Like Charles Dickens' other novels, "A Tale of Two Cities" was originally published in serial form - two local newspapers in this case.
It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

What has one finger and is very demanding?
A ransom note.

Bit of a History lesson for you.
Davie Crocket the American Hero had 3 ears.
He had a left ear, a right ear, and a Wild front ear.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine …
Big mistake.
Do not tickle someone with diarrhoea.

If you hold a coconut shell up to your ear,
you can hear the sound of a one legged horse
standing very still.

Never kidnap anyone from Norfolk.
It costs a fortune sending their fingers in the post.

If time is money, are ATM's time machines?

My parrot broke its leg today, so I made it a splint using a matchstick.
You should have seen its little face light up when it tried to walk.

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking.

It's going to be a massive change for me,

I've been with that doctor for twenty years.

My wife has just told me that I don't know how to shave properly...
Bloody cheek!