On 9/21/2019 at 6:19 PM, billd766 said:

That is a very advanced drawing for the person holding it.

That's also totally fake. He didn't draw that. It's not done with Sharpie...

2 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I would clam up then!

Rude man! I hope next time you go fishing that you run out of petrel.

 

. ....    and it's stormy - ????  

 

 

 

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson. "Tammy," the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, "please use 'I' in a sentence."
"I is," Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.
"No, Tammy," the teacher says, "that's incorrect. You always say 'I am.'"
"All right," Tammy says.

 

"I am the letter that comes after H."
 

A man in the grocery store notices a woman with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they pass the cookie section, the little girl screams for cookies. The mother says, "Now Missy, we only have a few more aisles to go-don't throw a fit. It won't be long." In the candy aisle, the little girl whines for candy. The mother says, "There, there, Missy, don't cry. Two more aisles, and we'll be checking out." When they get to the checkout stand, the little girl howls for gum. The mother says, reassuringly, "Missy, we'll be done in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a bottle and a nice snooze." In the parking lot, the man stops the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Missy," he says. The mother sighs,

 

"Oh, no-my little girl's name is Francine. I'm Missy."
 

On vacation in Europe, Bob noticed a marble column in a church in Rome with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, Bob asked who the telephone was for. The priest told him it was a direct line to Heaven, and if he'd like to call, it would be a thousand dollars equivalent. Bob was amazed, but declined the offer.
Throughout Europe Bob kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, he asked about it and the answer was always the same: a direct line to Heaven and he could call for a thousand dollars equivalent.
Bob finished his tour of Europe with a stop in Scotland . He decided to attend the Sunday service at a "Wee Free" Highland village Kirk (Scottish Church). When he walked in the door he noticed the golden telephone, but underneath it there was a sign stating: "DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN - 50Pence or 1 Bawbee."
"Minister," he said, "I have been all over Europe and in all the cathedrals I visited, I've seen telephones exactly like this one but the price is always the equivalent of about a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 50Pence?"
The Minister smiled and said, "Laddie, you're in Scotland now. It's a local call," 

Also seconds before famous fiddle player “ broken nose Frank “ got his !!

Don’t worry, Wilson will be along soon !!

A cautionary tale:


My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'


Doctors say another month and I can maybe go home !!

Oops [emoji51]