.

The man who invented the double entendre died last week.

His wife's taking it hard.

 

One time, he wrote down too many double entendres and had to rub one out.

 

My wife asked me for an example of a double entendre.

So I gave her one.

 

The only thing we don’t have a good cure for is premature ejaculation… but I hear that it’s coming quickly.

I had a tree I wanted removed, because it was too close to the house.

 

I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He asked me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump? He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees. If I wanted the stump removed, I would need to call a stump guy.

 

I found a highly recommend "stump" guy and he came and got the stump out. He says there you go. I ask him about the hole. He says I'm a stump guy I just remove stumps, I don't fill in the hole. He told me I would need to call a landscaper.

 

I get a hold of a landscaper and I tell him I need to leave town on a trip and I don't care what he does, just fix the hole and make it look nice.

 

I get back today and find out that he's planted a ruddy tree...

Things a conspiracy nut would never say...