, sleeping and of course non stop gossip !

I would go to bed around 8 pm.

Next day I got up with the family around 6 am had a cup of coffee……etc, etc, etc,

.

BORED !! I was!

Because I had always led an active life, I found I was not ready to curl up and die just yet, ( Retire !! )

So last January I decided to go on a teacher training course down in Ban Phe. My wife was horrified when she found out that it cost nearly 70,000 Baht. She did everything she possibly could to try to stop me, even after I qualified she was telling me to stop being silly.

But I am now an English teacher in a fairly large school 3 hours south of my wife’s village.

A house is supplied with the job, and my wife and our 2 year old daughter live with me most of the time.

I teach 1,200 students a week from the age of 13 to 18, and now there are not enough hours in the day for me. My wife gives me very little support despite being told that I am a good teacher ( something she doesn’t want to hear as she was sure I would

“ Crash and Burn” when I started teaching ). I know I am not a good teacher yet, but one day I will be, as I get on well with the kids and my fellow teachers ( they think I am a crazy Falang teacher ).

I only drink at weekends now ( and then not to excess ) and I now live in a small town population approximately 12,000. I am the only Falang living here, and there are no western amenities, just a couple of Thai Karaoke bars just outside of town. We haven’t even got a 7/11 here, so I now have to go shopping at Tesco’s in a nearby large town 30 kilometres away.

I decided on Teaching after I visited some friends in Pattaya . where I felt embarrassed to be a westerner. I looked at all the brain dead, western morons there, most of whom have never seen Thailand,

( Pattaya is Pattaya and is not representative of Thailand !!) and felt that there was more to life than Sun, Sex and Beer,

I didn’t like the way the western males treated Thai people especially the women there.

Most of us who live here know that Thai women do not work bar because they like it, (one once told me that,”it was a dirty job but the money was good”) most have young children they have to support, and nearly all their money is sent home to their families. Most of the Pattaya type males show no respect or understanding for these Ladies. Of course there are some Thai women who enjoy the lifestyle, but I am sure not many.

So if like me any of you are not ready for the scrap heap just yet, and can’t face endless days of dull boring routine inactivity, try going on a teacher training course, age is not a problem. Once qualified you could even teach privately in your own village, it doesn’t have to be a full time job and it will give you the chance to have something to aim for in life, instead of just filling the days until you eventually die.

My only regret is that I didn’t find out about teaching years ago. I really enjoy the work, and the Thai kids are great, they are very respectful to everyone, unlike Western Kids !!

When I lived in a village I was 58 going on 70. Now I am teaching I am 58 going on 30 !!

GREAT POST!!

this has to be the best "feel good" post of the new millenium.

i also live in a village, between kk and udon thani, and getting married dec. 1st (to an ex bargirl, by the way) who is the best woman i've met . by the way, i LOVE village life.

wish i could write more at this time but i'm sitting on a rig in the bay of bengal on a 15 minute coffe break.

good luck to all of us!

turnpike

[wongsa]

An excellent thread!

As mentioned before - One of the best.

We are back in the UK at the mo. (back to the house in January)

Our three winged, Bharn Thai house, that I designed, is between Pakchong and Khao Yai and up in the hills. Asian chickens everywhere.

I will get up just after the mother in law. Great sloshings of bowls of water, and washing being hung up to dry.

The coffee mug filled, I just pootle about, The sound of mopeds and cow bells. Feeling the heat of the sun building by the minute...

No, I am not at the house as I sit typing this, but my good wishes go out to all of you in the Boonies.

Who of you got married at the house?

I will keep reading your posts. Every picture and observation noted makes me more gutted that I'm not HOME.

Keeping flying your own farang flags!

Chok Dee

[pgs]

Sadly I don't get to live in Thailand full-time. But when I am there I don't want to come back to Sydney.

From my first visit to my (now) wife's village in Ampur Khon Sa Wan (Chaiyaphum), I have been treated as a local. No-one tries to increase prices for me in our villages, I have always had the 'locals' prices at the market - wife checked a few times what she would pay to what I paid. My sisters look after me well & I have a lovely Thai family. I sometimes help out at one of the internet cafes in the next village & usually have a few days each visit at one of the local schools. The kids & teachers love it. We try to have at least one outing with the school staff. The last two Mother's Days I was at the school by special request - if you don't come, we will collect you. The bus inspector at Chaiyaphum has a little English & generally has a quick chat when checking tickets. I have made some very good friends of teachers & their families.

At the end of a long visit, one of the teachers asked what I missed most from home - it took 15 minutes to decide - a decent computer. Don't miss TV or radio as both in Sydney are pretty crappy. There are only a few Aussie beers worth drinking & I prefer Thai beer anyway. For meals, I generally do the cooking - here & there. When I started going to the village, some of the women would drop by to see what I was cooking & have a sample. Yes, I'm known about the area, but am not sure if this is a good thing ;-)

One thing I found there that I'm not fond of is the practice of putting ice in beer. My family keep beer in ice for me at parties & the shop over the road is told a few weeks before I come back so she keeps 1/2 carton in the fridge for my first day & has at least 2 cartons on hand for me to ake home. The beer is a few B cheaper if we get cartons from Chaiyaphum, but I like to try to keep money in the area - and she is happy to get the beer and keep it cold for me. (kob khun khrup, Yoong).

Sometimes it does get a little boring & I NEED someone who has decent English to chat with - I guess most of us get like that. Ah, well - knock the top off another Chang. Oh, no!!! It's not breathing! Quick - mouth 2 mouth.... :-)

On thing - could you please put your areas or nearest large town in the post somewhere? I'm having trouble finding some of the villages on the maps.

Edited October 23, 2006 by pgs

[wongsa]

Has anyone experienced the decibels of a Thai "celebration".

We have had a couple of "full bore" parties at the house. Where most of the village turn up.

Considering how peaceful the place is day and night. The noise generated is collosal.

On the day before our wedding a tractor arrived towing the PA speakers.

(The size of this trailer could have carried a couple of cars - Plus the speakers were double stacked)

I presumed they just brought the whole rig and ran a few speakers as needs required.

We are talking a PA for a rock concert in a fair sized park.

Everything was set up and the music came via cd player to amps and speakers.

Coloured lights were fixed everywhere that lights could be fixed.

This little piece of Thailand now resembled a Close Encounters set!

The "day before" music was playing and the village was getting cranked up for a party.

The women were dancing to and from the house and the pick up full of food was being prepared for the wedding day.

More than a dozen charcoal burning (chimney pot) stoves were glowing away as the food bubbled and simmered. Grinders for stripping the flesh fom coconuts were operated by teenagers whilst the men clinked their favourite bottles of whiskey.

The atmosphere was relaxed but you could tell by peoples' grinning daft expressions that this was going to be a blaster of a do!

At ten the music stopped.

Come midnight you could tell a common consensus was reached...

...Off to bed...conserve yourself for tomorrow!

I was shown to my room.

The house reluctantly joined the rest of the village.

Silent

Pitch black

Sleeping.

I lay awake. Like a message in a bottle, way out to sea. Important, yet totally divorced from my surroundings.

I did all I could to prepare myself for the following day...

As I opened the latch on the door and strolled over to the edge of our land. I stood emptying my bladder under the dome of the milky way. The distant flash of aircraft marker lights, high in the night sky, a tentative link with where my (and our) journey started. The silhouettes of the palms and tamarind tree, now Mine in a sense. The chirping and fizzing of my insect neighbourhood.

Twenty four hours ago I was in Sukhumvit Road, part of the roaring, racing city.

My lonely nocturnal needs sated, I returned - Back to my bed and into a solid, Singha sleep.

Whaaat!

It is technically dawn. The PA thirty feet from my teak bedroom bursts into life with the Thai version of Guns n Roses!

No dingling of bells or polite tapping on the door - Just a complete onslaught of noise!

This...I am told...Is the sign for the people to wake up and come start cooking etc.

I don't know how many miles away they are living but it sure must be a long way.

It is 4 to 5am. With a PA thumping out about a thousand watts!

Well, Farang.

This, is IT!

to be continued...

[blue eyes]

Cheers wongsa,

Yes I have had the pleasure of the fantastic "rolling Thai Stereo". I had one for our wedding in our little moo ban 60km north of Korat. Here is a photo.

I was visiting a friend on the other side of the moo ban, about 200m away, and I hear some LOAD LukTung. I love LukTung and Morlam. All of a sudden she jumps up and starts yelling the stereo is here!!! the stereo is here!!!I have to say when we went back over to my wife to be's home my ears began to hurt from the high decibles of the thing!I told her it gets turned down a notch,which she did not understand until I said need more quiet, or I am out of here.Well they did turn it down a notch if only a little notch. But what the heck it is a party for the whole moo ban not just me.

[glenbat]

righty let me get this straight......

you people wake with sunrise, wander round your vast land then grab a bite to eat. Chill a little and fill the dog bowls with water, then chill a little further til lunch. A light lunch then tuck into a good book on the decking til tea. Couple of hours on the net followed by an early night with your Thai lady...

My question is, will they let me in at the gates?

Sounds like heaven

[Thaddeus]

righty let me get this straight......

you people wake with sunrise, wander round your vast land then grab a bite to eat. Chill a little and fill the dog bowls with water, then chill a little further til lunch. A light lunch then tuck into a good book on the decking til tea. Couple of hours on the net followed by an early night with your Thai lady...

My question is, will they let me in at the gates?

Sounds like heaven

It is..... and everyone is welcome..... but few get here

[Thaddeus]

Who of you got married at the house?

Tuxedo at the Grand Hilton...... no thanks.

[Nongwahyay]

Shortly after my wife and I got married in Berlin we went to visit her family in Nongwahyai, near Nonbgualamphu, Isaan. After spending the first few days looking in vain for a chair to sit on, and having got over the sore bum and tender ankles from sitting on the floor all the time, I thought the area was absolutely idyllic and vowed that this was the place I would want to retire to. On our second visit, 2 years later, I still found the village and the area quaint and pleasant... but perhaps no longer quite so idyllic.... and on the third visit the dogs in the village barked every sodding night and so got on my nerves, that I swore I would never settle down there!!!!!!! We´re visiting Thailand for 3 weeks as of 18th November but will be heading (also) across to investigate the area between Chonburi and Rayong, with an eye to possibly settling down there later. I would certaiinly want to spend a lot of time in Isaan and Nongwahyai - but it doesn´t have to be permanent!!! I realize that barking dogs are a problem everywhere in Thailand... but village life on the whole was a little too quiet for me to have every day...........................

[Boo]

Living in Muang Phon in KK provence for 3 months solid was a real eye opener for me. Hubby calls me monkey from thos days as I was poked, prodded, pointed out & spied on like a monkey in a cage by the locals.

I know the sight of a 6ft farang women with blond hair & big boobs is an unusal sight but neither one of us expected that I could stop traffic when riding on the bike or cause all play time at the local school to stop when I passed.

I eventually got used to being called aunt falang by the kids who lived in my street & being touched by every old women in town (breasts included! ) but the more unpleasant aspects were the local police man following me around 7-11 everytime I went & another one (cop) trying to break into the house whilst hubby was out paying golf!

That said, it was still a fun experience & apart from feeling quite isolated (don't know about men but women need other women around & none of the local ladies spoke English) was a great learning curve for me about "real" thai life.

[bina]

boo, two years ago when i was also in issaan at workers' parents house, i was also poked prodded, practically stripped down to see birth stretch marks etc, and i am the same size as all the little old ladies, and thin and flat chested... they did enjoy my bellydancing lessons though (i brought israeli mizrahi -local- cassette music for this purpose).

I am sure my very large, blond, big boobed and tatooed 19 yr old will stop traffic (anon already ahs given orders to sisters to stick to her like glue), as she does here also.

i think isolation lessens as u get older, my best friends live next door but we spend more time n the phone then actually sitting together and drinking coffee... and none of us really go out anywhere, as we all work, and we are about 20 minutes( w/o traffic) drive to jerusalem which isnt exactly the height of city life... we dont have cars within the kibbutz, the dogs must be indoors at night, loud music off after 23:00 except friday nite, soo very very pastoral and quiet, we hear foxes and jackals howling all night long...

i found thai villages noisy noisy noisy, alhtough like the sound of cockarickoo in the a.m., and cows going past. the van with the pu yai baan anouncements drove me beserk actually i thought the villages would be pastoral, but they arent, they are agaricultural but noisy, and sort of messy ... i noticed that people dump their garbage in the yards, the dogs and chickens eat and spread it around, or they burn it all... there always seems to be piles fo junk laying around to be used eventually, motorcycles revving past, karoake outdoing eachother... when i asked someone why they didnt build their house far out in the fields (where i would prefer ), they said it was too far away from other people...

am preparing daughter for onslaught of noise pollution etc as she is used to living in desert with no noise apart from animals and wind, she is used to being alone a lot and being surrounded by curious children and aunties will drive her berserk i''m sure. i also like mly own private time without having to deal with curious family contstantly worried about mly welfare (as someone once posted )since thai seem to see aloneness as problematic...

cant see as i would get bored

the chinese (or yiddish) when cursing someone, wish them an interesting life.....

bina and anon

[macb]

WELL ONCE AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL YOU GUYS AND GALS FOR ADDING TO MY TOPIC ON VILLAGE LIFE:

WELL DONE AND THANKS COME ON YOU JUNGLE BUNNIES THERE MUST BE SOME MORE HIDING IN THE BUSHES.

MACB

[pgs]

Some of the recent posts & photos brought back memories of our wedding in the village. Sound system - it would have been quieter under a 747 with all engines on full. The bulk of our party was on a vacant block next door. About 3am her ladyship & the bridesmaid went to the ladyboy in the next village to have the makeup/hairdo/clothes done. They both looked stunning - it was hard to decide then which I should be marrying ;-)

Around 6am was the first beer, bear in mind I had been up for 3 hours - that makes it OK. Next beer was during the ceremony. One of the ladies decided I needed one as the ceremony was so long. Can't argue with the lass whom gives the beer.

Really, the organisation of it was pretty amazing. From arriving at home about 6AM Friday, discussing the possibility during lunch to marrying the next morning at 9. All the food, decorations, people coming in (brother's family were living in Nong Khai near Buri Ram).

It was big day in the village, it showed the relationships were (and still are) strong both ways. Some of the teachers from the school I help in came across for it - reasonable I guess, I've never known a woman to miss a wedding.

Quite often the 'normal' Thai customs are really relaxed for me. For some of the families if the male can't assist with something, he'll send his wife with me and some willingly offer their car/truck to me when I visit. It's been a bit of a learning curve both ways. I've taken kangaroo across for a surprise dinner. My wife has now been to parts of her country she may not have otherwise been to.

I'm sure the novelty for them will wear off eventually, but it's still a great lifestyle & I can't wait to have it full time.

[TBWG]

Excellent post TBWG

Well after some soul searching I have decided to continue with my typical Thai day.

See posts 41,68, 88 &93 for earlier events of the day.

Feeling suitably chastised for my stupidity over the water lily fiasco I decided I would have a beer or two at the local bar, so off I set on my sit up and beg Thai bike, The boss lady will not allow me out after dark on the motorcy following numerous incidents, near misses and the occasional dog bite.

However, all that pedalling makes me work up quite a thirst and I am convinced that I drink far more when on the bike than on the motorcy. I suppose the boss lady thinks that I can’t get up to any mischief on the bike and that any accidents are likely to be at lower speeds! Anyway I arrived at the local Karaoke bar with quite a thirst.

Upon entry something did not seem quite right, there was a farang I had seen a few times before sitting in the corner with a lot of Thai girls all around him and they were all smirking at me. The farang had a particularly evil grin on his face and was bathed in the green light reflected off a couple of dozen empty beer bottles lined up in front of him.

At this stage I should perhaps mention that in my previous visits to the bar I had declined to sing. I don’t know what possessed me but in a beer induced act of bravado I had said words to the effect that I had had professional training and would not dream of lowering my standards. Nothing less than opera in Italian would do for me and to add a bit authority I blurted out that Nessa Dorma by Puccini was my particular speciality.

Now the fact is it’s the only classical tune I know and that’s only because it was used to accompany all the Euro 2000 footie matches and I would join in the Encharro chorus at the end.

It now transpire that the farang in the corner had that very afternoon returned from that’s it you’ve guessed it Italy with a copy of, you’ve guessed Nessa Dorma and by the techno magic of the karaoke box they can edit out the vocals.

Bearing in mind that I am tone deaf and my entire Italian vocabulary consists of minestrone, bella bella and spag boll you might now have a grasp of my dilemma.

How the hel_l was I going to get out of this one without losing mega face!

I now somewhat unconvincingly said I was looking forward to showing off my vocal skills later that evening and needed a beer or two to lubricate the vocal cords. All the time the farang was looking more and more smug in his corner. Presumably knowing I was lying through my teeth, as he supped more beer.

My mind now went completely blank as I tried in vain to think of a way out of my self induced predicament. Short of divine intervention I was about to be exposed as a monumental fraud.

Well as it happens divine intervention came from an unexpected source! The farang in the corner now took on a pained expression, it then occurred to me that his ever growing hoard of empty beer bottles were brown Singha bottles and he was in fact physically turning green nothing to do with refracted light. The girls around him sensed that something was amiss and started to back away. Meanwhile in an effort to keep a low profile I had moved to the back of the bar away from everyone, desperately hoping the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

What happened next occurred so quickly that it is difficult to know the exact sequence of events, but it went something like this.

The green farang all of a sudden erupted with an enormous projectile vomit which managed to cover everyone and everything within a 2 meter radius, lots of screaming from the assembled girls and everyone pushing and shoving to get out of range! Whether it was the putrid liquid that got to the karaoke machine or whether it was knocked over in the melee I am not sure, but the end result was fused electrics and a complete blackout with lots more screaming and shouting.

Anyway sensing my miraculous deliverance was close at hand all my senses became heightened as I dropped onto all fours, shot under the table and out the back door into the alleyway where I had parked my trusty bike. Quick as a flash I was on the bike and away as fast as my legs could peddle and silently thanking Buddha that I had not had the motorcy with all the problems keys could have involved.

The noise of the commotion was swiftly fading into the distance when it occurred to me that it was only moonlight illuminating the way and that the entire area was in darkness, we had managed to blackout every property in the local area!

I now had to try and compose myself for my return home and was relived to see our lights still on and was luckily able to sneak in without attracting the boss lady’s attention. I then set about filling the bread maker ready for breakfast next morning when she appeared enquiring if I had a good time and wasn’t I home rather early.

To which I replied along the lines that it was rather quiet down there and I thought I’d have a shower and an early night. This turned out to be a real dumb move as next day the full horror of the event was repeated to her in ever exaggerated versions by just about everyone in the district.

Consequently I am not allowed out after dark at the moment so I have plenty of time to relay the gory details.

I eventually found out that I owe my escape to one rather dodgy airline meal involving cous cous and matured sea cucumber plus a couple of dozen bottles of Singha. The farang has also kept a low profile since the fiasco and I am now banned from Somchai’s karaoke bar.

God...I love Thailand

TBWG

[macb]

Excellent post TBWG

Well after some soul searching I have decided to continue with my typical Thai day.

See posts 41,68, 88 &93 for earlier events of the day.

Feeling suitably chastised for my stupidity over the water lily fiasco I decided I would have a beer or two at the local bar, so off I set on my sit up and beg Thai bike, The boss lady will not allow me out after dark on the motorcy following numerous incidents, near misses and the occasional dog bite.

However, all that pedalling makes me work up quite a thirst and I am convinced that I drink far more when on the bike than on the motorcy. I suppose the boss lady thinks that I can’t get up to any mischief on the bike and that any accidents are likely to be at lower speeds! Anyway I arrived at the local Karaoke bar with quite a thirst.

Upon entry something did not seem quite right, there was a farang I had seen a few times before sitting in the corner with a lot of Thai girls all around him and they were all smirking at me. The farang had a particularly evil grin on his face and was bathed in the green light reflected off a couple of dozen empty beer bottles lined up in front of him.

At this stage I should perhaps mention that in my previous visits to the bar I had declined to sing. I don’t know what possessed me but in a beer induced act of bravado I had said words to the effect that I had had professional training and would not dream of lowering my standards. Nothing less than opera in Italian would do for me and to add a bit authority I blurted out that Nessa Dorma by Puccini was my particular speciality.

Now the fact is it’s the only classical tune I know and that’s only because it was used to accompany all the Euro 2000 footie matches and I would join in the Encharro chorus at the end.

It now transpire that the farang in the corner had that very afternoon returned from that’s it you’ve guessed it Italy with a copy of, you’ve guessed Nessa Dorma and by the techno magic of the karaoke box they can edit out the vocals.

Bearing in mind that I am tone deaf and my entire Italian vocabulary consists of minestrone, bella bella and spag boll you might now have a grasp of my dilemma.

How the hel_l was I going to get out of this one without losing mega face!

I now somewhat unconvincingly said I was looking forward to showing off my vocal skills later that evening and needed a beer or two to lubricate the vocal cords. All the time the farang was looking more and more smug in his corner. Presumably knowing I was lying through my teeth, as he supped more beer.

My mind now went completely blank as I tried in vain to think of a way out of my self induced predicament. Short of divine intervention I was about to be exposed as a monumental fraud.

Well as it happens divine intervention came from an unexpected source! The farang in the corner now took on a pained expression, it then occurred to me that his ever growing hoard of empty beer bottles were brown Singha bottles and he was in fact physically turning green nothing to do with refracted light. The girls around him sensed that something was amiss and started to back away. Meanwhile in an effort to keep a low profile I had moved to the back of the bar away from everyone, desperately hoping the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

What happened next occurred so quickly that it is difficult to know the exact sequence of events, but it went something like this.

The green farang all of a sudden erupted with an enormous projectile vomit which managed to cover everyone and everything within a 2 meter radius, lots of screaming from the assembled girls and everyone pushing and shoving to get out of range! Whether it was the putrid liquid that got to the karaoke machine or whether it was knocked over in the melee I am not sure, but the end result was fused electrics and a complete blackout with lots more screaming and shouting.

Anyway sensing my miraculous deliverance was close at hand all my senses became heightened as I dropped onto all fours, shot under the table and out the back door into the alleyway where I had parked my trusty bike. Quick as a flash I was on the bike and away as fast as my legs could peddle and silently thanking Buddha that I had not had the motorcy with all the problems keys could have involved.

The noise of the commotion was swiftly fading into the distance when it occurred to me that it was only moonlight illuminating the way and that the entire area was in darkness, we had managed to blackout every property in the local area!

I now had to try and compose myself for my return home and was relived to see our lights still on and was luckily able to sneak in without attracting the boss lady’s attention. I then set about filling the bread maker ready for breakfast next morning when she appeared enquiring if I had a good time and wasn’t I home rather early.

To which I replied along the lines that it was rather quiet down there and I thought I’d have a shower and an early night. This turned out to be a real dumb move as next day the full horror of the event was repeated to her in ever exaggerated versions by just about everyone in the district.

Consequently I am not allowed out after dark at the moment so I have plenty of time to relay the gory details.

I eventually found out that I owe my escape to one rather dodgy airline meal involving cous cous and matured sea cucumber plus a couple of dozen bottles of Singha. The farang has also kept a low profile since the fiasco and I am now banned from Somchai’s karaoke bar.

God...I love Thailand

TBWG

TB:

WEll Sum num nah

dont do something on your own dorrstep comes to mind hahahahaha nice events thank you for sharing the Vomit yuk. Green with envy went out the window with this one

macb

[wongsa]

Getting married at the house...(continued)

The future missus and sister were whisked far far away to have their makeovers.

That left one person with the vaguest grasp of english (apart from me, that is)

How many people have hit points where, for all your accumulated wisdom and experience - Have thought - What the **** have I got into here!

I was escorted to a house across the road/field.

We were now at the point where the male and female polarity becomes an issue.

I was now in a room with a group of tattooed thai men. Who now started to produce, compare and start loading handguns.

Loads of shoulder clasping and having small bottles of jollop pushed into my palm.

This, by the waves of excitement and laughter generated, would blow my head off!

The fact that I couldn't speak the language mattered not a jot. "We" were the "Lads" and it felt as though a military campaign was being unveiled. An assault was being devised on the mother in law's.

After some time. A procession of maybe twenty children turned up.

They held great banana leafs, over a metre long.

The smaller ones held green coconuts. Cut open to drink. Oodles of foods and drinks were held.

These small people, augmented by the armed men. Would be my "Calling Card!"

Off we slowly danced. The thundering and infectious Isaan beat. Pistol shots ringing out and the smiling, almond eyed children bearing our "gifts"

The shouting and whooping as though they had found an auspiscious white elephant.

We were now at the edge of the mother in law's land.

There hovered a gaggle of strutting, defiant young women.

They held a length of white cord across the gateway.

The gist of the conversation developed as follows....

"Who the **** is this? If he was a race horse , he'd collapse and die before the race was over!"

" Couldn't of done much work - He's white as a bedsheet! I hope you're gonna tell us he has some money!"

"Keep your squawking down sisters!"

"This is the finest catch that'll ever swim down your stretch of the river!" (Blah, blah, blah...)

Eventually the bartering is over.

The cord is lowered and the groom steps across.

Much shouting, gunfire, screaming and dancing from all assembled.

Some way up the land we encounter another, higher status group of women.

They put forward their argument as to "Why him?"

A large length of bamboo is held to bar the way.

Eventually the women are won over and the bamboo is lowered to welcome the groom.

Even greater noise erupts from a growing crowd.

Finally we are at the very door of the house.

Here the mother in law and her "sisters" and the family wait.

All points are gone over again. After some jockeying of "this and that"...The groom is accepted as part of the household.

The younger brother of the bride will then wash the groom's feet, before he enters the family home.

A small financial gift is bestowed on the brother. This is accepted with the appropriate status wai.

WELL.. I DIDN'T GET SHOT OR POISONED!

After a couple of hours...I was finally into the house...And thankfully kneeling next to to woman who brought all this about!

(To be continued...)

"

[bjsanook]

I don't live in LOS everyday, but would like to add how it is when I stay there. Bear in mind since I am on vacation, the pace and partying would not be easily sustained, I hope!

The house is in Khemerat city and the road runs along the Kong river. I am an early riser so usually awake long before the lady, plus our bedroom is next to the road and the constant motor bikes would wake most farang up, (not the Thai however).

Usually sneak into either the bathroom or her , depending on the urgency and get done the morning rituals. Used to be only cold water but as soon as I started visiting it was water heater. I'm from Wisconsin and you can have that cold stuff.

The relatives slowly wake around the house. Her aunt, who is an excellent cook, will be in the back starting the fires. That smell of wood smoke makes me think of camping. It's amazing how good the chow is done off a little charcoal grill. Motorbike tuk tuks start driving by. School kids and government workers, sometimes military.

Unfortunately the relatives next door also include two mentally challenged uncles and a grandmother who when drinking is a mess. One uncle has been banished to Rayong due to the fear of injury or rape. The other one depending on his meds, can be placant or agitated. I keep telling the lady to move to Ubon, but she is running the family basically due to bad debts and the small farm we started. "Never mind" is the common thing she says. Her sister who is in Bangkok going to school, rarely comes back because of these family types.

I'll either take a short run or a long walk. Cruise up the sidewalk along the Mekong and watch the long boats pull in some from Laos, some Thai. Then back to the house for a shower. By this time they are all up and eating any number of things which may or may not be: alive, off a tree, insect forms, pet mahk or rice. Myself I cruise over to the store for some juice and coffee. Maybe some kao jee while I wait for a cappuchino (well sort of). Usually will have some rice soup and I'm basically done eating for the day until evening.

Then the day will usually be one of several thing. Running errands for the family, shopping for whatever party I'm funding, or going to Ubon for shopping. If I stay 4-5 days in Khemmerat, half of it is doing things for the relatives. Once that is done, we usually go away somewhere alone to be away from the hassles. Mukduhan or Ubon being the usual.

Ok, so the farm duty first. The drive is about 20 minutes toward Amnot Charoen and of course we must stop at the feed supplier for some cow, chicken and duck feed. I don't always rent a truck and last time had a economy car so you can imagine the poor thing going down a pot-holed, muddy back trail to get to the farm. Stop at the farm and this usually ends up in a "lets have a party" deal, food, Leo and whatever whisky they decide to drink. I quit bringing Jack Daniels as they drink it too fast and I won't get any. Walk around and see what progression has been made. Fence line slowly going up, dead trees being cut and burnt. Fish pond in place with some hungry catfish following you around the edge. I was going to add some rai each time I got a bonus but was surprised recently by an admission of un-truth on the family debt. (Don't you love the family?)

Then it's barbecue, eats, drinks, the local gang of whoever can fit into the back of the truck. I don't mind it. It beats going in circles on a ship like I am right now.

The trip to Ubon usually includes going to the huge warehouse supplier over the bridge on the right. I can never remember the name, but they have everything at much lower prices than anywhere else in the area. Last time bought a generator and a weed whacker with a mini chain saw attachment. That was good and I was amazed how it would go thru the trees we had laying around. So for the guys wanting a chain saw, there is your way around it. Had about a 18" blade and worked great. Will it be working next time I visit? Hopefully. Will the road be better? Doubtful. Will there be electricity strung? Only if I pay for it. I think the neighbors are all holding out that the farang family will pay the bulk of it.

Then before heading back we either hit the floating restaurants under the bridge or the out door barbecue with big screens just past Big C. Oh yeah, and she buys KFC for the family of course.

The nights in Khemerat? Well, there are 1 or 2 karaokes around so that is about it. One is very run down, Lao girls inside. There is a new one I haven't been to yet run by a teacher who is one of the biggest butterflys in town, Excellent singer though. Beer Lao, not around, unless you order it. They will get it for you and I confirmed available in Mukduhan at the ferrystation. Put in an order in the AM and go shopping, it will be brought over for you. Next time there I'm gonna pick up a couple cases.

TV sucks out here, UBC hard to find. So usually we hit the rack early, which when you are on vacation isn't a big deal anyway.

I enjoy the area. I doubt I could live there full time however. Even if I expanded the farm, just not enough for me to do. Ubon I could do. Maybe Udon. I give you guys credit who have made it work out there. I would probably strangle one of her family by the end of the first year.

BJ

[Nawtilus]

Good stories.

One thing I know I could not live with so many other family members around so much, it would drive me crazy.

[Thaddeus]

Good stories.

One thing I know I could not live with so many other family members around so much, it would drive me crazy.

That's why I'm hiding in the wardrobe.....ssshhhhhh.... don't tell them

[chechoie]

I have been following this thread from the beginning.

I'm interested because I am building a house in the Phimai area and hope that one day I

will retire there and do the things that most of you guys do, (i.e. whatever I feel like doing).

I have been working long and hard and have been seconded to many countries and I am getting

a bit tired now.

I am not too old, (I think), 52 by the last count, but every time I visit Phimai to check

on the house construction and spend a few days in that sleepy town and the wife's village I

feel like that's where I want to be, and retirement won't come a day too soon.

I, (or should I say, the wife), bought the land adjacent to her brother's land and we walled

the whole area in. The total area covers about 3 Rai and includes a small bungalow which

belongs to the wife's sister and we stay there when we go visit.

While we are there, I get up about 6'oclock in the morning, don't know why, just do.

Shower, and then go for a walk with the dogs, (two of them), (the cat is still asleep at that

time),and when I get back about 6.45am my breakfast is just about ready, (these Thai

woman are wonderful, chy mai?)

Here is the good part, the rest of the day is --- as you like it.

Go to buy a newspaper in Phimai and have a walk around the town, go for a walk around the

village and yak to the neigbours, go see the arjarn in the temple and yak about the state of the world etc,, or go to Korat for the day, or just laze around, or .........

I am sure that one day when I stay there for sure, I will have plenty to do to keep me occupied,

I have a few ideas and things I want to do which I never had the time to do before,

If I get bored, which I doubt, I can always go visit Chiang Mai or Surin, Buriram,

Khao Yai, etc etc, (and if I get really bored there is always Pattaya or Phuket).

The best part is I can always come home, (I hope).

I know that the last couple of months have been a bit disconcerting for some Farang, given

the tightening up on visa regulations and the coup etc, and things may seems a bit uneasy, but my

experience with the land of the Thai's spans 15 years now and given that experiance of the country

and the people, I am willing to take the chance that it will all work itself out.

I have enjoyed the posts so far, (keep them coming).

P.S. Attached a photo of the house , so far.

[macb]

Well guys you are doing me proud by adding you input: Thanks once again

Well yesterday while they were harvesting I took some pics of the family strip which seems to take up all of the North side of the village.

Glossary of pics

1/2 Our House

3/4 sisters houses

5 mama/papa house

6 Road past our house

7 a shot in the village

Will post more pics of the village for you all soon

[migrant]

Great stuff, keep it up please!!

[wongsa]

Hi folks,

I thought I would get in on the act and post some pics of our place.

I designed it Traditional style.

Three wings with a central raised area.

The ever going project.

Want to landscape, lawn and fruit tree plant the front.

View of cows in road is out front.

Keep occupied!

[wongsa]

Two pictures didn't download...

Try again!

[pumpuiman]

Looks like we had the same house plans macb......here is my home in Pimai.I changed the plans a bit to allow entrance to living room, and turned carport into sitting area.

Edited October 31, 2006 by pumpuiman