True story boys and girls.

I visited a Thai family a while ago,the mother of the house and two of her kids could

speak English,not perfect but pretty good.

There were of course a few dogs and one of them came up to me and i asked what his name was.

The lady of the house said"his name is big dick"

I kind of thought "strange name for a dog" but i was not going to say anything.

As i was in the house having a cool drink i heard some one scream"big dick not again"!!!

I looked out to see what was going on expecting something very weird but no,

It was just big dick digging an enormous hole in the garden!

 

The bloke who has had a pigs heart fitted should be out of hospital in about a weeeeeeeeek.

Me and the Mrs were in town earlier when this woman came over and said to her:

"Your husband reminds me of my cat"

"Don't tell me" she said "smooth, sleek and loyal?"

"No" she laughed "they both like sitting in the tree outside my bedroom window"

What do you call an Irish man with acne?
Dermot Itis.

It's OK for the government to take wine to work and have a good old time, but when I did it on the no 17 to Manchester passengers complained like ****.
One rule for ministers and their cronies but another for hard working bus drivers.

How do dragons blow out the candles on their birthday cakes?

We were all at a fishing trip, no one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. We decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so we voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. We couldn't believe it. We said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.