Relationship dynamics w/Thai wife questions

[greenchair]

Sounds like normal married life to me. 

But as pure as the driven snow as you think you are, it sounds like YOU, and not her is in fact looking for a way out that would not damage your perceived honour. 

[JLCrab]

On 5/28/2018 at 11:36 AM, woogoo said:

I would say that 85 to 90% of our relationship is great. We are happy and enjoy the time we spend together. ... That other 10 to 15% of the time when there are problems they are usually pretty minor (or at least they should be).

So enjoy the 85 to 90% you spend together and leave the house so you are not spending time together during the other 10 -15 %

[MaeJoMTB]

9 hours ago, Brayka said:

The man is the boss and the woman should serve and listen to the man , I wonder  in which century we live?

Not about which century we live, but in which country we live.

In Thailand (and most of the world including Asia, Africa, Middle East, India, China) a woman is the property of a man.

If you want the woman to own you, go and live in a white country.

 

Why are white people such bigots?

Your culture is the minority in the world, stop trying to tell everyone else how to live.

You'll all be living under Sharia Law soon, then see how far your virtue signalling gets you.

[BobBKK]

17 hours ago, JLCrab said:

God I hope I never get to that point ... No kids but just a few years to go:

 

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/3872098/mick-jagger-melanie-hamrick-baby-fathers-day-visit-new-york/

So what attracted you, Melanie,  to the multi-millionaire rock star mick jagger?   ?

[BobBKK]

23 hours ago, Peterw42 said:

What makes a cyclone in Asia (one of the largest loss of life world events) a local event and 911 a world event ? Thats a very narrow western view of the world and events.

For a Canadian, 911 was a local event ?

9/11 changed the whole world and you know it did. Your wife is ignorant and you know she is (along with most Thais). Stop wearing blinkers and admit Thais are uneducated and insular, but hopefully one day that will change, but to say anything less is bizarre I must say.

[transam]

ALL blokes and birds are different in many ways, there is no fix all solution, every relationship will be different, no matter where you live on the planet..

[JLCrab]

11 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

So what attracted you, Melanie,  to the multi-millionaire rock star mick jagger?   ?

A 6-bedroom house on a private island in the Caribbean?

[JLCrab]

5 minutes ago, transam said:

ALL blokes and birds are different in many ways, there is no fix all solution, every relationship will be different, no matter where you live on the planet..

Especially when they aren't blokes and birds

[BobBKK]

Just now, transam said:

ALL blokes and birds are different in many ways, there is no fix all solution, every relationship will be different, no matter where you live on the planet..

Obviously true but why bother? it amazes me how guys come here to set up a 'family life' after failure in their own country. They marry 20 year + younger from a different culture (must be love right?) then wonder why it goes tits up. Yes there are acceptations but they are rare.

 

A reporter goes up to a beautiful young 25 year old Thai  "so what attracted you to the relatively secure and wealthy 50 year old farang"?    

[JLCrab]

3 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

A reporter goes up to a beautiful young 25 year old Thai  "so what attracted you to the relatively secure and wealthy 50 year old farang"?    

She: He doesn't require a collar and  leash arrangement

Edited May 30, 2018 by JLCrab

[transam]

9 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Obviously true but why bother? it amazes me how guys come here to set up a 'family life' after failure in their own country. They marry 20 year + younger from a different culture (must be love right?) then wonder why it goes tits up. Yes there are acceptations but they are rare.

 

A reporter goes up to a beautiful young 25 year old Thai  "so what attracted you to the relatively secure and wealthy 50 year old farang"?    

Well in my case it certainly wasn't about my wealth....Perhaps just my........eh..?

[BobBKK]

Just now, transam said:

Well in my case it certainly wasn't about my wealth....Perhaps just my........eh..?

Everything is relative mr transam but I'm sure your singing was what clinched it   ?

[1FinickyOne]

Sure. Stop screaming. Nobody likes a screamer.... And from what you are saying, even these small issues start you screaming. And then you accuse her and all thai people of being childlike? 

[JLCrab]

11 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

13 minutes ago, transam said:

Well in my case it certainly wasn't about my wealth....Perhaps just my........eh..?

Everything is relative mr transam but I'm sure your singing was what clinched it   ?

... especially when his mic is plugged into his chair.

Edited May 30, 2018 by JLCrab

[Moon37]

On ‎5‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 12:18 PM, MaeJoMTB said:

Entirely normal, most Thais see 'discussion' as 'confrontation'. It isn't in their culture so don't try to do it.

You're the man, your word is law, her duty is to serve you. No discussion, end of. 

 

 

I'm glad I read this set of posts. Especially, "discussion is seen as confrontation".  Even though I've thought I'm pretty savvy about Thai women, having lived and dated with them since 1978 (less a western 26 year marriage), I never stop learning.  This one phrase pretty much sums it all up. As a westerner, I like to wrap things up,  debrief, come to a consensus, and have lessons learned.   This has not worked for me and now this short and succinct phrase pulls a lot of the mystery together.  I'm going to copy it and try to read and remember it daily...Thanks!   Moon

[Peterw42]

2 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

9/11 changed the whole world and you know it did. Your wife is ignorant and you know she is (along with most Thais). Stop wearing blinkers and admit Thais are uneducated and insular, but hopefully one day that will change, but to say anything less is bizarre I must say.

Yes, I forgot, America is the world and anything that happens there is a world event.

Anything that happens in Asia, were 60% of the world population live, is a non-event. (so long as no Americans got hurt)

 

Your average Thai or Asian (60% of the world population) would certainly be aware of 9/11 etc. but there would be lots of world events they would consider more important or have had a bigger impact on their life, economy, future.

 

Not sure why you consider my wife to be ignorant, she is fully aware of 9/11, but other events, cyclones, tsunamis, even Bali terrorist attacks, are considered more relevant, more important and have had more of an impact on her life.

 

Just because someone is maybe unaware of 9/11, or its not at the top of their list as a major world event, doesnt mean they are ignorant, just ignorant to your world view, as seen through the prism of the US and other western countries.

 

[transam]

41 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

... especially when his mic is plugged into his chair.

What chair, that is my duel purpose Zimmer frame.....

[JLCrab]

4 minutes ago, transam said:

What chair, that is my duel purpose Zimmer frame..... <snip>

either way no one can hear you sing without your mic plugged in which I guess is how you and they like it.

Edited May 30, 2018 by JLCrab

[sanemax]

28 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

Anything that happens in Asia, were 60% of the world population live, is a non-event. (so long as no Americans got hurt)

The Tsunami was a World event, as was Fukashima and also the military coup in Thailand was a World event , as was the Rohinga crisis and also the North Korean getting murdered in Malaysia .

   Numerous things that happen in Asia are world events

[Peterw42]

8 minutes ago, sanemax said:

The Tsunami was a World event, as was Fukashima and also the military coup in Thailand was a World event , as was the Rohinga crisis and also the North Korean getting murdered in Malaysia .

   Numerous things that happen in Asia are world events

Yes, I think you are missing my point, thats exactly what I am saying, I would certainly consider all of those things to be major world events. I was making the point that some seem to think differently. Thinking that Thais are ignorant if they dont know much about 9/11 etc, although there would be lots of westerners not familiar with some of the events you mention.

In reference to the original topic, it can have a huge impact on relationship with wife if you only consider your world view and important events, and think Thais are ignorant if they dont share your views. For some westerners 9/11 appears to be the world changing significant event of their life (thais are ignorant if they dont think the same). As I said earlier, for my Thai wife the major life event was the 2008 cyclone in Burma, she thinks I am ignorant because I cant remember it.

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, Peterw42 said:

As I said earlier, for my Thai wife the major life event was the 2008 cyclone in Burma, she thinks I am ignorant because I cant remember it.

That happened in Burma , it didnt receive much publicity because the Burmese junta wouldnt let any reporters in to report on the devastation and thus it didnt receive much publicity .

[MaeJoMTB]

1 hour ago, Peterw42 said:

Yes, I forgot, America is the world and anything that happens there is a world event.

America is the white world, and Protestant is their religion/culture.

Very few TV posters manage to work their way past those two ideas.

[transam]

3 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

America is the white world, and Protestant is their religion/culture.

Very few TV posters manage to work their way past those two ideas.

Only when it comes to a "leg over"....?

[Peterw42]

6 minutes ago, sanemax said:

That happened in Burma , it didnt receive much publicity because the Burmese junta wouldnt let any reporters in to report on the devastation and thus it didnt receive much publicity .

Cyclone Nargis, 130, 000 died. A major event in my wife's life as people in her street lost family etc. Her business shut down because of it, she then worked for a charity sending aid.

 

Lots of westerners would be blissfully unaware of the tragedy but still label Thais as ignorant because they dont know much about 9/11.

 

 

[sanemax]

Just now, Peterw42 said:

Cyclone Nargis, 130, 000 died. A major event in my wife's life as people in her street lost family etc. Her business shut down because of it, she then worked for a charity sending aid.

Lots of westerners would be blissfully unaware of the tragedy but still label Thais as ignorant because they dont know much about 9/11.

 

Yes, BECAUSE Cyclone Nargis went pretty much unreported and so people are unaware that it happened .

   (BTW, please stop going on about Thais and 9/11 , you have made the same point over and over again already today )

[Pat in Pattaya]

On 5/28/2018 at 12:18 PM, MaeJoMTB said:

Entirely normal, most Thais see 'discussion' as 'confrontation'. It isn't in their culture so don't try to do it.

You're the man, your word is law, her duty is to serve you. No discussion, end of.

 

After 10 years of marriage to a Thai, took me a year to understand discussion causes problems.

Now, no discussion and no problems.

 

Had a discussion with my 20 yo step daughter this morning, I said 'do the washing up', she said, 'no'

So I picked her up carried her to the kitchen sink, put her down in front of the sink, and she did it.

End of 'discussion'.

What a geezer, ha ha.

 

As for the OP can I suggest mumsnet

[JLCrab]

55 minutes ago, transam said:

Only when it comes to a "leg over"....?

The Oxford Dictionary refers to "leg over" as British vulgar slang  -- I guess at some point you'll realize that what is your normal vernacular is lost on Americans.

 

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/leg-over

[transam]

1 minute ago, JLCrab said:

The Oxford Dictionary refers to "leg over" as British vulgar slang  -- I guess at some point you'll realize that what is your normal vernacular is lost on Americans.

 

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/leg-over

Well I wasn't talking to you...

BUT, I am happy to see you have been referring to English searches with correct English spellings...Well done that man...

[JLCrab]

Thank you ... I fink.

[Kalasin Jo]

Yup. All quite normal. Drama and divorce threats one minute, loving the next. As  long as you keep stumping  up the cash all will  be fine.Actually I've  learned, even if  you don't, once they think  they are too old ( abut 40). Your relationship actually sounds great, even by western women standards!