36 year old UK man, considering life's options. How difficult is it to find a genuine Thai woman? Are the woman on these marriage/introduction sites actaully legit?

[Kimber]

1 hour ago, baansgr said:

Although may peev some off, fact is no. Language and cultural differences. If your ok paying for a relationship go ahead, it works for many but simply its not love and never will be. Its only money..... Have kids together, 'bangkok' girl, take her to your home country its still about money. Phil is better choice at least better value and some love involved. Anyone tells you different is either kying or plain stupid. 

 

Are we talking about the same Phils here ?

Widespread grinding poverty,  poor infrastructure;  high rates of gun related violence (police and civilians);  prevalent break and enter thefts from "Kano"  (westerners) residences;  shotgun toting security guards anywhere and everywhere profit making  businesses operate and on it goes. 

 

According to a Solicitor (Lawyer) friend in private practice here in south east Queensland Australia,  Pinay initiated marriage break ups in this country far outnumber any other ethnic minority group.  

[baansgr]

50 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Just because I’ve found wedded bliss here (at age 40), still going strong after 27 years, I think you can, too.

Rules of thumb:
1) Don’t expect respectable Thai girls to start anything with you first like asking you out. You need to make the bold moves as a gentleman. You’ll get some mild flirting in return. Shown how classy you are without being a show-off. Your Thai girl won’t care much about the most expensive places. Good food is, of course, the way to any girl’s heart. Find out what she likes. Maybe she even has some favourite places. Nice jazz club. Movies. Kicking back and cuddling watching movies at home.

2) My barometer is old-school. If a girl drinks alcohol or smokes fags, she’s been around the block. Tatts? You gotta be kidding me! 

3) Sex before marriage? Probably not. We use this as a yardstick for compatibility but the heavy passion wears off pretty quickly anyway. However, there’s a difference from Western women. Your Thai girl will want to make you happy. My sweetheart never has a headache and is never too tired. Blowjob make you feel better? No problem! This is not to say you can’t luck out on a bargirl. For me personally, it’s a turnoff.

4) Women are women, no? Are they hard to get along with? Sometimes, comes with the territory. The reason to take your time to find the right Thai girl is that your life will be more ordered and gentle. She doesn’t want to be your competition. She wants to be your helpmeet.

5) Her parents will always come first, before you. Don’t expect otherwise. You have to make sure they’re not too dependent, sucking you dry. And you have to be clear about what your girl feels her responsibilities to them are. Yes, absolutely you will be expected to contribute to her parents, including some medical as they get older. Another barometer is to find a girl who’s a cheapskate. Doesn’t care about have a car (in Bangkok, different upcountry), a fancy brand purse, or designer close. Simple, down-to-earth. The right girl will look after you…and your money.

I’ve never dated online. Prefer to meet girls in person. This also relates to social media and mobile phone use. If she cares about that, she’ll prioritise it over you. You’ll need to be scrupulously honest, never take her for granted, and never cheat on her.

I’m not sure I agree with taking Thai girls ‘home’ to Western countries. It’s a way bigger adjustment for them (consider the dull food and atrocious climate!) than it is for us in Thailand. That said, my friend brought his wife home to California and she learned all the rules, set up her own small business, even with a pension plan for old age. She visits family only every few years and is happy to go home to Cal.

Another consideration. I don’t think I’d pick a girl with kids. Too much baggage. Maybe you’re not looking for a virgin in her 20s but, believe me, there are a lot, just because that’s the way culture works. Friends, too. If she’s too devoted to her friends, doesn’t leave much room for you.

A good city girl will be educated. She’ll have pretty okay English. So communication will not be a big problem. Not sure about UK but, if she’s solid here, she can easily get her own tourist visa.

No gamblers, should go without saying (even though they may be gambling on you!). No debts…unless they’ve been smart enough to buy some investment property to prepare for their future. Not lazy and happy to be your helpmeet for your projects, and you should reciprocate. She can always learn to cook what you like to eat.

It will take time, lots of it, to find the right girl but, even moreso, to build a genuine relationship with her. The right girl will not be your souvenir. Don’t rely too much on Buddhism. It’s basically superstition in practice here.

For a bigger picture, the Swedish TV series, 30° in February is an excellent overview. Very accurate, IMO.

I’ll leave you with one thought. It’s been said every thai girl check your pockets. Mine does, too. She makes sure I have enough in there for tomorrow and tops it when need be.

BTW, you can chase sex, only outside your new relationship hours!

Western food is far from dull, 

[mr_lob]

Can i ask... are you in good shape?

[Lacessit]

Try to learn some Thai, you will need to communicate. Come here on holiday first. Rent, don't buy. Leave 80% of your assets in the UK.

Forget about dating sites, they are BS. There are two standard questions you will get from an overwhelming majority of Thai women you meet for the first time, be it bar, massage shop, coffee shop or restaurant. These are: "Where you come from?" "You have Thai girlfriend?" The rest, as they say, is up to you.

[hellohello123]

Op sounds very inexperieced in life...sorry to say

[Stupooey]

As with so many topics on Thaivisa, a wide range of opinions and advice. My own would be to forget about online dating. Come over and head straight for somewhere with a well-developed expat community (probably avoiding Pattaya and Phuket as they seem to attract the dregs of Thai society - also the Sukhumwit area of Bangkok for similar reasons). Restaurants catering to Europeans and Thais are probably the best bet for striking up conversations with couples - if the lady speaks good English it is normally a good sign. Let them know your situation, and it is very likely she knows someone (or knows someone who knows someone) looking for a Western boyfriend, and will be only too happy to make an introduction, maybe over a meal as a foursome, with no commitments. Take it from there - personally I would avoid anyone from Isaan (they tend to come with baggage), anyone too tied to their family or anyone who seems over-interested in your financial situation.

I would also take her back to the UK before committing yourself. I personally took my girlfriend back, married her there (once I knew she could handle the culture difference) and lived there for 10 years, making sure she did not immerse herself solely in the Thai community. Now we are living in Thailand, she can see the plusses and minuses of both ways of life, and we can move effortlessly between the Thai and expat communities.

[RichardColeman]

met my first thai wife through an intro agency - ended total disaster. She was supposedly from an OK family. Took her to the Uk, she ran up huge debts meaning I had to divorce her and she destroyed a business we owed through greed. My second thai wife I met on Thai friendly, when I was bored one afternoon.  T/f is OK but its 99% hookers. My wife is a school teacher - total opposite of the first in her head. happy to live in our income, does not ask for money and I know she is genuine. I think you take a gamble with any women, here or the Uk or whatever. Personally I'd avoid the agency - chances are you are meeting a girl from a bar and the intro agency will shaft you for 2000 quid or something silly. You are just as likely to find a nice girl in a bar as a agency - maybe even the same one !

[baansgr]

8 hours ago, Kimber said:

 

Are we talking about the same Phils here ?

Widespread grinding poverty,  poor infrastructure;  high rates of gun related violence (police and civilians);  prevalent break and enter thefts from "Kano"  (westerners) residences;  shotgun toting security guards anywhere and everywhere profit making  businesses operate and on it goes. 

 

According to a Solicitor (Lawyer) friend in private practice here in south east Queensland Australia,  Pinay initiated marriage break ups in this country far outnumber any other ethnic minority group.  

It seems you already have your heart set on a Thai girl, good luck, buckle up expect a Rollercoaster ride with deceit and lies at every corner. The reference to Phils laides was merely the cultural differences are not the same as Thais. 

[4MyEgo]

On 16/02/2018 at 11:01 PM, ExistentialInquiry said:

1. Go on holiday to Thailand, visit introduction/marriage agency, arrange to meet as many women as possible over the first few days/week for initial meetup/conversation. From these, select a couple of the most promising options, go on a couple of "dates". Hopefully filter down to one woman, spend as much as possible of remaining holiday time getting to know her (and not just chasing sex!).

2. Keep conversation/contact going, and arrange to come back to Thailand fairly soon after (say couple of months later), spend holiday time with her, see if there is a real foundation. If so...

3. Bring her back to UK on a "fiance visa" and see whether it *actually* works living together, and whether she can cope/be happy with the cultural acclimitation. Intention is I'd help her with English, learn some Thai, do everything I could to try and help her make some female friends over here so she isn't completely isolated/housebound.

4. Near end of visa, marry and live happily ever after (one can dream, lol).

1. Went on a holiday to Thailand end 2007, went to a few different bars, on the 4th day met this stunning and intelligent woman, spent the next 10 days with her, wasn't chasing sex either

2. Kept conversation going and told her I would be back in 6 weeks to bring her back to Australia on a 3 month tourist visa for a holiday as I had more annual leave available and my boss was pressing me to take it all before I went, but only wanted two weeks at that time, so figured, I would take the balance in 6 weeks, giving me enough time to apply for her tourist visa, boss wouldn't provide the leave, so I left

3.Went back to Thailand, met the family, brought her back, her English was ok and would improve in time, met my friends and family while she was in Australia and I started a new job, being a job that was in the field, she would come with me and we would enjoy each others company, so she would get bored at home, although she was good either way

4. At the end of the second month of her visa, I asked her if she wanted to stay another 3 months, she said yes, although immigration said she can't, she has to go back, me asking how can I get her to stay, they said marry her and apply for a bridging visa, so I rang the marriage registry to see when they had available dates, and when told of the two remaining dates for that month, I asked her what are we doing on Friday the 20th, with her reply being nothing, why, I said were getting married, and we have been happily married since and have two kids together, now living in Thailand, true story.

 

Not all girls from the bars are bad because they spread them.

 

Bit of advice, keep her family separate, not because they are Thai, but because you comes first and your kids in future, and if she can't accept that, move one, because there are plenty of fish in Thailand, and others 555

[Cranky]

Why do you want a Thai?

 

Japan, Philippines, Indonesia offer far more likelihood of finding a 'genuine' missis.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

5 minutes ago, Cranky said:

Why do you want a Thai?

 

Japan, Philippines, Indonesia offer far more likelihood of finding a 'genuine' missis.

 

Because it's easy....

[MaeJoMTB]

5 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Because it's easy....

Philippines is way easier than Thailand.

They all speak English, they charge less, no VISA problems, the exchange rate is a lot better.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

39 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Philippines is way easier than Thailand.

They all speak English, they charge less, no VISA problems, the exchange rate is a lot better.

 

OK, everything except Phils and Thailand. I am fully aware that Filipinas can't wait for someone to take them out of the Phillipinz

[baansgr]

1 hour ago, Cranky said:

Why do you want a Thai?

 

Japan, Philippines, Indonesia offer far more likelihood of finding a 'genuine' missis.

Thats what gets me,.... 

[KC 71]

If you like wifi you can forget Phills !


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Antioc]

You might consider not attaching yourself to a girl who is much younger than yourself even if she sounds and looks like the "perfect woman".  At 36 you have many years ahead of you to encounter the age old problem of the "greener grass" as has already been suggested.  Someone closer to your age who will have a similar maturity perspective, even though it is from a Thai point of view, would be a much better proposition.  Usually they come with children so be prepared - if that is the case and she is more your age then you have a chance to enjoy a long term relationship.  As already mentioned, if you are sufficiently educated then a woman who has been to University is probably the better filter to use on your dating site.

Most of them learned English but have never had the opportunity to use it - as stated, they are very social animals and Thai is their mother tongue so English is quickly forgotten.  It will awaken in them though as they usually know how to read and write English, so that with a lot of English TV and lessons they will quickly achieve a level where they will start to confidently discuss more intellectual subjects.  My wife totally surprises me at times and I find I am locked into hours of just talking about universal subjects.  It's usually confidence that they lack and their tendency to submit or defer to you.  You must assure them that it is okay to ask questions and discuss ideas - assure them that you yourself are not always right.  My wife downloaded the Australian English program which she often watches and refers to even though her English is good, it consists of about 40 lessons and seems to hold her attention more than most others.  Good luck.

[gunghang]

I skimmed the preceding posts and I hope that this isn't a duplicate.

 

If you want a wife, consider the PI. Wives are the best known PI export.

 

I'd be ready to become a Western Union preferred customer and send a couple of hundred dollars to her family every month.

 

Your experience will not conform to every stereotype.

 

Thai is more of a challenge.  In the PI, you might as well be in Mexico. In Thailand, you're in another world.

 

I've been married 13 years to a Thai, in or near Thailand.  Previously I was married 11 years to a Thai in the US.

I also had a "serious" relationship with a pinay.

 

I suggest putting dating sites on hold.  Visit Angeles and Pattaya, experience what it's like to have vaginas grow on trees, and get that out of your system.

 

Get a job in Bangkok.  Once you have an apartment and have lived there for awhile, you'll know if a Thai wife is really a fit for you.  And, once you've lived there for awhile, people interested in you will find you.

 

And, once you have a non-im B, no more posts like this one.  Keep your mouth shut.

[Jaidee69]

2 cents. Broadly speaking,

 

Ask yourself first and foremost, are you familiar with the language and culture ? ( It takes many many years and even if you have mastered it, it doesn't guarantee anything, )

Communication matters.  They can write and read english. But Apprehension/ comprehension is another thing.

Regarding Buddhism which you mentioned, theirs are theravada buddhism. Praying to Buddha is one thing, whether or not you apply the principles/teachings in your life or love life is another thing. 

Im not sure, morals in Thailand seems to be different compared to other countries. ( This depends what type of ladies you meet )

If you ever bring her back to your home country which is a totally opposite world,  would she be to fit in ? Will she be able to find a stable job ? What about her social circle of friends over there ? 

Livings costs all over the world is shooting up,  if you are thinking long term or even marrying, if she is from a poor part of thailand, and if she has no stable source of income, I think you will be expected from her to " take care of her". 

 

But again, what do I know ?

[Minnehaha]

The girls are bored to death, dude. If you can't say it in 5 min or less you are lying. 

Re Asian women and Thai women specifically men must be in control and take the opportunity. Once I understood this dynamic I was dating more women than I could have imagined. That was true 30 years ago n true today

[bkk75]

Hello OP, 

 

If you're mobile and not tied to Thailand why don't you try other neighboring countries to look for love.  Why restrict yourself a country where language and social economic status is restrictive?  Not to mention once you marry a Thai you are marrying the whole village unless she comes from wealthy background.

 

 

[The manic]

On 16/02/2018 at 7:44 PM, Peterw42 said:

Wow, thats quiet a first post.

 

The short answer is "its not difficult to meet genuine Thai girls. 

 

I would avoid introduction agencies, expensive and some bad stories over the years. There are plenty of other options like some of the Thai Dating sites, Thaicupid etc. I met my wife on there.

 

You sound pretty genuine and have a lot of the qualities that genuine Thai girls are looking for. However you would be a "lamb to the slaughter" for bargirls etc. Especially if you mentioned the four step route above.

You will get a lot of "bargirl stole my kidney" stories, cant be trusted etc. But many manage to find and have great longterm relationships with Bargirls, its a whole other aspect of meeting Thai girls that you need to be aware of.

 

Hop on a couple of the Thai dating sites and start talking, once you learn how to use the sites and filters etc it can be very easy. You may end up chatting via google translate etc, but thats part of the fun and leads to learning how to communicate with each other.

Unfortunately, some guys and girls have abused some of the dating sites, hookers looking for a customer or guys wanting naked photos, what color is your underwear etc, so it can be a challenge to present yourself as genuine and find genuine. But still a great way of meeting.

 

Next trip to Thailand you will have 2-3 girls to meet up with.

You think too much.just come here and get laid...

[danea83]

 

On 17.02.2018 at 2:57 PM, punchjudy said:

.try japan & korea instead of the lowest hanging fruit called thailand......because the fruit is rotten.

 

 

According to my Korean friend it’s even harder, as women in Korea (not sure about Japan though) value not only good physical characteristics, but also a man to be career driven and well set in life.

 

And family opinion values a lot, potential gf family just might not approve (unless you make shitload of money) or look like a Greek God.

 

A lot of Korean guys are looking for women outside of Korea.

 

 

 

To OP

 

I think you either have unrealistic expectations (at home), going way above your grade. Or you just talk too much without listening in return.

 

From (some) female perspective, you sound like a catch, yeah not all want superman. But just a dude that wants to settle down and be nice, but it seems you can’t even get a date there (?) despite putting your best effort in to it … maybe it’s not the world that’s broken.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Op hasn't been back......Thai friendly freelancers are keeping his imagination alive....

 

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see
Will defy
Explanation

[Damrongsak]

51 minutes ago, danea83 said:

 

On 17.02.2018 at 2:57 PM, punchjudy said:... (unless you make shitload of money) or look like a Greek God....

 

I'm halfway there.

 

 

[SomethingbeginningwithS]

It's no good trying to fool the women in another country either, you'd be better spending your money on therapy to sort out your personality problems because she can spot it a mile of writing away ?

[hellohello123]

 

This just  popped up on my line timeline

And it just reminded me of this thread....

 

[Mac98]

On 2/16/2018 at 5:13 PM, MaeJoMTB said:

This isn't a career, this is a fashion lifestyle for young fit people that aren't good at much at anything.

 

Your posts are way too long, Thai girls don't like deep meaningful stuff, keep it light and fluffy.

Discussion is viewed as confrontation out here by the locals.

 

But I actually think you're making a big mistake, Thailand is the wrong country for a young man who needs to work. VISA is becoming harder, working is almost impossible, and a big language barrier.

 

Why not the Philippines, you can arrive there and stay for 3 years with no effort. Loads of foreigners working running clubs and resorts. If you marry a local, it's even legal, all the girls speak English, and are more interested in a family and kids than the Thai girls.

 

Why Thailand?

I agree. I like Thai girls. Been going there for 20 years and know some very nice ladies. They do everything for you. I can't even cut my own meat in a restaurant. But you need to be there; don't take a Thai girl away from family and friends. And if a Thai girl gets Westernized it will be in all the ways you don't like. They learn fast.

[sledpull]

Don't exclude beautiful Filipina women! Many are here in Thailand also!

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 minutes ago, Mac98 said:

I agree. I like Thai girls. Been going there for 20 years and know some very nice ladies. They do everything for you. I can't even cut my own meat in a restaurant. But you need to be there; don't take a Thai girl away from family and friends. And if a Thai girl gets Westernized it will be in all the ways you don't like. They learn fast.

 

They take take the worst from Western culture and keep the worst from Thai culture.

 

My ex, who was a fine individual and did it her own way getting Canadian citizenship (without the help of any foreign mug) and really hated Thailand with passion told me this when we broke up "I'll always be Thai" 

[NonthaburiBear]

to the OP, your experience with woman will effect alot how you deal with Thai Woman. Believe me.., i live in Bali in my youth and bangs both Western & Asian chicks..especialy if you want to find the normal type..its not easy. If you have a hobby , find locals who have the same interest sort like minded person but locals thai , be their friends,learn Thai culture from them and from there you can learn how to deal with Thai woman. If you tend to find shorcuts,be prepared for the consequences..its a jungle out there. But once you got the best of them , you'll never go back :D