Worst Joke Ever 2024

[VBF]

On 9/23/2021 at 2:45 AM, fangless said:

I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm
But when I do, my keys are always in the wrong bleedin pocket!! 
 

You too huh?

[fangless]

1 minute ago, VBF said:

Blinder, innit? ????

Yes I l confess I may have lost sight of the joke but then I was in the wrong gear after all and need to re-engage while clutching at the correct end of the stick!!

[CharlieH]

I tried to catch fog this morning.......Mist !

 

What do you call a nervous Javelin thrower?....

Shakespear

 

What did the digital clock say to the Grandfather Clock ?

Look Grandpa no hands !

 

Everyone knows where the Big Apple is,

 

But does anyone know where Minneapolis

 

 

 

[VBF]

On 9/24/2021 at 11:58 AM, ballpoint said:

A fool and his wig are easily parted.

 

(Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

I can lend you a comb to make parting easier though).

 

And then "wave" goodbye?

[VBF]

On 9/19/2021 at 3:35 AM, Zyxel said:

Or should that be Houndsight? 

[Yellowtail]

21 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

I tried to catch fog this morning.......Mist !

 

What do you call a nervous Javelin thrower?....

Shakespear

 

What did the digital clock say to the Grandfather Clock ?

Look Grandpa no hands !

 

Everyone knows where the Big Apple is,

 

But does anyone know where Minneapolis

 

 

 

What do you call a guy with not arms and legs hanging on a wall?

 

Art

[Zyxel]

With frequent muggings on the subway, Maria wasn't taking any chances.

 

[fangless]

8 hours ago, VBF said:

Or should that be Houndsight? 

No as it is meant to be a real bummer of a joke!

Edited September 25, 2021 by fangless

[fangless]

6 hours ago, Zyxel said:

With frequent muggings on the subway, Maria wasn't taking any chances.

 

It is not actually a knuckle duster.  It is there to stop her picking her nose!

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

 Entering a small country store, a stranger spotted a sign saying ‘Beware of the dog’.

He looked around but all he could see was a harmless old dog lying fast asleep on the floor next to the counter. 
 The stranger said to the store manager: ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ 
 ‘Yep.’ 
 ‘Well, he doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why did you put the sign up?’

 

‘Cos people kept tripping over him.’ 

[fangless]

 ‘Men are only good for one thing,’ said the wife. 
 ‘Exactly,’ said her mother. ‘Just think how often do you have to double park?’ 
 

[fangless]

 The top brass from the Navy, Army and Air Force were arguing about who had the bravest and brightest troops. They decided to settle the dispute using an enlisted man from each branch. 

 The army General called a private over and ordered him to climb to the top of the base flagpole, then let go with both hands and salute. The private quickly complied. 

 Next, the Air Marshall ordered an Airman to climb the pole, polish the brass knob at the top, salute smartly and jump off. The Airman did as he was told and landed on the concrete below. 

 Finally, the sailor was told to do exactly the same as the soldier and Airman but in full battle gear, pack filled with bricks and loaded weapon carried high. He took one look at the Admiral and said: ‘You’re out of your tiny mind, sir.’ 

 The Admiral turned to the others and said: ‘Now that’s guts and common sense! ’ 
 

[fangless]

 One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his polar bear son were sitting in the snow. The cub turned to his father and said: ‘Dad, am I 100 per cent polar bear?’ 
 The father replied: ‘Of course, son, you’re 100 per cent polar bear.’ 
 A few minutes later, the cub turned to his father again and said: ‘Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100 per cent polar bear? No brown bear or black bear or grizzly bear?’ 
 The father answered: ‘Son, I’m 100 per cent polar bear, your mother is 100 per cent polar bear, so you are definitely 100 per cent polar bear.’ 
 The cub seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father once more and said: ‘Dad, don’t think you’re sparing my feelings. I’ve got to know. Am I 100 per cent polar bear?’ 
 The father was becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: ‘Why do you keep asking if you’re 100 per cent polar bear?’ 
 The cub said: ‘Because I’m freezing!’ 
 

[fangless]

What do you get when you cross:- A snowflake and a shark?

Frostbite. 
 

[fangless]

Chat-up Line:-  • Inheriting 90 million dollars doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart. 
 

[Zyxel]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]