1 hour ago, WorriedNoodle said:

For Glasgow, should be a deep fried Mars Bar.  Yum yum!

6 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

A young lady had a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. I asked he boyfriend if he could hear the sea. He said hear it I can broody smell it.

17 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Movie stars

With big parts

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Dis you dictate this message from your hospital bed to a friend to post for you?

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Was it you?

What do you call a loaf of bread with 1500 horsepower?

A Baguetti

So my wife went missing. I went to the police to report her disappearance...

The policeman asked “What is she wearing?”
I replied “I don’t recall”.
The policeman asked “What is her height?”
I replied “Average”.
The policeman asked “Weight?”
I replied “Who knows?”
The policeman asked “Hair colour?”
I replied “Mmm what month are we in?”
The policeman asked “Was she driving?”
I replied “Yes”. B
The policeman asked “Type of car?”
I replied “A black BMW with a supercharged V8 3.0 litre engine. Generating 333 horsepower. 0-60 in 5.6 seconds. Eight speed automatic gearbox. Full leather interior, top of the range SAT Nav. Keyless entry and starting, low profile alloy wheels full service history. Oh and a thin scratch on drivers side door and......”.

 

Don't worry sir......we will find your car.