An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership!

They asked to speak to the salesman they had spoken to the day before.

He finally arrived and told the old couple that he had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful young lady for £65,000!"

“I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the £75, 000 asking price and you insisted there could be no discounts on  this model,” said the man.

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and just such a stunning young lady."

"How could I resist?”

"Oh! just look at her, here she is just coming over for some "after sales service, "wink wink"",  look at her. replied the grinning salesman!

Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.
“There you go,” she said.
“I told you I could get this joker to drop the price.”

“See you later, grandpa.”

Goes to show….
Never mess with the elderly!

 

 

 

1 hour ago, ravip said:

Or a friend with a stiff..........?

This is a bit long but I think it is worth it (as the Bishop said to the actress)!

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Teacher, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Teacher had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right.

The principal told the Teacher to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.

The Teacher decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Teacher: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Teacher: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: OH MY GOD.

Teacher: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo!

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Teacher, "Send this boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

 

 

 

 

PS;  Own up!  How many did you get correct?

 

 

 

 

38 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Or a friend with a stiff..........?

Why not both? 

Just now, ravip said:

Why not both? 

I'll drink to that!

3 hours ago, carlyai said:

Another "Winner" of the Worst Joke Ever. ????

Just for you Carlyai---and thank you for the award

 

.

Simply lovely 

I walked up to a girl in a bar and said, "You look like somebody who has a boring sex life. My mission tonight is to get you drunk, take you back to my house and give you the best shag ever."

She said, "My boyfriend is right behind you."

I said "Good, I'm glad I've got his support."

Horse walks into a bar and orders a double gin Bloody Mary in an Old Fashioned glass, hold the lemon, extra celery, no pepper, extra salt, Texas Pete rather than Tabasco, and Soi rather than Worcestershire sauce. 

 

Bartender says: "Why the long face?" 

3 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

thank you for the award

For being the most tasteless and sick poster in what is meant to be a comedy forum!

26 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

For being the most tasteless and sick poster in what is meant to be a comedy forum!

It is the worst joke ever???? Granted some of the banal, forced TikTok  videos are bad in the extreme but to be the worst also infers the best of dark jokes.

 

Being titled the worst joke relieves us all from the PC B.S.

27 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

For being the most tasteless and sick poster in what is meant to be a comedy forum!

Comedy takes many different forms and is not meant to be taken seriously. I read his recent one and thought it was unacceptable, while chuckling at the same time.

It reminds me of Jimmy Carr's self proclaimed most offensive joke: 

 

"If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids. " (if the mods/admin are not happy with this, please delete) 

 

He's performing in Bangkok next January if anyone is interested. 

Q: Why don't boxers have sex before a fight?

A: Because they don't fancy each other.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back.

I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?'

6 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

Tash Peterson  

11 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

Just for you Carlyai---and thank you for the award

 

.

'What what what what what!' Said Neddy

"You silly, twisted boy." Said Major Bloodnock.

 

 

11 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

For being the most tasteless and sick poster in what is meant to be a comedy forum!

at least he's sometimes funny, unlike some.........

2 hours ago, carlyai said:

'What what what what what!' Said Neddy

"You silly, twisted boy." Said Major Bloodnock.

sorry to be possibly pedantic, but surely "silly twisted boy" was Grytte-Pipe Thynne?