A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.

 

"No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse."

 

"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer.

 

"No I did not," the doctor said.

 

"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."

 

The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere

The housekeeper finally asked the woman of the house for a raise, to which she replied,

“Helen, why do you think you deserve a raise?”

“There are 3 strong reasons, ma’am.”

“First, I iron clothes much better than you.”

“Who told you that nonsense?”

“Your Husband,”

Second; I cook much better than you.”

“Who told you that lie?’

“Again, your Husband.”

Third, I ‘m much better in bed than you.”

“I suppose my husband told you that also?”

“No, the gardener told me that.”

‘How about a 10% raise and Sunday’s off?”

Whilst strolling alongside the River Thames this morning I noticed a Muslim extremist slip from the riverbank and fall into the water.
 
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he had been carrying.  If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.
 
Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Thames Police, the Immigration Office and even the Thames Rescue Team.
 
It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and the authorities have still not yet responded.
I'm starting to think I wasted three stamps.

Seen in a UK bookstore.

 

Image from Facebook. One Facebook comment "At first, I thought it was the front and back covers"

 

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